Thursday Toss-Up

Holly_1007

I spent 4 hours online looking for a teaching position for the fall. None of the private schools or colleges are hiring. I did find a PT intro to Spanish position, but they are requiring a masters in Spanish! I know I am qualified to teach intro, but with no masters I don't even want to waste my time applying.

Hyaline

melody921 said:

I'm part of a community group that awards scholarships for women in college. Pre-reqs are that they are good students, going for social services careers and have great financial need. Our top winner this year might now have to forfeit the scholarship because she has an outstanding bill with the college, and the school says they're going to take any incoming funds to pay off her balance. The purpose of the scholarship is for future studies, not to pay a debt. This just seems to highlight the fact that this woman really needs the help.

They may not be able to help this.  In fact, it's pretty normal from my experience.  If money is disbursed directly to the school (ie, not in a check to her, but to the school) they often have to apply it to whatever is outstanding at the time.  If there's nothing outstanding, then it could be applied in the future or the student might get a reimbursement check.  But it really has nothing to do with your intentions as a scholarship donor (money now vs later), and she's not really "forfeiting" it per how it's set up--she's still getting it, it's just being applied to current charges.

Cheenomae

@BobKat22, positive thoughts your way. That's super scary, but FX everything is okay. Don't let yourself get too caught up in that damn curse!

melody921

KellersPrag said:

melody921 said:

I'm part of a community group that awards scholarships for women in college. Pre-reqs are that they are good students, going for social services careers and have great financial need. Our top winner this year might now have to forfeit the scholarship because she has an outstanding bill with the college, and the school says they're going to take any incoming funds to pay off her balance. The purpose of the scholarship is for future studies, not to pay a debt. This just seems to highlight the fact that this woman really needs the help.

Maybe I'm not understanding all of the implications, but what's the big deal if the school takes the scholarship for debt or for future studies? It's still going toward her education...

It's just that she doesn't have the money for school this semester, so she could pay down the debt, but she won't be able to take classes. And our oversight agency won't let her use it for debt.

tyrannasaurusjess

Hyaline said:

melody921 said:

Pokedot said:

jenmbott said:

Wedding question:  DH and I are both part of my brothers wedding party.  On the dress and tux alone we have already shelled out close to $400.  Last night I got a text from one of the bridesmaids showing us the shoes we need to buy.  Although they are only $40, they have a 4" stiletto heel! I never wear heels because I can't walk in them.  The tallest I have ever worn in 2.5" and they weren't stiletto.  

Question is, do I suck it up and wear them so I don't ruffle any feathers or propose a similar style to the bride?

Her style is in the pic below and I already own a pair of peep toe black heels (with a much shorter heel and no platform), so they are fairly similar.

Are the dresses long? If so I'd definitely ask if wearing something you already own is ok. If it's short I'd still ask.

Yeah, can't hurt to ask, but be prepared that she may say no if she's really set on matching. FWIW, I think it's stupid for bridesmaids to have to all wear the same shoes.

I think it's asinine to demand matching shoes without something else going on (like I was in one wedding that we all wore our own black dresses but matching (inexpensive) brightly colored shoes).  

Since the height of the heel is an issue for you (another reason it's stupid to demand matching shoes--what physically works for one person doesn't for another), I would contact the bride directly (bridesmaids shouldn't be dictating this stuff, IMO), and tell her "Cute shoes! But there's no way I'll make it down the aisle in them.  I have a really similar pair with a lower heel--hope that's ok!"   I wouldn't bring up money at all.  "Hope it's ok!" wording says "I'm really not interested in debating this, but I'm leaving the door open if it's truly an issue."

@Hyaline you are so eloquent with your words!

watercolor5

MrsKipper said:

Can someone come remind my kid what a nap is...and that it's not "poop several different times time?" I'm so tired of her not sleeping during nap time and then being a cranky face the rest of the day. I try to tell her that she doesn't get to be fussy if she chooses not to sleep! If only she understood logic and reasoning.

Ugh, S takes her daily poop right in the middle of nap time, about 50% of the times she naps, which inevitably wakes her up and makes her sleep 30 min instead of 2 hours.  Sometimes I consider waiting until after she's pooped to put her down for the nap, but there's always the chance she won't poop that day :-/

BPer

While on my way back from lunch today, I get a call from the other woman in my office.

"Hi, I don't know how to say this without sounding like a bitch, so I am just going to say it.  If you know I am leaving for the day, and going to be off for a few days, check in with me before going to lunch."

Bitch, it is not my my problem you neverfuckingwork.  Also, you were in a meeting.  And?  You're not my boss.

