- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
May 2014 Moms
Mamazon2014
member
Better late than never (birth story)
Mamazon2014
member
Non birth related loss mentioned.
It's taken me a while to post this between being busy with a newborn and not wanting to fully relive or think too hard about the events surrounding the birth of my son. What was one of the happiest days of my life was also one of the worst days of my life, and even though it's been 3 weeks, the pain is still very much fresh for our family.
On Monday May 19th, I had my last exam and was told that I would most likely go into labor sometime that day.
My mom and I were so excited and spent the afternoon doing things to try to induce labor like dancing around the kitchen. We were laughing and joking when all of a sudden the phone rang and our happy world came crashing down. It was my dad calling because my 22 yr old brother had passed away from what appeared to be natural causes.
There is nothing that can prepare you for that kind of news, especially when you are 2000 miles away from your family in a different state. To listen to your parents weep so deeply that the words coming out of their mouths are just gibberish; it crushes you like no other weight can.
My husband came home and it was then i wept openly at the loss of my little brother.
The pain I felt was beyond measure and felt like it had manifested physically. It took several minutes before I realized that those pains were actually contractions. Worried about my blood pressure and health, my husband, mother and I packed the labor bags into the car and headed to the hospital.
I labored for 17 hrs. Over 13 of those hours were without any drugs for pain. In between contractions we either tried to focus on the fact that Mason would soon be here or we wept for my brother and our loss. There were times my mom would leave the room because she didn’t want to upset me, but often I could hear her crying in the hallway.
I had my first epidural at 3 am, but it didn’t take, so at around 5 am, I was given a second which worked with amazing success. In a little over an hour, I had dilated from a 6 to a 10, and after several incredibly strong contractions, I started pushing at 7:30am and gave birth to Mason Gregory-Justin Butler at 8:04 am on Tuesday May 20th.
He was 20.5 inches long and weighed 9 pounds 14 ounces.
When I announced his name, my mom cried. We hadn’t planned on giving him my brother’s name as part of his middle name, but it felt only appropriate to honor my brother’s passing with this new life.
We were in the hospital until
Thursday the 22nd. My mom, who had planned to stay with us for the first month, left after less than a week of her visit to handle the details of my brother's memorial.
I wanted nothing more than to be in my home state with my family, but there was no way for us to make the 2000 mile trip with a newborn. Thankfully, a family friend was able to set up Skype at the memorial and I was able to say goodbye to my little brother.
Since then, my emotions run high and low. Watching my son, I have such joy and excitement that there are times that I almost feel guilty for feeling happiness along with grief over my brother’s passing.
Sometimes I just hold my little boy and cry. I cry for the uncle he will never know, the uncle who was so excited for his nephew, wanted to teach him so many things, and who will now only be known through the multitude of pictures and stories passed on by his family and friends.
Right now I try to take everything day by day. I cry for my brother and find joy in my son. And through everything I am reminded of the fragile beauty that is life. I am reminded that each day is a gift and that I must cherish every moment that I have because time holds no promises.
And While it is hard to understand God's purpose in everything, I try to find comfort in that, while i lost my brother, my son gained a guardian angel.
It's taken me a while to post this between being busy with a newborn and not wanting to fully relive or think too hard about the events surrounding the birth of my son. What was one of the happiest days of my life was also one of the worst days of my life, and even though it's been 3 weeks, the pain is still very much fresh for our family.
On Monday May 19th, I had my last exam and was told that I would most likely go into labor sometime that day.
My mom and I were so excited and spent the afternoon doing things to try to induce labor like dancing around the kitchen. We were laughing and joking when all of a sudden the phone rang and our happy world came crashing down. It was my dad calling because my 22 yr old brother had passed away from what appeared to be natural causes.
There is nothing that can prepare you for that kind of news, especially when you are 2000 miles away from your family in a different state. To listen to your parents weep so deeply that the words coming out of their mouths are just gibberish; it crushes you like no other weight can.
My husband came home and it was then i wept openly at the loss of my little brother.
The pain I felt was beyond measure and felt like it had manifested physically. It took several minutes before I realized that those pains were actually contractions. Worried about my blood pressure and health, my husband, mother and I packed the labor bags into the car and headed to the hospital.
I labored for 17 hrs. Over 13 of those hours were without any drugs for pain. In between contractions we either tried to focus on the fact that Mason would soon be here or we wept for my brother and our loss. There were times my mom would leave the room because she didn’t want to upset me, but often I could hear her crying in the hallway.
I had my first epidural at 3 am, but it didn’t take, so at around 5 am, I was given a second which worked with amazing success. In a little over an hour, I had dilated from a 6 to a 10, and after several incredibly strong contractions, I started pushing at 7:30am and gave birth to Mason Gregory-Justin Butler at 8:04 am on Tuesday May 20th.
He was 20.5 inches long and weighed 9 pounds 14 ounces.
When I announced his name, my mom cried. We hadn’t planned on giving him my brother’s name as part of his middle name, but it felt only appropriate to honor my brother’s passing with this new life.
We were in the hospital until
Thursday the 22nd. My mom, who had planned to stay with us for the first month, left after less than a week of her visit to handle the details of my brother's memorial.
I wanted nothing more than to be in my home state with my family, but there was no way for us to make the 2000 mile trip with a newborn. Thankfully, a family friend was able to set up Skype at the memorial and I was able to say goodbye to my little brother.
Since then, my emotions run high and low. Watching my son, I have such joy and excitement that there are times that I almost feel guilty for feeling happiness along with grief over my brother’s passing.
Sometimes I just hold my little boy and cry. I cry for the uncle he will never know, the uncle who was so excited for his nephew, wanted to teach him so many things, and who will now only be known through the multitude of pictures and stories passed on by his family and friends.
Right now I try to take everything day by day. I cry for my brother and find joy in my son. And through everything I am reminded of the fragile beauty that is life. I am reminded that each day is a gift and that I must cherish every moment that I have because time holds no promises.
And While it is hard to understand God's purpose in everything, I try to find comfort in that, while i lost my brother, my son gained a guardian angel.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Better late than never (birth story)
DS: 11/8/11 | 9 lb 7 oz, 22 in
DD: 5/22/14 | 9 lb 9 oz, 21.5 in
Your little one is beautiful. I am sure your brother will watch over him and be his special angel.
Xoxo
Mommy to my sweet boy, JG, born May 15, 2014
Baby #2 due 4/26/16!