Am I awful to feel this way?

KittyMu82

First, I must confess I have been ambivalent about falling pregnant. I tried to fall pregnant having made up my mind that I was going to do it. But in truth I'm very ambivalent. I worry that a baby will make our lives worse (more stressful, less time for us - together and for individual pursuits) and that the benefits won't offset that.

I am also very worried about delivery - and in particular, dying during child birth, or getting a blood clot afterwards and dying (I'm "high risk" for the blood clot reason). 

I feel like other pregnant women deal with this better because they have such tremendous happiness and joy looking forward to the baby - and they wanted it so much - that all this stuff pales in comparison. But I've never been one of those people (I was never clucky, never "always wanted" a baby - for a long period I was sure I didn't want a baby - I don't look at babies and think "awww how cute").

Anyway last night I got extremely extremely sad and weepy. I finally decided that there's only one way to look at it. First of all - stop worrying about miscarrying. If I miscarry - that simply prolongs the length of time I have until "delivery day" (which I'm most afraid of). If I miscarry and have trouble falling pregnant again - that too prolongs all of this. And I'll know that we've tried to fall pregnant - so if it doesn't happen - we can't have any regrets because we tried.

On the other hand - if things go well and I do get up to delivery - I will handle it one day at a time and do my best to get through it.

I'm trying very hard to believe this. A) it helps with the stress re: miscarriage; b) it just makes me feel calmer about everything.

But am I a horrible person to feel this way? Does anyone ever feel anything similar?

LnR70707

For many women, delivering a baby is the biggest medical type event in their lives, so I think it is completely normal to worry about it.  Your wording about miscarriage concerns is rather confusing, but if you are dreading delivery so much that miscarriage is actually the lesser of your fears, it might help to talk to someone.

KittyMu82

Ahh, sorry - I did express that very poorly.

But you've got the picture. My fear of delivery is so high that miscarriage seems like a .. not a good thing (I really don't mean that and I'm Not hoping for a miscarriage) .. but miscarriage seems like something that would - postpone delivery. Let me live longer (in case I do die during delivery). And when I look at it that way - it makes me stop stressing about miscarriage. 

I don't want to say "miscarriage seems like a good thing" - because really it doesn't. But I do realise that what I am saying sounds very similar. But only because I'm dreading delivery so much.

I don't know. Maybe when I get my appointment with my OBGYN I can talk about these concerns. I know they are irrational to some degree (I know I'm probably seeing the risks as worse than they really are).

Thank you for your kind words though - it was helpful.

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KittyMu82

haygurlhay said:

Sounds like you really need to talk to a professional. Your fears are irrational - yes childbirth is a huge medical event but it's unlikely that you'll die during it.

Also, if you weren't sure you were ready to have a child maybe you should have held off a little longer. You made yourself get pregnant because, essentially, you felt it the "right" thing to do - even though you state that at one point you didn't want children. That's not normal.

I will say again, seek out professional help. GL.

It's true that for a long time I didn't want to get pregnant. It took 5 years of marriage for me to get to a point where I thought - this is something I probably do want. (Due to all the things like really loving my husband, having a very secure/stable life, doing a lot of things like travel .. I got to a point where I felt like it would probably be good to have one). But sadly, I can't talk in absolutes and say I know for sure that it's the best decision ever. That said - I don't second guess the decision (I just accept it for what it is - something I'm probably sure is the right one but not absolutely sure) .. and I know that either way I'll love for and care for the child - I don't doubt that part.

I do recognise the dying fears are irrational. A couple of years ago I went on the contraceptive pill for the first time. A few months later a blood clot developed and travelled to my lung and blocked off the ability to breath and I nearly died. Up till then I'd been very healthy. I'd never gotten sick (I don't even get the cold/flu much), never broken anything etc. The doctors nearly didn't catch it (because it was so unusual in my age, and I hadn't been on a flight or anything). Anyway they did catch it .. but I guess.. it was so out of the blue, you know? And I nearly died. Ever since then .. I don't know. I've had really really huge fears about related things. So now, when I go on a plane (because I am now at higher risk of clotting on a plane - DVT type thing) - I get so anxious. The last time I was so anxious I actually skipped a period - and when I got off the plane - I had breathing trouble for three weeks straight - just anxiety.

