Baby Showers

Co-ed Shower...Invite Kids?

My husband and I want to have a co-ed Baby BBQ Shower. Since the shower is co-ed ( both parents will be attending ), is it necessary to invite children? It wouldn't be an issue except that there would be 30+ kids in attendance. Thoughts/Advice?? Thanks!

Best Answers

  • VORVOR member
    Answer ✓
    xtine6 said:
    The host is whoever is hosting the event and paying. It doesn't matter who actually does the work. And the guests don't care who does the work. Someone could host a party and do none of the work if they hire people. That doesn't make the caterer/florist/planner the host. 
    I'm just going to tell you here - saying you're hosting your own shower does not go over well.  Clearly.  In the future, don't say that!  Because honestly- I do agree with you.  As long as the guests don't KNOW that you were involved, it really doesn't matter.  If they're told it's your mom and at the shower itself, there is nothing to suggest otherwise - people aren't going to care or ask. 

    To further answer your question - I've actually only been to one co-ed baby shower.  And I haven't been to ANY baby shower, including the co-ed one, where kids were invited.  It's really not the norm in my area.  Baby showers tend to be seen as adult events.  But they are also usually women only.

    The co-ed shower - my parents watched my son.  The other people that came - just knowing their situations, it wasn't a big deal that kids weren't invited.  BUT from what I was told - MANY more people were invited who just never showed up (of course, the host also did "regrets only", which I thought was a bad idea!).  I have no idea why they didn't come, but the fact that kids weren't invited could have played a role.  Out of over 60 people invited, I want to say that maybe 20 came?

Re: Co-ed Shower...Invite Kids?

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  • Ditto. Let the host determine whether he/she is comfortable with that many children. It's a big undertacking.

    If the host isn't up for it, talk to your SO and decide if you want to take back your co ed request, unless this was your host's idea.
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  • I guess I should have said that my husband and I are hosting the shower. I've never been to a co-ed shower and wasn't sure if children are usually there or not. 
  • xtine6 said:
    I guess I should have said that my husband and I are hosting the shower. I've never been to a co-ed shower and wasn't sure if children are usually there or not. 
    ... this will not end well on here

     DD born Oct 2011 - DS#1 born Jan 2014 - DS#2 born Apr 2015 - DS#3 born Sept 2016 - LO#5 due Feb 7, 2018

  • Meery82Meery82 member
    edited March 2014
    holly1416 said:
    xtine6 said:
    I guess I should have said that my husband and I are hosting the shower. I've never been to a co-ed shower and wasn't sure if children are usually there or not. 
    ... this will not end well on here

    Yup.

     OP, you do not host your own shower. That is tacky and rude. If no one offers to throw you one, then you don't get one. It's a gift.
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  • VORVOR member
    Meery82 said:
    holly1416 said:
    xtine6 said:
    I guess I should have said that my husband and I are hosting the shower. I've never been to a co-ed shower and wasn't sure if children are usually there or not. 
    ... this will not end well on here

    Yup.

     OP, you do not host your own shower. That is tacky and rude. If no one offers to throw you one, then you don't get one. It's a gift.
    Ditto Ditto Ditto.


  • xtine6xtine6 member
    edited March 2014
    Didn't realize I had to be so specific on these boards. My mother is hosting the shower, but my husband and I will be doing all of the planning, design, etc. I was just trying to get input from other people who may have hosted or attended a co-ed shower. And so far I've gotten zero input on children at a shower. 
  • VORVOR member
    xtine6 said:
     And so far I've gotten zero input on children at a shower. 
    I gave zero input?  Really?  Great, thanks. 
  • If I enjoy planning events, why shouldn't I be involved in planning my own event? That is ridiculous. I'm not hosting, but I can certainly be involved in the planning process. That is not tacky. 

    All I did was ask if children should be invited to a co-ed shower. Now I'm being insulted. I thought I could come on here and get HELPFUL information from other expectant mothers. So far, I've just been called tacky and rude. 

