The comfy couch

icaughtfire

((HUGS)) @lisaren‌

KMW08

((Hugs)) to all loss mommas. Loss is incredibly unfair and downright cruel. My heart is with all of you & our angels.

Hang in there ladies, it does get easier in time. The grief never truly goes away but it does become easier to cope. Don't be surprised if something someday out of left field triggers all of those original moments & feelings, it's sucky and it does happen.

To those of you who haven't been intimate yet, also don't be surprised if you cry during/after sex for the first few times. It's completely normal if it happens to you too.

Love you all :-*

dbgwife

@knitsmagee‌ I've just now started reading this thread and I have nothing but love for you. I'm teary eyed actually. I lived through a very very similar experience. One time with an uncles friend, and another that lasted for years with my parents best friend. I never got pregnant, but honey no one can ever blame you for the decision you made. I hope those feelings you have someday leave and you have peace. I'm still trying to muddle that out myself. I wish I could hug you! Hell maybe I need the hug. Just please know I'm here if you EVER need to talk!

sunflwra

Hi ladies- just checking in. We're headed to the hospital at 11 today to start the induction- really hoping that it goes as smoothly as last time and that we're home tonight but apparently there is a higher chance of retained placenta since I'm not as far along, meaning a potential D&C as well

@mackenziesmama - I understand feeling the loss more now that you know the gender- in both of our situations we learned the gender just before the losses and it definitely made it more real to me.  I'm hoping to be able to get some additional chromosomal information on this baby bc they weren't able to get anything on our son.  Since they found the cord issue and didn't have any other data, I'm now wondering if we missed something.  If you end up going for genetic counseling, I'd love to talk further. I have a feeling that we will end up going down that road and I'm having a tough time right now not seeing that as something that automatically means we can't have more children

lisaren

Emnob28 said:

((Hugs)) @lisaren‌

Sorry if this is too personal - what are the emotions like for having the ashes? Relief? Closure? Fondness? I have the death certificate for my child, but we didn't proceed with receiving the ashes, instead they are buried at a local cemetery as we were entirely unprepared and didn't know what else to do. I didn't even know I'd be signing a death certificate that day. Sometimes I wonder if I'd have found more closure holding a proper burial of my planning and choosing. 

Not to personal at all..

My husband picked him up, at first I was going to wait until Emma Claire went to sleep to see them but once H got home I couldn't wait. I cried, obviously. I thought back to May 21, that was 4 days after the surgery, after he was born, and that was the worst day emotionally for me. I feel a sense of relief almost that he's here now, and we're not waiting for anything else. We've had all the calls, appts, now ashes, so what's left to do is heal. Physically I feel great, emotionally I feel good, mentally I feel good. I keep myself busy.
We had the option of burying him, but I'm not so sure we will stay in asheville forever.

Hugs to you. The finality of it all I think is what feels sad. The what if's can keep you awake at night.

lizgrace03

@sunflwra‌ you're in my thoughts today.

mockingjay1

@sunflwra - Sending many T&Ps to you today. I hope everything goes as smooth as possible. 

icaughtfire

@sunflwra‌ -- sending thoughts & prayers your way that today goes smoothly for you.

lisaren

@sunflwra‌ love to you. I'll def say a little prayer for you at 11:00 today.
I'm wrapping my arms around you giving you a big hug.

MollMoll4

@sunflwra‌ I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible today. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts!

renbee

((Hugs)) @sunflwra. Thinking of you right now and praying everything goes smoothly. 

To comment on the previous discussion about knowing the sex - I am simultaneously glad we don't know and sad at the same time. That was one of the things I kept going over and over in my head right after the loss. I was sad I didn't know anything about my child and couldn't really imagine what they would have been like. It's also been hard the past few days for me because I know I would have been about to get my a/s right around now, and I was so excited to go through that and find out the sex.

But it also makes it a little easier to not be able to think about what could have been. Down the road, if for example we have all boys and this loss was a girl, I would be really sad about missing out on the experience of having a girl (and vice versa if we had all girls and the loss was a boy). I'll always wonder though.  

icaughtfire

@Aaren91011‌ -- I understand exactly what you mean about knowing vs. not knowing the sex. It's hard to handle either way. I'm so sorry you're going through a rough time.

lisaren

@Aaren91011‌ I understand exactly what you're saying. I'm glad I know that I was having a boy but boy does it sting. When I have another one I almost think I will not want a boy because what if it brings up weird thoughts or sadness of what could have been.
And hugs for you and the a/s scan. Sigh... As my mama says, one day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes one minute at a time.

