Baby Outing FAIL

BootsOrHearts

I have been asking the nanny to take him out for a walk in the stroller and today is a really nice day so I suggested this morning that they go.

She put him in the car seat (it clicks into the stroller) and tried for 10 minutes to get him strapped in while he cried and eventually he cried so much he fell asleep and she just put him in his crib. WTF.

Now keep in mind, I have showed her at least 3 or 4 times how to put him into the car seat, including letting her strap in the sleep sheep to practice. There's nothing magical about it, it's just your standard infant car seat. What am I missing here???



Would you be pissed? She is also my MIL (we pay her), now can I still be pissed?

Caitlinh27

Yes and yes.

BootsOrHearts

osajia said:

Ditto the yes & yes. That would drive me bananas.

But also, FTR, giggled a little at the image of you instructing a random nanny on strapping sleep sheep into a car seat. Giggled more when you said it was your MIL.

Honestly. I have to laugh to keep from crying some days.

SusanC111

If he fell asleep, I would have taken him anyway! Gabe cried through his outing yesterday and today. I would love if he slept through the whole thing! Still breathing fresh air after all.

BootsOrHearts

@SusanC111 That is a valid point.

bcrossfeld

My dad constantly puts LO's legs through the arm holes. How much have things changed in 25 years?

Ltpugs

Wow! That's super frustrating! Any chance you have a stroller that doesn't use the car seat?

notkateanymore

Would I be pissed? No. She obviously doesn't feel comfortable doing it yet, why force her. 

I will say that there is no way in the world I would hire family to watch my child for me...and this helps remind me of that.

BootsOrHearts

Ltpugs said:

Wow! That's super frustrating! Any chance you have a stroller that doesn't use the car seat?

Yeah 2 but they both require him to be able to sit up on his own.

notkateanymore

Oh and even I fumble around when DS is crying in the carseat at strapping in time. He hates his carseat with a passion and it's unnerving to have to put him in there to go somewhere much less on something not necessary like a walk.

BootsOrHearts

KateMW said:

Oh and even I fumble around when DS is crying in the carseat at strapping in time. He hates his carseat with a passion and it's unnerving to have to put him in there to go somewhere much less on something not necessary like a walk.

Fair enough, but i do feel he needs some fresh air and a change of scenery. On weekends we often take him for walks or out to the stores with us and just put him in his k'tan sling or DH has a softside carrier he uses and to be fair those are easier to use but not really appropriate for someone other than mom/dad to use (IMHO).

greenbeanqueen

My grandMIL watches dd but she would never allow me to pay her. I don't get mad at anything she does because as long as DD is happy, safe, and loved it doesn't matter if it's not how I would do it. Granted she has a grasp of simple concepts like strapping DD in the seat/stroller.

So would I be pissed? No. Annoyed, maybe a little. At least lo is with family. A lot of people don't have the luxury of leaving their child with family(or sane family to leave them with for that matter.)

greenbeanqueen

BootsOrHearts said:

KateMW said:

Oh and even I fumble around when DS is crying in the carseat at strapping in time. He hates his carseat with a passion and it's unnerving to have to put him in there to go somewhere much less on something not necessary like a walk.

Fair enough, but i do feel he needs some fresh air and a change of scenery. On weekends we often take him for walks or out to the stores with us and just put him in his k'tan sling or DH has a softside carrier he uses and to be fair those are easier to use but not really appropriate for someone other than mom/dad to use (IMHO).


May I ask why that is "not appropriate?"

BootsOrHearts

mrsashleyk said:

greenbeanqueen said:

@BootsOrHearts said:

KateMW said:

Oh and even I fumble around when DS is crying in the carseat at strapping in time. He hates his carseat with a passion and it's unnerving to have to put him in there to go somewhere much less on something not necessary like a walk.

Fair enough, but i do feel he needs some fresh air and a change of scenery. On weekends we often take him for walks or out to the stores with us and just put him in his k'tan sling or DH has a softside carrier he uses and to be fair those are easier to use but not really appropriate for someone other than mom/dad to use (IMHO).

May I ask why that is "not appropriate?"

This. I'm curious too.

I just wouldn't be comfortable with that but to each his own.

greenbeanqueen

@BootsOrHearts‌ I'm not trying to judge but I really don't understand what makes you uncomfortable with that? I really don't get it. Is it the proximity to another person? I guess I don't see how it is any different than holding the baby.

BootsOrHearts

greenbeanqueen said:

@BootsOrHearts‌ I'm not trying to judge but I really don't understand what makes you uncomfortable with that? I really don't get it. Is it the proximity to another person? I guess I don't see how it is any different than holding the baby.

