Not excited about baby

widgetsnm

Is anyone else not that thrilled about being pregnant? I just found out they're firing me (funny how it happened right after they found out I am preg... They're blaming me for a minor infraction that many other employees are guilty of as well. Ugh! So it's prob just stress from money and my marriage is on the rocks. But any one else feel this way? I mean, my 19 week ultrasound didn't even make me smile.

bumpuser10199668

I don't see this going well.

MrsLaLaBug

Sorry you are going through this. Maybe you should seek some counseling from a professional.

mrsdanielleM2010

It's okay to feel down in the dumps, but if you start to feel resentful towards your pregnancy or innocent baby, it's time to find a therapist.

Groxb

Do this baby a favor and talk with a professional.

Everyusernameistaken

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I agree that you need to talk to someone, for your sake and baby's. Antenatal/prenatal depression is very real and lack of interest in or resentment of baby can be a symptom. I hope you get things sorted out.

BethanyAnn27

I am sorry you are going through a rough patch in your life right now. It sounds like you should look into counselling or find someone to talk to you help you through this. 

That said, we have had some mothers on this board who had experienced losses in the past, who are having troubles with their current pregnancy, or have lost their September2014 babies. Again, I am sorry you are unhappy right now, but I find this post extremely insensitive and frankly hurtful to many members of our community. 

As this appears to be your first post, I would hope that you take some time to read here and realize what we are a community. We have seen a lot of happiness and sadness together. While we might not ever meet in person, we have all shared a lot. Introductions go a long way too...

Groxb

BethanyAnn27 said:

I am sorry you are going through a rough patch in your life right now. It sounds like you should look into counselling or find someone to talk to you help you through this. 

That said, we have had some mothers on this board who had experienced losses in the past, who are having troubles with their current pregnancy, or have lost their September2014 babies. Again, I am sorry you are unhappy right now, but I find this post extremely insensitive and frankly hurtful to many members of our community. 

As this appears to be your first post, I would hope that you take some time to read here and realize what we are a community. We have seen a lot of happiness and sadness together. While we might not ever meet in person, we have all shared a lot. Introductions go a long way too...

---
Everything she said.

megs2011

Groxb said:

I am sorry you are going through a rough patch in your life right now. It sounds like you should look into counselling or find someone to talk to you help you through this. 

That said, we have had some mothers on this board who had experienced losses in the past, who are having troubles with their current pregnancy, or have lost their September2014 babies. Again, I am sorry you are unhappy right now, but I find this post extremely insensitive and frankly hurtful to many members of our community. 

As this appears to be your first post, I would hope that you take some time to read here and realize what we are a community. We have seen a lot of happiness and sadness together. While we might not ever meet in person, we have all shared a lot. Introductions go a long way too...

--- Everything she said.

^ditto this

chardonnay24

To be honest, I was not excited when I found out I was pregnant. We were one and done, using 

protection, and my son was/is challenging. We were in the middle of having him evaluated for autism and dealing with a lot of behavioral issues and some developmental delays. I cried almost every day for about 8 weeks. I was not happy to be pregnant, at all. I didn't talk about it much on this board because I didn't want to be potentially hurtful to those who had experiences losses or suffered IF, so I stuck to posting on my home board (Parenting) and talking to my IRL friends and family.  I had to distance myself from people that told me I *had* to be happy, because no matter what I did, no matter how much other people wanted it, I just couldn't change my frame of mind on my own

When I couldn't kick the depression, I spoke to my midwife. I was diagnosed with antenatal depression and started taking anti-depressants. I also started talking to a therapist.. It has helped immensely and while I am not yet over the moon excited about this pregnancy, I have certainly come to terms with it, love feeling my daughter kick and roll, and am starting to love the idea of our little family of four.

If you are truly depressed, please a) talk to your doctor or midwife and b) know your audience. I understand needing to vent, but there is a time and a place for it and I don't think that a BMB, especially one like ours that has experienced some heartbreaking losses very recently, is the right place. I am not going to tell you to suck it up and be happy, because despite the fact that people would love to be in your position right now, I understand more than anyone that it is not always possible to pull yourself out of depression and force yourself to be happy about your pregnancy. However, that doesn't mean that it is healthy to feel the way you do and there are resources that can help you. I hope you can find someone to talk to and start feeling better soon.

