Your sleep training experience

sunnyplaces

I'm interested in helping LO learn to soothe himself to sleep after 4 months old but still not sure when I'll feel ready. As I explore this option, I have a handful of questions about sleep training. If you have a moment to answer any of these questions I would really appreciate it!!

What was your goal in "sleep training" and did you feel you accomplished it?

At what age did you begin ST and what informed your decision to begin when you did?
Did you train naps and night at the same time or complete one and then tackle the other?
What method did you use? How'd you feel about it?

If you did check-ins, did you speak to LO during the check in or was it silent?

Did you maintain any night feedings?
If so, was it a scheduled feed or did LO wake and then feed, or something else?
If LO woke after a feeding (but still down) did you go in?

If the number of feedings at neight decreased through sleep training, how did that change your daytime feedings?
I've heard consistency is key. How did you handle that in regards to the division of labor with your spouse?

Thank you so much in advance! ETA -clarity

sunnyplaces

Of course not! I'm a researcher and expect to employ this in a few months but want to feel educated and prepared. Thanks!

sunnyplaces

I get it, this sounds shady and it's not meant to be. I'm not a researcher by profession but can be totally anal about how I make decisions and though I'm reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby, The Sleep Easy Solution and Baby Whisperer, I make my best decisions when I feel educated by literature and people's actual experiences - especially when it comes to parenting.

I thought you might be a great group to share your experiences which go beyond the literature. 

My goal would be to help DS learn to self-soothe. DS can go down "drowsy but awake".  Where we struggle is night wakings between feedings. I currently feed every three hours and he wakes up at least once between feedings. I'm willing to night feed but also want to help DS STTN if it's possible. I expect his feeding needs will change after 4 mo but I'm not sure how - that's why I asked one of the questions about when you started (maybe I shouldn't consider this until after we've started solids or after a GS, etc.).  And we struggle with naps - he will sleep for 30 minutes and then wake tired but can't get himself back to sleep.

I believe that after 4 mo his sleep will become more organized and I'll be better able to determine if ST is right for us. In the meantime I'm reading and throughout the literature I think... well this all makes sense but what was it really like for parents and what worked for them? My sister ST her 4 kids but that was over ten years ago and she doesn't really remember the details...

 

Every child is unique but those of you who have done it may have wisdom to share that is valuable to a novice. No worries if I've asked too many questions, feel free to move on to another post but if you do have something to share, I would really appreciate it. And again, sorry if my OP was weird and confusing!

Thanks!!

NoSoup4You

twolittlewheels said:

sunnyplaces said:

I believe that after 4 mo his sleep will become more organized 

Not necessarily.

I'm laughing a little at this as I read it through bleary eyes thanks to the torture my 1 yr old put me through last night.  Good luck!

sunnyplaces

Thanks, CTGirl30 No, it's not scheduled feeding but he's pretty consistent with 3 hours.  It's rarely less than 3 hours but sometimes we'll get a four hour break between feedings. 

Ugh, I didn't know about the 4 month sleep regression. I am EBFing and imagine I'll start solids around 6mo. Maybe a few weeks after that will be a better time to evaluate how (if at all) ST would come into play. 

Yes, division of labor with DH makes me laugh too - we are often fumbling over each other trying to figure out what the hell we're doing! We're much better at least trying (pretending) like we know what we're supposed to do and that we are organized. It often devolves into something chaotic but hey, at least we tried!

kellyrn9956

4 months is a little early for baby to learn to self-soothe. So my first suggestion is to not even consider doing anything until 6 months or even older. We did 6 months and even that was a total disaster. For us, 4 months was our absolute worst sleep time anyway. 

My goal was to get LO out of my bed, while also getting some rest. My son is totally unable (unwilling?) to sleep outside of my bed. I did not accomplish this task. See picture below of child in my bed last week.

I tried to sleep train once around 6 months. I used the Ferber technique. Nothing informed my decision other than utter annoyance at child for kicking me in the ribs all night long. 

Tried nights first. Disaster. Tried nap time next. Semi-disaster. Luckily 80% or more of his naps are taken at day care, so I don't really have to deal with them. 

We used Ferber. I felt like it could definitely work for some. And I felt like it was a good technique for both mom and baby's psyche. Meaning I didn't feel like I was totally torturing him. 

At check-ins I would do the "shush, shush" thing and rub his back, but never pick him up. Oh, and I would wipe the snot off his face because by that point he was screaming so hard that the snot machine was full blast. Once I had to quit because he had screamed to the point of vomiting. I was done. 

LO dropped night feedings himself. For us, sleep training was more about getting him to sleep outside of the bed and less of getting him to STTN without a feeding. He did that well enough - if he was attached and curled up to mommy's side. I personally would not even attempt to sleep train until night feedings are fully dropped, at a scheduled determined by the child. Some babies still need a MOTN feeding at 4 or 5 months. 

I'll try again another time when he's older. For now I'm fine with him being in bed with me. 

You'll hear 50 stories of "yes, sleep training worked great for us!" and 50 stories of "it was hell and didn't work!". It will all depend upon your child. I had the expectation that it would work within 3 nights, because, well, Dr. Ferber said so. That it works with all children. Imagine my frustration when it didn't work! 

