Feeling lost :( — The Bump
Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Feeling lost :(

I had my DD 1 month go she came 4 weeks early. I don't know what's going on but I can't seem to shake it. At times I just want to be by myself. She is starting to cry A LOT and sometimes I can't get her to stop. I feel like a bad person because I can't figure out why she is crying. I am paranoid something will happen so I barely sleep or shower. The only time I shower is when my husband is home. I cry almost all the time especially when I am alone. It's to the point my beautiful baby's cries annoy me ( it hurts to say this). I love my baby more than anything in this world. I feel like such a bad mom for feeling this way. I feel that because of these feelings I don't deserve her. I am very ashamed! What kind of person am I? I feel like a monster.

Re: Feeling lost :(

  • H&H2014H&H2014
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    You are not a monster. It's an extremely emotional and hormonal time. You are a wonderful mom for coming here and admitting your feelings and seeking help! That is the first step and the hardest one. Do you have a support system at home? Have you talked with your doctor? Have you looked into postpartum doula services that could potentially help you a few hours a week to give you some relief? Sometimes ones in training will do it for virtually free.
  • Avion22Avion22
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    Please talk to your doctor about what you're feeling. It's normal to feel overwhelmed, run down, even annoyed. Your doctor should be able to provide resources. I'm not an expert in PPD, but your doctor should be able to recognize it, and if that's what's going on, then you can get help for it. You are NOT a monster!!! You're a great new mom. And you don't have to feel this way, there is help available to you.
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    cagoldi
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  • All I really have is my best friend and husband. My family is too busy with their own lives :(. I am going to call my doctor. I feel so horrible and I can't explain exactly everything I feel because it's confusing and I just don't know how to explain it. I love my baby we tried 4 years for her. She is our miracle and I feel she deserves better:( & it hurts.
  • KriztynKriztyn
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    Def call your doctor. I was going through the same thing. However, I had family to help me. That first month is a rough time.. emotionally, physically. You are drained and need to be on 24/7. The doctors will help! Thinking of you!
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  • I agree with what others have said- it is SO HARD! I am only 14 days PP and it has been the scariest most anxiety ridden 2 weeks if my life. My husband is working 7 days a week and works 10-12 hour days. Thankfully my mom has been off of work this past week, but Tuesday I am on my own and I'm scared. It is a huge life change and it is very difficult. You are not alone though!
    I think calling your doctor is a good idea.
    From what everyone tells me that it gets better, and that the first month is the hardest- you already made it through that first hurdle!
  • tlf830tlf830
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    Call your Dr! I just went through this. I had twins 5 weeks ago, through IVF and I swore I would never complain. Well, 5 days post partum, all I could do is cry and, I had no idea WHAT I was crying about. I would wake up filled with dread, and I couldn't be alone, every day I had to get out of the house, or have someone come to visit me. I talked to my Dr. at my 2 week check in and she prescribed Zoloft for me and 8 days later, I was beginning to feel like a new person. You don't have to feel this way!!!  
  • Sounds to me like PPD.   Going from just you to being totally responsible for another human being is difficult and trying.  I was miserable for months after having my son,  I cried and cried and cried I wanted my old carefree life back (but at the same time I didn't)  I had no one who understood, that I simply 'hated' being a mother.  My husband and I hadn't planned on having children, so when I became pregnant he continued his old life (working socializing etc) and that didn't change once our son was born.  I became extremely suicidal and realized I needed help.  I sought out counselling, and in the end I left my marriage as well.  We were not suited to be together with a child.  Being a mother/parent is such a life changer no one tells you that you can be happy and greiving at the same time.  GET HELP!!  You can make this transition easier, and you're a fantastic mother already for realizing you need to reach out for help!
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  • I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Definitely call your doctor and talk to him/her about how you are feeling. There may be a reason your baby is crying and there may not be. They can be really tough to decide and some babies just cry a lot. It is tough when you are dealing with it alone.

    You are not a monster at all. With my first child, hearing him cry would literally raise my blood pressure and I was an anxious mess. My stress did not help with his stress levels either.

    And babies go through growth spurts and developmental leaps when they cry more than normal - yours may be going through one now. Try a million different things to calm them until you find what works. I have a baby shusher that works wonders. So does taking my LO into the bathroom and running the shower and the fan. Some babies like the hair dryer.