Hyaline

melody921 said:

KellersPrag said:

melody921 said:

I'm part of a community group that awards scholarships for women in college. Pre-reqs are that they are good students, going for social services careers and have great financial need. Our top winner this year might now have to forfeit the scholarship because she has an outstanding bill with the college, and the school says they're going to take any incoming funds to pay off her balance. The purpose of the scholarship is for future studies, not to pay a debt. This just seems to highlight the fact that this woman really needs the help.

Maybe I'm not understanding all of the implications, but what's the big deal if the school takes the scholarship for debt or for future studies? It's still going toward her education...

It's just that she doesn't have the money for school this semester, so she could pay down the debt, but she won't be able to take classes. And our oversight agency won't let her use it for debt.

If it works the way I've usually seen it work, if you have an outstanding balance with the school, you're not permitted to register for classes.  So you have to pay off the outstanding balance first.  It's not a "debt" in that case in the same way that, say, loans are a debt, because it's in fact overdue payments.  Is that what you mean by debt?  Or is she owing money to someone else outside the school? Which would mean, I'm sorry, but if the scholarship is set up to disburse through the school, there is nothing you could do about that.  

I get that it's frustrating to want to help a student in a particular way and be unable to, but this is just how most scholarship disbursements work. And for good reasons, usually having to do with maintaining donor intentions.

MarisaKathleen

BPer said:

While on my way back from lunch today, I get a call from the other woman in my office.

"Hi, I don't know how to say this without sounding like a bitch, so I am just going to say it.  If you know I am leaving for the day, and going to be off for a few days, check in with me before going to lunch."

Bitch, it is not my my problem you neverfuckingwork.  Also, you were in a meeting.  And?  You're not my boss.

STUCK:

I would have said to her "You were in a meeting and we have email, so if you need something while I'm at lunch, please feel free to send me a message rather than call me."

I had a boss that used to call me while I was on lunch, which was a different story.  But a coworker with a message like that?  Hell no.

Pokedot

watercolor5 said:

MrsKipper said:

Can someone come remind my kid what a nap is...and that it's not "poop several different times time?" I'm so tired of her not sleeping during nap time and then being a cranky face the rest of the day. I try to tell her that she doesn't get to be fussy if she chooses not to sleep! If only she understood logic and reasoning.

Ugh, S takes her daily poop right in the middle of nap time, about 50% of the times she naps, which inevitably wakes her up and makes her sleep 30 min instead of 2 hours.  Sometimes I consider waiting until after she's pooped to put her down for the nap, but there's always the chance she won't poop that day :-/

B usually poops during his too. He'll call out then fall back to sleep but the minute you walk in his room, oh dear god. There's no denying he pooped. We're thankful that way but when it comes time to potty train and he could care less about sitting in his own poop then we'll have a problem.

Newt69

@redneckmomma25 - big lots near me had a ton on display last night when I was there

melody921

Hyaline said:

melody921 said:

KellersPrag said:

melody921 said:

I'm part of a community group that awards scholarships for women in college. Pre-reqs are that they are good students, going for social services careers and have great financial need. Our top winner this year might now have to forfeit the scholarship because she has an outstanding bill with the college, and the school says they're going to take any incoming funds to pay off her balance. The purpose of the scholarship is for future studies, not to pay a debt. This just seems to highlight the fact that this woman really needs the help.

Maybe I'm not understanding all of the implications, but what's the big deal if the school takes the scholarship for debt or for future studies? It's still going toward her education...

It's just that she doesn't have the money for school this semester, so she could pay down the debt, but she won't be able to take classes. And our oversight agency won't let her use it for debt.

If it works the way I've usually seen it work, if you have an outstanding balance with the school, you're not permitted to register for classes.  So you have to pay off the outstanding balance first.  It's not a "debt" in that case in the same way that, say, loans are a debt, because it's in fact overdue payments.  Is that what you mean by debt?  Or is she owing money to someone else outside the school? Which would mean, I'm sorry, but if the scholarship is set up to disburse through the school, there is nothing you could do about that.  

I get that it's frustrating to want to help a student in a particular way and be unable to, but this is just how most scholarship disbursements work. And for good reasons, usually having to do with maintaining donor intentions.

Yes, she owes the college. The college actually just turned the bill over to a collections agency. This whole thing is just such a cluster. We're finding this all out after the winner has been videotaped for a scholarship presentation that's a few weeks away. 

redneckmomma25

Newt69 said:

@redneckmomma25 - big lots near me had a ton on display last night when I was there

Maybe I will try and go this weekend!

BPer

SharkFarts said:

BPer said:

While on my way back from lunch today, I get a call from the other woman in my office.

"Hi, I don't know how to say this without sounding like a bitch, so I am just going to say it.  If you know I am leaving for the day, and going to be off for a few days, check in with me before going to lunch."