ByeBabyBunting

I want to qualify my reply by saying that we were very very lucky in the sleep department. LO was mostly sleeping through the night when I went back to work at 12 weeks. DH and I moved LO to his crib at about 11 weeks, just before I went back to work. We never sleep trained and we didn't have a real bedtime routine until the toddler years. The only thing I can think of that might have helped is that DH and I are heavy sleepers and because of that there was a lag in response time on our part. DS only got attention at night if he really started to wail. I think he probably just decided it wasn't worth all the effort and put himself back to sleep. I know some people feel strongly about responding immediately, but it just isn't how it worked for us.

Snapdragon750

I started sleep training young, like, definitely earlier than 3 months, but that doesn't mean "let them cry," it means being sensitive to when they need to sleep and trying to help them get to sleep before they get overtired, etc etc

I would give a really long answer but I'm a bit tipsy and can't right at the minute.

Read: Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child for everything I would say to you.

TiffanyBerry

Totally depends on your kid and his/her needs.

DD turned 4 this weekend.  She still doesn't STTN.  (Of course STTN is only 6 hours when you're talking about a baby, and we usually think literally all night for preschoolers.  But still.  She rarely meets the baby criteria of sleeping 6 hours straight.  Very rarely.)

I didn't sleep train - DD is a high needs, very sensitive baby.  ST'ing would have been awful for everyone.  I followed (and still do) her cues, and balance them with my needs, and there ya go.

Read the books - but read some other ones too.  And then let everything muddle into your brain so when you try to decide what your INSTINCT tells you is right, there's some something you read once that helps you implement that.

ETA: yeah, the four month sleep regression sucks.  then you get teething.  then the 1-year sleep regression where you think your now-toddler has turned back into a newborn. o_O

kmm2150

Our big goal was for her to go to bed, and back to sleep, without nursing to sleep. We waited till about 9 months - at that point I felt like she was ready, could somewhat understand what was going on, and had several clues that she could handle it (a few incidents of STTN, I knew she was nursing less at night based on how much I pumped if she was away from me, etc).

We did bedtime and naps together, basically Ferber. It went great, the most crying was well under an hour and after 3 days she got it. I actually cannot remember now if we eliminated night feedings at the same time - I don't think I totally did, but the sleep training helped with that and then it was pretty easy to eliminate.

Prior to formally sleep training, we had a very consistent bedtime routine since she was 6 weeks old.

Check ins I think we did talk, just saying it's night time, time to go to sleep.

Because she was already just comfort nursing at night for the most part, it didn't seem to really affect other feedings.

Division of labor: dh would go up when we were eliminating feedings, since ya know, no boobs. Otherwise bedtime has always been mostly me, which I regret no that my toddler won't let dad put her to bed if I'm around.

She has been a rock star sleeper since we trained, but has recently started trying to procrastinate at bedtime (water, potty, more stories, etc) so it's just a constant effort.

Snapdragon750

Okay, feeling normal now and can give you a real reply. For clarification, I have two daughters and sleep trained them both the same way, two years apart.  Before I started sleep training, DD1 was only getting 11-12 hours of sleep a day, total, and within a week she was getting 19.  Both of my children were STTN (12+ hours, no wakings or feedings, 6:30 to 7ish) by 3 months of age, both were on a reliable nap schedule starting at around 4 months of age, and both would and still do get put down wide awake and fall asleep peacefully on their own, starting around that age (with a hiccup around 5 or 6 months, for both of them, when I had to put them down crying for a couple of weeks because the recognition of the bedtime routine made them upset that it was bedtime, but they would stop very soon after I left the room).

I hope that didn't come across as braggy...it could of course be that I just have really easy kids and that they would have STTN at 3 months no matter what I did.  I only mention it to put my answers in perspective; no one should take anyone's advice on sleep training if it didn't work!

sunnyplaces said:

I'm interested in helping LO learn to soothe himself to sleep after 4 months old but still not sure when I'll feel ready. As I explore this option, I have a handful of questions about sleep training. If you have a moment to answer any of these questions I would really appreciate it!!

What was your goal in "sleep training" and did you feel you accomplished it?: For them to get the sleep they need.  Yes, absolutely.

At what age did you begin ST and what informed your decision to begin when you did? 6 weeks.  I didn't let them cry that young, but 6 weeks was when I stopped toting them around everywhere and expecting them to sleep whenever and wherever they needed to, both because that's what the book told me might happen at that age and that's what I started seeing myself, with both kids.  I started trying to get them to sleep, always in a dark, quiet room, before two hours of wakefulness and started being consistent about how I soothed them to sleep (putting them down after a few minutes of soothing, whether asleep or awake, picking back up and trying again if it doesn't work).  I began then because that's what Dr. Weissbluth from Healthy Sleep Habits recommended, and when I logged my first DD's sleep she was only getting 11-12 hours total, on a good day, at 5 weeks old.  
Did you train naps and night at the same time or complete one and then tackle the other?
What method did you use? How'd you feel about it? I used the same methods for naptime and sleep.  The only difference is that once they got old enough to let cry, I would not let them cry as long for naptime as I would for bedtime.  If it went on too long I could skip the nap, but you can't skip bedtime.

