Having a real hard day

kristyn831

Work sucked last night.  Then I come home there's a detour so I get  lost for another half hour crying and calling DH for directions.  He doesn't answer because I find out he's staying at some other place than where he originally said he was going with friends overnight.  I'm crying here because I bitched him out about being out drunk and not letting me know he gets somewhere safe after drinking we've had this talk before to please call and let you SO that you're ok for the night.  Well he gets mad and hangs up on me.  I'm just very stressed while TTC and facing my IF diagnosis and now I think he's not be truthful or he's being sneaky.  I just want to lay down and cry.

Samby86

@kristyn831 I'm sorry you had such a bad day!

 I struggle sometimes with my DH not letting me know he's safe...but when I think about it, the thought probably just doesn't even cross his mind. Not that he is doing it on purpose or that he is trying to be sneaky, he just doesn't think that way. I notice it in a lot of things between the two of us.

For example, I come home from work and see that dishes need to be done...and I do them. He comes home from work, doesn't notice the dishes and goes straight to the TV.

When I wake up before him, I quietly tip toe downstairs and try to make as little noise as possible. When he wakes up before me, he stomps around like it's his job.

When we are sleeping apart for a night (I've gone to visit my parents or away for work) I always want to make sure I text him good night and that I love him. He falls asleep without even thinking to send me a message.

 

I think its just how their brains work. I don't think you have to worry about him being sneaky about anything just yet.

 

4RingCircus

((Hugs)) How frustrating. I would sit down with DH and ask him why he is being so irresponsible. Has he always done this?

Trampslikeus

I think more than any other kind of fight, feeling like your person isn't being honest with you feels the worst.  I'm sorry

Hope you can have a good cry, then treat yourself to something nice and/or relaxing, and then have a talk with him after you've both had some cool-off time.   Hopefully it will still be a good weekend!

kristyn831

4RingCircus said:

((Hugs)) How frustrating. I would sit down with DH and ask him why he is being so irresponsible. Has he always done this?

He has almost always done this.  I ask him every time to let me know he's ok especially with drinking going on.  He calls maybe a third of the time to let me know he's safe for the night.  And then I worry when I can't get in touch.

kristyn831

Thanks @Trampslikeus‌ I just don't like dishonesty.  I already had my good cry so I can go to sleep now.

kristyn831

Thanks @Samby86‌

4RingCircus

That stinks. You are obviously very hurt by this so I'd try to explain how it makes you feel. Hopefully if you are totally open, he will not want to hurt you anymore & will start working on a plan with you of how he is going to change his irresponsible behavior.

KingLED

kristyn831 said:

Work sucked last night.  Then I come home there's a detour so I get  lost for another half hour crying and calling DH for directions.  He doesn't answer because I find out he's staying at some other place than where he originally said he was going with friends overnight.  I'm crying here because I bitched him out about being out drunk and not letting me know he gets somewhere safe after drinking we've had this talk before to please call and let you SO that you're ok for the night.  Well he gets mad and hangs up on me.  I'm just very stressed while TTC and facing my IF diagnosis and now I think he's not be truthful or he's being sneaky.  I just want to lay down and cry.

You said this isn't new behaviour. That he's almost always been like this. So why now do you think he's lying? 

This whole thread confuses me. All of it.

DenaMaree

Perhaps your DH isn't ready for the big step of having a baby! Perhaps you should take a month, Put a lot of focus on communication and concentrate whole heartedly on your relationship with your DH. TTC is a difficult process, but if he isn't one hundred percent ready to settle down and focus completely on you and new addition then you may want to consider taking some time away from TTC to focus on him and your relationship!

Pintobean39

EllyD14 said:

kristyn831 said:

Work sucked last night.  Then I come home there's a detour so I get  lost for another half hour crying and calling DH for directions.  He doesn't answer because I find out he's staying at some other place than where he originally said he was going with friends overnight.  I'm crying here because I bitched him out about being out drunk and not letting me know he gets somewhere safe after drinking we've had this talk before to please call and let you SO that you're ok for the night.  Well he gets mad and hangs up on me.  I'm just very stressed while TTC and facing my IF diagnosis and now I think he's not be truthful or he's being sneaky.  I just want to lay down and cry.