I'm not being evasive I just don't know why really. If I think about it, I guess I would be ok with a close friend wearing him or maybe my brother, it seems weird for a grandparent though. Maybe because wearing babies wasn't a thing then. Or subconsciously I don't trust their physical abilities. My head hurts. Lol

notkateanymore

I'm assuming if your MIL HAD to get the baby in the seat in an emergency it would happen, but didn't feel like upsetting LO just for a walk. I think fresh air is a great thing for babies, but there are a million ways to go about it other than the carseat.

notkateanymore

BootsOrHearts said:

@BootsOrHearts‌ I'm not trying to judge but I really don't understand what makes you uncomfortable with that? I really don't get it. Is it the proximity to another person? I guess I don't see how it is any different than holding the baby.

I'm not being evasive I just don't know why really. If I think about it, I guess I would be ok with a close friend wearing him or maybe my brother, it seems weird for a grandparent though. Maybe because wearing babies wasn't a thing then. Or subconsciously I don't trust their physical abilities. My head hurts. Lol

A friend but not grandparents? You're setting your MIL up to fail. Let her babywear if she's willing and your child likes it better. Let her just take him outside in her arms for a stroll around the yard, why does it HAVE to be a walk everyday? 

BootsOrHearts

@katemw she wouldn't be willing so it's a moot point. But yes they could walk around the yard.

cammyisagirlsname

I just wanna know why you call your MIL your nanny. Just say MIL!

notkateanymore

Have you asked the nanny {LOL @jenniferbromley} about baby wearing or are you just assuming she wouldn't because you don't want her too?

BootsOrHearts

Ugh let it go. Your point has been made.

notkateanymore

BootsOrHearts said:

Ugh let it go. Your point has been made.

We're just curious. Don't post something on the Internet if you don't want comments. I'm going to assume from your reaction it's that you don't want her to do it, not that she isn't interested.

BootsOrHearts

KateMW said:

BootsOrHearts said:

Ugh let it go. Your point has been made.

We're just curious. Don't post something on the Internet if you don't want comments. I'm going to assume from your reaction it's that you don't want her to do it, not that she isn't interested.

notkateanymore

Oh Boots...you aren't new. You know that if you post something crazy like you would let a friend babywear DC but not your nanny {who happens to be your MIL who you call your nanny} people are going to have comments. Come on...it's just too much.

greenbeanqueen

I don't see how it's beating a dead horse for @KateMW‌ to ask a question that hadn't been asked. You said "she wouldn't want to". All Kate asked was had you asked her if she wanted to. You say you aren't being evasive but it really seems that way. I really don't get the big deal here. The kids Gma didn't take her for a walk. Big whoop. I'm sure she can operate a car seat in the case of an emergency and she will find ways to entertain your child. If you don't like how she does things, hire another nanny.

BootsOrHearts

Well sure and everyone is entitled to their opinion. I'm not here going 'C'mon guise stop being meanie heads!'. You have some valid points, I've said as much, particularly as it relates to hiring family members and I knew that would be a potential pitfall. But at the end of the day, it's my baby and my nanny and I'll do what I wanna do with both. I don't have to have a good reason and I sure don't have to justify it to anyone.

I think it's valid to expect a competent adult: nanny, grandparent or otherwise to figure out how to use a car seat, particularly after it's been explained ad nauseum and I feel it's justified to bitch about that. If you disagree, that's totally fine.

And now. .  random dance gif.

notkateanymore

Nothing you posted had anything to do with what I was talking about...but whatever. 

irishgrl317

Does your DH know you refer to his mom as 'the nanny'? If he does and is ok with it, he is a real winner. Paid or not, she is the GRANDMOTHER, not the nanny. And, I'm sure she's doing you a favor, because I highly doubt you're paying her anywhere near what you'd pay a real nanny.

BootsOrHearts

irishgrl317 said:

Does your DH know you refer to his mom as 'the nanny'? If he does and is ok with it, he is a real winner. Paid or not, she is the GRANDMOTHER, not the nanny. And, I'm sure she's doing you a favor, because I highly doubt you're paying her anywhere near what you'd pay a real nanny.

She is paid a market competitive salary but thanks for assuming I'm a cheapskate. She is his grandmother and his nanny but she is his nanny first during the day when she is responsible for him. It's her job. She has set hours and gets paid vacation and sick days. She and I and my husband are all just fine with the arrangement.

irishgrl317

BootsOrHearts said:

irishgrl317 said:

Does your DH know you refer to his mom as 'the nanny'? If he does and is ok with it, he is a real winner. Paid or not, she is the GRANDMOTHER, not the nanny. And, I'm sure she's doing you a favor, because I highly doubt you're paying her anywhere near what you'd pay a real nanny.