And of course - pregnancy does the same thing - increase risk for clotting, especially after birth - and especially if you have to have an emergency cesarian.

Just as with flying I know that there are precautions to take that can minimise the risk. I know the risk isn't huge. Yet - ever since that time I nearly died.. I just..  I don't know.

The sad thing is (I don't want to say it because you'll laugh at me) .. I should be able to help myself. My new profession is clinical psychology. I guess I need to do a bit of CBT on myself

HerHighness

I wont lie and say childbirth is easy but its totally not as bad as what you are picturing in your head. Women do it everyday. It will be okay.

It may be a good idea to talk to someone. Being pregnant (for me) always causes bad anxiety. It's okay to ask for help if you need it. Talk to your DR. He/she will not think less of you for feeling how you feel.

KittyMu82

HerHighness said:

I wont lie and say childbirth is easy but its totally not as bad as what you are picturing in your head. Women do it everyday. It will be okay.

It may be a good idea to talk to someone. Being pregnant (for me) always causes bad anxiety. It's okay to ask for help if you need it. Talk to your DR. He/she will not think less of you for feeling how you feel.

Thank you for that

I think I will definitely talk to my OB about it.

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yvanehtnioj

Sounds like you have an anxiety disorder. I do not mean to diagnose you over the internet but I have 3 good friends with various anxiety disorders and this sounds familiar to me. Definitely bring it up with your doc, pregnancy can def trigger anxiety, more so for people with a predisposition for it. my worries about loved ones dying came back with a vengeance when pregnant, especially my husband.

wcmama1001

I was really scared of delivery when I was pregnant with my first, too.  I think we tend to focus on the most extreme types of labor (screaming, hours and hours of contractions, etc.).  That's one kind of birthing experience, but there are others.  Many deliveries are non-remarkable (outside of the fact that a new life enters the world, of course).  Our bodies are built for this.  Hold that thought and remember that you absolutely can get through it. 

Also, talk to other moms.  Watch how their eyes light up when they tell the story of their deliveries.  For most of us, the birth of a child is a precious memory.   Create a mental picture of how you'll light up telling your story one day. 

Having a baby is simply the most amazing thing any of us can ever do.  Manage your fears and remember the magic of this experience.  Get help if you need.  It's natural to be scared, but you don't need to spend the next nine months in terror. 

I wish you a safe and healthy pregnancy and delivery!

AggieMom0809

I think i get what you are saying. It is normal to feel anxious about the whole situation. With medical advances today, the likelihood of a mother dying from child birth is very low.

FYI a miscarriage is child birth. You still go through labor. The worst labor pains I had were during my 3 miscarriages and they were all less than 12 weeks along. At least at full term you have pain killers.

As for stress and personal time, babies will change things. Not necessarily bad, but different. You should still make some time for yourselves as a couple and may need to wait a couple years until you are ready to put another's needs above yours

KittyMu82

kyliedaniellexx said:

You definitely need to see someone. If you think how you feel is going to magically disappear, you are wrong. And sounds to me like how you feel now is going to put you at high risk for PPD which will make everything much more difficult once baby is here. Millions of women around the world give birth. Every day. And I assure you most of them do not die.

Er - thanks but I don't think that having doubts concerning how life may be impacted for the worse once the baby arrives will put me at risk for post natal depressionat all. In fact, I think it's mothers who think everything's going to be fantastic once the baby is born that are at risk if anything once the reality and hard work and stress hits them. I think my expectations are quite realistic. But thanks for sharing. 

KittyMu82

wcmama1001 said:

I was really scared of delivery when I was pregnant with my first, too.  I think we tend to focus on the most extreme types of labor (screaming, hours and hours of contractions, etc.).  That's one kind of birthing experience, but there are others.  Many deliveries are non-remarkable (outside of the fact that a new life enters the world, of course).  Our bodies are built for this.  Hold that thought and remember that you absolutely can get through it. 