MrsLaLaBug

Well said sugar, well said.

AR1of2

I am sad for you that you're not feeling able to enjoy your pregnancy, at least in part due to all the other stressors you have going on. I hope that you find the hope and support that will be crucial to get you to a happier place about pregnancy and life in general.

JSS1002

I think some of these responses were a little bit harsh. Yes, there are many who have suffered losses or difficult pregnancies on this board, and therefore are incredibly grateful about this pregnancy. But you're going through something difficult too, and frankly, I Think it is brave for you to admit how you feel, as it isn't a feeling that is widely acknowledged, even though I suspect many women feel that way at times.

Getting ready for a baby is a HUGE change emotionally and financially and everything else. If your marriage is on the rocks I am assuming this wasn't planned.   That is difficult too.   

I would recommend that you spend some time here and intro yourself in another way and get to know the vibe of the board, but your feelings are legit and I recommend you look for some professional help if you can -- both for your marriage and for you as an individual.

Good luck.

bf43005

Getting fired sucks, no matter what stage in your life you are at, but I can understand the financial burden that might put you into adding to your stress.  If your marriage is having issues I suggest trying to get some help now, before baby arrives because that will only make issues you already have 10 times worse. 

I do feel happy, but I don't really feel love (if that makes any sense).  Like I'm happy I'm pregnant and that so far everything is good and LO is healthy and I'm excited for LO to be here but I can't say that I feel love for the LO yet.  I really hope that changes once he/she arrives and I think it will.  I just feel silly talking to my belly and haven't had tons of movement so I don't think you are totally alone.  But that should in no way make you not even smile when you got your u/s.  So there might be other issues that counseling for yourself might be benefiical. 

Whatever you decide please don't make any rash decisions based off your emotions in the moment and again I strongly suggest you speak with someone, even if it's your Dr. to start.  Good luck!

mcstrepp

I understand the different emotions and feeling down sometimes. This pregnancy was a bit of surprise for me and I've had my share of am I ready for this, can I do this and will I be a good mom moments. I had a small scare in the begging where the dr thought I might be miscarrying and when we did our ultra sound and saw that baby it changed my perspective.

Loosing a job and having marital problems has got to be stressful during this time. But if you are already half way through and you can't smile at ultra sounds it sounds much more
than normal mixed emotions and what not. You need to be the best you for when your baby arrives. I think in order to do that you need to talk to your dr or midwife and seek professional help. I really hope you start to feel better soon.

Ecat504

I am so sorry that you're feeling this way, I agree with absolutely everyone! You should seek professional help, and this is rather insensitive.

I am 19, and finishing up my freshman year of college. When I found out I was pregnant I cried for days because I knew that my next 3 years of schooling would be THAT much harder, and I wouldn't be able to live the same carefree lifestyle all my friends were living. Not to mention BD bailed out as soon as "I'm pregnant" came out of my mouth. That being said, I never once resented my baby girl or felt angry or upset to be pregnant. I always knew I wanted kids, of course a little more time wouldn't have hurt but I am ecstatic to have her in my life! Even though things are going to be difficult now, and very different from my old life she's a blessing and not every woman can experience this. I think you should change your point of view around a little bit and realize that yes you're going through a hard time, but it's just a few bad days not a bad life. You're about to bring a miracle into the world and that's something that should be appreciated.

Anyway. Sorry for my tangent, I hope things get better for you and I hope you find someone who can help you through this. T&P for you, your baby and your marriage.

nilvero

Agree with many PPs. Definitely seek some help because you don't want to do anything rash. But I also agree with many PPs that you should definitely introduce yourself and get to know this board too. 

rlyttle

Sounds like you need counseling! A job can always be replaced, a marriage can always be fixed or get a divorce, but this little baby needs you. It deserves someone to love & care for it. I understand having a bad day, or having a rough patch though. Get a new job & try to get your marriage back on track. You baby deserves that. 

bodziochl

chardonnay24 said:

To be honest, I was not excited when I found out I was pregnant. We were one and done, using 

protection, and my son was/is challenging. We were in the middle of having him evaluated for autism and dealing with a lot of behavioral issues and some developmental delays. I cried almost every day for about 8 weeks. I was not happy to be pregnant, at all. I didn't talk about it much on this board because I didn't want to be potentially hurtful to those who had experiences losses or suffered IF, so I stuck to posting on my home board (Parenting) and talking to my IRL friends and family.  I had to distance myself from people that told me I *had* to be happy, because no matter what I did, no matter how much other people wanted it, I just couldn't change my frame of mind on my own

When I couldn't kick the depression, I spoke to my midwife. I was diagnosed with antenatal depression and started taking anti-depressants. I also started talking to a therapist.. It has helped immensely and while I am not yet over the moon excited about this pregnancy, I have certainly come to terms with it, love feeling my daughter kick and roll, and am starting to love the idea of our little family of four.

