Late Term and Child Loss

Support Group

Have you guys gone to a loss support group?  If so, was it helpful?  When did you start going and how often did you go?  How long were the sessions?

The hospital I delivered at has one once a month.  Our first one would be this evening.  It is 2 hours long and that just seems so long.  The closer we get to the time the more nervous I get about going.  I'm not sure I'm ready to talk with strangers about our precious girl.  However, I also don't want to miss an opportunity that could help. 
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Re: Support Group

  • There was one at our hospital that we went to.  I have to say it wasn't for us, but the rest of the people there (it was a HUGE group) made very very close friends and even get together outside of the support group times.  I think you should try it.  It couldn't hurt.  Many groups have a policy where if you are new, you don't have to share anything the first few times until you are comfortable.  
  • I am also debating on going to one at my hospital tonight it would be the first one I attend and it is also about 2hrs once a month- if I go I will let you know how it went- xo
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  • I went to a general grief support group at my church for a few weeks (everyone else had lost a parent).  There is a new one starting up in a few weeks that I will be attending...I'm really excited about it.  I think 2 hours will fly by once everyone starts sharing...for me it will be one of the only outlets I have to talk about what happened and talk about my baby. 

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  • I've been going to an infant loss support group. It's a small group ( anywhere from 5-10) and they meet once a month for 2 hours but it often lasts longer. I did not want to go the first time but my husband convinced me and I'm so glad I went. I still get nervous before each group meeting but I'm always glad that I went. It helps to be around other women with different, but similar experiences, who are all at different points in their grief journey. I'm not also comfortable talking about my feelings in front of people but it pushes me, in a good way, to acknowledge and share my feelings.

    My advice- it's okay to be nervous and maybe just try out the first one and see how it goes. I told myself that I never had to go back if I hated it and that helped me get there the first time. Good luck!
  • We are going to try one later this month that meets once a month for two hours. At this one, you call a number and leave a voicemail with your name and phone number. The woman called me back the same day. She's a volunteer who told me about the meetings- how they are structured , what she found helpful, etc. it was nice to talk to someone who gets it. She left me her number and told me to call her if I had questions or just wanted to talk.
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  • Our hospital has a support group for stillbirth and baby loss. It meets once a month. We have gone twice. The first time was only about 2 weeks after Nathaniel was born. I really didn't want to go, but I knew that I needed to try. I get really anxious about new things, but I knew that I needed to have people around me to talk to.

    It is supposed to meet for a hour and a half. That first time we were there for over 3 hours. It was just DH, me, and the facilitator who was a mom who had a stillborn baby girl 4 years ago. It was good to be able to talk to someone in real life who gets what you are going through. It's also good to see how someone is coping years from their loss. At times that week I felt that I was doing better than she was.

    This month we were doing better, but I still wanted to go. I feel that I have made a friend who I can talk to about absolutely anything. I think that I will keep going for at least the next couple of months. If I feel like I don't need to go anymore then maybe I won't. If other people start coming too that might change.
    Abigail Grace 9/7/10
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  • ***Sig Warning***

    I started attending the Perinatal Loss support group run by my hospital a few weeks after losing my daughter.  The group meets for about 2 hours once a month.  I haven't missed a month since I've started and have found the group so helpful.  I know in my group you only have to share if you want to, so I would encourage you to go and check it out, even if you don't participate.  For me, it was a place I could feel normal.  I hope you attend and I hope your IRL group can be as helpful to you as mine has been to me.  

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  • I belong to two and still go after 2 1/2 years. One meets every other month the other is every month. I love my loss ladies and wouldn't know what to do with out them. I now go to support other new moms. I want them to see that you can survive the absolute worse thing in the world and still be here to talk about it over 2 years later.


    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
  • I went to one support group so far, and really liked it.  Even though my experience was different than most (I lost my baby boy when he was 5 weeks old due to a virus that he caught, and most of the women at the group had experienced still birth or late term losses), it was good to be able to share with others that kind of know what we are going through. 

    The group split into men and women, and my husband really didn't care for the men's group, so we are still looking at joining other support groups, although I plan on still attending the first one I went to.

    Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38

    Married 5/2010

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  • We go to a support group, once a month it's an hour and a half but we usually go over. I love it, and it's been a big support. I've been going a year now. We also get together every other month or so for an informal dinner. These people have become close friends, who "get it". We usually have a topic we talk about, such as anniversaries (especially if there is a holiday coming up), differences between male/female grief, family reactions, dealing with going back to work and life in general.

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  • I don't have much to add, but I really appreciate you starting this thread. I have been trying to get in contact with groups and was really excited when I found and registered for one that was supposed to start yesterday. I was disappointed when I got a call saying that it was cancelled because there weren't enough registrations to run. We are going try another one that meets about an hour away and starts in a couple of weeks. FX that it works out. I feel more optimistic about this after hearing your ladies stories - at least to seek and try something.
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  • Did you end up going?

    I found one last month, but DH was traveling and I didn't think I could do it by myself. The next meeting is next Thursday and DH is out of town for work again. I know it would be helpful to me, but I'm just so scared I'm going to go and cry the whole time. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!) :) I was a part of an IF support group and I loved going, but since our loss I have not been back. I feel like I need more loss support at this time. (2 hours flies by and we often run over)

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    IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
    IVF # 3 (June 2013) = BFN 
    IVF # 4 (September 2013) = BFP Fraternal twin boys! (Loss at 21w6d due to IC on 1/26/14...devastated.)
    3/21/14--TAC (transabdominal cerclage) w/Dr. Davis in NJ
    IVF # 5 (May 2014) = BFN
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  • ~~Siggy Warning~~

    DH and I went to a support group back in the fall that met every Saturday for 9 weeks for 2 hours.  While I was the one that wanted us to go (DH was supportive, but I was the driving force) I was very nervous going into the first meeting, but we're both so glad we went.  Even though everyone's story at the group was different, it helped being around other parents who get it and who want to hear about your baby and want you to share you story.

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  • edited April 2014
    I just got back from my first visit to a support group I found here and it was good to be with women who have similar experiences although all slightly different- being able to socialize face to face with women who understood when I cried as I told my story felt amazing - hearing their stories and how they too felt once all the things I did so early on was comforting. we talked about the stages of grief and they also showed me the tree they built out back on the hospital wall with gold plated leaves inscribed with the names of each baby and offered one to me which was beautiful .... they also planted flowers around the area and have ceremonies during the year to remember the little ones ..... they said they have let balloons go one time with notes and another time butterflies, I'm very encouraged to be a part of that in the future- my fiancé came for support which was also great even if he chooses not to continue to come since he is handling this differently than me it was a good start for both of us. I can see the friendships formed there too and that was nice. I definitely recommend it if it is available to you in your area- I do plan to go back next month. xo
  • Okay, we tried to go, but apparently I can't read.  I had thought the handout said the group was the first Thursday of the month, but it ended up being on the first Tuesday of the month.  So we missed this one.  We did try though! We went to the receptionist to check in and she explained we had the wrong day.  I was so embarrassed, but honestly I think it was for the best.  Yesterday was an extremely emotional day and I think the group would have just been too much.  DH and I did get a chance to go out for appetizers and drinks since we didn't have group, though.

    I'm hoping that next month I will be in a better frame of mind to participate.  I am looking forward to doing this now, based on all your experiences with the group.  Thank you for your input!
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