Bitch, it is not my my problem you neverfuckingwork.  Also, you were in a meeting.  And?  You're not my boss.

Not appropriate. I'd be pissed.

She's off for from 12-on today, off tomorrow, AND Monday.  But yeah, let me "check in" with you before I go to lunch. Rawr.  I'm grumpy.

mrsbhk22

A semi-local Baptist College just announced that females can no longer teach males theology.

Holly_1007

I'm such a dope. I ordered dog food online last night before realizing we weren't going to be here all weekend. Hopefully no one steals it and it doesn't pour this weekend.

Pokedot

It's currently snowing...wtf?

Holly_1007

IndigoVader said:

Holly_1007 said:

I'm such a dope. I ordered dog food online last night before realizing we weren't going to be here all weekend. Hopefully no one steals it and it doesn't pour this weekend.

If it is coming UPS, can you reschedule the delivery?

I have no idea? Can I? Estimated delivery is sat, we won't be home until Sunday night.

MarisaKathleen

mrsbhk22 said:

A semi-local Baptist College just announced that females can no longer teach males theology.

Well duh. Clearly they shouldn't be in college period and should just be home being barefoot and pregnant. ;-)

Cheenomae

@Holly_1007, call with the tracking #. They will re-schedule drop-off or they will hold it at their warehouse for pick-up.

tinyhumantoe

I just want to go drink and celebrate!!! I haven't talked in front of a group this large since I totally choked last fall giving a graduation speech. Because of the last train wreck, I had paralyzing fear of big groups and felt like I was going to pass out. Then they laughed at my joke, and I felt fine! I am SO relieved.

Pokedot

I just found out I won a $10 certificate for a local restaurant on FB. This is the same restaurant I won a free meal each month for a year. I'm pretty sure people think there is a conspiracy going on. Yeah for a free $10. ETA: words since iPad hates me.

MrsKipper

dimples12 said:

I put my foot down about a church we visited since our move. Top 2 reasons: women couldn't read Bible in church and when I first inquired about membership, I was basically refused because I'd be joining solo (DH doesn't do membership). Um, forget that. I'll clutch my pearls elsewhere.

Yikes! The 1700's called, they want their rules back!

watercolor5

dimples12 said:

I put my foot down about a church we visited since our move. Top 2 reasons: women couldn't read Bible in church and when I first inquired about membership, I was basically refused because I'd be joining solo (DH doesn't do membership). Um, forget that. I'll clutch my pearls elsewhere.

I mean, I can kinda see where a seminary would be coming from if they don't allow female pastors in their denomination, to not allow females to teach males how to become pastors, and I don't think that's a sexist decision because there's a biblical basis.  There's no possible way to justify not "allowing women to read a bible" in church, or anywhere they aren't working, and there's no reason to not allow membership either.  What in the world kind of church was that!?!  I'd be glad you didn't join!

ETA: Even though I don't have a problem with a denomination deciding not to allow female pastors, I do have a problem not allowing women to teach theology for any other reason than the one I put above.  But, each denomination has the right to say what it believes and police itself, IMO.

jenmbott

Hyaline said:

melody921 said:

Pokedot said:

jenmbott said:

Wedding question:  DH and I are both part of my brothers wedding party.  On the dress and tux alone we have already shelled out close to $400.  Last night I got a text from one of the bridesmaids showing us the shoes we need to buy.  Although they are only $40, they have a 4" stiletto heel! I never wear heels because I can't walk in them.  The tallest I have ever worn in 2.5" and they weren't stiletto.  

Question is, do I suck it up and wear them so I don't ruffle any feathers or propose a similar style to the bride?

Her style is in the pic below and I already own a pair of peep toe black heels (with a much shorter heel and no platform), so they are fairly similar.

Are the dresses long? If so I'd definitely ask if wearing something you already own is ok. If it's short I'd still ask.

Yeah, can't hurt to ask, but be prepared that she may say no if she's really set on matching. FWIW, I think it's stupid for bridesmaids to have to all wear the same shoes.

I think it's asinine to demand matching shoes without something else going on (like I was in one wedding that we all wore our own black dresses but matching (inexpensive) brightly colored shoes).  

Since the height of the heel is an issue for you (another reason it's stupid to demand matching shoes--what physically works for one person doesn't for another), I would contact the bride directly (bridesmaids shouldn't be dictating this stuff, IMO), and tell her "Cute shoes! But there's no way I'll make it down the aisle in them.  I have a really similar pair with a lower heel--hope that's ok!"   I wouldn't bring up money at all.  "Hope it's ok!" wording says "I'm really not interested in debating this, but I'm leaving the door open if it's truly an issue."

