SS: WWYD? Non-vaccinated cousins

tbmadeamistake

So, my brother and his ex don't vaccinate their two girls.  We do vaccinate, and don't want our newborn around un-vaccinated kids until he's at least had his two month shots (pertussis).  When we had C, it wasn't a huge deal as my brother was living in Oregon at the time, so we just didn't go to my parents' the same weekends they had the girls until after C had her shots and no one was even aware that we were scheduling things specifically. However...now my brother lives close by again and has the girls every other weekend, and they loooove babies.  They are also currently scheduled to move to Poland at the end of June, which means that my mother will surely plan a last hurrah family lunch for them in June before they leave.  I would hate to miss the goodbye, and I would hate for them to not meet Charlie until after he turns one, but I'm not sure how I feel about introducing them before he's had his shots.  I will be BFing, which I know helps with antibodies for the baby, but if it's something worse than a common cold, I just don't know. 

Any thoughts?  At the end of the day, it's my child's safety and if he's sick and in the hospital, I won't care whether or not he got to meet his cousins...and I know that.  Guess I'm just looking for input.

k318

I would keep them apart. Too risky.

I say this now after letting my son around family who swore they weren't sick and have been better "for days" and now, how shocking, he is sick and miserable. I need to grow a pair and just tell people they can't come see my kid for a full week after feeling better. From now on I am gonna be tougher on that. Luckily it's just a virus and nothing serious. I wouldn't risk my newborn catching a cold, let alone something vaccine preventable.

lellymine

I probably wouldn't risk it but my dr did say that getting the tdap shot in your 3rd trimester does give the baby some protection. I just don't know how much.

steprozz

I wouldn't risk it. even with the small amount of protection your baby gets from getting tdap in your third trimester, research has shown your infant doesn't even really start to have protection from the dtap vaccine until after the third dose which is at six months old. it's just too risky in my opinion

diagonalley

That would likely be a no for me, and I would probably tell my brother why. You may not have a say in what he does with his kids but you have a say in what you do with yours. Maybe it is a perspective he hasn't considered before? What is their reason for not vaccinating?

cMichelle0423

Like PP said, I wouldn't risk it. At the end of the day, the pros to not letting them near your LO, outweigh the cons.

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tbmadeamistake

Thanks girls!  That's what I'm leaning towards, and at the very least, if I don't feel like getting into the drama, I can just say I'm not up to driving that soon PP.  I'm not really sure why his ex is against them, she's the kind of AP crunchy-mamas that give AP crunchy-mamas a bad name.  Quite possibly the autism non-connection or the other chemicals that they put in them.  When I asked him about it when I can had C, he responded that vaccines weren't as big a deal as everyone made them out to be, that they were a joke/conspiracy/not needed, and that I'd "get it" when C was older and I wasn't such a nervous FTM.  I nearly reached down my phone and punched him. 

ElTrain5

stephross88 said:

I wouldn't risk it. even with the small amount of protection your baby gets from getting tdap in your third trimester, research has shown your infant doesn't even really start to have protection from the dtap vaccine until after the third dose which is at six months old. it's just too risky in my opinion

If kids don't have any real protection till six months then my son is fucked, since we are putting him in the Petri dish of daycare at 12 weeks

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steprozz

shiggybop said:

ElTrain5 said:

stephross88 said:

I wouldn't risk it. even with the small amount of protection your baby gets from getting tdap in your third trimester, research has shown your infant doesn't even really start to have protection from the dtap vaccine until after the third dose which is at six months old. it's just too risky in my opinion

If kids don't have any real protection till six months then my son is fucked, since we are putting him in the Petri dish of daycare at 12 weeks

LOs have some immunity, but their immune system makes a huge leap at 6 months according to my pediatrician.  Most day cares have really strict sick policies in place, especially in the infant room.  Most also require all of the age-appropriate vaccines in order to enroll kids.  Our daycare keeps the infants inside the infant room all day, and they are not exposed to the older kids or any teachers who come in contact with the older ones.  While he may pick up a cold, you should be safe from more serious illnesses if correct protocals are in place. 


