SIncerest appologies ((warning bfp))

nola219

BIO:

Me 35 never been preggers, DH 37 never been preggers either

Dx: PCOS, anovulation, endometriosis and Dermoid cyst in & on Left Ovary

TTC for 3 years, 14 months with ART (clomid, folistem, HCG triggers, progesterone and metformin),, S/P D&C. With 2 failed IUI's

11 DPO and 2rd IUI.

Scant spotting starting on 10 DPO, with mild cramping no other pregnancy s/sx

I couldn't wait to morning and I had to pee so I POAS (First Response). The line is faint, but you can see it. I have a beta test scheduled for Friday 3/28. Could this be it? I'm in shock! I want to be positive but I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. Any thoughts? I have never seen a positive test in person ever and I'm a nurse!

ProcessofBecoming

Lurking in to say that you might want to read the "Welcome and Intro" sticky that appears at the top of the posts on this board. It will give you a better idea of proper board etiquette and the general feel of the board (and what is and isn't acceptable).

Although TTC > 35 is a welcoming board of wonderful ladies, they would like to get to know you a bit before you flash a BFP in their faces. Drive-by BFPs are considered bad form (and hurtful to the ladies here who are struggling in their journey to motherhood).

This might not be the case on this board, but I know that on TTGP, terms like "preggo" and "preggers" also go over as well as a fart in church. Just an FYI.

If there's a line on your First Response test, even a faint one, you're pregnant. I would post further questions about your pregnancy over on PG > 35, your birth month board, or the First Trimester board.

Best of luck to you with your betas.

Davie813

Congratulations--I agree, a line is a line!

Lm92599

fx for a positive beta. Congrats

nola219

ProcessofBecoming said:

Lurking in to say that you might want to read the "Welcome and Intro" sticky that appears at the top of the posts on this board. It will give you a better idea of proper board etiquette and the general feel of the board (and what is and isn't acceptable).

Although TTC > 35 is a welcoming board of wonderful ladies, they would like to get to know you a bit before you flash a BFP in their faces. Drive-by BFPs are considered bad form (and hurtful to the ladies here who are struggling in their journey to motherhood).

This might not be the case on this board, but I know that on TTGP, terms like "preggo" and "preggers" also go over as well as a fart in church. Just an FYI.

If there's a line on your First Response test, even a faint one, you're pregnant. I would post further questions about your pregnancy over on PG > 35, your birth month board, or the First Trimester board.

Best of luck to you with your betas.

Didn't mean to offend anyone, But I have posted on other boards, and gave my intro. I also read the proper etiquette post. I was unaware that I had to leave a full intro prior to posting anything. First of all I don't know if I am expecting and was looking for support, just like you. I have been TTC for over 3 years now. I am just learning of this kind of support. Unwritten "rules" like not saying preggers, is something one learns in time as I am sure you did yourself. I think you are being overly sensitive and everyone on the TTTC boards can't wait to announce they are preggers to the world, and I don't think they would refer to it as being a "fart in church". Until my OBGYN says I am BFP, I will continue to post to TTTC boards! We have all been on this road before and things didn't turn out well. In fact I came back to this board to say that I think this is a chemical pregnancy, b/c my "spotting" has become more like bleeding. So thanks for being a FART in an already disappointing day. ASS!!! Please feel free not to visit this board again and to anyone else who liked your post rather than be happy for someone else. I didn't post on someone else's discussion board, I made my own, and gave subject matter in the title!

Maybe you should post to the over 40 boards and already pregnant, and stop lurking on the TTTC boards. THANKS and good luck to you with your excising child and current pregnancy!

 

ProcessofBecoming

I am going to answer this as diplomatically as possible. TTC>35 is, by and large, a drama-free board, and I believe the ladies here would like to keep it that way.

I've posted here for quite some time, lurked for even longer, and was very happy to see the "Welcome" post created by another long-time poster, in the hopes of educating new ladies to the board and avoiding situations like the one you've just created.