You said this isn't new behaviour. That he's almost always been like this. So why now do you think he's lying? 

This whole thread confuses me. All of it.

This^^^^


Am I just weird or old? My husband and I don't go off and get drunk and stay out at other peoples houses on a regular basis. We may have once or twice on special occasions like mardi Gras parties but that's about it. When I was single I did that but not now. Am I so out of touch?

MamaBina

Man! That is so rough. I am so sorry to hear that. A lot of times I think my SO is full of it and really its just a miscommunication. I hope that ends up being the case for you

TTC is so hard and anxiety producing, I hope you can find a good way to relax. 

LtColumbo

I hear what you are saying @Samby86 , but men's brains working differently than women's is not an excuse for inconsiderate behavior. 

ginger1228

Oh gosh. I'm sorry. Men can be so stupid.
I agree with @Samby86‌. I think men just don't automatically think about these things. I don't think that's an excuse to never do it, but hopefully you guys can talk this through and he can understand why it's important to you.

But I also agree with @Pintobean39‌ - we don't get drunk and spend the night with other people either. I would be pissed if DH did that. It's one thing if it's occasionally (as in once or twice in his life...) but all the time wouldn't fly with me.

KingLED

What the hell is with blaming his genitals for his behaviour? That's just as fucking stupid as saying that you're only dumb because you're a girl. 

Not acceptable. 

catlover790

I am sorry you're having a rough day and difficulties with your DH.

I'm with you @Pintobean39‌ this is not something my DH and I do very often. How often does he spend nights at other people's houses OP? I don't like being away from my DH when he is on business I can't imagine doing it for fun!

I think you should discuss this with your DH and how his behavior makes you feel. I think he should be able to at least text you when he is out to let you know he is okay. Him choosing not to do that is not acceptable to me, I could see if he forgot once in awhile but it seems like this is a regular occurrence. I need more info about his behavior to comment further, can you give us more info @kristyn831‌ ?

kristyn831

EllyD14 said:

kristyn831 said:

Work sucked last night.  Then I come home there's a detour so I get  lost for another half hour crying and calling DH for directions.  He doesn't answer because I find out he's staying at some other place than where he originally said he was going with friends overnight.  I'm crying here because I bitched him out about being out drunk and not letting me know he gets somewhere safe after drinking we've had this talk before to please call and let you SO that you're ok for the night.  Well he gets mad and hangs up on me.  I'm just very stressed while TTC and facing my IF diagnosis and now I think he's not be truthful or he's being sneaky.  I just want to lay down and cry.

You said this isn't new behaviour. That he's almost always been like this. So why now do you think he's lying? 

This whole thread confuses me. All of it.

Sorry.  Bad explanation.  He's always been bad about letting me know he got where he was going ok.  I think he was being initially untruthful regarding where he was staying because the story changed today.

kristyn831

Pintobean39 said:

kristyn831 said:

Work sucked last night.  Then I come home there's a detour so I get  lost for another half hour crying and calling DH for directions.  He doesn't answer because I find out he's staying at some other place than where he originally said he was going with friends overnight.  I'm crying here because I bitched him out about being out drunk and not letting me know he gets somewhere safe after drinking we've had this talk before to please call and let you SO that you're ok for the night.  Well he gets mad and hangs up on me.  I'm just very stressed while TTC and facing my IF diagnosis and now I think he's not be truthful or he's being sneaky.  I just want to lay down and cry.

You said this isn't new behaviour. That he's almost always been like this. So why now do you think he's lying? 

This whole thread confuses me. All of it.

This^^^^ Am I just weird or old? My husband and I don't go off and get drunk and stay out at other peoples houses on a regular basis. We may have once or twice on special occasions like mardi Gras parties but that's about it. When I was single I did that but not now. Am I so out of touch?

