Any other first time SAHM or experienced SAHM out there?

b48kate

I am having major clean house envy!  If I followed even a fraction of the daily chore lists you ladies have developed my house would be so darn clean!

traceyboo37

Hooray my crappy phone finally logged me in. I'll look at this thread again in a couple of hours. I am a teacher and also quit to stay home with our first child now about to have number 2 and I'm still home. I've been home for three years now and while I wouldn't trade it for all the marbles, it is difficult with one income at times. Also I get restless sometimes and when I do I score exams for a couple of hundred bucks or more per week depending on amount of hours I work.

MrsKipper

@mjdavies‌ I haven't experienced any criticism...at least not to my face or that's been made known to me. I get a lot of supportive comments. People are going to have their opinions but you have to do what's right for your individual family and situation!

rainbowdashh

@mjdavies I've gotten a lot of comments about having spent money on a degree only to stay at home. I usually just say I value having an education and I valued the time I worked, now I'm raising my kids and when the time comes I'll work again. If they still are negative, eff them. It's rude to comment on it anyway!

chloephoebecali

1. Join a mom's group (possibly through meetup.com)

2. Get a feel for the programs your (and other local) library offers (music time, baby classes, toddler time, story time) Go to these even when LO is only a few months. You will meet people and it will be nice to be out. 

3. Look into church or temple programs such as mommy and me, or maybe they have just a network of other moms. 

4. The mall is great when it's too hot or cold outside. It's nice just to be out just walking around. 

5. Check out your local parks for walking trails, animals, or summer programs. 

6.  Gymboree or Mygym ( pricey, but great way to meet people and break up the week).  Classes start early, too.

When you are ready (and from my experience, baby is a bit older), look into volunteer opportunities. I got involved in my church and now have a leadership position. We do a lot of outreach (thrift shop, soup kitchen, food pantry, etc) and it feels great to use my leadership/career skills knowing it's helping others. It's probably also good in my resume. I've worked on marketing campaigns, organizing programs, designing a new website, and voted on budgets and various other items that really Ffect the future of our church and local community. It feels great to be part of something bigger than laundry and dirty diapers. I get a few nights out with other adults doing someone important (and getting to use my brain). Getting involved in all this has really made my life feel more full. It was a hard adjustment, at first before all my volunteering, to go from being a pharmaceutical sales rep to staying home with baby all day with very few friends (also home).

Finance ideas - I will have to respond later.  I have to head out to a meeting.:)

Rosebud2587

I'm a SAHM. DH and I have been living off of one income (his) since we got married so we didn't really have to adjust as much to to that. I tried for years to get a job after college but with DH being military and some of the places we were stationed it was almost impossible and after a few years and getting pregnant I just sorta gave up looking. 

Even though I'm a SAHM I do put DD into daycare twice a week. I started that when DH was deployed just to have a break from 24/7 parenting. DD absolutely thrives there so I've kept her in. 

On the days DD is in daycare I try to clean the house really well, do some gardening, run all my errands, and sometimes I'll take that time for a me day and pamper myself. 

When DD is home I usually take her to a mommy and me workout class in the morning so that both of us get out of the house and socialize. Then we pretty much spend most of the day playing, making messes and cleaning them up, and when/if she naps I use that time to eat lunch and catch up on my shows that I DVRd. 

I love being a SAHM but also can't wait to try and get at least a part time job someday once I'm done having kids. 

MrsAMB07

I'm also a former teacher. I worked after DS was born and left when DD was born. It was definitely a dream come true for me, going back was the hardest thing I had ever done but at the time we weren't financially able to swing it. DH and I both had our moms home and it's something we both value, even though it comes with financial sacrifices, it's worth it to us.

Katieluc106

My biggest thing being a SAHM is that for two years I NEVER did anything for myself and it really started to weigh on me. I suggest you make sure and set time out for yourself away from the family. I ended up enrolling in school full time and it has given me something else than just being mom/ housewife and I love it.

BabyCurtiss2014

I have been staying at home since July when I had to quit my job and move to a different city for hubby's work. Before I got a new job I got preggo with our first so I decided to stay at home. My work was pretty stressful and demanding I was an operations manager for an investment firm. I worked super long hours and was always stressed. My hubby's mom was a SAHM and it's something we both wanted so I am excited! I'm sure it will be overwhelming with baby but I won't have to miss out on anything. Sometime down the road I may look into going back to work maybe after baby #2 although not sure. I'm planning to join a mommy group :-)

chloephoebecali

I want to add

chloephoebecali said:

1. Join a mom's group (possibly through meetup.com)

2. Get a feel for the programs your (and other local) library offers (music time, baby classes, toddler time, story time) Go to these even when LO is only a few months. You will meet people and it will be nice to be out. 

