STD

BellaOso

BlueJewelM said:

 I just told her "Its really okay, they are learning important social skills, and it takes time. maybe not today, but lots of days...I'm in those trenches too." And she just looked relieved to know someone was on her side and understood. Parenting isn't acting and reacting. Its a LOOOOOOONG haul. Its constant teaching. Kids will "fail" sometimes and thats okay. Every conflict is a teachable moment. Conflict isn't a bad thing. Tantrums does not equal "bad kid" (as my parents say). Tantrums equals "my son is trying to find the words and actions to fix what is bothering him...but doesn't have the skills yet." Back the fuck off. Anywho...sorry for the novel.

Thank you for saying all of this.

My DD1 (2 y/o) has been described as everything from "Sparkler" to "hot tempered". She really isn't. She likes when people explain things to her so she can understand the rules, and she has very strong, deep feelings so when they get hurt sometimes she can be a drama llama. But she is as good hearted as she is soft hearted.

Tantrums happen. People need to get over it.

janneann1127

BlueJewelM said:

In relation to the baby: There is a lot of talk of milestones. With my first I had some anxiety about it, because it seemed like no matter how early/late they hit one...you were judged. My first started crawling at 6 month and a girl on my BMB said that "she didn't want her child to crawl so early because early crawlers have behaivoral issues according to some study". And while he was early with motor skills...he was later with verbal skills, so there was some flack for that from people IRL. He's fine just the way he is now. I'm a lot more laid back with this LO.

In relation with my toddler: There is a lot of fear (?) for moms of toddlers. Toddlers hit, they throw things, they push. It happens. No amount of parenting is going to prevent every instance. As I parent this "almost 3 year old" I am constantly reminding myself that he is pushing boundaries and figuring out what is allowed and what is not. And its hard for them to process all this stuff. "Its okay to throw balls, but not sand. Its okay feel and drop the sand...but not throw it", "Its okay to run and play tag, but don't run too far from mom." I feel there are certain moms who shame others kids. We were at the park the other day and there was a little girl who was pushing other kids who wanted to play on the fort. Other mothers were "shaming" the girls mother (behind her back of course) saying her little girl was a terrror, etc. I could tell the mom was frustrated and embaressed she had the "mean kid" that particular day/time. When the little girl pushed my son the mother made her daughter apologize and told her that wasn't appropriate and the mom looked so...defeated. And once the kids were off playing and she apologized to me, I just told her "Its really okay, they are learning important social skills, and it takes time. maybe not today, but lots of days...I'm in those trenches too."

And she just looked relieved to know someone was on her side and understood. Parenting isn't acting and reacting. Its a LOOOOOOONG haul. Its constant teaching. Kids will "fail" sometimes and thats okay. Every conflict is a teachable moment. Conflict isn't a bad thing. Tantrums does not equal "bad kid" (as my parents say). Tantrums equals "my son is trying to find the words and actions to fix what is bothering him...but doesn't have the skills yet." Back the fuck off.

Anywho...sorry for the novel.

Yes @BlueJewelM‌ ! It is really hard when your kid starts behaving "badly" with other kids.. Constantly feeling judged by the other moms, or feeling like a bad parent because yours is the one that's not behaving. It's really awesome when you meet a fellow mom who "gets it" and says, hey it's ok! Kids will be kids.
Or the day you have to carry your kid out of the park, screaming his head off because he doesn't want to leave… before I had a 3-year-old, I thought, that will never be me. My kids will never act that way! Not true. They do and they will!!
But yes, parenting toddlers and preschoolers is so hard.

ashleyamberRN

I definitely think that in general, society directly correlates STTN as successful motherhood.

Now I'm getting a lot of "9 months? Not crawling? Oh she's spoiled". That may be so, I really never make her work to get stuff i am pretty quick to pick her up, but just like I say with the pacifier, she's not gonna go to kindergarten not being able to crawl. Whether I make her exercise and drill her like a Sargent or let her get her own motivation, she'll do it someday.

Oh and on the note of working, I get it a lot that working 12 hour night shifts. MIL actually asked if I was going to take the FIRST 5 years off! I'm like yea do you know what your son does? He's a bartender FYI. So then she says oh ok, so the first year? I should have said, do you think we're Canadian.

azzy1206

People always tell me I need to feed her more :-w
Just because she's not chunky doesn't mean she's malnourished#