MIL: Are you fracking serious? REALLY? (language warning!)

hannahlce · October 2013

This could just be me being hormonal or sensitive or tired or whatever, but this seemed like a shitty thing to say.

Normally, MIL and I get along pretty well, except that she doesn't like to mind her own business. Which is pretty annoying.

She and my mom are meeting for the first time on Sunday. Apparently they ran into each other today, and my mom knows who she is, just from facebook pictures, etc. So MIL says to my mom "YOU'RE Hannah's mom?!?!" in a completely rude tone. It should be noted that my mom is very sickly, weighs about 95 pounds (seriously) and looks about 10-15 years older than she actually is. She had a stroke last year and walks with a cane. My mom is really, really sensitive about it. And yeah, my mom and I don't get along sometimes, but no one gets to be rude to her or hurt her feelings, which is what happened.

THEN, hubster's mom says "Hannah doesn't want to be pregnant. I don't think she even wants this baby, at all".

WHAT THE FUCK.

It's not a secret that I didn't want to become pregnant, only because I know my body, and I know how I am, and I knew I wouldn't like BEING PREGNANT. I wanted kids. So what the hell. What kind of thing is that to say to someone. Especially to my mother. Especially the FIRST time you've ever met.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

tryston123 · October 2013

Oh my gosh that is freaking horrible. Ugh I'm so sorry for you, and your poor mom!

peitri · October 2013

Dafuq?! I'm sorry your MIL went bat-shit crazy when met your mom. What horrible things to say to a person! Let alone your mom. Let alone it was the first time they met. Ugh!

grannyweatherwax · October 2013

Wow. I have no words. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, I tend to hold grudges so I would have a super hard time letting it go or forgetting about it.

NurseKMM · October 2013

OMG!! I'm so sorry to you and your mom. Who says that stuff?!?

leahraewku · October 2013

WTF? That's beyond rude. How did your mother respond?

cantsitwithus · October 2013

Terrible. Is your mom ok?

hannahlce · October 2013

Update: Now hubster is all pissed off because he thinks my mom is lying. ( She does have a history of lying about weird things, but I really don't think this one of those things )

:-S

AGriffin620 · October 2013

WTF?!?! I don't even know what to say to this!

shoeflypie · October 2013

You need to put her in her place. Mess with me, but don't touch my family, especially my mother.

Ask her what was said... Then put her in her place.

backoffunicorn · October 2013

Eeek! Not exactly a great way to get off on a good foot. Hope it was just a misunderstanding.

Skylight21 · October 2013

*double take* ummm Acca-scuse me? Is there something wrong with your MIL? Like really to your mom? I would be having a chat with her... A very angry chat

Aycul18 · October 2013

And the rudest first meeting of all time award goes your MIL!!! I'd bitch her out. Totally uncalled for!

leahraewku · October 2013

hannahlce said:

Update: Now hubster is all pissed off because he thinks my mom is lying. ( She does have a history of lying about weird things, but I really don't think this one of those things )

:-S

Do you feel comfortable confronting MIL and asking her what was said? If it were me, someone would be getting an earful. MIL for being a rude biatch, or mom for lying about something like that.

hannahlce · October 2013

God!

It totally makes sense for her to be like "YOU'RE Hannah's mom?!" because thats just how she is. She doesn't know she's rude. When she first met me, she didn't say anything and then shook my hand after carving a turkey, so her hand was completely covered in grease. She didn't even say anything to me.

We met at his family's Thanksgiving dinner. After we ate she said to me "So do you... the Jews... even believe in Thanksgiving?"

"Yes. I'm Jewish, but I'm still American".

What the actual fuck!

Maybe she really didn't know she was being rude. Ugh.

cantsitwithus · October 2013

hannahlce said:

God!

It totally makes sense for her to be like "YOU'RE Hannah's mom?!" because thats just how she is. She doesn't know she's rude. When she first met me, she didn't say anything and then shook my hand after carving a turkey, so her hand was completely covered in grease. She didn't even say anything to me.

We met at his family's Thanksgiving dinner. After we ate she said to me "So do you... the Jews... even believe in Thanksgiving?"

"Yes. I'm Jewish, but I'm still American".

What the actual fuck!

Maybe she really didn't know she was being rude. Ugh.

amyrose542 · October 2013

Ugh poor thing! I hope it doesn't turn into something more of a pain in the ass. Why are MIL's such pains in the butts?

My MIL is just anti social and when she met my mom she outright refused to talk to my mom even though she kept walking up and trying to talk to her. Then DH says she told him why me and my mom fight...Ummm excuse me? Back off lady its my mom and you don't know her at all.

utlawgirl · October 2013

hannahlce said:

God!