If you are truly depressed, please a) talk to your doctor or midwife and b) know your audience. I understand needing to vent, but there is a time and a place for it and I don't think that a BMB, especially one like ours that has experienced some heartbreaking losses very recently, is the right place. I am not going to tell you to suck it up and be happy, because despite the fact that people would love to be in your position right now, I understand more than anyone that it is not always possible to pull yourself out of depression and force yourself to be happy about your pregnancy. However, that doesn't mean that it is healthy to feel the way you do and there are resources that can help you. I hope you can find someone to talk to and start feeling better soon.

@chardonnay24‌ I really respect you for having the guts to be so candid. I am sure lots of us deal with anxiety/depression but don't have the guts to tell everyone because of the stigma of mental illness.
OP- there is no shame in asking for help from a mental health professional. So many people that you would never expect have similar feelings. While I don't relate personally to your present feelings, I know I would not be the best me without a little help sometimes and I'm not ashamed of that. Hope you get help soon

bumpuser10199668

@jss1002 I don't think ANY were harsh. I was fully expecting people to be awful, but the board seems to have responded totally appropriately.

cccashley

First off, thank you for being honest about how you're feeling and what you're going through.  It can often feel like this is a place to vent, but there are a lot of varying opinions and situations.  Try not to get discouraged from responses on this post.  Take care of yourself and find someone you can talk to face to face.  Depression during pregnancy is real and you'll want to find support for yourself for you and for your child.  Your child deserves to have you at your best!!

Ashley
Blogging at Coffee Cake and Cardio

mrsH1112

@chardonay24- kudos to you for being so open with your story and your struggles, I think that should help the OP in knowing that they are not alone in feeling some of what she is feeling and getting some guidence.

I agree with everyone else.  It couldnt hurt to talk to someone professional about it and see what they say or diagnosis.  It has to make it that much harder for you to feel this way when you know most of us are feeling the complete opposite most days.   Depression during pregnancy and in general is a hard thing to come to terms with and seek out help for

Good luck,  I hope you seek out some help and someone to talk to because you deserve to be happy and start enjoying your pregnancy.  Your child deserves to have a mom who is ready to have him and her and love them as much as possible.

mrsdanielleM2010

OP I stand by my original statement. It is ok to feel down, but it sounds like you might be past a healthy level of down. @JSS1002‌ People have given real, helpful ideas.

JSS1002

mrsdanielleM2010 said:

OP I stand by my original statement. It is ok to feel down, but it sounds like you might be past a healthy level of down. @JSS1002‌ People have given real, helpful ideas.

And some have given her a "what the fuck?" which I felt was uncompassionate and rude.  SO thanks, I think I'll stay up here if that's okay with you.

JSS1002

lindsayhilleary said:

JSS1002 said:

mrsdanielleM2010 said:

OP I stand by my original statement. It is ok to feel down, but it sounds like you might be past a healthy level of down. @JSS1002‌ People have given real, helpful ideas.

And some have given her a "what the fuck?" which I felt was uncompassionate and rude.  SO thanks, I think I'll stay up here if that's okay with you.

So clearly you're talking about me. Why don't you just call me out instead of beating around the bush? Don't say "some" when you're clearly talking about one person.

I will admit that I was a little harsh. It was my initial reaction to reading what the OP said. However, given the recent events of this board and her audience in general, she really could have lurked for a bit and possibly worded her post a little better. 

I think I was probably on her list of "some" too.

Because I am not interested in engaging in a conversation about who said what -- I was speaking to the OP and trying to help her feel a little bit better -- and a little less chastised --  for sharing something that was probably sort of hard to admit.  