If you did check-ins, did you speak to LO during the check in or was it silent? I kept my check-ins silent, unless they were really upset.

Did you maintain any night feedings? Not past 3 months, but I used formula so that's a whole different ballgame.  I didn't take away night feedings on purpose--would have continued much longer if they needed them--but 3 months was the age at which they both stopped crying at all at night.  (I'm not recommending EFF; it was the only choice for me because I had very very low supply)
If so, was it a scheduled feed or did LO wake and then feed, or something else? n/a, but I would never wake a healthy baby for a scheduled feeding once she's reached her birth weight.
If LO woke after a feeding (but still down) did you go in?

If the number of feedings at neight decreased through sleep training, how did that change your daytime feedings?
I've heard consistency is key. How did you handle that in regards to the division of labor with your spouse? I'm not sure I understand the question.  DH and I were always on the same page (meaning, he did what I told him to do), so if he went in he would do the same thing that I would do.  Normally it's always me just because I wake up much faster than he does.

Thank you so much in advance! ETA -clarity

Snapdragon750

Snapdragon750 said:

Okay, feeling normal now and can give you a real reply. For clarification, I have two daughters and sleep trained them both the same way, two years apart.  Before I started sleep training, DD1 was only getting 11-12 hours of sleep a day, total, and within a week she was getting 19.  Both of my children were STTN (12+ hours, no wakings or feedings, 6:30 to 7ish) by 3 months of age, both were on a reliable nap schedule starting at around 4 months of age, and both would and still do get put down wide awake and fall asleep peacefully on their own, starting around that age (with a hiccup around 5 or 6 months, for both of them, when I had to put them down crying for a couple of weeks because the recognition of the bedtime routine made them upset that it was bedtime, but they would stop very soon after I left the room).

I hope that didn't come across as braggy...it could of course be that I just have really easy kids and that they would have STTN at 3 months no matter what I did.  I only mention it to put my answers in perspective; no one should take anyone's advice on sleep training if it didn't work!

sunnyplaces said:

I'm interested in helping LO learn to soothe himself to sleep after 4 months old but still not sure when I'll feel ready. As I explore this option, I have a handful of questions about sleep training. If you have a moment to answer any of these questions I would really appreciate it!!

What was your goal in "sleep training" and did you feel you accomplished it?: For them to get the sleep they need.  Yes, absolutely.

At what age did you begin ST and what informed your decision to begin when you did? 6 weeks.  I didn't let them cry that young, but 6 weeks was when I stopped toting them around everywhere and expecting them to sleep whenever and wherever they needed to, both because that's what the book told me might happen at that age and that's what I started seeing myself, with both kids.  I started trying to get them to sleep, always in a dark, quiet room, before two hours of wakefulness and started being consistent about how I soothed them to sleep (putting them down after a few minutes of soothing, whether asleep or awake, picking back up and trying again if it doesn't work).  I began then because that's what Dr. Weissbluth from Healthy Sleep Habits recommended, and when I logged my first DD's sleep she was only getting 11-12 hours total, on a good day, at 5 weeks old.  
Did you train naps and night at the same time or complete one and then tackle the other?
What method did you use? How'd you feel about it? I used the same methods for naptime and sleep.  What method I used depended on their age, but in a nutshell it was to soothe them to sleep and then leave the room, even if they're crying, then if it goes on too long to forget the nap (how long is "too long" depended on their age and my mood, but I never would have let it go for more than an hour at any age...and I'm not sure if I ever let it go that long).  The only difference is that once they got old enough to let cry, I would not let them cry as long for naptime as I would for bedtime.  If it went on too long I could skip the nap, but you can't skip bedtime.  For bedtime, I would let cry as long as it took to fall asleep if I knew that there was nothing else wrong.  I have to clarify that I don't remember there being much crying at bedtime at all.  Naptime, yes.

If you did check-ins, did you speak to LO during the check in or was it silent? I kept my check-ins silent, unless they were really upset.

Did you maintain any night feedings? Not past 3 months, but I used formula so that's a whole different ballgame.  I didn't take away night feedings on purpose--would have continued much longer if they needed them--but 3 months was the age at which they both stopped crying at all at night.  (I'm not recommending EFF; it was the only choice for me because I had very very low supply)
If so, was it a scheduled feed or did LO wake and then feed, or something else? n/a, but I would never wake a healthy baby for a scheduled feeding once she's reached her birth weight.
If LO woke after a feeding (but still down) did you go in?

If the number of feedings at neight decreased through sleep training, how did that change your daytime feedings?
I've heard consistency is key. How did you handle that in regards to the division of labor with your spouse? I'm not sure I understand the question.  DH and I were always on the same page (meaning, he did what I told him to do), so if he went in he would do the same thing that I would do.  Normally it's always me just because I wake up much faster than he does.

Thank you so much in advance! ETA -clarity

sunnyplaces

Thanks everyone, this has been very insightful. I'll muddle it over and then trust my gut. At least now I feel my gut is better informed!  Your perspective has been really valuable, thanks!