I am failing at parenting

JMC11511

Maybe that's dramatic, I don't know.

I took L to a new library storytime today. There were puzzles out and a few of the kids were playing puzzles before the librarian called them over for storytime to officially start. When I told L we needed to go to the carpet and sit, he threw a fit. I thought once we got over there he would snap out of it, but no luck. Since we were in a library and everyone was staring at us, I took him outside, let him calm down, explained that we would do a story first, then the puzzle, and tried again. He went to the carpet, then shouted, "puzzle" and tried to head back to the puzzle. I took him out and we left.

I have no idea if I did the right thing. He was being disruptive to everyone in the library, so I didn't think it was fair to let him have his meltdown in the library. He and I both melted down in the car, which was lovely. I don't know if I'm expecting too much, given his age (2.5), or if I should be concerned that he won't sit for a story with a group, or participate with the group for songs or crafts? DH's solution is just to quit taking him, which doesn't seem right. I think he suggested that because he's tired of me getting stressed out every time this happens. I'm wondering if I should take him to the library during an unstructured time and let him explore and work on sitting on the carpet reading stories with just me. I was so embarrassed and it makes me think I'm doing everything wrong. Any advice or words of encouragement is appreciated.

bhuffman

I would try it again in a few weeks. Remind yourself that all the parents have or will go through the temper tantrums at some point. Hugs!!

Keeptruckin

Been there, done that lol! I personally think 2 is really young to sit still for story time. I would take my daughter and see all these kids obediently sitting there listening while mine was tearing the place apart. I found closer to 4 she really got more out of those activities. Like pp said, we did more active things instead. We still visited the library and choose movement class type things instead.

JMC11511

Thanks all. I'll try and stick to more play based stuff for a while. There's a Toddler Boot Camp at a different library that says it's geared "for the active toddler" maybe we will try and check that out. It's supposed to be more gross motor and active based. He prefers to sort of do his own thing, even when he's around other kids, so I'm trying to get him to be more engaged with a group.

Aussie45

You don't fail at parenting. You took him outside and explained you were going to do a story first. He didn't listen, so you left. I would've done the same thing. Maybe if you tried bringing him a different time and just letting him roam.

Play with puzzles, read the books check things out. You could try to do it before story reading day, and then when you go in let him know that it's the day to read books with the other kids. If he still doesn't seem to enjoy it, maybe try directing him to different things like @Diapers&Wipes suggested. Activities that involve more movement vs having to sit still. You can always try story time later on down the road

zbeesma86

Z can't do circle time/story time yet. She can't sit for a half hour. They have a little gazebo in our library with cushions and puzzles and she wants to sit in there and play with all the pieces. So I just let her do that while I pick out books to read for her at night.

Hang in there, mama! You aren't failing. This age is hard, yo! I find Z has her tantrums the most when she can't convey what she wants to do- instead of story time he wanted to do the puzzle, couldn't tell you that so he flipped. Maybe let him do a puzzle at story time? or is that a no-no?

bumpuser8448316

amy052006 said:

Circle time is just a learned skill for some kids.  Actually, i think most kids.  DS1 was horrible at it, but a year of preschool and now he does it any and everywhere. Just keep doing it.

All of this. DS was "that" kid that no matter how manny group classes we did (kindermusik, story time, Gymboree) he was the one wanting to do his own thing and not sitting in the group. He just finished his first year of preschool and he's a totally different kid now.

Part of it is age and maturity. Part of it is that some kids just need to learn how to act in a setting like that.

fintin

Its totally normal for him to want to do his own thing and for you to want him to be apart of the groups activities. Keep on taking him and sooner or later he will get it. TRUST me all the other moms understand kids experiencing new things and most aren't judging you for the fits

notkateanymore

DD didn't even realize the library had books until school started...she went for the puzzles, games and snacks..fuck circle time.

AKB090609

I'd look for another library that might make it easier for him to participate. Our library does toddler Storytime in the meeting room, it has doors that close and kids don't have to be as quiet. The librarian is also key, ours alternates between a book a song and a rhyme. Then the last 15min she pulls out a big bucket of toys and the kids have a bit of a free for all. After they clean up we go to the children's section for the toys, puzzles and dress up (and picking up books).

JeffandLeslie

My kid is 14 months, so I'm in no way an expert at this, but if we are at a group activity and she wants to do something else that is not disruptive to the other kids, I let her do her thing. I'm not going to make her listen to a story just because that is what I think she should be doing. I'd let her do the puzzle.

Now if she wanted to run around and scream instead of listening to the story, we'd be out.

JMC11511

Right, I wanted him to at least attempt to sit for the story. He has done it in the past. Once he escalated to screaming and being disruptive, I felt like I had to take him out. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like it's only my kid that acts like a hellion in public. Thanks for the support ladies!

barnwife

Ummmm...I've been taking J. to storytime at the library since he was 18 mo. He's almost 4 now. And he's finally to the point where he will sit on the carpet and participate 50% of the time. The rest of the time he is that kid, sitting in the corner playing with a toy. (He's always listening though. He can tell me what songs they sang and what the books were about afterwards.)

Part of this is his personality, which he gets from DH. DH is perfectly fine spending time alone. I have no doubt that had MIL taken DH to storytime as a kid, he would have been exactly like J. there.

Thankfully, I can count on one hand the number of meltdowns my kiddos have had at the library. If they were being truly disruptive I would leave. But if they are quietly playing with something in the back or at a table I don't care.

The library is open to the public after all. 

The storytime at our library that we go to is designed for 2 and 3 yo (there's another for 3 and 4 yo). It's a good mix of stories, songs, and games.

jag101

I think you handled that very well. You removed him from the situation, you let him calm down and you explained the expectations for his behavior. I think you handled it wonderfully. Almost every parent has been humiliated by their children's behavior and one point or another.

bumpuser924057

I had to stop going to library story time for a while because all he wanted to do was run around the library shouting and pulling books off the shelves, and at the time I was too pregnant and tired to chase his ass down. Preschool has made SUCH a difference. I've recently started taking all three kids and I was beyond surprised when he got up and followed the librarian's directions during a song. Six months ago that would not have happened.

lightgetsin

I think you should have just let him play with the puzzle.  Making him leave because he didn't want to sit for storytime seems a bit harsh.  Sometimes kids don't feel like doing what you want them to do and it's not a bad thing.

jlpev

O dont feel bad. We did the exact same thing on wednesday with dd,1 laughing at ds while he was crying & throwing his fit. Ds is 3 & story time is hard for him. He has a hard time sitting still. Weve been going to story time for about 8 months. 2-3 yrs of age is really hard for kids & parents.

JMC11511

tmsgrl said:

I think you should have just let him play with the puzzle.  Making him leave because he didn't want to sit for storytime seems a bit harsh.  Sometimes kids don't feel like doing what you want them to do and it's not a bad thing.

I understand that. We left because he was being disruptive. My reasoning for bringing him to storytime is to promote the socialization and following directions aspect of it. If I just let him do the puzzle when everyone else is following directions and participating in a group activity, that defeats the purpose in my mind. I get that he's two and I probably have too high of an expectation on him. Verifying that other people have had the same experience is really helpful. I'll lighten up a bit, and try out the active toddler class too.

dizzycooks

I get that you want him to socialize but really sitting others is not social really. 2yos parallel play, they don't turn take and share. You know that! Just being there with other kids is exposing him to the option of joining in. I probably would have let him be, but the key is being consistent and it sounds like you were. Our story time is similar to @AKB090609‌ and it's great, I don't take dd as often as I should...