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November 2014 Moms
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UO Thursday

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Re: UO Thursday

  • emoxymooseemoxymoose member

    @mander82

    Yeah, I meant to add that my situation might be different than yours, but I'm on my phone and my iphone case sucks to type on. (meaning I got lazy)

    I've spanked my son twice in his life, once the other day because he was pitching a fit and threw a napkin and a spoon on the floor/ at the waitress.

     I took him out to the car and explained why and gave him three (probably too light) hits on the butt. We came back inside and I didn't have anymore problems with him. I agree with you and @jaminjeff others that while I don't think it should be an every day occurrence, it is warranted in some cases.

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  • MalachiteDrakeMalachiteDrake member
    edited June 2014
    On Affirmative Action and White Privilege: 

    Okay, for utter transparency - 
    1. I am Caucasian.
    2. I grew up sliding from firmly middle class (when my parents were married) to lower middle class. I think we were poor by the technical definition, but where we lived provided many resources to still actually live a lower middle class lifestyle. 
    3. I currently live a middle class/upper middle class lifestyle. Our household income is still lower middle class, but our actual lifestyle is bumped higher by what we have access to through wealthier family members and the area we live in.
    4. I have a college education.
    5. I am a Disability recipient.
    I put this information in here because it does color what I think and the experiences I've had and how the opinions I have formed around those experiences going forward. I think that that is important to recognize in any dialogue of this sensitive a nature. So, onward. 

    During college I did a semester exchange within the US to East Bay in California. I briefly roomed with three black girls (one was mixed and that was apparently a big deal that she had to be careful about with the other two...? I never really got the whole story there. Something about not bragging about having straight hair). As we were getting to know one another, it came up that all three girls were there on AA scholarships. Two of them even flat-out stated that the only reason they were in college was because it was four (maybe) more years of free living before they'd have to start paying their own way. The (maybe) is because all three of them told me that they expected to have to drop out of college before graduating due to unplanned (?) pregnancies. 

    When I gave them a dumbfounded look and replied "or, y'know, you could just not have sex", they returned the dumbfounded look with their own as if I was speaking in a foreign language. Their cultural background was such that getting pregnant in college was seen as simply the norm, as was not being supported in any way by the child's father and dropping out of school to get some minimum wage job along with minimally helpful welfare to live off of. That was simply the way it was in their minds, coming from the lives they'd witnessed around them growing up. And they were apparently fine with it. 

    So...I have some issues with AA when it comes to college access. These women did not value what they'd been given because they'd just been given it, without any qualifications other than their ethnic background. I would end up with $50k+ in student loan debt for the same education and I worked my ass off in high school to qualify for the few scholarships I did get. That is not equality, nor is it a step towards equality. I have no doubt that my childhood was far more privileged than theirs in many, many ways; however, merit and effort have their place in this system as well and as of right now I do not feel that AA balances the two ends (cultural discrimination/economic disadvantage vs merit/effort) at all. 

    Does AA have a legitimate place in our society? Absolutely. There's a wonderful article called Straight White Male: The Lowest Difficulty Setting There Is. It's a fantastic look at cultural privilege and how it impacts every aspect of a person's life. Until that privilege is in no way based on ethnicity, gender, and other such qualities, we need to find ways to level the playing field when it comes to opportunities for bettering our lives. What I have seen of AA in my life, though, does not do that. The assistance that is given isn't appreciated or put to its intended use and those that do not qualify for assistance under AA are required to put in more effort and accept greater burdens for that self-same access. 

    Balance and a willingness to reevaluate as circumstances in the culture change are necessary to create actual equality instead of just the semblance of equal opportunity.

    I'll stop here because I've already written a novel. It's a complex issue with so many variables that it's easy to get mired down in them, throw up your hands in frustration, and slap some poorly-fitted bandaid over the issue instead of actually working to correct it, but we need to do the hard work. For everyone's sake. 

    ETA: Added in that I'm on SDI.
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  • lizzielu82lizzielu82 member
    @MeganMullikin thanks I'm trying! We can do it - go whores go! 

