2MO CIO vent

flcl

So let me start off by saying I love my DH.  He's a huge support, he helps out around the house, he takes good care of us but there is one thing that has been bugging the crap out of me.  It doesn't matter that I've told him LO is too young, it doesn't matter that he's read it on-line, in books & parenting mags, and it doesn't seem to matter that the Dr advised 4 months at the earliest, 6 months is better/ideal ....he, for some reason, still thinks it's ok to ignore LO's crying.  It was DHs turn to get up with LO.  DH goes through the routine and puts DS back down.  The moment DH puts LO down, LO starts crying.  Instead of trying to soothe him, DH just climbs back into bed!  So I get up and start soothing LO.  As LO is calming down, DH asks if LO is ok.......ugh, really?!  You're asking me that?!  So annoyed  :-w  I get that DH is tired but I am too and it took less than 5 mins to soothe LO.  

Do any of your DHs have selective hearing with LOs crying??? 

Avion22

This doesn't sound like an issue of whether or not your husband wants to let the baby CIO, as much as it is that he thinks his "turn" is over and wants to get back in bed.   Or maybe he doesn't know how to "soothe."   I think sometimes this is hard for men, because they like to fix tangible things.  Dirty diaper?  Change him.  Baby is hungry?  Feed him.  If it's just a vague "baby wants to be held/swayed/walked" this can be harder to grasp.   I find myself falling into this trap too...sometimes you just don't know what to do, so it feels easier to defer to someone else (in this case, you, by him getting back in bed).  

Also, just because you can soothe the baby in 5 minutes doesn't mean that the baby will necessarily stop crying for H.  We go through phases where for some reason or another, LO will only calm down for H, or for me, but not for both of us.    

jessib10

Avion22 said:

This doesn't sound like an issue of whether or not your husband wants to let the baby CIO, as much as it is that he thinks his "turn" is over and wants to get back in bed.   Or maybe he doesn't know how to "soothe."   I think sometimes this is hard for men, because they like to fix tangible things.  Dirty diaper?  Change him.  Baby is hungry?  Feed him.  If it's just a vague "baby wants to be held/swayed/walked" this can be harder to grasp.   I find myself falling into this trap too...sometimes you just don't know what to do, so it feels easier to defer to someone else (in this case, you, by him getting back in bed).  

Also, just because you can soothe the baby in 5 minutes doesn't mean that the baby will necessarily stop crying for H.  We go through phases where for some reason or another, LO will only calm down for H, or for me, but not for both of us.    

This!  My husband just plain ol' didn't know how, and was overwhelmed trying to learn on his own.  I was trying not to be annoying and give him too many tips at once, only to learn that he really wanted that direction from me. Also--my husband has a 40% hearing loss in one of his ears, so sometimes he legitimately doesn't hear our LO crying.  In situations like this its vital to have an open dialogue to express any frustrations you may be having with him, because he may not be aware of what he's doing, and may be very willing to change his behavoir if he knew it was negatively impacting you.

flcl

@avion22 & @jessib10: you two made some good points.  I actually talked to DH last night because something similar happened.  I asked him for a break and gave him LO.  Ten mins later, LO started crying and DH put him down and walked away.  I asked DH what was going on and DH said that he was going to give LO a min to see if he could calm down.  I reminded him that LO can't soothe himself so we need to help him.  DH rolled his eyes at me and went to LO.

Later, I asked DH what was going on.  DH said that he just wants to see if LO could CIO and calm down.  I told DH that it's really REALLY difficult for babies this young to self soothe.  DH then said that he just thought I should be the one soothing LO since LO seems to calm down better for me.  After talking about the positives and negatives of this approach, we decided that the next time LO cries with DH, I would help walk DH through some strategies to try.  Hopefully, this will help him feel more confident with LO when he's fussy.  

Nikkipal82

I rented The Happiest Baby on the Block video and my DH loved it. He really felt it gave him some tools to know how to soothe our LO. He's better at swaddling than I am, and I think he likes the challenge. There are of course times he just doesn't want to take the energy to do it, but I know he knows how. Maybe this would help your DH with this problem.

BBColt78

Nikkipal82 said:

I rented The Happiest Baby on the Block video and my DH loved it. He really felt it gave him some tools to know how to soothe our LO. He's better at swaddling than I am, and I think he likes the challenge. There are of course times he just doesn't want to take the energy to do it, but I know he knows how. Maybe this would help your DH with this problem.

This is exactly what I was going to say. MH had a bank of strategies to use after we watched this before DD was born. It's only 45 minutes.

flcl

Nikkipal82 said:

I rented The Happiest Baby on the Block video and my DH loved it. He really felt it gave him some tools to know how to soothe our LO. He's better at swaddling than I am, and I think he likes the challenge. There are of course times he just doesn't want to take the energy to do it, but I know he knows how. Maybe this would help your DH with this problem.

Thanks, DH actually bought that book when I was pregnant.  He's also been better about taking turns soothing LO when needed.  He's really built his confidence after he was able to soothe LO and stop his crying.  Thanks everyone for all of your help