Also, talk to other moms.  Watch how their eyes light up when they tell the story of their deliveries.  For most of us, the birth of a child is a precious memory.   Create a mental picture of how you'll light up telling your story one day. 

Having a baby is simply the most amazing thing any of us can ever do.  Manage your fears and remember the magic of this experience.  Get help if you need.  It's natural to be scared, but you don't need to spend the next nine months in terror. 

I wish you a safe and healthy pregnancy and delivery!

Thanks It's not actually the pains of delivery that I'm worried about (because that doesn't last forever and it's only pain) .. I'm worried about getting a blood clot afterwards. Those can hit you out of nowhere and you can be dead in minutes - that's what's so scary about them. I hate the thought of being high risk for that. Also - I'm on blood thinners - I'm on a certain kind of blood thinner that lasts 24hrs and isn't reversible. When I'm closer to delivery they will switch me to a reversible kind (I can't take that now because long term use of that kind of thinner will cause permanent bone damage). So another worry is if I deliver premature - I'll be delivery on blood thinners. That makes operating on me very difficult. 

KittyMu82

AggieMom0809 said:

As for stress and personal time, babies will change things. Not necessarily bad, but different. You should still make some time for yourselves as a couple and may need to wait a couple years until you are ready to put another's needs above yours

I suppose it's hard because I have no experience with it. So the uncertainty is where the stress comes from. But I suppose we're lucky - we've got the resources to make sure we still get time for ourselves as a couple - and have resources to make the work load easier. So that part is fine. I only mentioned the part about not being 100% absolutely sure about kids because I think if I were 100% sure then others fears (i.e. about the clotting) would pale in comparison.

KittyMu82

AggieMom0809 said:

FYI a miscarriage is child birth. You still go through labor. 

This is true - but the specific fears I have don't apply in the miscarriage situation. With my clotting problem - an operation will heighten the risk (if I have to have an operation after miscarriage that's also a problem but in most cases I don't think that's necessary?) .. And more specifically.. I'm worried about doctors needing to operate me while I am on irreversible (for 24hours anyway) blood thinners. That won't be the case with a miscarriage. If some medical procedure is needed you can just wait 24 hours I imagine before doing it.

Sorry I think I should have clarified from the outset how specific my fears are to my high-risk for clotting - compounded by the fact that I had a pulmonary embolism a couple of years ago (i.e., i experienced first hand what happens when a clot forms in your lungs..)

MrsBrittney

I'm not sure if this will be any help, but you never know!

I'm SORT of similar -- in a few senses of the words. I'm a very "realist" mentality. I'm actually pretty bubbly, but I do tend to prepare myself mentally for the worse just so that when it doesn't happen, I'm pretty darn excited about it.

My husband and I were never baby people. Growing up, I was the baby of the family and no other family members had children, so I didn't have a lot of gigs babysitting and generally being around little ones. I was the first of my close pals to get married and I'll be the first of them to have a baby.

My husband and I have been together a decade, married for 7. But we went from hardcore "We are not having children" to "We can't wait to start our family!" -- and honestly, I don't think that's a bad thing. We had to really work from not wanting children of our own (we have 6 nieces and nephews we spoil instead!) to wanting our own -- which means starting our family was no last minute thought. We weighed all the pros, the cons. We didn't do it because it is "what you do" or because "babies are SO cute", etc. 

And it's totally okay to feel a little unsure about if you can get excited before that first appointment -- and most folks, because a baby DOES change everything and should, get a little nervous because there isn't a guarantee life won't be crazy pants for awhile. You do wonder, "OMG, will it all work out?" and that's okay. But remember parenthood should ADD to your marriage, not detract. You just need to have that mindset. I still get to be me, and a wife, but I also get to add Mommy to my resumé  You aren't replacing everything you ever were with Mommy -- you still get to be you, you are just adding to it.