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  • MaelaraMaelara member
    mrsmechanic1 said:

    lissydee said:

    Maelara said


    @kyliedaniellexx thank you for educating the rest of us; however, everything was being kept respectful until you came charging in here. Try it out one time, it's the new cool thing to do.
    am I missing something?  How was she disrespectful?  All she suggested was that flutter to educate herself more as to why she was being asked her ethnicity.  I see nothing wrong with that.

    and were we not just discussing in this UO that we need to stop being "rainbows and glitter" around here?  Not that that means being assholes to each other, but again, I don't real see where any disrespect was given by anyone.
    Agreed.  Not that harsh.  Maybe a little, but whatever.  Brush it off, move on.

    When did you become the voice of reason :P Fine. I will. If I get responded too I'll reply with gifs. Happy ones.
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  • Melissa2216Melissa2216 member
    lisaren said:
    I think it should be illegal to put a child- under the age of 12, in a convertible or jeep or back of trucks or motorcycles.
    @lisaren - Right? Several months ago I saw a convertible jeep (you know the old school ones with just a roll bar?) with 2 car seats in in the back. I was appalled and took and picture and posted it on FB. Most of the people who responded didn't get why I had posted it. They thought 1) I got a new car and 2) it was my way of announcing that I was pg with #2.
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  • MalachiteDrakeMalachiteDrake member
    excitedpreggo12 said:
     This one experience has clouded your mind forever. And it seems like has formed your opinion against not only those Black females but towards the majority of them that you'll never meet. You will find sub-cultures everywhere. They do not speak for the whole. Where those ladies grew up it might very well have been their only way- especially after seeing their parents try to make it with hard work but got denied because of skin color. All it takes is to ASK someone why they feel the way they do- one on one. I'm sure the girls would have told you something that would have opened your mind, instead of slightly shutting it. 


    Biracial women and the negative feeling towards them has been passed down since slavery. I think you'll be able to read up on this for yourself. Many- like myself- are trying to change that negative connotation. So that is why you heard them say that part. 


    There was just a lot of judgement coming from that paragraph as to why you have issues with AA. It's not with the program itself, it's with the people you do not deem fit. A lot of people don't take their college experience seriously- come on that can be with any race/ college kid/ anywhere- but how they got in is none of my concern. I'm not upset at football players getting full rides, they could be as dumb as a rock and only there to benefit the school, not higher their education. Who cares?! You got in the college, got your schooling, and made it right? It's not unfair at all. 

    "All it takes is to ASK someone why they feel the way they do- one on one. I'm sure the girls would have told you something that would have opened your mind, instead of slightly shutting it. "

    Um, actually, that's exactly what I did. I was trying to get to know them and we all started talking about our plans for college and after. They explained quite clearly to me exactly what I stated in my previous posts: they were only in college because it was a free AA ride for them and once they got pregnant then their "real life" would begin. Only one of them even expressed any desire to try to finish her degree (in physical therapy, and I really hope she did). That's what boggled my mind about the whole thing. They were in college, they had gotten the opportunity, and only one of them gave a crap about it at all. The other two were there explicitly to party on someone else's dime until they got pregnant. This wasn't a misunderstanding or a lack of follow-up on my part in the conversation.


    "There was just a lot of judgement coming from that paragraph as to why you have issues with AA...Who cares?! You got in the college, got your schooling, and made it right? It's not unfair at all. "

    Except that they got to leave college debt-free simply because of their ethnic background, and whether or not they dropped out after one semester or actually stuck it through to the end of the degree. I have $50k+ in student loans to pay back for my equivalent education, with no regard to the effort (or lack there of) any of us put into getting into to college or our time spent there.  How has that "made it right"? ...I'm not entirely sure what you meant by that part of the comment, honestly.  :-?? And I just flat-out disagree that it isn't unfair at all. 

