Transitioning from working outside the home to SAHM

pineconey

If you're transitioning from working outside the home to being a SAHM (whether this is your first LO or not), how are you doing? If you're off work already, how has the transition been? If you're still currently working, how are you feeling as you approach the end?

Discuss, share, encourage- let's walk through this transition together, shall we?

pineconey

Last Friday was my last day full time. Currently I'm extremely thankful to be done because I've been exhausted all week- I can't imagine having gone in to work!
Still mixed feelings about "letting" DH be solely in charge of bringing home the bacon. I'm so used to bringing in some kind of an income, it's hard mentally to give up. Looking forward to the time I'll be spending with LO and other SAHMs in the area!

hlm184

Pretty relaxing here.  I made myself a chore schedule for cleaning that I've been fairly good about sticking to.  It'll go out the window once LO shows up, but for now it's nice.

RedDawnsRevenge

Have officially been a SAHM now since March 3rd. So far DD is tolerating my mistakes, as I suck at this. I feel guilty not working, DH makes half what I made as an RN and his new job is in NH...the second farthest state from Ca. I don't know any other SAHMs so it's kinda lonely.

pineconey

RedDawnsRevenge said:

Have officially been a SAHM now since March 3rd. So far DD is tolerating my mistakes, as I suck at this. I feel guilty not working, DH makes half what I made as an RN and his new job is in NH...the second farthest state from Ca. I don't know any other SAHMs so it's kinda lonely.

Oh!!! Hugs to you!! When will you two get to live together again? Are there some SAHM groups in your area you can join??

lindz324

Still working- feeling okay this week, better than last. Plan to work until my due date, but we will see if I can make it..the baby has dropped so I'm uncomfortable in the pelvic area.

Enjoy your time off ladies! I'm jealous!

kseccomb17

I was a working mom just until I got this BFP. It was and still is a challenge from day to day to get everything I need done. I do all of our accounting and cleaning and day watching of DD, while going to school. DH is a wonderful help, but with OCD, it's just easier if I do it myself and save him the frustration of him doing something and me having to redo it. I struggle with finding time for myself or getting out of the house and having adult interaction. All of which I found difficult while I was working. It's truly the only thing I miss about working- adult conversation. I really love being a SAHM, and appreciate every second I can. Our house just flows much better and it's less stressful for everyone this way. 

Stace0616

Not sure how long I'll be a SAHM, but after losing my job in January, it was great for a couple weeks. Then I blew through all of the shows I wanted to catch up on. And now the pregnancy exhaustion is catching up to me and I'm too sore to even do laundry lately. I'm hoping things will be better once baby gets here! It is awesome to be able to take naps and not have to be "on" after a night of waking up 4 times to pee though. And having the nursery done definitely takes a load off my mind. My unemployment runs out at the end of July, and DH and I agreed we'd see how our budget and my sanity lasted with a baby 24/7. I have no idea how I'll feel after a few months with him. I may be working part time a couple nights/weekends to bring in some extra cash so that I can stay home with the baby longer though.

speechie517

I'll be a part time SAHM until August- and I hate domestic things other than cooking, so we will see what happens around the house. I guess ill end up doing a better job than I am now. I'm still working and trying to get all of my end of year paperwork completed by the end of this week!

homediva

I've been a SAHM since my son came into this world 2.5 years ago. I love it! My advice is to get out ever day, whether it's for a walk, an errand, or an activity. There are so many fun things to do with baby so check out what your neighborhood offers - it's a great way to pick up mom friends too! I've always loved music classes, baby and me yoga, and library groups!

KatieGummow

I have been off since Feb 28th and love it. First time not working since I was 16. I definitely would love to find a group near me to get together with because I question my sanity raising two baby boys without another adult to interact with all day. There are two ladies in my hood who just had a babynand is due for one april 9, so hopefully I can bond with them.

Rrrrrachel

I went from being a full time teacher to working part time and mostly from home. It's a good balance for me but it definitely took awhile to get used to! There are days I can't wait to send my daughter back to day care. I also thought I would have all this time and my house would be so clean. Yeah right

jessech89

I've been doing the stay at home thing officially since March 1 but I've been done working since Jan (did a lot of traveling so I wouldn't consider those 2 months SAH). I thought I would love it but so far, I hate it. I start school in May so I know that will help and obviously having LO here will keep me occupied but relying on my boyfriend for everything is driving me crazy. And when he gets home around 4 I start making dinner and that takes about an hour, we eat together for about 15 min and then I spend 30 min cleaning and he just watches TV the whole time but I don't feel right asking for his help. I've been looking really hard for a job but so far it seems like SAHM is my official title. Hopefully it gets better, whether by getting a job or by me just getting used to this new role.