3. Look into church or temple programs such as mommy and me, or maybe they have just a network of other moms. 

4. The mall is great when it's too hot or cold outside. It's nice just to be out just walking around. 

5. Check out your local parks for walking trails, animals, or summer programs. 

6.  Gymboree or Mygym ( pricey, but great way to meet people and break up the week).  Classes start early, too.

When you are ready (and from my experience, baby is a bit older), look into volunteer opportunities. I got involved in my church and now have a leadership position. We do a lot of outreach (thrift shop, soup kitchen, food pantry, etc) and it feels great to use my leadership/career skills knowing it's helping others. It's probably also good in my resume. I've worked on marketing campaigns, organizing programs, designing a new website, and voted on budgets and various other items that really Ffect the future of our church and local community. It feels great to be part of something bigger than laundry and dirty diapers. I get a few nights out with other adults doing someone important (and getting to use my brain). Getting involved in all this has really made my life feel more full. It was a hard adjustment, at first before all my volunteering, to go from being a pharmaceutical sales rep to staying home with baby all day with very few friends (also home).

Finance ideas - I will have to respond later.  I have to head out to a meeting.:)

I want to add some finance tips.  

One major change that needed to happen was cutting back on gifting.  It was getting to be too much.  Now instead of buying for siblings, we only buy for the kids in the family and our parents.  Gifts are fairly simple $30-$40.  We really never needed to be exchanging with our siblings and their SOs.  We also don't exchange with friends unless it's a formal party.  I have a deal with my girlfriend to limit our spend between our kids (for birthdays).  It's perfect.

We don't go out to eat much and usually pack food if we are going somewhere for the day.  We would be packing for the kids anyway (picky, with food allergies) so packing for us is no biggie.

When there is an occasion, we host at our home versus having it out.  This is birthdays, baptisms, and holidays.  Usually my mom and mil is willing to help with food so that always helps out.

I use the library a lot.  We go there for programs but I also borrow e-books and e-magazines for my iPad.  They have so much and I love it.  I also started doing some audio books.  All this through their website.

I usually try to maximize my errand running.  Instead of doing little stuff everyday, I will try to pair my errands based on location.  I'm just conscious about using gas.  I don't drive myself nuts over it, but it can add up hitting up target a few times a week.

I plan my weekly menu based on what is on sale.  Whatever is on sale is what we eat.  I just find a recipe to fit that sale item.  I coupon a bit, too, but usually stick to generic brands.

I stock up on sale items, especially if it is on sale at costco.

We got solar panels.  

We use our family members as babysitters when/if we need them.

We love hand me downs, garage sales, a great local consignment shop and any thrift shop.  I will even buy stuff at garage sales to sell in the consignment shop.  I know what brands sell and sometimes I pick the stuff up for a quarter.  People just want it out of their homes and can be bothered with consigning.  I love ebay for special pieces.

I stretch out my haircut/color.  I get highlights and just a trim so I try to go three months between each.

I don't get manicures (they don't last with all the dishes and cleaning) but I will treat myself to the occasional pedi in the summer.  I shopped and noticed some places that are cheaper mom-wed.  

We pick and choose what we do.  We really think out how we spend, most especially big stuff.  For special stuff we want (fancy purses, jewelry, or Dh gambling money), we use birthday money we received from parents.  If more money for item, usually we will discuss and it isn't a problem.  We don't exchange presents with each other so when something special comes up it's usually not a problem.  The money he makes is our money, and we both work.  I am not treated lesser nor have to ask for money, etc.   We don't micromanage each other's spending.  

Expectations of each other:

Dh wouldn't dare come home and tell me that I should have done the dishes.  We do have a general mutual agreement of the type of stuff I regularly do (stuff that I don't expect him to do, but occasionally will do by choice or by my asking) and then stuff that he does, that I am not beyond doing, either.  I think some guys think that having a sahw means they are going to come home to a new home cooked meal and a pristine house every night.  Unless you are super mom, it is tough.  I think having an open conversation about how you each think how it is going to play out is good.  Also, I've noticed that my personal expectations of myself and the managing if our home has changed as my situation has-having a newborn that is up all night, versus an infant naps and sleeps better at night.  Napping (or lack of) napping kids can affect it, as well as how independent your kid becomes -feeding self, potty trained, changes own clothes, can entertain themself, etc.  all these things will change how well things are managed around your home.  Plus then you start to get busy with running to activities and preschool.  It's always changing.