It totally makes sense for her to be like "YOU'RE Hannah's mom?!" because thats just how she is. She doesn't know she's rude. When she first met me, she didn't say anything and then shook my hand after carving a turkey, so her hand was completely covered in grease. She didn't even say anything to me.

We met at his family's Thanksgiving dinner. After we ate she said to me "So do you... the Jews... even believe in Thanksgiving?"

"Yes. I'm Jewish, but I'm still American".

What the actual fuck!

Maybe she really didn't know she was being rude. Ugh.

That part I get. Maybe your mom overreacted and took it the wrong way.

But the stuff about you not wanting to be pg and not even wanting the baby? Not okay. In any context.

RanFan28 · October 2013

lrachelle80 said:
What a freaking douche nozzle. I'm so sorry. That's awful!!!!

I'm giving you a love tit because douche nozzle is my new favorite insult. Bwahaha!
@hannahice sorry your MIL is being so insensitive. That's not okay.

RanFan28 · October 2013

Burp

hannahlce · October 2013

Nrg2020 said: hannahlce said: God!
It totally makes sense for her to be like "YOU'RE Hannah's mom?!" because thats just how she is. She doesn't know she's rude. When she first met me, she didn't say anything and then shook my hand after carving a turkey, so her hand was completely covered in grease. She didn't even say anything to me.
We met at his family's Thanksgiving dinner. After we ate she said to me "So do you... the Jews... even believe in Thanksgiving?"
"Yes. I'm Jewish, but I'm still American".
What the actual fuck!
Maybe she really didn't know she was being rude. Ugh. no offense but this would totally turn me off to the guy I was seeing if his family responded to me like this.

She genuinely wanted to know! She is very curious about other people's customs but has ZERO idea how to ask tactfully. She is really nice and does try, and she does genuinely love me (I think..hahaha) she just... I don't know. Lacks tact, I guess. His whole family made fun of her for the Jew comment, by the way. Everyone was just kind of like "Uhhhhh you can't say that to someone".

They are awesome for the most part. It's just, every once in a while, I'm like "what the fuck just happened".

**Please excuse all the "she's all like" "i was like" "then he was allllllllll ohhh gurrlllll".

Edit: Weird formatting!

hannahlce · October 2013

Cashingn2 said: Idk if I believe any of it. I can't imagine anyone saying that to someone the first time they met them

I'm wondering if the truth is somewhere in between what my mom said happend and what actually happened. Regardless, I know that my mom's feelings were hurt, and I know that MIL probably was not being tactful. The pregnancy comment I would believe... she's said things like that to me before too, I just didn't think she'd ever say it to any of my family.

When I found out I was pregnant she said something to the effect of "Oh, that's too bad. I hope you grow to actually love it eventually" and then two weeks ago, after the birth of hubster's cousin's baby, she said "Try not to look to awkward holding him. You have to get used to it, even if you don't want to" (or something like that, I don't remember exactly..)

Edit: Damnt! Why is TB getting the formatting all weird?!?

mamashan12 · October 2013

lrachelle80 said:

What a freaking douche nozzle. I'm so sorry. That's awful!!!!

I'm using douche nozzle from now on.

WTF?!?! That is the rudest thing I've ever heard! Your MIL is an asshat.

hannahlce · October 2013

Nrg2020 said:

hannahlce said:

Nrg2020 said:

hannahlce said:

God!

It totally makes sense for her to be like "YOU'RE Hannah's mom?!" because thats just how she is. She doesn't know she's rude. When she first met me, she didn't say anything and then shook my hand after carving a turkey, so her hand was completely covered in grease. She didn't even say anything to me.

We met at his family's Thanksgiving dinner. After we ate she said to me "So do you... the Jews... even believe in Thanksgiving?"

"Yes. I'm Jewish, but I'm still American".

What the actual fuck!

Maybe she really didn't know she was being rude. Ugh.

no offense but this would totally turn me off to the guy I was seeing if his family responded to me like this.

She genuinely wanted to know! She is very curious about other people's customs but has ZERO idea how to ask tactfully. She is really nice and does try, and she does genuinely love me (I think..hahaha) she just... I don't know. Lacks tact, I guess. His whole family made fun of her for the Jew comment, by the way. Everyone was just kind of like "Uhhhhh you can't say that to someone".

They are awesome for the most part. It's just, every once in a while, I'm like "what the fuck just happened".

**Please excuse all the "she's all like" "i was like" "then he was allllllllll ohhh gurrlllll".

Edit: Weird formatting!

ok so now you are defending her saying she is just curious of other religiouns and lacks tact. I don't know how to respond. So back to your original post,"Hannah doesn't want to be pregnant. I don't think she even wants this baby, at all". you were acting surprised that she said this and talked to your mom rudely but sounds like this is nothing new and this is who she is.

