Nwbrn and Toddler - Your Wisdom?

desertmouse39

(I'm cross posting this on the M14 and 2u2 boards)

So those of you with a newborn and a toddler at home - how are you managing?  Because I don't know that I'm doing it very well!  DD #1 is 22 months, DD #2 is almost 3 weeks.  I am home with both all day, and it seems like the needs of the newborn are so time consuming I have a hard time making enough time and attention for my toddler.  She is doing pretty well, some jealousy comes up maybe once or twice a day, but I feel like she is just cooped up in the house with us all day, and the TV is on a lot more than I would like.  I am nursing, supplementing and pumping every 2 1/2 hours or so, and that whole process takes about an hour, so then I have 90 minutes before starting it all over again.  I tried an outing with both earlier this week and it did not go very well (DD #1 cried almost the whole time, threw one tantrum and ran out to the street while I was locking the car - rookie mistake but I nearly had a heart attack.)

We live far away from most friends and all family.  I am thinking about trying to find someone to come in and help a few hours a week, or putting DD #1 in daycare for a few days a week, but DH is worried about the cost.  Am I just worrying too much?  What are you all doing that works?  I'd love to be able to nap during the day, since I am fried from too little sleep, but I know that's the case for everyone so how do you do it?  What activities does your older child do while you're feeding the younger one?

TIA for your ideas and input

Sarelnad

I'm drinking more alcohol. That seems to be helping.

I find the best thing for my toddler is to be outside as much as possible. We just try to make that happen.

JACKIE_RS88

Following.  I think this will be me in a few weeks.  Thankfully I have my mom 20 minutes away but the idea of packing up both kids daily to go over there seems overwhelming....but it might have to be the case 2-3 times a week.  Also that will help with consistency since I'll eventually be going back to work.  I do worry about how I'll be able to keep DS1 busy.

RedDDD

This was me about 4 months ago...pretty much posted something similar.  I will have to say....its FREAKIN rough for those first few weeks and months.  BUT once you figure out your baby and you start to get some semblance of a schedule it starts to get easier.  It will continue to get easier too but you are right in the beginning of the sh*t storm.  I feel like it is just starting to get better and mine are 7 months and 2.  My 7 month old is starting to eat, is sleeping better etc....this makes a big difference.  Sorry Im not more encouraging but just know it will be hard for a little while and then in a few months it will be behind you.  That being said I went back to work when DD was 3 months old so I honestly think that helps.  Just having some away time from the babies is very therapeutic for me and I agree with the other PP...getting the toddler outside is huge.  We couldn't do that due to weather until literally this weekend.  And yes wine does seem to help   GL!

vettymama

I have a 17 month old and a 2 week old. It is rough and more demanding than I wver imagined. What has really helped me has been sticking with our (very loose) routine and having no expectations. I try to get DS1 outside as often as possible but our weather hasn't been cooperating until the last week or so. Just try to remember, in the grand scheme of things, this is a very short lived period!

desertmouse39

Thank you  ;;)

I knew this was going to be hard, but I have been totally unprepared for just how difficult it is!  We put DD #1 in daycare today, she will go a few days a week for the next 2 weeks.  My husband was home with us all weekend and was completely frazzled by last night - he came around to the idea and cost for daycare in those 48 hours, lol.

I think getting out around kids her age (she goes to a different daycare, at my work, during the school year and LOVES it), having a more structured day and outside play are going to help my toddler come around and calm down.  We had 2 grandmothers here for several weeks who spoiled the SHIT out of her and so I realized some of what she is going through is probably also grandparent withdraw.  And already this morning I am more relaxed, had a very positive and successful BF session with the newborn and am looking forward both to taking care of some things around the house but also having the days with both girls, as they are spread out.

I appreciate the comments, support and feedback.  Thank you.

RedDDD

Good idea!  I also think DC is good for babies that age.  You will likely see a huge blossoming effect in her as far as language and social skills etc...plus it helps you.  I think its a win win for everyone.  GL!

EandIMommy86

I have a 21 month old and a 6 month old. When my son was born DD wasn't even walking yet. Is your oldest on a schedule? Having them on a schedule REALLY helps because they know and you know what to expect during the day. Your toddler can have some independent play time if they can do that well, throughout the day and also, try to incorporate them in activities with the baby. So when you go to change the baby, let your toddler give you the diaper and say "Yay, you helped change the baby". They will catch on and naturally want to help with the baby and will not feel left out

You do not need to be 100% interacting with your newborn. If you have one of those little jungle gyms or a play mat, lay them on there and let them kick or look around or look at the toys for 10-15 minutes or so. During that time while you are in the room with the newborn, you can be with your toddler. Read them a book, play a game, etc. When you are crunched for time it is amazing how much fun your toddler can have in 15 minutes. If they do not nap at the same time, use one of the newborns nap times as times to play with your toddler. This will give you a solid 1-3 hours or however long the newborn naps.

Independent play and having a schedule for your toddler are very important especially when a new baby is involved. Also, taking your LO to a playgroup with toddlers their age can be helpful. You can bring the baby along and can just be in the carrier or stroller with you while your toddler plays.

GL