Soogerplum

I'm sorry that you're having a rough time between work and your marriage...and I know that hormones can make us all a little down sometimes. I was 19 years old when I found out I was going to be a mom (from a guy who was abusive) and I did what I had to. I made the choice to be the best damn mother I could be, to put her before everything else and I love that child more than anything else. (So much that I wanted to do this all over again.) I will give her the world because that is why I was given the gift of motherhood...and after all, motherhood is about sacrifice and devotion. As hard as it had been sometimes, she will always be worth it.

I sincerely hope you talk to a professional about these feelings...because having a baby is a huge, life-changing event and with these feelings, you'll def need support.

jmolr

Do you have a HR dept?  Is your termination something you can fight?  If you suspect they are firing you because you are pregnant and you think you have a good case then what they are doing is illegal.  I do agree with the previous posters,  you should speak to someone - preferably someone that knows about post partum depression and can help you with that.  You'll most likely need to continue with them after the baby comes and I suspect that what you're feeling is related to pregnancy hormones.  I don't think it's that you're not excited about having a baby, I think you're too upset/stressed about losing your job to appreciate this amazing gift of creating life.  Good luck to you and take care of yourself, you owe it to yourself and your unborn baby

widgetsnm

I'm sorry if this was a sensitive topic. I know I'm luky to be pregnant. I wish others the best in their pregnancy. I am extremely thankful that this child is healthy, but I'm struggling with being a FTM. I didn't know if this was a somewhat normal reaction to have to the stress. I thought this would be a good forum to ask that question, but apparently y'all are mostly a bunch of haters. Way to kick a girl while she's down. I hope you feel better because I feel just that much worse.

Thank you to the *few* posters who gave words of encouragement. That means a lot.

As for the introduction, I haven't seen others say, "Hi! I'm ... from... and ..." So why would I do that? I read the "Read before posting". I don't see why my name/city/state/etc is relevant. So I guess I'm sorry I didn't do that either.

I'll probably not be posting again. I might as well delete the app from my phone. I just can't believe how much hate is in this group of women who supposedly are full of love.

bumpuser10199668

Full of love? Does it say that in our bio?! Because that's a typo.. Full of shit, maybe

MrsLaLaBug

Oh FFS. Yeah, I stand by my original post. You really do need to seek professional help. Good luck, honey.
Love,
The S'14 Bunch of Haters

MrsLaLaBug

Groxb

Dangit I was hoping for a Bingo!

AmandaR204

I felt kinda not excited because I knew it would be so stressful with 2 under 3 but...my ultrasound definitely made me smile, even though I got potentially bad news....I agree about getting help, and thinking were all a bunch of haters is so fucking immature, I don't think you're ready for a board like this,,,,but a therapist for sure. GL

brittneyandadam

Dealing with depression and anxiety can be awful...especially when things start to pile up. I know. I've been there. I'm still dealing with it.

That being said, I think you should take a look around and gain some perspective. It may feel like the sky is falling, but things could be way worse and even if you're not excited, you should be relieved and grateful that you're able to grow this little human.

I'm still having a hard time connecting to my baby girl...it still seems surreal after everything we've been through...but I'm still happy and I have to remind myself everyday how awesome it is.

Please get yourself some help. Go to a marriage counselor, talk to your doctor, find a psychologist...any or all of the above. It's not going to get easier as your pregnancy progresses or even after baby gets here. If you take care of yourself and your relationship with DH now, you'll be able to provide a happier and healthier home for your baby.

FWIW, the women here aren't a "bunch of haters". They ARE supportive and I think they showed it in this thread. They don't sugar coat things, so I'm sorry if you didn't get the pity party that you expected. You got helpful advice and I sincerely hope you take it all to heart.

PrimRoseMama

/lurking

I'm sorry OP. It must be tough to be in your position right now. Please ask your OB for a referral so you can see a mental health professional. It can help you prepare emotionally for what you are going through. You can also explore options for Adoption if you feel that might be what is best for all.

Others' IF & loss history should have no bearing on your feelings about your personal situation. Yeah, you could have lurked. However, I imagine that in your present state of mind that you were just desperate to connect & hear some comforting words.

It's hard on BMB when there are trolls, drive-by, the users that want us to be their google...sometimes it's hard to tell what is what.

Wishing everyone on this BMB happy & healthy pg.

mommy2C

crystalangel79 said:

crystalangel79 said:

I just cant even...