I mean, the pregnancy comment doesn't surprise me. It surprises me that it was said to my MOM the first time that they meant. That's not appropriate. Say whatever you want to me, I suppose, but it hurts my mom's feelings, so, what the hell.

And yeah, I'm defending her as far as being curious goes, I'm not defending her lack of regard for other people's feelings. Plus, you can like someone and still be completely pissed off, which is how I feel.

I really thought she had gotten over the "Hannah hates babies" thing. And I just think it sucks that she would say that, to my mother, while she was at work (I don't think I mentioned that? She's a teller at a bank, and my mom was a patron), so now her coworkers must all think I'm a crazy bitch.

It just makes me wonder, I guess. If she's willing to say something like to someone she doesn't know, what is she saying to the family?

So, there's that. No, I don't hate her at all. Yes, I am hurt. And annoyed.

Edit: I said it hurts my mom's feelings... It hurts mine, too. I should note that.

lifesaverz · October 2013

hannahlce said:

God!

It totally makes sense for her to be like "YOU'RE Hannah's mom?!" because thats just how she is. She doesn't know she's rude. When she first met me, she didn't say anything and then shook my hand after carving a turkey, so her hand was completely covered in grease. She didn't even say anything to me.

We met at his family's Thanksgiving dinner. After we ate she said to me "So do you... the Jews... even believe in Thanksgiving?"

"Yes. I'm Jewish, but I'm still American".

What the actual fuck!

Maybe she really didn't know she was being rude. Ugh.

oh.my.god. Wow...

lifesaverz · October 2013

dude, the whole thing sounds incredibly offensive & insensitive. Like a PP mentioned, if I were you I would ask your MIL directly about what was said & see if you can get her side of the story, just to be sure.

hannahlce · October 2013

jordanm24 said:

dude, the whole thing sounds incredibly offensive & insensitive. Like a PP mentioned, if I were you I would ask your MIL directly about what was said & see if you can get her side of the story, just to be sure.

Yeah.. eventually I will say something to her, but I was in high form last night, I was just too upset to be reasonable. I'm still pretty upset today, but at least I'm not raging like I was last night. His family is really gossip-y, so either she WAS just talking shit about me (which wouldn't be unheard of... everyone loves everyone in their fam, but everyone also talks shit about everyone) OR she was just being really insensitive and wasn't thinking before she spoke.

Either way, I guess I'll need to let her know that it is not okay to say those things to my mom. Or ya know... to anyone.

mightymousy · October 2013

Wow :S that's messed up!

KateVA · October 2013

Yikes. Out of curiosity, how is it that your mom and mil have never met?

MEP923 · October 2013

KateVA said:

Yikes. Out of curiosity, how is it that your mom and mil have never met?

I was wondering this too. Didn't you warn her of your mom's illness? I'm just curious because my mom is sick and very thin and out of it but I always make sure to let people know ahead of time about her illness so they can be understanding. If she was meeting someone important I would make sure they fully understood before ever going into it.

Either way, it was an incredibly rude thing for her to say. The "that's just her" excuse does not fly with me. She is insulting people's religions, disabilities, etc. Trust me, my MIL is 10x worse so I feel for you. What might seem funny now though won't seem so funny when she is saying it in front of your child. I've learned to speak up when she says stupid things in front of DS.

hannahlce · October 2013

MEP923 said:

KateVA said:

Yikes. Out of curiosity, how is it that your mom and mil have never met?

I was wondering this too. Didn't you warn her of your mom's illness? I'm just curious because my mom is sick and very thin and out of it but I always make sure to let people know ahead of time about her illness so they can be understanding. If she was meeting someone important I would make sure they fully understood before ever going into it.
Either way, it was an incredibly rude thing for her to say. The "that's just her" excuse does not fly with me. She is insulting people's religions, disabilities, etc. Trust me, my MIL is 10x worse so I feel for you. What might seem funny now though won't seem so funny when she is saying it in front of your child. I've learned to speak up when she says stupid things in front of DS.

I don't understand why she was that way with my mom. She knows that my mom is really sick, she knows she's had several strokes, she knows she's epileptic and very, very tiny. I cannot understand why she would think she was being appropriate.

I always try to make sure people my mom meet are aware of her disabilities and her somewhat startling appearance, especially since my mom is so sensitive about it. She knew all of this prior to their run-in.

They did know each other a long time ago, since hubs and I went to middle school and high school together, but my mom is really nervous of meeting other people, so she's just kind of stayed away from hubs' family. They knew each other as "band parents" but we didn't re-introduce them when we got together. Plus, we didn't have kids or anything, so there really weren't many functions where they would run into each other.

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