I agree.  He's in a men's social club that is spread all over the country and they have events that they all go to and crash at.

kristyn831

DenaMaree said:

Perhaps your DH isn't ready for the big step of having a baby! Perhaps you should take a month, Put a lot of focus on communication and concentrate whole heartedly on your relationship with your DH. TTC is a difficult process, but if he isn't one hundred percent ready to settle down and focus completely on you and new addition then you may want to consider taking some time away from TTC to focus on him and your relationship!

I think a lot of his immature and irresponsible behavior stems from the stress of us not having a family yet and his dad's recent passing.  I'm hoping this is just some weird transitional period he's going through.

Pintobean39

kristyn831 said:

Pintobean39 said:

EllyD14 said:

kristyn831 said:

Work sucked last night.  Then I come home there's a detour so I get  lost for another half hour crying and calling DH for directions.  He doesn't answer because I find out he's staying at some other place than where he originally said he was going with friends overnight.  I'm crying here because I bitched him out about being out drunk and not letting me know he gets somewhere safe after drinking we've had this talk before to please call and let you SO that you're ok for the night.  Well he gets mad and hangs up on me.  I'm just very stressed while TTC and facing my IF diagnosis and now I think he's not be truthful or he's being sneaky.  I just want to lay down and cry.

You said this isn't new behaviour. That he's almost always been like this. So why now do you think he's lying? 

This whole thread confuses me. All of it.

This^^^^


Am I just weird or old? My husband and I don't go off and get drunk and stay out at other peoples houses on a regular basis. We may have once or twice on special occasions like mardi Gras parties but that's about it. When I was single I did that but not now. Am I so out of touch?

I agree.  He's in a men's social club that is spread all over the country and they have events that they all go to and crash at.


I've never heard of a men's social club that does this besides some kind of college fraternity. How old are y'all?

catlover790

kristyn831 said:

DenaMaree said:

Perhaps your DH isn't ready for the big step of having a baby! Perhaps you should take a month, Put a lot of focus on communication and concentrate whole heartedly on your relationship with your DH. TTC is a difficult process, but if he isn't one hundred percent ready to settle down and focus completely on you and new addition then you may want to consider taking some time away from TTC to focus on him and your relationship!

I think a lot of his immature and irresponsible behavior stems from the stress of us not having a family yet and his dad's recent passing.  I'm hoping this is just some weird transitional period he's going through.

I am still a little confused. I tried to go back to post history, it seems like you have been TTC for a little while now? Maybe that is causing him some stress, I would definitely try to talk with him about everything and how he feels. I know my DH doesn't usually express his emotions because he tries to be "the strong one" but here and there he will open up. I hope you can talk with him soon!

janda426

I'm with @pintobean39 I'm also 22, H is 26 and we are so far past getting wasted and crashing at people's houses.

OP is your H just going to keep partying and crashing at strangers homes when you have a child? This sounds like behavior that should've stopped before your marriage began. I'm sorry. He sounds very immature and untrustworthy.

catlover790

I'm sorry for your loss also. With more than one difficult thing to deal with maybe he is overwhelmed and needs some advice, or a counselor? I hope you are able to talk with him and find out what's going on!

catlover790

janda426 said:

I'm with @pintobean39 I'm also 22, H is 26 and we are so far past getting wasted and crashing at people's houses. OP is your H just going to keep partying and crashing at strangers homes when you have a child? This sounds like behavior that should've stopped before your marriage began. I'm sorry. He sounds very immature and untrustworthy.

I'm "only" 26 and the only nights I'm apart from DH are if he or I have to travel for work! Also, a couple weekend friend bachelorette parties but hardly ever willingly do we spend the night apart!

kristyn831

Pintobean39 said:

Pintobean39 said:

kristyn831 said:

Work sucked last night.  Then I come home there's a detour so I get  lost for another half hour crying and calling DH for directions.  He doesn't answer because I find out he's staying at some other place than where he originally said he was going with friends overnight.  I'm crying here because I bitched him out about being out drunk and not letting me know he gets somewhere safe after drinking we've had this talk before to please call and let you SO that you're ok for the night.  Well he gets mad and hangs up on me.  I'm just very stressed while TTC and facing my IF diagnosis and now I think he's not be truthful or he's being sneaky.  I just want to lay down and cry.

