Things are a little rough around my place (probably long)

algalphys

Things are not good between DH and I. We are constantly fighting over every little thing. Some of the fighting is most certainly caused by me, I have a short fuse, I admit. But honestly I feel like DH is miserable and constantly picking at me. Nothing I do seems good enough. I can't care for our children the right way, I don't take care of our house the right way, I work too much, choose work over family, haven't made the right choice with my job, pushes me to have conflict with my boss (whom I consider a friend as well). I generally feel like he thinks I am terrible at life. When I talk to him about this he says I'm being dramatic and he's not picking on me.

I feel like part of this is because I returned to work early from my mat leave (could have taken a year but chose to return part time at the moment when DS2 was nearly 5 months old). But honestly, I'm not a SAHM and never would be. I had terrible ppd with DS1 that I left untreated. I felt like the ppd was due to the large change from working full time to not. The return to work has been a sanity saver and honestly is on my terms. I work when I want.

I just feel like according to him I never do anything right. Like I constantly disappoint him, like I'm not the person he hoped or wanted me to be (but to be fair I'm not anyone but who I've ever been).

I think he's also mad cause my mom, who watch DS1 for us when I returned to work said she can't handle watching both boys. Which to me is fair enough, if she says she can't handle it, that's fine I'll did someone else. But I feel like that has added and element of anger that flares up often.

I'm sorry for the ramblly vent. It's just been a rough day and I feel like a lot of things are coming to a head. Planning to return full time soon, DS1 and his apraxia diagnosis, finding a sitter and trying to balance
life and work. I kinda just wanna cry...

RondackHiker

I'm so sorry.

Can you sit and say all this to him? Would counseling be an option?

algalphys

I've said most of this to him already. I mentioned counselling and he laughed it off, but I honestly think we have communication issues that would likely be sorted with counselling too. Sigh...

algalphys

I hadn't considered ppd again cause I generally fell really great. It's just at home things seem constantly tense. You may have a point though @Regal Mama‌
I know I don't not feel nearly as ragey and dark as I did with DS1. I do feel like there is a large stress load at the moment.

I sometimes also feel like if things are done the way DH suggests they should be or wants, it results in a fight cause I haven't "done it right" in his books.

Maebb

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds like your husband is very critical and controlling. That would be hard to deal with. Please don't blame the fighting on yourself because of your short fuse or because you don't do things the way your H wants.

I definitely agree to demand counseling for both of you and go yourself if your H won't go. And talk to a counselor about "Is this normal? Is this healthy? How should I deal with these types of confrontations? What can I do if my H refuses counseling and won't change?"

ILoveBoys

I agree with PP. We did some counseling last summer and it was really eye opening. Neither of us were right or wrong, we just weren't communicating well OR understanding the others position. Marriage isn't all the fairy tale fantasy Disney shows it to be.

BluepointToasted

I think individual counseling might be the way to go.  Ideally, you cold both go to individual counseling AND go to couples counseling.  I wonder if he isn't dealing with some depression issues as well?

algalphys

I do think there may be depression issues with him. His job is unfulfilling (but pays incredibly well) and the transition to parenthood has been difficult (for both of us). He works about 15 days a month (shift work) so he watches the boys on his days off so he doesn't really get days off, if you know what I mean. I know there are frustrations around not being able to get things done that he wants to cause of the kids. It may be a sticking point cause I typically work more often when he is available to stay with the kids right now.

I consider him a bully, I feel like he's trying to push everyone out of his life.

martha919

Definitely do counseling. It should help. We were on a similar place until recently and DH finally realized that he was dealing with depression again. We're in the process of starting up counseling (scheduling is difficult right now), and in the meantime DH went back on his anti-depressants. He's done a complete 180 and I am so much happier. Good luck to y'all and in sorry you're struggling.