Love to everyone.

sunflwra

So I got bumped from my hospital appointment today- SERIOUSLY?!?!?  I guess they didn't have all of the discharges that they expected so I got a call at 10am asking me to reschedule until tomorrow at 11am instead.  Seriously annoying, especially bc I haven't felt so great and I really don't want to go in to labor on my own unexpectedly.  At least with the hospital induction, I've been through it and I know what to expect.  Just seriously irritated. Hopefully this means that they'll have better staff coverage tomorrow and I'll get rock star care.  Who knows- just frustrated

lisaren

Oh I'm sorry
Keeping you in my thoughts. Hugs.

raelynn71109

I'm so sorry @sunflwra. That's frustrating! ((Hugs))

mockingjay1

I'm sorry @sunflwra. 

Kristy774

Oh I'm so sorry @sunflwra‌ that's really crappy.

dbgwife

@sunflwra‌ oh I'm sorry you got bumped today!! I'm praying tomorrow works and you get the amazing care you deserve!! Please keep us updated!!

dbgwife

knitsmagee said:

dbgwife said:

@knitsmagee‌ I've just now started reading this thread and I have nothing but love for you. I'm teary eyed actually. I lived through a very very similar experience. One time with an uncles friend, and another that lasted for years with my parents best friend. I never got pregnant, but honey no one can ever blame you for the decision you made. I hope those feelings you have someday leave and you have peace. I'm still trying to muddle that out myself. I wish I could hug you! Hell maybe I need the hug. Just please know I'm here if you EVER need to talk!

Thank you and I'm sorry you went through something similar  No one should have to go through that.  I'm sure it is the same for you, but it comes and goes kind of.  Some days I feel great and am so happy with where I am now and my family and feel at peace and then others it hits me like a ton of bricks and I am sad and filled with guilt over things I shouldn't feel guilty about.  I think we all need a hug  I may take you up on the talking...if you need to talk ever I'm here as well.

I totally have a similar experience. The first half of life may have been beyond shitty but oh my God life is BEAUTIFUL now!! I have a man who loves me, two gorgeous girls and a little dude on the way. I've experienced a loss (my sweet Paige) but I'm able to talk about it. You know, that's so much more FREEING (albeit painful) than keeping my secrets for so damn long! I have days were everything is beautiful. And others where I'm positive I've seen that person in traffic, or a smell will trigger something. I read your post and just never wanted you to think you were alone! Please whenever you'd like message me! I'd welcome it!

renbee

Oh man @sunflwra‌ , that's so sucky. I'm sorry you were bumped

I forgot to update you all after my beta draw the other day. My hcg was "almost negative" at 5.25, I guess they consider anything under 5 to be negative. They said they want to retest me in a week. I'm relieved that my levels are low and I hope that means my period is coming soon!!

icaughtfire

Good luck today @sunflwra‌!!

yess0311

@sunflwra‌ hope everything goes smoothly today. 

@lisaren‌ thank you for starting this thread..it's so crazy because I had a mc back in 2004 and rarely have I talked about it to anyone. I think mainly because no one really knew how to ask me about it after it happened and the ones that did ask responded with "well everything happens for a reason" or "maybe it just wasn't meant to be". Both of which are NOT things you say to someone who just lost their baby!!! I remember someone once making a comment to be about how I was "barely even pregnant" since I was only 11 wks...I felt so hurt and kind of embarrassed for feeling sad when I was "barely even pregnant". How dare he belittle my pain!!

I was 11 wks along when I had my mc. I remember feeling cramps in my lower back and lower abdomen all that day. I knew something was wrong..I was looking up mc symptoms when I felt it coming down...I rushed to the bathroom and sure enough there it was. To this day I regret so much not taking the remains (I don't even know if that's the right word) and taking it for testing. Instead I just flushed it down the toilet. I hated myself for that for so long..I don't know why. I just can't explain it.

What made the whole experience even more difficult was that two of my closest friends were both pregnant. One was just a week ahead of me and she was seeing my bf's brother so we both had to see them go thru their pregnancy while mourning our loss. Then her daughter, who is now my goddaughter, was born on my due date...so that was a rush of emotions all over again. :-( my other friend decided to have an abortion the week after I had my mc. So I was very angry about that...angry that I lost my baby and she was getting rid of hers...it just didn't seem fair to me.  

Wow...it feels so good to get that out.

tlc35

@sunflwra thinking of you today.

renbee

@sunflwra‌ ((hugs)) to you today!

@yess0311‌ I completely understand how you feel. I was scheduled to have a D&C but miscarried naturally the day before. I was so in shock and caught off guard that I also flushed the remains. I felt really bad about it for a while, but I have come to peace with it now. Have comfort in knowing that you're not alone - so many other women find themselves in that position and make the same decision. I just keep thinking that it would have been much harder on me to try to retrieve it and figure out what to do then. It helps to think that my baby was already in heaven - what was "flushed" was just tissue.

Nfranco973

@sunflwra‌ .. Hoping everything goes well today. Your in my thoughts.

mussalynn

If anyone is interested in the movie I mentioned earlier that deals with stillbirth, it is airing on Lifetime again tomorrow (Sunday) at 2pm Eastern/1pm Central.  It's called Return to Zero.