    But the key is to get yourself feeling better and them you will be in a better state of mind to help your LO.

     

  • I'm so sorry that you are having such a hard time. You are a very good mother, and you deserve your baby. Like some of the other moms replied, the first month or so can be the hardest, but i promise you it does get easier. Just please take one day at a time, one hour at a time if you have to. Take a few deep breaths if you feel like you can't make it through. You are equiped as a human being and mother to provide everything your baby needs. Most of all your baby needs you. Your baby is a gift from God, and He won't put more in you than you can handle. I'm praying for you and your baby and hope that things will get better for you.
  • You're not alone! Being a mom (FTM here!) is totally scary and overwhelming!! My hormones had me weepy for weeks. Baby blues get the best of all of us, but talk to someone about this in case it IS PPD. You'll get passed this and be enjoying your little bundle before you know it. :D If nothing else, keep talking to the gals on this post - having new moms to relate with will be helpful too. Hang in there!
    norab2684
  • Everyone has said this, but please talk to your doctor!  Not only for your sake but also for your daughter's.  I know my DD can sense when I'm upset and she'll get aggravated and start crying.  Also, don't feel bad if you have to put down your crying baby and leave the room for a minute to collect yourself.  Holding a crying baby is extremely stressful, especially with all the hormones in your body screaming for you to fix it.  Make yourself some tea or something quick to eat and take a deep breath.  Don't be afraid to try odd things to soothe her; my DD likes a combo of back patting and shushing but my best friend's DS went through a phase where he would only stop crying if he was swaddled and someone was walking with him.  My niece would go right to sleep if you rubbed her eyebrows.  Babies are weird.  Do you have someone that could come watch her while you get some sleep?  My mother came and saved me a couple times in the first few weeks.  Even a few hours of sleep can make the world of difference.  It's worth mentioning that people paint motherhood as this beautiful thing filled with rainbows and sunshine but it is absolutely the hardest and most stressful thing I've ever done.  And don't forget we're here if you need advice or need to vent.  You're not alone...even if we strangers, we're strangers in the same boat as you!  You can do this Mama!
    norab2684
  • "It takes a village to raise a child." New moms must have a support group! I found this out the hard way when my doc called my husband & mother and told them I didn't need to be alone! I was crying hysterically when I called my doc for the same reasons as you. I realized soon after that just having another person with me helped me feel better. Definitely call your doctor, but if you don't have friends or family close by please seek out a support group! It's a small step that can save your sanity!!!
  • I'm going to sound like a broken record with all the other moms out there.  I'm a FTM as well with a 24 day old (just a lil over 3 weeks old).  We have good days and we have bad days. And honestly, I think I'm one of the lucky ones because my lil guy barely ever shrieks.  He gets fussy and uncomfortable and he has times when he can't sleep or doesn't want to but otherwise I have to say that I have a good baby (he could be crying all the time).  But despite this, I still feel a lot of what you're feeling too.  I have had a lot of issues going on family wise.  My husband and I are both only children so no siblings.  We moved just a yera and a half ago and don't know anyone in our area. I feel like my friends have abandoned me in a way.  I feel alone all the time.  We don't have much of a support system because a few days after I gave birth, we found out that my MIL has cancer and apparently it's pretty severe.  My mother is alone (my father has been out of the picture for over 3 years) and she constantly turns things to herself... how she has a hard life.  So I have my husband but unfortunately he's been dealing with emotions with his mom and he is a mama's boy so it's been tough, plus his family isn't good with the emotional communication.  So I've been having to manage alone and there are times when my lil guy is crying that I just break down and cry... there have also been times when I just started crying in the shower so no one could hear me.  I'm hoping it gets better too from what I've been told and hear.  I know I would feel differently if I could just get some straight sleep but my guy will sleep for 3-4 hours durin gthe day at times but at night, he only sleeps 2 hour time frames and I've sometimes refused to wake up because I was soooo tired.  I feel terrible.  There are times when I've left my guy crying because I don't want to deal with it.  I feel like I'm a terrible mom too.  But it's good to have people around, like this board, to get it out.  Feel free to private message me if you wanna talk about any of it!
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