But that being said -- talk to someone. There is nothing embarrassing about seeking a professional to ask about your concerns, and now is a better time than after, so that you CAN reduce your risk of PDD and general unhappiness. If you were sort of on the fence about having a family, likely your hesitation and fears are ampliphied -- and they can only help!

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Cryssteen

I'm glad to hear that you are a psychologist.  That means that you are likely open to seeking professional help to work through your fears about the child and the traumatic experience you had with the clot.  I do think that that is a very good idea for you.  I am thinking you may have some form of PTSD related to your near-death experience.  It is important that you verbalize your feelings to a professional.  

In addition, I'm sure you are being followed by a vascular, pulmonary or cardiac specialist for your increased clot risk.  It may be a good idea to periodically check in with the physician who is managing that in order to alleviate your worries - or, God forbid, diagnosis a problem earlier. 

Now, all of those specific recommendations aside... Having a baby is scary.  Your health concerns are one thing, but the financial/lifestyle changes are completely another.  That is something that every one of us can relate to.  I'm going to be a FTM, and as prepared as I think I am, I know that I will have some severe shocks once the baby arrives.  These fears are totally rational and all you can do is plan as best you can to accommodate the new baby into your lives. Leave some wiggle room... who the hell knows what's going to happen. 

To answer your question - you are not awful for feeling any way.  You are acknowledging you fears, now you have to face them.  There are so many unknowns for me too... and I tried desperately to get pregnant.  That doesn't make me any less terrified. 

KRISTINSARA26

I have to agree with the last poster. All your feelings about lifestyle change are normal. I also went through a period of time when I didn't think I would ever want kids but here I am, pregnant. To me it is more frightening and abnormal for women to not have these reservations about life as a mother. It's a huge responsibility and will change life forever. However, I won't let these fears stop me, even though I have doubts. Hang in there!

KittyMu82

kyliedaniellexx said:

kyliedaniellexx said:

You definitely need to see someone. If you think how you feel is going to magically disappear, you are wrong. And sounds to me like how you feel now is going to put you at high risk for PPD which will make everything much more difficult once baby is here. Millions of women around the world give birth. Every day. And I assure you most of them do not die.

Er - thanks but I don't think that having doubts concerning how life may be impacted for the worse once the baby arrives will put me at risk for post natal depressionat all. In fact, I think it's mothers who think everything's going to be fantastic once the baby is born that are at risk if anything once the reality and hard work and stress hits them. I think my expectations are quite realistic. But thanks for sharing. 

-------- Er... it's a proven fact that having mixed feelings about your pregnancy can be a trigger for PPD, as well as having a possible anxiety disorder prior to getting pregnant. And especially if you are concerned about less free/personal time since that can be a huge trigger as well. Science and proven research... imagine that, huh? Also, if your care provider agrees, they may decide to put you on an antidepressant near the end of your pregnancy which could prevent it entirely. So keep your bitchy attitude to yourself and listen to the good advice the women here are giving you, since it's WHAT YOU ASKED FOR.

Gee - calm down. Why don't you provide me with the source of this research and then I can evaluate it for myself. Given my training - I do not believe that having mixed thoughts is a risk factor by itself. I'd be happy to see research to the contrary but for it to mean anything to me I'd have to see the original research so I can evaluate the methodology. I can envisage it potentially being a risk factor in the context of a previous history of depression but I would be blown away (but still interested to hear) if it was a risk factor while controlling for depression and other risk factors.

You are irresponsible for suggesting antidepressants to a pregnant woman who is not depressed - simply because she has doubts about what the future will be like with a child. There's not really much more I can say about that.

Your response was also very unhelpful. If you had said what you had said to someone else who might have actually taken it to heart - you would have simply added to all their anxiety and concerns about having a child - with absolutely no good coming out of it at all. If someone comes on here worried about pregnancy and you say "you're at risk for PND" - when that person is not at risk - what good are you doing other than making things worse for them. Please leave the diagnosing to the professionals.