I copied this word for word to text to the bride and then read it to my husband (who thought that I came up with it by myself).  He told me 'your social skills are really coming along' in a witty voice.  Then I told him that I stole it from you after posting a question on the Bump and he made fun of me.  haha. 

watercolor5

Same kind of church that does allow females to preach or teach a mixed group. The same logic/Biblical basis is used, @watercolor5‌ . I'm not attacking you. But more and more it seems that I'm becoming aware of how that certain exercises of "right to believe and police itself" are oppressive and discriminatory. I can't be apart of a congregation that think women are to keep silent in church unless it means calling men to the kitchen.

How does a church that doesn't allow women to read the bible in church, or expect women to be silent in church, allow them to preach or teach? 

I guess I just don't think that the belief that men and women have different roles to play in church governance necessarily leads to discrimination and oppression.  I've never gone to a church with female pastors, though the churches I've attended haven't segregated the sexes, have always encouraged bible study both privately and in groups, and have never had the least disrespect for a woman's intellect.  I in no way would ever attend a church that expected women to be quiet, to not read the bible, to not teach or learn, to act only in the utter dependence of her husband, etc, but I hesitate to dictate how churches run themselves because if you can tell them what to believe, it opens up other churches to another form of oppression and discrimination. 

If men and women have the freedom to join or not join that church at will, it would seem the best way to get rid of churches like that is to not attend.  If people don't have the option to leave, then the law absolutely has to get involved.

Sorry, that was rambly and random, and I didn't mean to offend you either!

Hyaline

There are some schools of thought that the whole "women should be quiet in church" passage was directed at that particular church because the women were being chatty Cathys in church.  Like, gossiping in the back and not paying attention.  If that ends up being the right interpretation (I intend to check in on that with the big guy after I kick it), I will gigglesnort a lot.

watercolor5

dimples12 said:

dimples12 said:

I put my foot down about a church we visited since our move. Top 2 reasons: women couldn't read Bible in church and when I first inquired about membership, I was basically refused because I'd be joining solo (DH doesn't do membership). Um, forget that. I'll clutch my pearls elsewhere.

I mean, I can kinda see where a seminary would be coming from if they don't allow female pastors in their denomination, to not allow females to teach males how to become pastors, and I don't think that's a sexist decision because there's a biblical basis.  There's no possible way to justify not "allowing women to read a bible" in church, or anywhere they aren't working, and there's no reason to not allow membership either.  What in the world kind of church was that!?!  I'd be glad you didn't join!

ETA: Even though I don't have a problem with a denomination deciding not to allow female pastors, I do have a problem not allowing women to teach theology for any other reason than the one I put above.  But, each denomination has the right to say what it believes and police itself, IMO.

Same kind of church that does allow females to preach or teach a mixed group. The same logic/Biblical basis is used, @watercolor5‌ . I'm not attacking you. But more and more it seems that I'm becoming aware of how that certain exercises of "right to believe and police itself" are oppressive and discriminatory. I can't be apart of a congregation that think women are to keep silent in church unless it means calling men to the kitchen.

@dimples12

Most protestant churches don't ordain women as pastors just because there aren't any examples of it in the bible.  There are examples of women talking/learning/acting in roles of authority, like Phoebe, who was a deacon. I'm pretty sure Lydia held bible studies in her home.  Mary and Martha talked to Christ for hours, questioning him and fellowshipping with him. All I was trying to say is churches have to be free to interpret biblical texts the best way they can, and apply a biblical example to a modern time.  I absolutely wouldn't be part of a congregation that wants women to keep silent, and I also wouldn't be part of a congregation that doesn't call men to the kitchen

watercolor5

@dimples12 I'm really sorry you had experience with this!  My response was mostly in shock of what you described.  In the churches I grew up in, there was no difference between female or male deacons in what their responsibilities were.  I guess I mainly wanted to say that this kind of treatment of women is by no means the norm, and no, it should not be condoned by the church as a whole.

I believe we learn a lot about the roles of husband and wife from the roles of Jesus and his church- the church is the bride in the biblical example, and never meant to be weak or silent. 

I'm not aware of which bible passage you're referring to that is used to not allow women to speak in a mixed group or read the bible, but it strikes me as a gross misinterpretation.  Women in both Jewish and Christian texts have always been extremely strong and not at all without voice.  Ruth and Naomi, Esther, Lydia, Mary and Martha, Mary Jesus' mother, Mary Magdalen- they took care of themselves without the help of men, saved the entire race of Jews in a political role, brought others to Christ, studied under Christ himself, raised the son of God (from infancy), and were the first to learn of the resurrection of Christ.  This is the kind of example of womanhood the bible gives us, and for a church to distort that to such an extent as to say women should be without opinions, quiet, subservient creatures is wrong. 

AND off my soapbox too!

ETA: clarity