Again, it is very intense so for those with recent losses it may be too difficult to watch (I was balling watching it and haven't had any losses myself), but according to my friend who went through a stillbirth herself, it deals beautifully with what those who have gone through loss actually go through.

icaughtfire

I feel like I'm in such a funk. If I'm not keeping myself busy, I just breakdown & feel depressed. With all the extra shit that's happened, this feels like the never ending miscarriage. H's best friend has been trying to make plans with us, but I just can't deal with the fact that his pregnant wife comes along with the package. H feels like this is putting a strain on their friendship which makes me feel even shittier. I know I have to take this all one day at a time, but today is fucking hard.

MollMoll4

Y'all… today would have been my lost baby's due date. It's rainy and gross here which isn't helping my funky mood. I asked DH last week if he wanted to do anything to mark the day and he did not. I understand why, but am a little disappointed. I am wearing my pearl that I have for my lost June baby but can't think of anything significant to do other than that. I think I'll light a candle later this evening too… just doesn't seem like "enough". Anyone else pass a due date and have any ideas/suggestions?

sunflwra

@MollMoll4 - so sorry you are having a tough time hon. My due date was April 2nd and we didn't do too much though I went through some random guilt feelings because I didn't remember what day it was when I woke up in the morning and then I got mad at myself and wondering how I could have possibly forgotten. I did keep thinking, thank goodness I'm pregnant again since that seem to be some sort of solace in dealing with the loss due date, but some good that did me.

I'm dreading this loss date bc it was Thanksgiving and I will be with my entire extended family at the time, hopefully that will be a good distraction and not make things worse. Hopefully you can find something that helps you through- I think lighting a candle is a nice thing.

MollMoll4

Thanks @sunflwra‌. How are you doing?

lisaren

Love and hugs @MollMoll4‌

sunflwra

MollMoll4 said:

Thanks @sunflwra‌. How are you doing?

Good days and bad days.  Had a date day with DH and saw 22 Jump Street (actually pretty funny) and then we decided to go look at some of the new model homes in our neighborhood and I had to walk right out when I'd walk in to what I realized was a nursery in each one- seemed silly but just hit me hard today.  Also started putting a bug in DH's ear about IVF since I'm sure it's something he never even thought twice about and I feel like the chromosomal diagnosis is looming and it's going to be our best recommendation.  I always thought of IVF of something people did who had a hard time getting pregnant, but I never realized the other aspects of it.  I have no solid reason to think we are getting that diagnosis for sure, but just seem to feel it in my bones.  Monday is my first day home by myself and also happens to be my birthday, so I'm thinking of scheduling a nice mani/pedi and a massage that I've had a gift certificate for  as well as watching a lot of Orange is the New Black

MollMoll4

Hopefully the good days outnumber the bad, or will start to soon!

I hope you get helpful answers once the results come in. Starting a conversation about IVF sounds like a good idea, even just to make sure you are both on the same page.

Have a great "treat yo-self" (if you watch parks and rec) birthday.

lisaren

Happy almost birthday @sunflwra‌
Enjoy that mani/pedi!

MollMoll4

Thanks @excitedpreggo12‌. I do love the idea of planting a tree but unfortunately, I live in a townhouse and our landscapers have been known to rip out anything they didn't plant.

lisaren

Just checking in with the ladies here! How is everyone??

Any updates?

raelynn71109

@lisaren, How are you doing? At one time you mentioned that you were contemplating TTC again. Did you make any decisions on that front?

AFM, the Cytotec did not work and I ended up having a second D&C on 6/20 to deal with the retained tissue. My doctor said she removed a whole handful of retained tissue and I passed more a few days later. She said they had to use a tool they normally use on fibroids to remove it because it was really "stuck" on my wall. My doctor was concerned about the trauma to my uterus and advised me to go back on the pill for two cycles to help my lining build back up, which I am doing. I've had spotting & bleeding for 58 days now since the first D&C, but it's finally winding down.

Now that all the drama with the retained tissue is behind me, I'm starting to feel much better emotionally and feel like I'm starting to move on. We are buying a new house and will be moving next month so that'll be a good distraction while I'm benched.

raelynn71109

@mackenziesmama @Aaren91011‌ @tlc35 @redheadrunning @mrskbuck @‌sunflwra

Hope you don't mind me paging you, but wasn't sure if you would see Lisa's post and thought you might want to come in and update everyone!

renbee

I'm doing pretty good, been working a ton and very busy! I FINALLY got my first post loss period about a week ago. Such a relief after almost 2 months! I started temping again but we are not ttc again until next cycle. I'm also trying to get back to healthy eating and a low carb diet after a couple months of a self-pity-induced ice cream and chocolate binge. It's going pretty well so far - I'm using my fitness pal. Hoping to lose another 10-15 lbs in the next month or so.

Hope you all are doing well! @raelynn71109‌ so sorry you had to have another D&C, but glad you are able to finally move on, physically and emotionally. I felt the same relief after getting my first period, like it's finally "over".