How do I deal w/anti-vaxxers?

tealowl

So my friend (the only whose throwing her own 'pay for my homebirth shower') is also apparently not vaccinating her baby, because she believes it causes autism and she 'didn't have a choice as a kid and her parents pumped her full of shit.'

I just joined a local FB group for 'crunchy' parents, but it looks like a lot of them are anti-vax. My cousins friend added me to this group, which makes me think she is an anti-vax...which means my cousin may be too (but lives out of state).

I don't know what I need to worry about, if anything. Can I bring my baby around my friend and her baby? I'm so confused about this shit.

I think I probably upset her, because I told her about the group and that I was going to add her but told her, "I think a bunch of them are those anti-vax weirdos'...

I also thought me and her were on the same page about things, and I was so excited to be pregnant with her, but it seems we are very different. 

BlackBooks

Yeahhhhhhh .... If you know that this whole group is anti-vax and they are not all first time moms then I would be really careful about hanging out until your little one has had their shots.

tealowl

But once my baby has its first set of vaccinations, we're okay? 

pantherRN

tealowl said:

But once my baby has its first set of vaccinations, we're okay? 

Not at all. Here is a link to the AAP's vaccine schedule.

https://www2.aap.org/immunization/izschedule.html

They aren't fully immunized against some illnesses until a year+. MMR isn't given until they are a year.

tealowl

I'm just so overwelmed over what to do. If my cousin doesn't vax her kids, how the hell am I going to deal with holidays? My family is going to lose their shit, and I'm going to be the asshole in the situation. She homeschools, so it's not like her kids go to public school where it's a requirement to be vaxed.

I don't even know what to say to my friend.

I never had to deal with this w/DD. People just vaccinated their kids. Now I have to worry about it.  

Nobody close to me will understand. They will just assume since my kid is vaxed, it's safe, but if my baby doesn't have his whole set of shots till they are 1...

Can you vaccinate earlier than the recommended schedule that was linked above? DD is 12, so I'm out of the loop with this stuff now.

tealowl

trawas01 said:

tealowl said:

I'm just so overwelmed over what to do. If my cousin doesn't vax her kids, how the hell am I going to deal with holidays? My family is going to lose their shit, and I'm going to be the asshole in the situation. She homeschools, so it's not like her kids go to public school where it's a requirement to be vaxed.

I don't even know what to say to my friend.

I never had to deal with this w/DD. People just vaccinated their kids. Now I have to worry about it.  

Nobody close to me will understand. They will just assume since my kid is vaxed, it's safe, but if my baby doesn't have his whole set of shots till they are 1...

Can you vaccinate earlier than the recommended schedule that was linked above? DD is 12, so I'm out of the loop with this stuff now.

Before you get totally overwhelmed talk to your pediatrician. They will likely have recommendations for you. No, kids don't have a full immunity until they get a full series but they do begin to develop an immunity from shot number one. Talk to your Dr. They may feel a look but don't touch approach is ok for family functions after a first set of shots. They may say only avoid if those kids are showing symptoms of being ill. They may say avoid fully but you won't know until you ask.

I can guarantee you aren't the first mom to raise that concern.

This is what I'm going to do. I know DD has an appt coming up, so I can ask them about it then. For what I've heard, many of the peds around here don't accept non-vax kids, but I'm not totally sure about it.

And my friend is so stubborn and bull headed about things, but I seriously can't believe how ignorant she is being. I'm so disappointed in her. "I don't trust the government." I'm glad I was talking to her on FB and not in person, IDK what I would have said.

tealowl

HappyFeet34 said:

trawas01 said:

tealowl said:

I'm just so overwelmed over what to do. If my cousin doesn't vax her kids, how the hell am I going to deal with holidays? My family is going to lose their shit, and I'm going to be the asshole in the situation. She homeschools, so it's not like her kids go to public school where it's a requirement to be vaxed.

I don't even know what to say to my friend.

I never had to deal with this w/DD. People just vaccinated their kids. Now I have to worry about it.  

Nobody close to me will understand. They will just assume since my kid is vaxed, it's safe, but if my baby doesn't have his whole set of shots till they are 1...

Can you vaccinate earlier than the recommended schedule that was linked above? DD is 12, so I'm out of the loop with this stuff now.

Before you get totally overwhelmed talk to your pediatrician. They will likely have recommendations for you. No, kids don't have a full immunity until they get a full series but they do begin to develop an immunity from shot number one. Talk to your Dr. They may feel a look but don't touch approach is ok for family functions after a first set of shots. They may say only avoid if those kids are showing symptoms of being ill. They may say avoid fully but you won't know until you ask.

I can guarantee you aren't the first mom to raise that concern.

This is what I'm going to do. I know DD has an appt coming up, so I can ask them about it then. For what I've heard, many of the peds around here don't accept non-vax kids, but I'm not totally sure about it.

And my friend is so stubborn and bull headed about things, but I seriously can't believe how ignorant she is being. I'm so disappointed in her. "I don't trust the government." I'm glad I was talking to her on FB and not in person, IDK what I would have said.

------------broken quote------------------ I think this is what I will do too teal. Because frankly these are just the people we know, but with how much this fad has grown where do you draw the line, don't take the baby to church, the store, travel, etc for a whole year? Maybe that's the answer hopefully your pediatrician can help. But the whole situation is so fucked up that we even have to worry about this.

Exactly. It's so frustrating that we have to deal with this. Because that was my next thought - how do I bring my baby in public its first year? I have enough anxiety as it is, now I have to worry about someone giving my kid whooping cough. We've had bad outbreaks of that around here.

 

BlackBooks

Thanks for the link @PantherRN!

pantherRN

@tealowl‌

I agree, talk to your pedi.

As for holidays, I would just try to keep the baby away from the non-vaxed kid and his/her parents. There are very few illnesses that your kid will catch by just being in the same room. Most things are spread through contact with secretions. Just ask other people to wash their hands before holding the babe and not to get all up in the baby's face and hands.

amberhoothoot

I was in a similar situation with my best friend. We had our children one week apart. Her child got her first set of shots and she and her DH flipped out. I think it just scared them that she cried. She was fine otherwise. Then they started googling and a week later they are anti-vaxxers???? I seriously think they lost their minds. She asked me about it and I told her the autism scare was debunked several times over, but she was still scared.

She got kicked out of her pediatrician's office.
Then her daycare provider gave her a 3 month ultimatum. Get vaxxed or find another daycare.
And yes, my DH and I decided that if they did not vaccinate, the our children would not become friends.

Eventually she caved and got vaccinated. Which I'm glad because our kids are best friends. But yes, I was willing to risk our friendship... over the risk of my kid contracting something terrible when he had no defense. We were his defense.

And yes, I would have skipped a holiday if I knew unvaccinated kids would be there. It would be really upsetting, but we would do it.

ADH0906

I am so pissed that it's 2014 and we're having to deal with this shit. It's like society's collective brain took a giant step backwards. Terrifying.