    This one experience isn't the whole of what I base my opinions on, but it is my one direct experience with AA. I do not think everyone that uses the AA programs are like these three girls, but they were typical for the students I interacted with at East Bay. My issue with AA, as I said before, is that it lacks balance. And I'll add accountability. I believe that needs to be addressed in order for AA to do what the program is supposed to do. As it stands now, the program seems inefficient and detrimental in a number of cases where the recipients abuse the opportunity and devalue it completely because it comes with no effort on their part. I'm not advocating for it's removal because it does help many people that would otherwise not have access to these opportunities because of unfair treatment in the world. I just believe it can be better, too.
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  • emoxymooseemoxymoose member
    kyliedaniellexx said:

    I didn't mean to come off as rude or condescending. But when you can easily find information with a quick Google search on why they ask something like that and instead going off on a tangent about how they don't deserve better than you is pretty disrespectful, in my opinion. If you aren't willing to educate yourself on an issue then you are not entitled to an opinion about it. It hits a nerve with me.

    I think I have made it clear in my time here I fucking suck at trying to be sugar tits and rainbow farts.

    Off topic but you're my favorite on 1st tri. I love how that girl wrote that GBCB post and then said it was all your fault. Made me lol.

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  • emoxymooseemoxymoose member
    kyliedaniellexx said:

    @emoxymoose‌ 1st tri is such a shitshow... I tried lurking but I can't keep my mouth shut. Like ever. And I sure have made a lot of enemies over there, lol.

    The last few days over there have been the most entertaining, drama filled that I've ever seen.

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  • Melissa2216Melissa2216 member
    flutterbuggie said:
    That's awesome that it is hospital policy to do that, I was unaware.  However if they are going to ask for spiritual reasons if you are aborginal on the intake line for midwifery care I would hope they ask everyone what their background/religion is so that everyone can get the care they want.
    I seriously doubt most religions have specific spiritual rules/rituals for the labor process. I know absolutely nothing about aboriginals, but I'm Lutheran and they would have no reason to know my religion. If there were midwives that specialized in the care of Lutherans due to specific practices that are common among that religion, that would be something important to ask about.

    I'm really surprised your first thought when asked that was "they must be getting preference." There are certain diseases/birth defects that are more common to certain groups of people (African American, Jewish, etc.). I am not offended when asked by my OB's office if I'm Jewish because I know they have a specific reason for asking that relates to the well-being of my baby. I would have assumed the aboriginal question was something along those lines.
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  • IneedmorecoffeeIneedmorecoffee member
    I HATE when everyone at work or out in public asks me how many months I am. I know, normal people don't go by weeks. But that's what pregnant people go by. 4 weeks does not equal a month every time. Pregnancy is not technically 9 moths.
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  • DisneyDee1984DisneyDee1984 member
    I work one long day people, and miss all this! Oy vey!

    Mama to sweet baby girl, Emerson Rose, born November 7th, 2014




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  • mussalynnmussalynn member
    Whoa, I take the afternoon/evening off to go to the midwives, have dinner with the in-laws, interview a doula and I come back to 8 pages of UO?!!  Missed it all (AGAIN... I always miss the good stuff) but kudos to everyone for keeping it (mostly) above the belt.
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  • MaelaraMaelara member
    Econosaurus said:
    TIL Not only do Canadians have free healthcare but they try hard to be polite and sensitive about how they administer it. You guys are just too much up there. I think if we had free healthcare down here the attitude would be "you get what you pay for, now take this or leave ".

    Bahahahaha! There is attitude like that. There are also very long wait time for everything (ultrasounds, MRIs, etc). I'm talking 6 months to a year. I had to make my a/s appointment pretty much the second I found out I was pregnant so I could actually get in. There are actually quiet a few of us who go down there to get faster and better health care. Especially if it's serious. We have a doctor shortage where I live. The AVERAGE wait time in the ER is 8 hours or you can wait 2 weeks to be 'squeezed' in to get a doctor appointment. When I say squeezed in, you might not even get to see the doctor. 2 weeks is good. It's usually 3-4. So, essentially, you DO get what you pay for. Our health care also does not extend past the doctor and hospital. So we pay for dental ourselves (usually even with insurance).
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