Intro: About to reach the EDD without getting pregnant...again

PinkCamino

buggirl72 said:

Unfortunately, @pglge seems to be holding strong to here intention to not ever come back and read the comments that have been made. This thread is now a good example for those out there who think nobody else could possibly understand what they are going through because, because, because . . .

Yes, @peledreamsofrain and @snegde both pegged my last reply correctly - it was as much the pain Olympics as OP's comment but coming from a different place. Normally, I will hold of on hitting post reply when I type anything close to that, because I don't like to use my story as an example of why someone should not behave like OP did.

@mlal78 put it beautifully, we all have a story and it is painful to each and every one of us.

We have multiple ladies on this board who deal with IF on top of TTCAL. Some are and have gone through IVF. Some have experienced more losses, some have experienced BFN cycles. Some are continuing with IVF and some are done. Is there pain worse than OP's? Each others? Anyone else's? 

Are the ladies who have had 10 cycles of IVF with a mix of BFNs and losses in more pain than the OP?  OP certainly cannot understand what they are going through since she set a specific number that makes her pain so "unfathomable" to everyone else.

What about the ladies who are IVF candidates but don't have the money or have a partner that is unwilling to do anything fertility medication wise? Is that worse? To know you have a chance but that you have to sit by while it slips away?

What about the ladies who because of medical reasons are not allowed to TTC? Who can't do IVF? Is that worse?

What about those who suffer loss after loss?

What about those who had a loss and no answer?

What about the person who has had one loss and finds themselves here?

I think we have all read intros and though, "oh, that is horrible! That would be more than I could handle." Do they win? Is their pain worse?

No, and no, and no.  There is no winner in the pain Olympics.   This board recognizes that and does not tolerate it.  We also hold everyone close and give our support to all and we do not minimize anyone's pain.

OP deciding not to be here is not a loss to our community. It is a loss to her. 

All of this.

It just really makes you question humanity ya know? My story sucks, your story sucks and the story of all the new ladies that intro day after day suck too.

Nobody wants to be on TTCAL - nobody here thought that they would wind up here whether it is for a short or long stay. This just isn't part of any life plan I think.

I also think OP is an enormous piece of shit. The fact she's not reading these responses and owning that fact she hurt and minimized the pain of all these amazing ladies on TTCAL makes her an asshole but above all a coward.

 

PinkCamino

snegde said:

Bug I don't think you were playing the pain Olympics I think you were trying to help @pbige realize that she is acting self centered and ignorant. I will continue to tag @pblge so she continues to get notifications.

@pblge

Good idea @snegde. An apology would be nice wouldn't it?

LizBlue

@PinkCamino‌ honestly? I don't feel like the OP is a piece of shit. I think the OP is in pain and ignorant of the ways she's perpetuating others' pain. I have compassion for her, but I'm unwilling to let my compassion allow her to hurt the women of this board. And I'm so impressed and proud of how we come together to protect one another even through our own pain.

I'd even open my arms to the OP and have her back if she truly apologized and understood how she fucked up. I think lots of us come here in pain and are insularly hurting. Only after hearing all of these stories of survival did I realize what we have here and how truly supportive it is. Hope that makes sense.

LizBlue

And huge ((hugs)) bug. I know that you don't like to throw down your story lightly but I was thinking of you when I first cautioned the OP in my response. Big love to you and all of you strong ladies. Xo

PinkCamino

LizBlue said:

@PinkCamino‌ honestly? I don't feel like the OP is a piece of shit. I think the OP is in pain and ignorant of the ways she's perpetuating others' pain. I have compassion for her, but I'm unwilling to let my compassion allow her to hurt the women of this board. And I'm so impressed and proud of how we come together to protect one another even through our own pain. I'd even open my arms to the OP and have her back if she truly apologized and understood how she fucked up. I think lots of us come here in pain and are insularly hurting. Only after hearing all of these stories of survival did I realize what we have here and how truly supportive it is. Hope that makes sense.

Yes I think she's a piece of shit. She was told very nicely to respect the fact that many ladies here had different stories. Instead she decided that her story was so much worse than the rest of us and that we couldn't possible understand her pain. That in my eyes is cruel and hurtful to the rest of the ladies here. A simple apology would have gone a long way here - her decision to not only school us on what makes her situation so much worse than ours and to explain how us loss moms couldn't possibly understand her pain and then decide that our community is not even worthy of a second thought or an apology makes her shitty.