MrsRahl

Has anyone ever been in a wedding while being on one income? I'm in a wedding and my friends don't seem to understand I don't have an unlimited budget for the brides shower and bachelorette party, nor do I really want to attend the bachelorette party while still nursing and baby is young. @chloephoebecali‌ have you ever dealt with this or something similar where people expect money from you but won't give you a number to budget? I'm about to seriously lose friends over this and it's so sad. I'm not being cheap either. I told them I'm willing to put up $250 for a shower... but all the response I get is well just have to see what it costs at the end. Same thing has happened at Christmas.

CrysW08

I'm also a first time SAHM that started a little early due to being laid off in February. I have no tips but am having the same anxiety as you are about money & identity!

chloephoebecali

MrsRahl said:

Has anyone ever been in a wedding while being on one income? I'm in a wedding and my friends don't seem to understand I don't have an unlimited budget for the brides shower and bachelorette party, nor do I really want to attend the bachelorette party while still nursing and baby is young. @chloephoebecali‌ have you ever dealt with this or something similar where people expect money from you but won't give you a number to budget? I'm about to seriously lose friends over this and it's so sad. I'm not being cheap either. I told them I'm willing to put up $250 for a shower... but all the response I get is well just have to see what it costs at the end. Same thing has happened at Christmas.

That is terrible that they are giving you such crap. My BFF got married a few months after having dd and I knew it would be expensive. We actually started saving money for it once she got engaged and cringed all along the way with how money needed to be spent. If it is a good friend, she should understand. The other bridesmaids probably just hate the idea that stuff will cost them more. I would get together we the bride and explain your situation (instead of over email or phone). Explain to her that you have really had to cut back and share with her some ways in which your life has/is financially changing-ex: no more gym, netflix, expensive cable package, no more eating out or fancy dinners. Tell her that you love her and want her to have the dream bachelorette and shower, but that at this point you don't know how you could participate without some sense of how much it is going to cost. I would offer to bow out of the bridal party if it would be better for her/drama with other girls.  Tell her no hard feelings, still want to be there/see her, but don't know how you can keep up with the other girls.  If she does want you to stay, I would be clear with her about probably not being able to make the Bach party.  How old will baby be?  I would also say something along the lines of wishing you could have foreseen this - not realizing how finances would actually pan out being a sahm. Whatever you do, don't flaunt new material items, fancy dinners out and stick to your truth/new lifestyle (at the very least, on fb). Don't give her or the other girls an opportunity to judge and tell you how you should spend.

I hope the bride understands.  Maybe she can adjust her expectations of her parties and relay them to the bms.  I'm sure you are not the only one worried about how pricey it is going to get.  If she is a decent person she shouldn't be asking a ridiculous amount from her girls.  It's more about being together and not pushing people out because they can't afford it.  GL!

temursgirl

MrsRahl said:

Has anyone ever been in a wedding while being on one income? I'm in a wedding and my friends don't seem to understand I don't have an unlimited budget for the brides shower and bachelorette party, nor do I really want to attend the bachelorette party while still nursing and baby is young. @chloephoebecali‌ have you ever dealt with this or something similar where people expect money from you but won't give you a number to budget? I'm about to seriously lose friends over this and it's so sad. I'm not being cheap either. I told them I'm willing to put up $250 for a shower... but all the response I get is well just have to see what it costs at the end. Same thing has happened at Christmas.

When I got married there were some issues over spending for the parties. I hope I emphasized to all the girls that I didn't need them to do something too expensive. I know that someone with more money volunteered to foot the alcohol bill, but there were still some hard feelings over the girl who took all the leftover food home without asking. I've never been in a situation where people couldn't give me a budget... They sound kind of disorganized. Sometimes, if I'm the only SAHW I takeover. It actually helps the others out because they may not have time and you can control the situation a bit. I would definitely bow out of the bachelorette party. Not even for the financial reason, but just because it sounds stressful and not fun with a baby.

temursgirl

@mjdavies‌ people don't generally say things directly, it's more implied. But I think it's a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't. The next person will judge you for not staying home with your kids. Or for going back to work too early, or too late, or working too many hours. The most irritating questions I get are "does DH mind?" (Well, no, that's obviously a mutual decision) and "but what do you DO all day?" I guess they think my house magically cleans itself? The point is, people are judgey. You have to try not to let it bother you (I know, easier said than done) and remind yourself that you chose this because it's what works for your family.

MrsRahl

@chloephoebecali‌ and @Temurlang1‌ the bride has been wonderful, it's been the MOH that is going nuts. Who ironically was my MOH. I talked to some of my past bridesmaids and they said she was crazy to them too. Costs kept changing etc. I had NO idea this had gone on. I guess I'm going to just sick it up as much as I can and speak up if time comes where I can't afford it. DH told me to blame it on him. I don't want to do that. The baby will be about 8-12 weeks old by the time the party rolls around and I will be EBF.