Btw I am so glad you started this post, OP. Very reassuring to know I'm not the only one second guessing this "amazing" nonworking gig.

pineconey

DH has only just started working FT this month, and I know he wasted tons of time when he was only part time. It's catching up with him now that he's doing 40 hours a week. I thought I'd feel bad asking for his help around the house, but I'm so tired that I don't care. Plus, I was working 40 hours, pregnant, and doing the majority of the housework and cooking. He's gotta strap on his big boy boots and step up if this parenting thing is going to work.

alittlelibrary

I've been home for a few weeks, getting used to the idea. My SO wants it to be a long term scenario but I have my doubts. I might be less frustrated when the SPD pain subsides and I can get out more, though.

babybarnes87

My last day of work is Friday. It still feels so surreal to me that I will be a SAHM! I am looking forward to the transition. It will be interesting to see how it all works out once LO is here. My neighbor across the street has an 8-month old and I have a few other mommy friends in the area, so I'm hoping to get out as much as possible to interact with other adults during the day. I think that's what I will miss most about teaching--interacting with my students and colleagues.

AcaAwkward

I've done the SAHM thing for 2 years and it was a HUGE transition for me and for DH. I can honestly say it took me a full year to really hit my stride. My biggest two pieces of advice are

(1) find mom friends!!!!! Check your local library for story times, join a Kindermuzik or kiddie gym type class, join a MOPS group, checkout MeetUp.com for moms' groups.

(2) Let go of resentment for your partner. There is definitely an adjustment period to parenthood but also to your new rolls. I used to majorly resent the fact that DH got to get up and shower and wear real clothes and eat lunch with adults everyday. Then he'd come home and I'd toss DD at him because "I've been dealing with spit up and poop and crying all day -- it's your turn!" Nope, sorry, everyone has been working all day, and there are parts of each person's job that are enviable and sucky (I know it killed DH to leave his baby every day -- he would have loved to spend with her all day!). Work together, try to understand the other's situation, and figure out how to split things evenly when both parents are at home!

RedDawnsRevenge

pineconey said:

RedDawnsRevenge said:

Have officially been a SAHM now since March 3rd. So far DD is tolerating my mistakes, as I suck at this. I feel guilty not working, DH makes half what I made as an RN and his new job is in NH...the second farthest state from Ca. I don't know any other SAHMs so it's kinda lonely.

Oh!!! Hugs to you!! When will you two get to live together again? Are there some SAHM groups in your area you can join??

Well told DH to come home the 4th (because he needs to move his mom as she decided to sell her house a week ago...long story). Not sure how long he'll get to stay, how long we can afford for him to stay. It's a 10 month assignment that was originally supposed to be 6weeks on 2weeks off at home. DH was talking about maybe having us come out there but I just don't see that as possible. The company he's working for now is a subcontractor for 2 other companies, and the main company said they just had an opening at a wind farm here in Ca (don't know which location). So really I'm not 100% sure when we'll all be back together again. Could be worse, the first 3 years of our marriage he was deployed. I'm not really sure where I would find a SAHM group?

pineconey

@RedDawnsRevenge‌ look for library story times, cloth diapering stores, breastfeeding groups, babywearing groups, and any local baby stores. They can point you in the direction of mommy groups!

Eta: Facebook is a great place to start! Just look up your area plus something about babies.

sparkles98

I've been home since I found out I was pregnant, my husband was awesome about letting me quit my job. I love the domestic life I love cooking and all that stuff. But I am nervous for when the baby arrives I've heard it's the hardest job you will ever have. Luckily my husband is open to me going back to work if I want. I plan to get involved in activities to meet other moms. It will definitely be a change.

CalinAZ

My last day of work will be two weeks from Friday! I am so ready to be done, but I've never not worked, so I don't know what will be like. I also don't think it's quite sunk in that when I finish in a couple weeks, that's it for over a year. I did somewhat support DH while he was in grad school, since he wasn't making much money, which helps me feel less awkward about letting him make all the money this coming year. Also, after 6 years of teaching, I think I am ready for a break. I'm only planning to take this year off, which hopefully I'll be happy with. 