    No one has said whether they have attended a co-ed shower and children were there or not..


  • xtine6 said:
    Didn't realize I had to be so specific on these boards. My mother is hosting the shower, but my husband and I will be doing all of the planning, design, etc. I was just trying to get input from other people who may have hosted or attended a co-ed shower. And so far I've gotten zero input on children at a shower. 

    No. If you are doing all the work, you are hosting.
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  • If I enjoy planning events, why shouldn't I be involved in planning my own event? That is ridiculous. I'm not hosting, but I can certainly be involved in the planning process. That is not tacky. 

    All I did was ask if children should be invited to a co-ed shower. Now I'm being insulted. I thought I could come on here and get HELPFUL information from other expectant mothers. So far, I've just been called tacky and rude. 

    No one has said whether they have attended a co-ed shower and children were there or not..


    8-|
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  • VORVOR member
    xtine6 said:


    No one has said whether they have attended a co-ed shower and children were there or not..


    This isn't what you asked, though. 
  • The host is whoever is hosting the event and paying. It doesn't matter who actually does the work. And the guests don't care who does the work. Someone could host a party and do none of the work if they hire people. That doesn't make the caterer/florist/planner the host. 
  • VOR, thanks for your input! Very helpful. I never would have said anything about being involved had I known the reaction. 
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  • Michelle NMichelle N member
    edited March 2014
  • VOR said:
    I agree it's up to the host. But - you have to realize that if so many people have kids, the reality of both parents coming if DON'T invite kids is slim. While I'm all over going out w/o our son, a baby shower isn't really an event where I'd want to pay for a sitter. If the host can't accomodate 30 kids (and I don't blame them!) you might want to think of just doing a traditional shower w/ women only.
    I agree with VOR .  I have three children.  I am not paying a babysitter to attend a shower.  It is about $15/hour in this area for childcare.  A 3 to 4 hour event would run me $75.00.  I would rather go out alone with my husband.
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  • MandJS said:
    xtine6 said:
    The host is whoever is hosting the event and paying. It doesn't matter who actually does the work. And the guests don't care who does the work. Someone could host a party and do none of the work if they hire people. That doesn't make the caterer/florist/planner the host. 
    Okay. If you want to be SUPER specific, your mom and you/your DH are COhosting. Yes, your mom could hire someone, and then she'd still be hosting, and if anyone asked, it would be "catered by SO AND SO". But that's not what is happing. You are the one planning, and that makes you a host. And that's ridiculous, tacky, and gift grabby.

    As others said - have a party if you want. Just don't call it a baby shower. 

    Again, I'm not hosting. And I'm not the one being ridiculous, tacky and rude. You don't know all of the details and why I may have to do a lot of the work. 

    So, can we get back to the original topic: Children at a co-ed shower. Does anyone have any input on that? 
  • You've gotten lot of input about children at a co-ed shower.  Everyone has said that it's up to the host(s).  So since you, DH and your mom are hosting, you get to decide if you have the space for 30+ kids and if your budget accommodates them.

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  • It DOES matter that you're doing the work for your own shower. A baby shower is a GIFT FOR YOU, not something you're entitled to have "just the way you want it," which is the #1 reason (excuse, really) given by MTBs to justify them throwing their own shower. Your mother has agreed to do this for you. Let her take the reigns.

    And plenty of people have given you advice on inviting the children or not. Get past your hurt feelings about the observations about the tacky behavior you are exhibiting to see it.
     
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  • Actually, the guest list is provided by the guests of honor who are the mom- and dad-to-be at a co-ed shower.  The HOST certainly can set parameters, as in "I cannot host an additional 30 children/guests."  But, YOU and DH can certainly request an adult-only event.