If you were posting about a blue-dye test (notorious for evaps) or wondfos (notorious for false positives--I know from personal experience), I could make an argument for your confusion. But a pink line on a FRER, even a light pink line, means you are pregnant. I'm not quite sure how much more clear that could be, especially to women of our age group who have been TTC for quite some time. Further, I was confused as to why you would post about your positive test here instead of Pregnant > 35, as you have already posted yesterday on Pregnant > 35 about your two-week wait. Wouldn't it have made more sense to post about this issue there? To women who are pregnant, and would be happy to share their knowledge with you? 

I'm sorry you didn't appreciate the tone of my post, but I was sincerely (and pretty nicely) trying to point you in the right direction. Name calling on your part is neither warranted nor appreciated.

If you've lurked around the bump, you also know that there are no over 40 boards (we're a rare and beautiful breed, us 40+ers), TTC > 35 has always been my "home" board. I only post here when warranted, and I felt that your post warranted a reply. 

If indeed, you are experiencing a chemical pregnancy, which I certainly hope is not the case, I am very sorry for your loss. But I do hope you get good news with your betas on Friday.

nola219

@ProcessofBecoming

If there is drama you brought it here not me! I simply posted a question to nice ladies I thought could help me!

Please just stop! You may think your intentions are good but they are not. I did have proper post etiquette. I gave warning to subject matter in post and gave another intro. YOU HAVE NO BASIS TO INSULT ME AND TO FILL MY BOARD WITH NEGATIVITY. Please feel free never to lurk on this post again. I see that you feel TTC after 35 is your Home, however you are ALREADY EXPECTING. I have just as much of a right to be on this Public forum as you if not more seeing that it has not been determined that I am expecting! You jumped too soon and as they say got FLAMMMED!! I came to this site hoping for answers and NO I DID NOT KNOW THAT A FAINT LINE MEANT A BFP THAT IS WHY I ASKED FOR HELP. Obviously you KNOW cause you are effing pregnant not TTGP!! So stop lurking on others boards, and jumping to wrong effing conclusions! PLEASE NEVER POST ON MY DISCUSSION BOARD AGAIN and FU for bringing your negativity and judgment on me!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

nola219

I never stated she should not post on TTC >35. Just here. I have respected the rules and posted an intro and bio on the welcome page. Again I even gave an Intro in my initial post. I NEVER said I was BFP, and asked for help. It was in the title of this discussion board. No negativity would have ensued if ProcessodBecoming would not have left such an ugly post. The long term members here seem to have a problem with, short term posters having any good news. And I'm glad you are all docs and have magically determined through the computer that I am expecting. Through all our loses, fears, attempts at becoming a mother, I would have hoped for a more understanding response. As my original post stated "I HAVE NEVER SEEN A POSITIVE PREGNANCY SIGN" and was/am pessimistic.

I do hope to find a home in pregnant over 35, because the ladies there have been supportive with my questions even though I am not yet one of them. Even the TTTG ladies are wonderful. I thought this board would be my "home" but I want no part of it now. If there was a way to delete this thread I would, for it was never my intent to overstep or offend anyone.

Good luck to you all and on your current and future LO.

Sincerely, Disappointed in TTC >35

ProcessofBecoming

Ladies, I very much apologize if I was out of line by responding to this post, but my intentions were very much in the right place. @JimBobCooter‌, thanks so much for the support here. This is my first time ever in all of my years on the Bump that I've been, uh, "flammed," which is pretty interesting. I'm thinking it's best to duck out now and hopefully this thread will die (and said drama will die with it), as no good can come from me continuing to engage this individual. OP, I'm going to keep it classy and again wish you the best of luck with your betas. Good night, ladies

KirstenAlecia

OP, ProcessofBecoming was perfectly respectful to you in her posting. 

We have ladies here who are having issues and its hard. It seems like you should be understanding of that based on information you gave. 

Also, as for sticking around……the ladies around her become friends and attached. So they continue to lurk and occasionally post. If you were an active participant on this board you would understand this. We are actually friendly and welcoming but are protective of our friends.  