 

LizBlue

@PinkCamino‌ I'm not disagreeing that what she did was shitty. I just think that as an example to others who may be reading - feeling insular and angry happens. Lashing out happens in grief. But it's possible to come back, learn, listen and apologize.

I actually feel bad for OPs pain - but certainly not anymore than I feel bad for any of our pain.

You can call her a piece of shit if you want. As I already stated in this thread, I'm not the word police.

PinkCamino

VesperLynch said:

Hugs @buggirl72 and @Peledreamsofrain and everyone else whose experience was diminished by OP. Not rating pain and acknowledging everyone's pain equally is such a great quality of this board. When I was first lurking, I was a bit reluctant to post because I thought that I did not "deserve" it, but you ladies taught me otherwise, and for that I'll be forever grateful. OP's loss, for sure.

What? Why? That makes me so so incredibly sad

Denise91980

It sounds like OP has a lot of anger, and probably justifiably so. I think most of us have been in a really bad place at one time or another, but we seem to know that is when we need to step away from the computer or people in our lives because we aren't thinking rationally in that moment.

Coming in and saying, well...I am going to post here but am apprehensive because you "fertiles" are going to leave me behind stung but was just flat out inappropriate. We are all here for the same goal, which is TTCAL and although we have different experiences and all have gone through different shitty things, I think the goal is what keeps people here close because we cannot compare our experiences to one another because they are all so different. Some days, I read some of your stories and despite what I've already been through, I say to myself, I can't even imagine how awful that must feel and just reminds me of how we are all in this difficult place together.

I know I am probably ranting, but this post hit me hard for some reason and I am so sorry that OP made you feel as badly as I did when I read it. I really hope she seeks some counseling to help her get through some of those angry feelings because she is going to be really isolated, which sucks because IF feels soo isolating as it is, so to be isolated from people who do get it would really suck.

((Hugs)) to you ladies!

Buttercup509

PinkCamino said:

VesperLynch said:

Hugs @buggirl72 and @Peledreamsofrain and everyone else whose experience was diminished by OP. Not rating pain and acknowledging everyone's pain equally is such a great quality of this board. When I was first lurking, I was a bit reluctant to post because I thought that I did not "deserve" it, but you ladies taught me otherwise, and for that I'll be forever grateful. OP's loss, for sure.

What? Why? That makes me so so incredibly sad


I can't speak for @VesperLynch‌ but I know I had the same feelings when lurking. I saw how much so many of you have been through and I thought my one loss didn't compare. I quickly learned that you wonderful ladies don't think of it like that.

PinkCamino

Buttercup509 said:

VesperLynch said:

Hugs @buggirl72 and @Peledreamsofrain and everyone else whose experience was diminished by OP. Not rating pain and acknowledging everyone's pain equally is such a great quality of this board. When I was first lurking, I was a bit reluctant to post because I thought that I did not "deserve" it, but you ladies taught me otherwise, and for that I'll be forever grateful. OP's loss, for sure.

What? Why? That makes me so so incredibly sad

I can't speak for @VesperLynch‌ but I know I had the same feelings when lurking. I saw how much so many of you have been through and I thought my one loss didn't compare. I quickly learned that you wonderful ladies don't think of it like that.

That's so sad. Although, I'm glad you were able to get passed those feelings.

 

A loss is a loss. ((hugs))

Km380

This post made me so angry yesterday I couldn't even chime in. But I won't get into that. @vesperlynch I get what you are saying, I felt the same way. But Now that I know all you wonderful ladies I know we all have our pain but a loss is a loss. No one is going to say the hurtful things OP said. @buggirl72‌ @Peledreamsofrain‌ big big hugs ladies.

MrsKush1014

@{{{HUGS}}} @buggirl72 @Peledreamsofrain @PinkCamino and anyone else who was hurt by the OPs comments.  

@VesperLynch @buttercup509 and @snedge, I felt the same way too at the beginning.  Only for a short time, because quickly I felt more at home here than on Facebook.  I completely understand your feelings of "I've only had one loss" or "It was an early loss".  It's not fair to feel like that, a loss is a loss and we're all hurting.  @snedge put it perfectly: It's like reverse pain Olympics. You feel like your loss albeit difficult pales in comparison to some of the hardships and struggles but that's why this community works because we support and love ya regardless. 

ngolimento

buggirl72 said:

Unfortunately, @pglge seems to be holding strong to here intention to not ever come back and read the comments that have been made. This thread is now a good example for those out there who think nobody else could possibly understand what they are going through because, because, because . . .