KittyMu82

And it's totally okay to feel a little unsure about if you can get excited before that first appointment -- and most folks, because a baby DOES change everything and should, get a little nervous because there isn't a guarantee life won't be crazy pants for awhile. You do wonder, "OMG, will it all work out?" and that's okay. But remember parenthood should ADD to your marriage, not detract. You just need to have that mindset. I still get to be me, and a wife, but I also get to add Mommy to my resumé  You aren't replacing everything you ever were with Mommy -- you still get to be you, you are just adding to it.

Yeah, I think with most things in my life, I have to experience them first before I know how I feel about them. Without experiencing them first, I always have mixed thoughts - because it's only rationale. If all you can do is guess about what something will be like, you're not going to be very accurate in your assessment. But once you've actually experienced it - then you do know for sure what it's like.

I was like this with getting married too. I had lots of doubts because I simply didn't know what it would be like and sure it could be great but there could also be negatives. Then I got married, and discovered that a) we live together really well, no problems at all; b) it's the best thing that ever happened to me. But until I actually experience it, I don't know for sure.

KittyMu82

Nicb13 said:

kyliedaniellexx said:

  -------- Er... it's a proven fact that having mixed feelings about your pregnancy can be a trigger for PPD, as well as having a possible anxiety disorder prior to getting pregnant. And especially if you are concerned about less free/personal time since that can be a huge trigger as well. Science and proven research... imagine that, huh? Also, if your care provider agrees, they may decide to put you on an antidepressant near the end of your pregnancy which could prevent it entirely. So keep your bitchy attitude to yourself and listen to the good advice the women here are giving you, since it's WHAT YOU ASKED FOR.

Dude, your first post was very presumptuous and that's why OP gave you the "er". Chill out, for real. She's terrified of dying from a blood clot because she almost did before. That is her biggest fear. The rest is normal FTM shit and you made a whole lot of assumptions in your posts that could have been stated differently to not sound so...know it all.

Thanks - you've got it completely. My worries and the purpose of the thread have nothing to do with "doubts" about whether having a child is the best decision in the world or not - I'm perfectly at peace with where my head is on that topic. I only mentioned it because if I felt 100% sure I might not care about the possibility of dying quite so much.

And exactly - not worried about delivery pains. Wouldn't be worried if I didn't have the blood-clot risk. Would then totally appreciate that people rarely die from child birth and the chances are things will be fine. I'm worried about the blood clot afterwards or someone having to operate on me while on blood thinners. 

Thank you for understanding. Is this a worry I could seek professional help for? Well, that depends on how unrealistic the worry is. Unfortunately, a psychologist can't help me identify how unrealistic that worry is (because it's about medical facts) but my OBGYN should be able to help.

Thank you so much for being able to read and understand. 

KittyMu82

Cryssteen said:

I'm glad to hear that you are a psychologist.  That means that you are likely open to seeking professional help to work through your fears about the child and the traumatic experience you had with the clot.  I do think that that is a very good idea for you.  I am thinking you may have some form of PTSD related to your near-death experience.  It is important that you verbalize your feelings to a professional.  

In addition, I'm sure you are being followed by a vascular, pulmonary or cardiac specialist for your increased clot risk.  It may be a good idea to periodically check in with the physician who is managing that in order to alleviate your worries - or, God forbid, diagnosis a problem earlier. 

Now, all of those specific recommendations aside... Having a baby is scary.  Your health concerns are one thing, but the financial/lifestyle changes are completely another.  That is something that every one of us can relate to.  I'm going to be a FTM, and as prepared as I think I am, I know that I will have some severe shocks once the baby arrives.  These fears are totally rational and all you can do is plan as best you can to accommodate the new baby into your lives. Leave some wiggle room... who the hell knows what's going to happen. 

To answer your question - you are not awful for feeling any way.  You are acknowledging you fears, now you have to face them.  There are so many unknowns for me too... and I tried desperately to get pregnant.  That doesn't make me any less terrified. 