You said this isn't new behaviour. That he's almost always been like this. So why now do you think he's lying? 

This whole thread confuses me. All of it.

This^^^^ Am I just weird or old? My husband and I don't go off and get drunk and stay out at other peoples houses on a regular basis. We may have once or twice on special occasions like mardi Gras parties but that's about it. When I was single I did that but not now. Am I so out of touch?

I agree.  He's in a men's social club that is spread all over the country and they have events that they all go to and crash at.

I've never heard of a men's social club that does this besides some kind of college fraternity. How old are y'all?

We are in our mid-thirties.  It's a group of guys that ride motorcycles.  I liken it to a college fraternity.  It's not like I didn't know about his social life when I met him.  But some things are starting to get to me like not letting me know he's gotten somewhere safe.

kristyn831

I understand it seeming unusual to stay overnight somewhere.  Sometimes they get hotels, other times they stay at another guy's house.  I work nights so if he's not working, he's not going to sit at home if they're riding somewhere.  If the guys have something going on out of state or a long ride, he just stays there instead of riding home drunk.  I am so over getting wasted/partying at my age.  It's a rare occasion for me.  

blueoyster2014

I'm sorry you're having a tough time, hugs!
I spend the night apart from Dh somewhat regularly. We both do girls/guys nights and weekends. But If he isn't being honest, that is definitely an issue. You need to have a serious talk so you can both get to the bottom of what is going on.
I hope you feel better very soon!

kristyn831

catlover790 said:

janda426 said:

I'm with @pintobean39 I'm also 22, H is 26 and we are so far past getting wasted and crashing at people's houses. OP is your H just going to keep partying and crashing at strangers homes when you have a child? This sounds like behavior that should've stopped before your marriage began. I'm sorry. He sounds very immature and untrustworthy.

I'm "only" 26 and the only nights I'm apart from DH are if he or I have to travel for work! Also, a couple weekend friend bachelorette parties but hardly ever willingly do we spend the night apart!

I don't mind that he goes.  Especially if I'm working it's not cutting into our time together.  He has even said he's doing a lot of the rides now because that's going to change when we have kids.  I want him to have fun but I want him to be considerate of me while he's doing it.  There's just been a lack of respect and common courtesy there that I want fixed.

kristyn831

blueoyster2014 said:

I'm sorry you're having a tough time, hugs! I spend the night apart from Dh somewhat regularly. We both do girls/guys nights and weekends. But If he isn't being honest, that is definitely an issue. You need to have a serious talk so you can both get to the bottom of what is going on. I hope you feel better very soon!

Finally!  Someone who can relate.  But seriously, everyone has given good advice.  I appreciate it, ladies.

catlover790

@kristyn831 Thanks for adding more info! it sounds like you are both okay with the nights apart so that seems fine, but like you said he isn't respecting you when he can't be bothered to text you while he's gone. I still think you should talk with him about it! Hope your day gets better!

kristyn831

@catlover790‌ I've definitely talked to him about it, pretty much til I'm blue in the face.  I guess I can only see if his behavior improves.  I can't control his actions but I also can't be a worried mess all night when I can't reach him.

kristyn831

So DH comes home and explained that they were supposed to go stay somewhere else but one of the guys was too drunk and they ended up staying put for the night.  He apologized for not calling and letting me worry all night that they rode somewhere and didn't get there.  I believe him and I never thought he was doing something bad.  Granted, I don't like where they stayed but whatever.

I'm just PMSing and things are putting me over the edge lately.

KatzKiss

DH did this to me once on a "boys weekend". I knew where he was but he left his phone in his car. I was pregnant which made it more unacceptable to me. I let him have it! He hasn't done it since. I hope you're feeling better today.