Yes, @peledreamsofrain and @snegde both pegged my last reply correctly - it was as much the pain Olympics as OP's comment but coming from a different place. Normally, I will hold of on hitting post reply when I type anything close to that, because I don't like to use my story as an example of why someone should not behave like OP did.

@mlal78 put it beautifully, we all have a story and it is painful to each and every one of us.

We have multiple ladies on this board who deal with IF on top of TTCAL. Some are and have gone through IVF. Some have experienced more losses, some have experienced BFN cycles. Some are continuing with IVF and some are done. Is there pain worse than OP's? Each others? Anyone else's? 

Are the ladies who have had 10 cycles of IVF with a mix of BFNs and losses in more pain than the OP?  OP certainly cannot understand what they are going through since she set a specific number that makes her pain so "unfathomable" to everyone else.

What about the ladies who are IVF candidates but don't have the money or have a partner that is unwilling to do anything fertility medication wise? Is that worse? To know you have a chance but that you have to sit by while it slips away?

What about the ladies who because of medical reasons are not allowed to TTC? Who can't do IVF? Is that worse?

What about those who suffer loss after loss?

What about those who had a loss and no answer?

What about the person who has had one loss and finds themselves here?

I think we have all read intros and though, "oh, that is horrible! That would be more than I could handle." Do they win? Is their pain worse?

No, and no, and no.  There is no winner in the pain Olympics.   This board recognizes that and does not tolerate it.  We also hold everyone close and give our support to all and we do not minimize anyone's pain.

OP deciding not to be here is not a loss to our community. It is a loss to her. 

I wanted to make sure that you didn't think I was calling you out on pain Olympics or anything. I understood that you were using your story as a tool. Someday I may have to use mine as one for anyone who suffered from abuse, but lashes out at the board. I hope not though. You have a lot of heart and courage.

ETA: I too really appreciate that this community is so accepting of various losses. I didn't post here at first because mine was so long ago, and still feels partially my fault. You all are amazing.

Flowerstar1023

Yeah, it's good to know that even after decades of education and accomplishment, a woman is still a streetwalker.

Exactly this. I understand that you're hurting. I'm really sorry for all of the things you've gone through. I've "only" gone through a ruptured ectopic myself so far so maybe I don't fully get the pain that comes with your journey, but wtf. 

To perhaps provide some reconsideration in your heart for the healthcare professionals trying to help you, I'm a doctor. I also had a ruptured ectopic despite very close follow-up and despite being an emergency room physician that sure as hell knows all of the signs of badness. My tube ruptured in my own ER for pet's sake during a shift. I'm so saddened that you would call your physician such a derogatory term even if you disagree with her management. For all you know, "the pregnant whore" could have gone through years of infertility treatment herself. Bad things happen to good people. It's unnecessary to degrade another human being, much less another female who has spent at least 12 years studying hard and enduring a grueling path to be the expert taking care of you. 

Sorry for the rant, but that comment hit a huge nerve. I am super sorry for your losses.

rslh10

Peledreamsofrain said:

 I didn't post here at first because mine was so long ago, and still feels partially my fault. You all are amazing.

Abuse is NEVER your fault! ((hugs)) I want to hug you so tight IRL right now! I dealt with abuse growing up, and have to remind myself a lot that it's not my fault that my dad was acting the way he was and chose to do the things he did to myself and my mom. It's not your fault, Lady. No matter what. <33

ngolimento

rslh10 said:

Peledreamsofrain said:

buggirl72 said:

 I didn't post here at first because mine was so long ago, and still feels partially my fault. You all are amazing.

Abuse is NEVER your fault! ((hugs)) I want to hug you so tight IRL right now! I dealt with abuse growing up, and have to remind myself a lot that it's not my fault that my dad was acting the way he was and chose to do the things he did to myself and my mom. It's not your fault, Lady. No matter what. <33

****quote***

Thank you, I appreciate that . And (((hugs))) to you for going through what you did.

I know in my mind I shouldn't blame myself, but my heart sometimes really twists over the fact I was too weak to walk away.

I guess in my defense, he caught me at a vulnerable time (undiagnosed medical condition caused severe depression and I had tried suicide a few months before we met). My self esteem issues from then still make me very upset with my old self. The things I just let him do and get away with are unacceptable.

rslh10

Peledreamsofrain Everyone has a past, pretty Lady! Be strong!!!