Thanks I don't have re-experiencing symptoms so I doubt it's PTSD but I definitely think it's lead to an increase in anxiety, for sure.

Anyway - as I said in the above thread - I have no qualms or problems or misapprehensions about seeing a psych at all (in fact, once we start practicing it is recommended that we all see a psych regularly ourselves, both for guidance on tough cases but also to deal with the stress of the job and other factors that might affect our effectiveness etc) .. it's just that I realise that my problem is with how I'm estimating the risk of blood-clot related complications. I'm not quite sure what the figures are (mostly because doctors are reluctant to quantify things like that) .. and because I'm  not sure I may be over-estimating it. I think talking to the OBGYN about what the risk actually is might be more helpful.

But you know - even if the OBGYN said the risk is - 5%. That would still be pretty high for me. Not low enough to make me go "ok, I won't worry anymore". So I'm not sure that there is anything to do about it either than to not worry about it and take each day is it comes, as what else can I do?

KittyMu82

kyliedaniellexx said:

Sorry, but what she said about miscarriages rubbed me the wrong way... making a tragic event to look like a blessing in disguise to get her out of something just because she is scared really isn't okay. We have a HUGE number of women on my BMB who have miscarried and are living with that heartache. Lurk the infertility boards and look and how many women would die to trade places with you and have this opportunity. I'm a FTM too and yes all FTMs are scared but this is irrational and I echoed PPs for her to get help. Nothing I said about PPD was presumptuous, it was fact. If anything, her response was presumptuous because it stated her opinion of the "type of women " that suffer from PPD. Plenty of advice and reassurance has been offered but that is no substitute for professional help.

Sigh. Look - having read this I'm going to make an attempt to reach out here. I apologise for anything I've said that offends you. I hope you can understand why I thought your post was not very helpful - but I do understand that you were trying to be helpful and you were coming from a place where you very upset about what I said re: miscarriages.

Of course I understand your perspective. However - we can't dictate how other people perceive tragic events. A lot of people will look at a miscarriage and think "it's for the best because the baby didn't have what it needed to survive or wouldn't have lived a fulfilling life if it had survived". Not everyone will think that - but plenty of people will interpret a miscarriage that way. If someone want's to see a side to a miscarriage other than the tragedy of it (not being blind to the tragedy but also seeing the other side) .. then let them do so. You don't have to judge them for it. 

Cryssteen

KittyMu82 said:

Cryssteen said:

I'm glad to hear that you are a psychologist.  That means that you are likely open to seeking professional help to work through your fears about the child and the traumatic experience you had with the clot.  I do think that that is a very good idea for you.  I am thinking you may have some form of PTSD related to your near-death experience.  It is important that you verbalize your feelings to a professional.  

In addition, I'm sure you are being followed by a vascular, pulmonary or cardiac specialist for your increased clot risk.  It may be a good idea to periodically check in with the physician who is managing that in order to alleviate your worries - or, God forbid, diagnosis a problem earlier. 

Now, all of those specific recommendations aside... Having a baby is scary.  Your health concerns are one thing, but the financial/lifestyle changes are completely another.  That is something that every one of us can relate to.  I'm going to be a FTM, and as prepared as I think I am, I know that I will have some severe shocks once the baby arrives.  These fears are totally rational and all you can do is plan as best you can to accommodate the new baby into your lives. Leave some wiggle room... who the hell knows what's going to happen. 

To answer your question - you are not awful for feeling any way.  You are acknowledging you fears, now you have to face them.  There are so many unknowns for me too... and I tried desperately to get pregnant.  That doesn't make me any less terrified. 

Thanks I don't have re-experiencing symptoms so I doubt it's PTSD but I definitely think it's lead to an increase in anxiety, for sure.

