So I have been thinking a lot about the fact that we haven't designated anyone as legal guardian to our daughter should anything happen to us. I feel very strongly that this is something we need to do but my husband just shrugged it off when I brought it up and said, "I want Wayne to be her Godfather."
Forget the fact that a godparent isn't necessarily who you would name as guardian, if this is what he means my answer is NO. This is someone I would not want in charge of my daughter. He smokes, he has 2 children from different women, and he is currently divorcing the mother of child #2 because she claims she discovered he was cheating on her. Regardless of whether it's true, I do not feel this person would be the best choice for our daughter. I am trying to come up with my own suggestions but I'm having a hard time.
I don't want to name our parents because she should go to someone younger than us who can see her through, not someone old enough that she would actually have to think about taking care of them when she is still young. My sister is only a year older than me but they struggle with the 2 kids they already have and would not be in a good position to provide for her. My husband's half sister is a lot older and an emotional mess.
Did anyone else struggle with this? Did you and your husband disagree? If so, how did you resolve this issue?
Me:41, DH:41 Positive for MTHFR mutations- one copy C677T, one copy A1298C. One daughter born on Thanksgiving in 2013. Six losses.
Re: Serious subject
AMA & SAIF. TTC #1 since Oct. 2010. DX: Unexplained. BFP on break after 32 months trying and 2 med cycles. Baby girl born at 40w0d!
jbelle
DH's family is all in another country so my preference would be my family or someone else here but my only brother is 13 years older then me and he and his wife chose not to have kids - largely for physical reasons for her but still - they're pretty content being aunt and uncle (already got to be for past 20 years on her side) and parenting is so different. They would be kind and loving but id feel it was an imposition. We don't have any really really close mutual friends. I have a stepsister a couple years younger than me who I think wanted a second child and wasn't able to have one but .. she's halfway across the country and we've only met her 3 times.???? Yikes. Something else to worry about when my mind wanders during MOTN feedings!
[Life insurance : yet another thing dh and I have not yet discussed or taken care of. Blah!]
I talked to my mom about this today and now she is upset that I wouldn't automatically choose them. Great. As if this wasn't hard enough.
@Guennie I hope you get this one resolved, it's difficult enough without all that added conflict. How about you write a list of the pro's and con's of each person. Kinda clinical I know but maybe that would help?
Luckily my husband and I agreed on whom to name (in fact we have a list of first choice, second choice, third). We wanted to make sure our son was taken care of and we wanted others to be aware of our preferred guardians. We also wanted to make sure he didn't go to certain people. I've second guessed our choices several times. Grandparents are a logical choice, but honestly they are 60+ and may not be able to take care of active children or teens. My mom has reminded me several times that hopefully my husband and/or I will raise our son. There are a lot of factors to consider. In a few years, we will probably change our list. Good luck.
One thing my husband and I did discuss is that even after making a designation that we should plan to revisit the topic every 2 years or so to make sure it is still appropriate. And we would be sure to discuss that plan with the designated guardians up front to hopefully minimize any hurt feelings down the line if we decide to make a change. It would also provide the guardians an opportunity to "opt out" if they encounter major life changes that impact their ability to serve in that capacity going forward.
I have a set of mutual friends that were really close when couple A had their daughter. She's now 12 and I don't think the couples have talked in years. I know that Couple B would still provide a great home for the child if necessary, but they don't have the bond that everyone assumed would always be there.
Good luck in your decision. It is tough for sure.
1st BFP-8/17/12! Missed Miscarriage discovered @ 8 week US. D&C.
2nd BFP-2/13/13! Blighted Ovum discovered @ 8 week US. Natural miscarriage.
3rd BFP-5/22/13! By early June, progesterone plummeting. Another loss.
August 2013 - started Donor Egg process, but surprise BFP with my own eggs.
Dear Son born 5/28/14
For assorted reasons, the only real choices are each of our parents, who are all 60+, and we each think our own is the better choice. And both pairs want him. It would get ugly between them if we died without wills.
Are there any other close friends you would be comfortable approaching?