Balancing our roles will definitely be interesting and challenging, especially since DH can often work from home. I'm afraid he will have too high of expectations for what I'll be able to accomplish - I've just heard so many stories about how hard it is to do house chores if you have a fussy baby. 

I've always wanted to stay home when I had kids, though, so I am so excited. 

fourthnlast

I made the switch about 6 years ago and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. My last day of work was the day before #3 was born and I cried and cried and cried the whole way home. I loved my job and thought that I would be going back eventually. The whole first year was really tough because I didn't try, I just sat and felt sorry for myself wishing I could be back at work. 

After that, it got a lot easier when we started DOING things. Now, I honestly can't imagine ever going back to work in an office, I'm a personal trainer so I work from home or at other people's homes, best of both worlds. 

baileymama3

I am not doing a full SAHM thing yet but going from full time to 25 hours ( well trying-- may end up SAHM). It's not the same but still a really big change! I am nervous as how it will work out budget wise/time wise. I will make half but yet still pay for home care. We have a lot to still figure out but I am taking 3 months off unpaid so that will be a good test on how things start off! Good luck everyone, it's a big decision either way and hard.

buffyjsa

When I got pregnant, we both figured I'd take my 12 weeks FMLA and then go back.  But in the last few weeks, we looked at daycare/preschools and my husband just couldn't do it.  The idea of putting our baby girl into such an impersonal care facility actually made him cry.  We talked about it for awhile, and it now seems that I'm going to be staying home longer than I thought.

I hate where I currently am, and make significantly less than what my husband makes.  I was planning to look for a new job after she is born, but I like the idea that I don't have to start applications and interviews while my body is still recovering from pregnancy.  Part of me likes the idea of not having to go to work, and part of me is completely understanding PP about being unsure of staying home, being able to actually meet other people, and the division of housework and childcare.

We ought to have a follow up post in a year or so to see where we all are on this topic!

babylove4414

So glad you started this thread! My last day of work is Friday and I'm nervous about becoming a SAHM and not contributing at all financially. DH has always brought in more income than me but I still felt equal. I just hope that dynamic doesn't change! I just don't know what to expect and hope the transition isn't too bad. I am so excited to be able to stay home with LO for at least his first year. The next 3 months will be a good trial run of how it will go.

Love all the advice on meeting other SAHMs and making sure to get out and be active.

Alana526

I am going to be making this transition in about one week and I am not sure how long I will be a SAHM. It seems as if It will be for at least a year and a half because I am being cut at the school I currently work at. When I went to a free lactation course at the hospital I will be delivering at, the lactation consultant mentioned that PTSD or "baby blues" will effect milk supply. She also mentioned that many women who make the transition from working full time to being home full time results in PTSD or depression. This obviously scared the daylights out of me! - I wish I never heard it!!

Is anyone willing to share whether or not they have experienced this? Any ideas or preventative measures to take to keep that from happening? TIA.

hlm184

LalaMama81 said:

Staying at home does not mean you do all the work. 

--

I am already predicting that this will be our problem.  Then again, it always has, haha.

Kelsey2me

Great thread, OP! I transitioned from working full time to working a flexible part time job from home about a year ago. It took us a while to adjust. DH would ask me to do certain things like take in the cars to get oil changes and drop off/pick up his dry cleaning. I would get so annoyed when he would ask me to do things for him just because I was at home. It took compromise on both our parts to settle in to our new roles and understand each other's situation. I needed to transition my thinking from "I'm doing this for him" to "I'm doing this for us" and he needed to go from "she sits at home all day" to "she still provides some income while maintaining our home". I anticipate a new set of challenges as we learn to function as a family of 3. I intend to keep my flexible home based job but am not sure how I will manage it along with full time baby care. However, I am thankful to have something in my life that is not completely domestic/baby centered.

ashcole28

I've been a SAHM since 25 weeks or so. I plan on going back to work as soon as my body heals of course and I feel comfortable taking LO and DS to daycare. For awhile I loved it but honestly it's just getting harder and harder for me to stay home. I hate feeling like I'm not contributing even though he reminds me all the time that I do. I'm just so uses to having my own money and independence. He's been very sweet about it but I just like to go to work. I'm sure as soon as LO gets here I'll be so exhausted until a schedule down between a newborn And a toddler.