I am in a better frame of mind. As everyone said, you have some big issues to deal with and with baby coming, you need to do it fast. There is no magic we can offer to fix the things in your life. I think it is relatively normal for some women not to feel a connection. There are other women who also weren't/aren't excited about their baby whether it was unplanned, bad timing, they thought they were done, etc. I think it is okay to feel those things but the fact is, you have a baby coming. You can't spend too much time lamenting on it and need to get ready for him/her to provide this baby the best life possible. It is not your baby's fault that your life is a mess so as a mother, you have work to do. 

If you spent any time in this community, you would know that a handful of amazing ladies lost their baby these past two weeks and would give ANYthing to still have their baby. I found out on Friday my baby may not survive and I want her more than you can imagine. It is hard for us going through such difficult circumstances to hear someone say they aren't excited about their baby, especially when they have offered nothing to the community prior. This is an extremely supportive community but as pp poster said, a community involves give/take. When someone comes in with no name, no history, never having given/offered support and then wants us to make them feel better, it catches us offguard. Look around at some of the other threads and you would see there is support/community here but become apart of it. 

------

I'm terribly sad for those who have lost or are facing the loss of a child or those who are having trouble getting pregnant but there are many hardships in this world and the OP's difficulties are no less valid and less deserving of kindness or sensitivity which most of the "ladies" here could not be bothered to extend to another human being in pain because they aren't a "reg" in your BMB. Pathetic.

trebekastan

WhoCanItBeNow said:

zoeygirl1105 said:

zoeygirl1105 said:

Here everyone can go read how we are the shittiest bmb known to man. https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12334386/a-serious-question/p1

Are you always this overly dramatic?

To everyone else: Someone in quite obvious pain reached out to you for help and you essentially smacked her down. How would you feel if someone had done the same to you? Her pain does not change your loss. Her pain does not change your baby's health.

How is linking to a thread that was started about us and linked to us being dramatic?

Your comment was the dramatic part. 

Want a shovel for that hole you are digging?

This is a public forum, she is allowed to say anything she wants. Or is that only applicable to certain people and situations? I get it, we aren't allowed to point out that OP needed some perspective, but you are allowed to tell PP that she needs some. 

rockopera

Of course, anyone can say anything they want. But doing so can out someone as a huge, uncompassionate asshole.

conradraging

I am so glad I decided to read the updates on this because finally some people said something that made a shred of sense. I am sometimes appalled by responses people get on the board and afraid to post things based on that. It's not a very accepting community a decent percentage of the time.

OP I'm sorry you feel this way but you obviously came here looking for help and support, and we're not trying to insult or upset people with losses. As someone who experienced a loss in October, I don't find any of what you said inappropriate. You were looking for the same things everyone else is. I hope you find someone you can talk to and find a way to be excited about your baby. And I sincerely hope you see improvement in the other aspects of your life that are stressing you. I'm sorry for many of the unhelpful answers you received.

Wishing you a happier, healthy pregnancy!

chaysefaith

Anyway...

I lost my son at 19 weeks on January 28th...what the fuck does that have to do with the OP's fears and concerns for the baby on the way, her sudden loss of income, and her unstable marriage?!

Prepare yourselves, here comes some WKing.

OP I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time right now. I can understand your fear over both money and baby as I had 2 by the time I was 20. Are you covered under YH for health insurance? You may want to give them a call and see about locating a marriage counselor as well as a therapist for yourself. Many companies offer what's called an EAP program, which will provide a few counseling sessions (usually 5) at no cost. Please call and see if that's available to you.

As far as your pregnancy goes, as I said I had two by age twenty and it is terrifying. But what I can promise you is it they grow up SO fast and your situation WILL improve as long as you put in the effort. Before you know it that baby will be 10 and you'll look back and wonder how you made it through some days, and rejoice in the triumphs you have had in that same amount of time.

Good luck with your pregnancy, I hope
you get the help you need.

rockopera

On the first page she was told half a dozen times that her post did not belong, that it was insensitive and hurtful (plus all the lovetits). Within the first 5 comments, a 16 week loss was thrown in her face. And then there were the handful of posts trying to take down the WK who pointed out that those responses were harsh. A "high horse" gif was even thrown in.

Yeah, that is the "we told her we were sorry for her situation and that since her problems were so big, she should seek help" compassionate advice you are now trying to spin. Okay.


eta: clarification.