This is very long. I apologize!!
My DS will be 4 in November. We are having some serious issues with his behavior and listening skills and aren't sure if it's because of all of the adjusting he's had to do or if it's completely abnormal and he needs to see a psychologist. Here are the things he's experienced over the last year:
* His dad lost his job in May 2013, went back to school full-time, graduated in December 2013 (caused serious financial issues, tension, and he was home all the time).
* We moved to another town to be closer to my work in November 2013
* DS started a new daycare because of the move
* DH started a new job in January and went from being home all the time to gone 2-4 weeks/month
* We had a new baby in April
* When DD came, DS, DD, and I stayed with my parents for the first month bc DH was out of town that whole time. We pulled DS out of daycare at that time bc the daycare he'd been waitlisted on for a year finally had a spot for when my maternity leave was over. So he went 1 month without daycare.
* At the end of May he started at his new daycare.
I know that any one of these things can throw a child out of synch, so I'm really ashamed that we've done all of this to him in such a short period of time. At the temporary daycare he started having some pretty serious issues with not listening and aggressive behavior towards other kids. His teacher there was awful with him. She yelled at him all the time and was extremely inflexible with her teaching methods with him. The other teachers there loved him and worked with him, but we were more than happy to pull him out when we got the call about the other daycare bc we knew he had at least 7 more months with her before he'd be able to move to a new room. At that daycare, even with his issues, he always loved doing anything academic. He participated in circle times and loved doing any structured group activities.
During the month that he had no daycare, the main reason we pulled him out was because my mom is a retired elementary teacher and had agreed to work with him. When we arrived, she told me she had all sorts of activities for him but really just wanted to be "grandma" instead of a teacher. So she ended up only working with him maybe 15 minutes per day. I honestly would've probably kept him with the mean teacher, just so he was doing something constructive every day, if I had known he was going to be so unstructured at my parents' house. And yes, I was there, but I was recovering from a c-section and probably did more activities in the few days I felt up to it with him than she did the whole time.
The new daycare is a dream daycare. They have amazing curriculum and it's just a wonderful place with highly qualified instructors. In the month that he's been there, he has been extremely aggressive, does not listen to his teachers, won't participate with anything (just found that out this morning), and is just acting horrible. He's told his teachers he won't listen to them because they're girls. He's actually cussed (which we're assuming he learned from his father). He will play nicely with other kids and then for no reason, he will start hitting them. Every day when I pick him up there is a new, horribly embarassing story of how he's acted. He's been to the office 4 or 5 times for disrupting the class or hurting another child. I'm just at a loss. Is this normal behavior for a child who's gone through so much or is this something that we need to see a professional about? I'm afraid that this is just going to continue because we can't find a great consistent balance with his dad being home for a week or 2 at a time and then being gone for just as long. DS's behavior seems to have gotten much better over the last couple of weeks at home, but he's getting worse at daycare.
We asked his pediatrician about it, but he was no help at all. He wouldn't even let me tell him exactly what was going on. As soon as I brought up "behavioral issues" he said he didn't know what to tell me, he's 3. He said if there are still issues after he turns 4, we might talk about it then.
Please help me, I'm so afraid he's going to get kicked out of his new daycare because of this before we can get him straightened out.