I do wish you luck.

nola219

Seriously she is with child and has a LO, I have been trying for years and have only had No's and Negatives. Not even a false positive. I respect you for taking up for your own, however you are not being very respectful to someone who is TTGP, >35 and having TTTC. I think I match the criteria. Plus none of you seem to have read my post on the welcome board with a detailed IF history. None of us know when we will get our BFP, but we are always wanting. I came here after my last IUI and was looking for support and trying to find help and advise. 

If this is TTC > 35 being nice, then I really don't want to be here. I have edited all the stuff I would really like to say to you condescending "ladies" but I will refrain. Wow I don't need a reminder NOT to post anything positive in my life to TTC >35 again.

Good look with your PREGNANCY and CURRENT CHILDREN! Proper etiquette is to announce a SIGGY or LO warning prior to posting in respect to those of us who have been trying desperately to becoming FTM!

bumpuser10258960

@KristenAlecia, I couldn't agree more. The original reply was @Processofbecoming's way of politely reminding you of the rules. I'm still fairly new to the board and also felt that your post was a drive-by BFP and was better suited for the other board to which you've already previously posted. By lashing back instead of taking it in stride, you, @nola219 are the one who brought drama to our board and frankly, it's not welcome. 

Seriously, best of luck in TTC. It seems like you've had some challenges in the past but have a hopeful prognosis. 

nola219

@ProcessofBecoming if you Read the Welcome board like you keep mentioning you would have seen my info post! Do your research before you "politely" inform others. Maybe just maybe your current PREGNANCY has turned you into a hormonal B. Just saying

Sincerely TTC >35

on42

I rare commend everyone just discontinue commenting on this thread.

BeckyP005

Not starting anything but in her defense she did post an intro but yes a faint line does mean your PG. :::butting out::: Good night

KirstenAlecia

BeckyP005 said:

Not starting anything but in her defense she did post an intro but yes a faint line does mean your PG. :::butting out::: Good night

Becky. I actually can see she introd but didn't stick around it seems like she went strait over to PG<35. I think thats why it feels a little drive by ish. 

The longer she hangs around TB in general she will see this board is tame. However tame…..I am not a wall flower and will speak up.

The responses from OP were more hostile (calling Processofbecoming a hormonal B. NOBODY called her names) other than the nudging OP received for doing what felt like a drive by BFP.

Now to what I really want to say…and other than this I will not engage the OP. At least not just for the sake of arguing…..its not necessary here.:

If she is not PG  she should come back, participate, and then she won't be forgotten because we only saw an intro post ever and we will rejoice her BFP when it happens or support her in the months when there is waiting on a BFP.

Sorry…I know its best to bow out…I will.

Mommalawyer

I don't know say other than we are all 30-40 something's and I don't think calling people names is appopriate at all. There's a way to articulate feelings without calling someone names.

BeckyP005

Oh I was just making that small fact that she did at least make an intro. I'm not saying I agree with her and yes name calling is immature. I think some pp just don't get it when they post and kind of roll my eyes when they do. I'm a pretty quiet person! I usually stay out of these things and on that note I have nothing else to add but I need to get my butt out of bed I would NEVER make a good lawyer...haha. Maybe my bad since I was too tired to clearly think

nola219

I just call a spade a spade. Passive aggressively telling me to post farther questions on another board, specifically pregnant >35 and my birth month, is not "politely" reminding people of the rules. What a double standard to back up someone who was out of line and IS NOT TTC, and attack a fellow member who was confused and is TTC, is absurd!

If ProcessofBecoming wants to continue being a creeper on a TTC board when she is with child. Then she needs to give a Siggy/LO warning per the 'rules' and stick to only responding to friends comments.

Once again it can't be a drive by BFPing if you DON'T KNOW if you are expecting!! And you have subject matter in the title and gave a detail intro both on the welcome board and on this thread.

No worries this will be my last post on here. Thanks for nothing TTC >35.