    The correct thing to do is to address the envelope to the names of those who are invited.  Guests SHOULD know that if "and Family" is not on the invite then their children are not invited.  Guests often don't know this, however, so be prepared to spread the word gently, "Of we would love to spend time with Sally however we are looking forward to an adult gathering at our shower.  Let's get together with the whole family soon, though!"

    I can tell you that I recently hosted a shower for SIL at my home.  Fifty guests were invited, she requested adults only.  One guest called me to ask if she could bring her son and I told her that it was an adult-only event.  Two other guests showed up with their children anyway.  And I even overheard one of them ask the women who called me where her son was and she sounded miffed as she explained that I told her kids were not invited.  Heck...I even had DH take MY child out for the day to keep it adult-only.  Funny how I looked like the b!tch even though I was following SIL's request and the guests were in the wrong!  and...vent over ;)

  • None of you have the right to judge her. She didn't ask for your opinions she asked a simple question that any of you could of just answered without being critical and judgmental. 

    Seriously, every baby forum I go to there is so much drama.. must be all the hormones.


    OP, we are having a co-ed "Baby Q" as well and I am sure there will be tons of kids as most of our friends have kids lol! Since it is a BBQ and co-ed I'm sure parents will just assume to bring their kids along
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  • None of you have the right to judge her. She didn't ask for your opinions she asked a simple question that any of you could of just answered without being critical and judgmental. 

    Seriously, every baby forum I go to there is so much drama.. must be all the hormones.


    OP, we are having a co-ed "Baby Q" as well and I am sure there will be tons of kids as most of our friends have kids lol! Since it is a BBQ and co-ed I'm sure parents will just assume to bring their kids along

    Awesome! So, in the same vein, if a pregnant mom makes a post asking what cigarettes are safest to smoke while pregnant, we should totally refrain from telling her that smoking while pregnant is not a good idea? After all, she didn't ask our opinion as to whether or not it's hazardous to smoke while pregnant, just which cigarettes are best. I'll remember that.

    And 8-| to your hormones comment. It's a tired excuse, and nobody is being bitchy anyways. Besides, my son's a year old. No pregnancy hormones on my side.


    Lol are you serious? Did you really just compare smoking cigarettes while pregnant to hosting your own baby shower? That is so ridiculous I literally just laughed to myself lol. I'm not saying I would ever host my own shower, but I'm also not sitting here judging other people for doing it. If it's not the hormones it must be from boredom. Sounds like many women on this website sit on here for hours judging other women and being overly dramatic
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  • I'll put the obvious point to the side since everyone else has covered that already lol, but a shower is typically to celebrate a child coming into this world so I thought it was a given that other people will bring their children... There have been kids at almost every shower I have ever been to... I've never heard of an "Adults only" baby shower...

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  • I've been to two co-Ed showers and kids were invited to both. They were both fun showers.
  • Joy2611 said:
     
    I'm not saying I would ever host my own shower, but I'm also not sitting here judging other people for doing it. If it's not the hormones it must be from boredom. Sounds like many women on this website sit on here for hours judging other women and being overly dramatic
    You wouldn't judge your friend who decides to throw a party for herself as the guest of honor and whose sole purpose is for her nearest and dearest to buy her gifts?  Seriously? 
     
    I think you totally would, but are all white-knighting when it doesn't directly involve you or your credit card.

    Lol, no. I'm just not an old, bored, judgmental cow like most women on this website :) I really couldn't care less who throws the baby shower. If you want to throw your own shower, that's fine with me. If you don't want to breast feed, that's fine with me. If you want to dress your boys in pink, that's fine with me. I don't waste my time on judging other people.. all that results in is bitterness and unhappiness. 
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  • Sorry to see that everyone is zeroing in on the whole hosting Issue. I haven't been to a coed shower but I think If you want to do a BBQ with children, I would keep it small with closest family and friends and I don't think people would have a problem with bringing they're kids along, esp if you could do it in a park/ grove. JMO tho.  Good Luck!!
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