So annoyed with my mom

FloridaSun82

My mother and I are very close. With that said, she's driving me insane! She is constantly referring to the baby in my uterus as her baby and, when I asked her to stop because it's annoying her response was, "why? It is my baby." She recently told me how excited she is to buy a crib for her house and a car seat for her car. Now, please don't think I'm a brat and looking for money from my mother, BUT when we were going through IVF, she offered to give us $1500 to put towards meds. Then she changed her mind and got her house painted. So, it wasn't "her baby" when it was time to pay for it, but now that all is well, its "hers." Also, wouldn't a normal mother offer to buy ME a crib and/or car seat? It was just so strange, I think the exact quote was something along the lines of, "I can't wait to go shopping for a crib, I just don't know if I should put it in the spare bedroom or in my bedroom." She has also asked me about 5 times about when she can go to the doctor with me. Again, you didn't want to go to the doctor when I was having my follicles measured, but now, its your baby and you want to hear the heart beat.

UGH, I get that she's excited and happy (it's the first grandchild), but she needs to back off and I don't know how to explain this to her...

DoublePortion

((hugs)) I wish I could tell you how to get her to back off, but my mom & MIL will probably drive me crazy before my babies are born. I would be super annoyed with her calling it her baby too. Maybe just try correcting her every time she says it. "No, this is not your baby, it is your grandbaby." My MIL also wanted to set up a nursery in her house. Really? I'll be a SAHM and too broke to be off traveling the world, so I'm not sure when she thinks she'll be watching the babies enough to need a full blown nursery. I'm telling you these new grandma's flip out!!

Peanutz21

i can see how that would be annoying

but to offer you another side.....i wish my mom was that annoying

for me it's as if i don't exist - she's so busy being my brother's nanny that nobody's really excited about my first baby

hey you know what they say- grass is always greener

tell your mom to chill out

Lizarella82

I have to say that I would be really, super weirded out if my mom referred to the fetus that still resides in my body as "my baby"....I think there's some serious boundary discussions to be had there. I also don't think there is a way to explain it to someone like this without wasting your breath; you just have to be blunt- possibly painfully blunt. Nothing else will get through, and it will only get much, much worse when the baby is born.

FutureMrsW9

I can def see how that would be annoying.  I agree that you should continue to correct her every single time she says that it's her baby.  Sometimes grandparents forget that they're not the parents.

This past weekend my SIL had to put her foot down with my MIL because my MIL would constantly be yelling at my nephew to not do this, or don't climb on that, etc. while both of his parents were in the same room...hello, the child's parents are right here, if he's doing something wrong we'll handle it.  My SIL had a talk with her mother about it, so hopefully it will stop - but your post reminded me of that and hopefully your mom won't be the same way.

Maybe this isn't the point of your post, but it also bothered me that she was considering putting a crib in HER bedroom.  Are you even putting one in your bedroom as the parent of the child?  It's great that she's excited about the new grandchild, but when it comes to things like sleeping arrangements at her house you absolutely need to have a say in that and keep it consistent with how you have your house set up, especially if she'll be babysitting a lot.

auntjessy

If you and your mom are so close, I can't see why you can't just tell her it's really bothering you.  Maybe preface it with, "Perhaps I'm just really emotionally sensitive right now, but..." and then try to be glad your mom's so happy about being a grandma.  I'm sure she doesn't realize how much it bothers you, she's just super excited.  I also wouldn't bring up the financial thing.  It's fine for you to feel that way, but probably will just make you sound like you're bitter that she didn't help.  If you end up sounding bitter, she'll focus on that and not on any of the perfectly reasonable things you're saying.  i.e, 

A - It bothers you when she refers to it as her baby.  It makes you anxious that she's may try to usurp your authority as mom and you want to make sure before baby gets here that she knows whose baby it is and follows (some important) rules.  Otherwise, the nature of grandmas is to break the not-so-important rules.  It's what they do.  

B - You're glad she's excited, but you feel a little smothered and would rather just send her ultrasound pics than her go to the Dr with you.  You know she wants to see her grandbaby, but it's something private between you and Daddy.  

I'm very close to my mom, too, although she lives 4 hours away.  She takes care of my grandma with Alzheimer's and raises my sister's 3 kids, who were abandoned by their mom 9 years ago.  I called her up and told her that I knew she would want to come stay and see the babies after they're born, but I couldn't have all those people in my house when I came home from the hospital.  She needs to leave grandma with a caregiver, and either bring my nieces and nephew (who I adore) for 1 night only, or leave them at home with someone else while she comes for a few days only.  I want family time with my DH and the babies after they're born.  She totally understood, even though she didn't like it.  Be open and honest - she's your mom, and she loves you.  

Okay, novel over.  I need a hobby!  LOL  One I can do from my recliner.

FloridaSun82

Ugh, I am going to have a have a discussion with her. I definitely appreciate that she's excited and wants to be a good grandparent, but she does need to understand that she's already had her children and now it's my turn.

SpartanGirl24

Man, I thought dealing with my mom wanting to tell the world was bad enough. Not even close compaired to this! The whole "my baby" thing needs to be nipped in the bud ASAP. 

Just a personal experience for you, my SIL had my IL's first grandkids. When ever she was/is at their house, the IL's (her parents) insist the kids stay in their room. Even when they were under 6 months! SIL kept getting mad at them, but didn't do anything about it. I think it still pisses her off. Now that the kids are older, it is probably a blessing to get the extra sleep, but I know for a fact that if my FIL gets up with the kids, he doesn't change diapers. He waits for MIL or SIL to get out of bed. Really? Drives me up the wall. We are setting boundaries early... like now!

Cutiecruz327

I have no advice. I just wanted to wish you luck. It's got to be uncomfortable an the last thing you want to deal right now.

JMForte33

I'm so afraid that this is going to be my mom, we're telling all the parents this week about the BFP. She has a tendency to make everything I'm going through about her (example, I had to calm her nerves before MY OWN wedding!) haha

The mindset I've taken over the past few years is that yes she is your mom but if she is over the line you can't be worried about hurting her feelings and just have to talk to her frankly and like any other person.

GL with everything!