Toddler meltdowns

Izybel18

I haven't posted here in a while but I'm at the end of my rope! DD (26 months) has always been sweet and fairly even-tempered. The last few weeks she's been melting down over anything and everything. I realize she's 2 and entering a hard time for toddlers, but her constant whining and tears are pushing me really hard. For example, if I spend 5 minutes washing dishes and she wants me to hold her, if I tell her Mommy is busy and ask her to wait, she dissolves into tears. On the one hand, I want to comfort her, but on the other I feel like I need to teach her things like patience. She can't possibly be held all the times she wants to be held. How do I teach her to handle her emotions? I do everything I can to stay calm and model the behavior I want to see, but it doesn't seem to be working. Help!

Chichigo

Does including her in activities help? She can "wash" safe dishes in a little wash basin, have a picture grocery list of things to find, and cuddle her baby doll when upset.

nosoup4u

Do you have a baby carrier? You could put her on your back when she wants to be held. I agree w having toys for her to mimic your tasks.

pixieprincss

Babywearing! After a phase of not being into "ups" when he became a confident walker, DS1 went back to needing lots of snuggle time on my back to cope with his big emotions at that age.

Izybel18

I have an Ergo, which saw lots of use in her younger days. I might go back to that if I know I'm going to be busy for a while and need my hands. The biggest issue is that no matter what I do, at some point during her day she's going to be disappointed about something (wants more TV time, a snack before dinner, doesn't want to wear shoes outside) and when she's disappointed she cannot handle it at all. Some days it feels like she's disappointed and whining/crying every 5 minutes, and it's hard for me to handle.

Chichigo

I know these are only examples and there are plenty more. Choose your battles wisely. Give choices when possible, like letting her choose which shoed.

blu-eyedwife

I don't know if this is the "right" way to deal with it, but I acknowledge tantrums without giving in to them.  If that kind of makes sense.  So something along the lines of "I know you're upset right now because (x,y,z) and it's okay to be upset, but (mommy has to finish dishes, we're not watching more tv) etc.  If you want to cry for a little bit, that's okay.  If you need a hug, I'm here."

nosoup4u

I would do what blue-eyed wife mentioned. If they are throwing a fit, acknowledge it and offer comfort. But offering choices and fair warning when things are going to end or transition is always a good idea, too. But tantrums are just part of life, sometimes even a big one for some kids.

LC122

So your question is "How do I teach her to handle her emotions?"
That, my friend, is a lifelong journey.

As for generally dealing with tantrums, there are many a parenting book out there with suggestions.
One book I've scanned recently talks about building kids up throughout the day to sort of stack the deck in your favor or feed the meter to buy you time. There are a bunch of little ways to do this - compliments, rewards, letting your child overhear you compliment them, star charts, stickers, etc.
The PP's technique is another solid approach. Kids usually like choices. They also like feeling helpful, so if you can create tasks for them, not only do they get the distraction from their complaint but the sense of accomplishment from helping, whether real or imagined.
You can also avoid saying "No", not as a lie but as a way of teaching patience. Rather than, "no I can't play dolls right now, I have to finish these dishes" you can say "I would Love to play dolls with you, as soon as I finish these dishes. Do you want to help so we can play sooner?"

You always want to acknowledge and respect the emotions of your child, even if you disagree or are annoyed by it. And think of it as a problem-solving exercise: "you want to play dolls and I want to play dolls but I need to do these dishes; what can we do? Would you rather help me with the dishes or get the dolls ready to play while I finish up?"

Also, never underestimate the value of entertaining your child with songs or rhymes or general silliness to buy you some time and lighten the mood.

And of course you want to make sure meltdowns aren't being triggered by a basic needs issue - lack of sleep, lack of food/fuel/blood sugar.