PrivateOne

@nola219 ... First and foremost, please STOP attacking @ProcessofBecoming

Perhaps she overstepped a bit in her initial post to you, but she did it out of sheer protection of all of us on here.  We know her well, she is our friend, and she has only recently "graduated" to the PG > 35 board.  Wether you like it or not, we welcome her lurking visits/comments anytime.

With just two posts of your own, you have to accept that you are still a new poster to our board.  Yes, you have done an intro, however it is on our welcome message posting and not in a post of your own.  Honestly most people wouldn't see it there. You have never checked in on our weekly board check-ins and have had little to no interaction with most of us.  So, stating that you have a line on a FRER, is pretty much textbook for a drive-by BFP.  Sorry if you didn't know that a line meant a positive. (I'm actually a little surprised by that since you are a nurse.)

I do applaud you for giving a warning in your title.  It was perfect for me as I knew what to expect, so thank you.  Speaking for myself as someone who is 43, never had a child of her own, been to various RE's, gone through too many tests to name and has struggled with infertility for quite a bit longer than you, I am very sensitive to posters who come here briefly and announce they have a line and want to know if "this is it."  Actually, it was posts just like this that made me develop this board's welcome message. Far too often,  I was personally feeling very sad and angry at posts just like this.  For me what makes matters a little worse is that you posted this on 3/27 knowing your beta would be the next day on 3/28.   Couldn't you have been more sensitive to us all and just done a post that said you are anxious about your upcoming beta and looking forward to the results?  I guarantee you would have had a slew of GL and we're rooting for you responses to a post like that. Instead you have just made many of us angry and upset.

So, today is your big day and I do hope you get the confirmation you are looking for regarding that line you saw.  I assume you will then move on from here and find a pregnant board that suits you.  However, if you will be staying with us and still TTC, please try and be more sensitive and supportive of all of us and you will find we will do the same in return.  The welcome message clearly states that there are all kinds of posters here who are at all stages and we must respect everyones' situation to continue to be the great board that it is.

nola219

@PrivateOne

So I should have started my journey on TTC >35, with a Intro Discussion Board of my own, introducing myself and my current IF struggles?? Kind of like this

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12299267/anxious-after-iui#latest

This is a post/question/intro/message board that I did, prior to this current thread. After this post, and commenting on other peoples boards I left an intro on your Welcome board. I gave warning in my Title and an intro in my OP on this thread. I have played by the rules and have been respectful of others. You say you accept those TTC in all stages, but clearly not the "newbies". None of us know when we will get our BFP. I have been trying to conceive for 3 years now and have had failed attempts at IUI. I can not help that my first month posting on this board I may have gotten my BFP.

Again with the passive aggressive insults. This time insulting me as a nurse, yes I know what a effing line looks like! The one I saw was so light and barely visible that I did not know what to make of it.

I never came here to cause drama and I feel that I was respectful of others and followed "the rules" of the message board. ProcessOF, over stepped, spoke out of turn, and insulted someone that was looking for help.

Please feel free to have this thread deleted off of TB, you can even ban me if you like. I promise I will never ask anyone in TTC >35 a question again. I will get my advise from the nice ladies in TTTC.

Good luck, and a H&H 9 months to all the PG ladies on TTC.

PrivateOne

We are a very welcoming group and I won't let you tell us otherwise. 

Within this post, you have not been one bit kind or sensitive to any of us or our feelings .  You've actually been down right mean.

Goodbye, I'm done!

KirstenAlecia

I guess this must be what happens on the other boards..lol. 

I want to commend the ladies for taking the high ground and still having a calm discussion on our part. Lets go about our days like we normally do.

We have LOTS of new ladies here and Im willing to bet they felt welcome with open arms.

On with our day ladies.

OP…….I tried. Scoot along.