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the first sentence exactly. sorry I wasn't more clear on that before

also, everything else she said too. shiggy is better at words than me

Jazznit1984

I would not take the risk. Especially with the rise of outbreaks in unvaccinated kids. 

Your brother made a choice as a parent and has to live with the consequences of that. Sadly, this means that his daughters will lose out as a result. This has nothing to do with you being a FTM. The fact that he would say that just shows you that they aren't fully 'with it'. Be strong and stick to your guns. It may help to communicate on this issue in a letter vs. over the phone. That way it's harder for people to lash out about it. 

elsa1688

joules235 said:

I'll disagree. Generally if there is an outbreak of a disease that we are routinely vaccinated against there is a PSA on the news/in the paper. We always have information about Whooping cough (pertussis) in the paper in our area because we seem to get pretty bad outbreaks every winter. So unless there is an outbreak of measles or roto virus in your area I would go to the party. A vaccinated kid will give your baby the flu just the same as an unvaccinated child. 

I'm with joules

SarahSmile01

I would not do it. To me it's just not worth the risk.

catsinawindow

joules235 said:

I'll disagree. Generally if there is an outbreak of a disease that we are routinely vaccinated against there is a PSA on the news/in the paper. We always have information about Whooping cough (pertussis) in the paper in our area because we seem to get pretty bad outbreaks every winter. So unless there is an outbreak of measles or roto virus in your area I would go to the party. A vaccinated kid will give your baby the flu just the same as an unvaccinated child. 

I'll agree with joules as well.  Before visiting, I would do an internet search to see if there were any cases of measles, pertussis, etc in the area.  If there were, I wouldn't go.  If there weren't I would.  But I'll qualify this by saying that I'm not as concerned about keeping baby from public places as most parents are.  I can understand why some are more careful about it.

MrsCase1

I agree with Joules on the outbreaks of major diseases (except for rota virus, which my pedi explained is still rampant, the vaccine simply minimizes it. I will take the minimization bc it almost killed my brother and viruses are a biznatch.). I still wouldn't bring the baby though for all the aforementioned other communicable illnesses: RSV, etc. I'm on the extreme side, though, and my babies don't leave the house till they're 2-3 months and I realize this makes me an anomaly.

PressLove

Lilygrace48- If your mom throws a party, will this be an occasion that you could just pop in without LO?  While I understand the concerns of not wanting to expose the baby, I would hate for you to miss an opportunity to attend a family event. 

tbmadeamistake

Its an hour and a half drive, and the only family around would be at this party. I like joules take oit as well. I guess I'll wait and see of there is a party, when it is, and how sick his kids are at the time, if at all. Thanks!!

FutureMrsW9

I'm with PPs...I would keep him away and just explain why.

katiebartton

I think it's a matter of weighing the risks vs benefits... I think everyone has a different level of comfort on this.. I personally would choose not to take LO

hollygb22

lisagde said:

joules235 said:

I'll disagree. Generally if there is an outbreak of a disease that we are routinely vaccinated against there is a PSA on the news/in the paper. We always have information about Whooping cough (pertussis) in the paper in our area because we seem to get pretty bad outbreaks every winter. So unless there is an outbreak of measles or roto virus in your area I would go to the party. A vaccinated kid will give your baby the flu just the same as an unvaccinated child. 

I'll agree with joules as well.  Before visiting, I would do an internet search to see if there were any cases of measles, pertussis, etc in the area.  If there were, I wouldn't go.  If there weren't I would.  But I'll qualify this by saying that I'm not as concerned about keeping baby from public places as most parents are.  I can understand why some are more careful about it.

I agree with this as well. I'd go and just not let them hold the baby etc, baby wear. I'm just thinking back to when DD was small. I was at mom's group, the library, etc. Granted, people didn't touch her and hold her but I was pretty liberal about getting out and about when she was tiny..5-6 weeks and not polling people near us to ask what vaccinations they had.

efino87

If it was me, I would not go. My DD was born 5 weeks early and we had a terrible time with family not being honest about be sick, which resulted in baby becoming sick before two months of age. If your baby did catch something from the cousins, RSV and pertussis can be very dangerous and require hospital visits.
Your baby will have plenty of time to bond with cousins in the future, missing a few early visits will not be a huge deal in the long run.