Anyway - as I said in the above thread - I have no qualms or problems or misapprehensions about seeing a psych at all (in fact, once we start practicing it is recommended that we all see a psych regularly ourselves, both for guidance on tough cases but also to deal with the stress of the job and other factors that might affect our effectiveness etc) .. it's just that I realise that my problem is with how I'm estimating the risk of blood-clot related complications. I'm not quite sure what the figures are (mostly because doctors are reluctant to quantify things like that) .. and because I'm  not sure I may be over-estimating it. I think talking to the OBGYN about what the risk actually is might be more helpful.

But you know - even if the OBGYN said the risk is - 5%. That would still be pretty high for me. Not low enough to make me go "ok, I won't worry anymore". So I'm not sure that there is anything to do about it either than to not worry about it and take each day is it comes, as what else can I do?

I don't think you are overreacting about your very real concerns. More patients should be concerned about their risk factors. My suggestion about seeking professional guidance is grounded in both the emotional coping and physical precautions you can implement. The bottom line is that the anxiety you have is not good for you or your baby. Learning to cope with the fear through psych and implementing any interventions suggested by a vascular, cardiac, and/or OB physician may help you to feel like you're doing something more than just waiting for the inevitable, whatever it may be. Simple interventions have proven very effective in preventing clots in patients with a predisposition. I say this as an RN. Seek specialists.

becks2012

My grandma once looked at me and said - "You shouldn't not do things because you are afraid of what might happen.  Life is meant to be lived."  I think I was worrying about what might happen if I cut myself while jumping off a zipline or something.  I can't really remember now. 

Feelings are what they are.  Putting a label on them like good, or bad won't do you or anyone any good.  I think your one day at a time attitude is a good idea.

Best of luck to you hon. 

KittyMu82

Now, OP, coming from someone who has been pregnant before with a severe anxiety disorder, I would like you to know that your fears are valid and I understand them completely. I was scared to death too the first time I was pregnant. I worried about the delivery the entire 9 months. But not as much as when I first found out I was pregnant. As the pregnancy progressed and I saw the heartbeat and other developments,  it got easier. Try to stay calm and focus on taking care of yourself. I am truly sorry that you have such intense fears. It really is a joy that might be masked to you right now but I think as you progress, you will get better. Good luck to you.

Thank you your words of support mean a lot to me.

KittyMu82

I don't think you are overreacting about your very real concerns. More patients should be concerned about their risk factors. My suggestion about seeking professional guidance is grounded in both the emotional coping and physical precautions you can implement. The bottom line is that the anxiety you have is not good for you or your baby. Learning to cope with the fear through psych and implementing any interventions suggested by a vascular, cardiac, and/or OB physician may help you to feel like you're doing something more than just waiting for the inevitable, whatever it may be. Simple interventions have proven very effective in preventing clots in patients with a predisposition. I say this as an RN. Seek specialists.

That is a really good point. For sure there are plenty of strategies to minimise the anxiety. Thanks for that.

Just an update by the way - I've been feeling a lot better about it all for a few days now.. pretty soon after I posted. But having said that - these things come and go - and hormones while pregnant only add to the unpredictability of it so the next time I'm hit with the anxiety I will definitely make an appointment. And in the mean time I think I'll practice some mindfulness meditation as I do find that an effective way to minimise ruminating and worry!

Thanks guys you've all been very helpful.

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amedbery

@kyliedaniellexx‌ - Just curious - what did she get banned for? Not surprising, I guess. Sounded like she didn't much want a baby but still actively tried to conceive. I found that a little alarming.

amedbery

Found her GBCB. Oh my. This chick is a therapist y'all.

momthatlifts

It kind of sounds like your fear for delivery is so overwhelmed that you want to miscarry. I never worried about delivery until I was actually in labor. But obviously you're not me and you're not going to think like me. Maybe you should really talk to someone. It also sounds like you have a great fear of change. Since you were like this before you got married ect. Definitely seek out some help so you can get through these thoughts and feelings you're having. Good luck

momthatlifts

Whelp, she'll never see that. Maybe I should pay closer attention next time

AnnaRogers777

Sweety they have classes to prepare yourself for delivery. Those classes can give you a sense of control and prepareness during delivery.