Radiantly

wow. catching up on this.  we are all sensitive to drive bys and have had many discussions about how to protect our emotional reactions to them.  and, how to handle people posting things like this post here.  certainly avoiding any drama........ this is a drama free board, this is because we are all mature women.  unfortunately @nola219 you have posted quite a few targeted mean posts and I will always have my defenses up high, protecting my vulnerable heart, if you post on the board again. i hope if you do that you are kind, sweet, and vulnerable as well.  then we will be able to relate to you.

nola219

Maybe vulnerability, sensitivity, hormones, hurt and disappointment in our lives fueled the continued bickering on this thread. I was blindsided by the initial response to my OP. I really did come here for advise and not to boast. I am truly sorry if I offended someone with my OP, and if it felt like a dive by to anyone. However I was also "attacked" on this thread. Starting posts with "beep beep drive by" is not sensitive or nice at all. However attacked I may feel I will take full responsibility of my negative comments and others comments that followed.

I may be new to the TTC>35 board but not to the struggle. It is hurtful to 'hear' others in your situation tell you to go to a board for pregnant women, when you have never been PG before. I seriously don't think any of you looked at this thread from my point of view. Yet I consciously tried NOT to offend in my OP, whether successful or not is irrelevant.

I will take the high road and apologize for offending anyone for that was never my intent and I'm truly sorry if somehow I caused someone else suffering with IF pain. I hope this will help end the madness that has erupted on this thread. Like I said in a previous post if I could have deleted it I would have.

WARNING DRIVE BY^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

As you can see by my signature I did get my very 1st BFP. I am over the moon happy, freaked out and in total disbelief. I did add the siggy/ticker warning to be respectful and also thinking of you ladies and how a new signature appears on old posts. I promise I am learning and plan to never be in this situation again.

I do not expect congrats nor am I here for your well wishes. I simply wanted to say sorry. I will continue to post on TB mostly in the Dec14 birth club and if anyone wants to know my progress I will be there. I TRUELY for the deepest depths of my heard hope and wish the very best to all of the ladies on TTC >35. IF is a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, so please trust that I am being sincere. I will continue to "lurk" on this forum for even thou my time here was short, I still feel I can relate better to those TTC than the fertile mertiles out there:)

I am scared to death and praying for a textbook 9 months. It's hard being optimistic when you have been burned so many times before. Prayers would be most welcome.

Again I am so very sorry I let this get so out of hand. Good luck to all of you, in every stage on TTC. I think I will go silent for a little while on here and hope that you all can give a hormonal B a second chance:) Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Hopefully your new friend in battle, nola219!

Davie813

@nola219, thanks for this.

I'm so glad you're not leaving us on bad terms. I'm only speaking for myself, here, but I don't think it's true that nobody sympathized with you. I know @ProcessOfBecoming only wanted to look out for all of us, some of whom are pretty vulnerable right now, but I truly do see why you might have felt hurt. When things escalated the way they did, though, it got hard to _stay_ sympathetic.

At the end of the day, we're all posting to these boards because we're struggling in one way or another, so I'm glad we can take a deep breath and support each other.

Also, I'm truly very happy to hear about your bfp! Congrats! Of course you're welcome to lurk here, and although of course I hope everything goes perfectly with the pregnancy, you're more than welcome to post if you find yourself ttc again.

Maybe, now, we can let this thread die a natural death and move on to happier things?

Tl/dr: Can't we all just get along?

Guennie

Siggy warning.

Gosh you guys, I thought I landed on a bmb for a minute! Whew!! After the initial outburst I started "love"ing responses but I couldn't keep up!

I just wanted to say that some of us who used to be on this board do still lurk and occasionally pop up in support of our friends who remain here. I know I posted about drive-by bfp's quite some time ago because I still feel very protective of the women on this board, they were there for me when I really needed them and I will always care about what they are going through. I know a lot of others who finally moved on feel the same way.

Having said that, I want to apologize to anyone who doesn't know who we are if it's at all uncomfortable seeing us post here on occasion. As long as I've known this board it has been drama free. I really hope it can remain that way. There is enough drama in IF itself, the women struggling through it certainly don't need more. I was very glad to see this thread ended on a positive note.

To those of you who don't know me- if I ever post something and it bothers you please let me know. I don't ever want to make anyone feel bad.

Radiantly

Thank you Nola and good luck!!!