She is paid a market competitive salary but thanks for assuming I'm a cheapskate. She is his grandmother and his nanny but she is his nanny first during the day when she is responsible for him. It's her job. She has set hours and gets paid vacation and sick days. She and I and my husband are all just fine with the arrangement.

My assumption is based on the fact that you clearly don't like or trust her. So, why else would you have her watch your baby unless she's helping you out? You would let a friend use a baby carrier, but not her? FYI: if you don't trust her physical abilities to use a baby carrier, as you stated before, you probably shouldn't have her as your nanny, period. And plus also, the purpose of baby carriers is to make it easier to hold a baby. I assume she holds and carries your baby with her hands, so there's little doubt she could use a carrier if she preferred.

And I still contend it is annoying, rude, and disrespectful to refer to your child's grandmother as the nanny, regardless of pay.

BootsOrHearts

So by your logic, the president of a company should be able hire a family member to work at the company and not hold that person to the same expectations as a non family member doing the same job? He or she should refer to that family member as 'my son/daughter' rather than as 'VP of sales' in meetings? And that's ok?

My point is we make it work by keeping work separate from personal relationships. When she is at work, she works for us. When she comes over on the weekends to hang out she is just grandma and we don't expect her to do anything with baby unless she wants to. As an employee we don't have any more or less expectations than we would have of any other nanny. And she has the same expectations of us. She tells people she is his nanny so why shouldn't we call her that?

greenbeanqueen

1) a nanny is a lot different from a company

2) most companies have policies about hiring family (or not hiring)

3) this is becoming ridiculous. She didn't take the kid for a walk, big deal. If I called Gigi our nanny she would be really hurt. Even if I paid her she would be hurt by this because it devalues her role as a (great) grandmother.

4) you still haven't answered the question of whether grandma has even been asked if she is interested in baby wearing >evasion<

notkateanymore

I JUST WANT AN ANSWER TO MY QUESTION....

notkateanymore

I don't mix business and family. I would love for my family to watch my kids {my aunt is watching them this weekend when we go to LA} but when they do it's a favor or because they want to...If I'm going to pay somebody, it's going to be a business deal.

utlawgirl

Hm. Well, this took a turn I didn't expect.

1) It's important for her to be able to strap him into his car seat in case there's an emergency, and if she ever wants to take him on outings. It's really not that hard, and there's no reason anyone should have to attempt for more than 10 minutes to do it (and fail, no less). Maybe teach her how to loosen the straps, click him in, and then tighten them up again (if you haven't already done that)?

2) It sure does seem like giving her the opportunity to wear him could make things a whole lot easier. I get that your not comfortable with it, but there's a "greater good" thing happening here. If MIL is able to wear him (and yes, there may be a learning curve, but it's not a big deal), they can go on outings more easily, and you and LO will both be happier.

3) The whole MIL-as-nanny thing is totally your business and not the point of this post, but I do think it is relevant in that you sure don't seem to like her much. Perhaps everyone would be happier if you got a "real" nanny and just let Grandma be Grandma?

cammyisagirlsname

Heaven802002 said:

You must be a peach to work for! Do you make her call you Mrs Boots during business hours too??

I CAN'T!!!!!! )

BootsOrHearts

@utlawgirl‌ to your 3rd point, she aggravates me sometimes but I have to admit she does a good job with him, car seat issues notwithstanding. At least I know she always has his best interest at heart, I never have to worry that he's not being treated properly. And he will get to know his grandma something I never had the chance to do which is a good thing.

TheBorg7of9

if she can't figure out te car seat, i wouldn't trust her with a carrier either. To the original question, yes i would be annoyed that she didnt keep trying to figure out the car seat. if he was asleep, why not keep trying? But this is a good example of why wouldn't hire a grandma to watch my baby all day. An unrelated Nanny or daycare worker would not only have more energy for baby, but also know about all the modern safety standards and rules.

Mrbatesisinnocent

Can someone please tell me an emergency that the kid would have to be strapped into the car seat in an instant? I mean the only thing I could think of where you'd have to be crazy quick is a fire...and you're definitely not wasting any time strapping your kid in to get away from a fire. She has the time to get it right.

Cut her some freaking slack.

I also am team calling your MIL nanny vs grandma because she's on the clock is rude and weird.

I think it's strange that you differentiate baby wearing by parents vs grandparents.

All you need to do is mention to your MIL that you'd really like your baby to get some outside time.

irishgrl317

BootsOrHearts said:

@utlawgirl‌ to your 3rd point, she aggravates me sometimes but I have to admit she does a good job with him, car seat issues notwithstanding. At least I know she always has his best interest at heart, I never have to worry that he's not being treated properly. And he will get to know his grandma something I never had the chance to do which is a good thing.

And, this is all because she is the grandmother and not just an employee (aka 'the nanny').