Is it so wrong?

Kibbles09

Is it so wrong to want to have your mom with you at the first appointment? I dunno, I just figure since she's been through it that it would be okay, and plus me being so young and everything. But DB only wants it to be myself and him.

LindsE143

It's not wrong for you to want that, but you do have to respect his wishes as well.  It's a very personal thing for some people.  I personally would not want MY MIL there because I'm a very private person.

NSL

I don't know about wrong, but weird, yes.  You do realize that they'll be doing a PAP smear at that appointment, right? 

Kibbles09

It's more than just that though. I have to miss a day of classes for the appointment and I'd be missing more on Wednesday to go Christmas shopping with my mom. I just figured save money and gas, put it all in one day, and voila. This is actually causing us to start fighting right now. (We aren't married, and live in a dorm right now).

shelliescove3

Not wrong at all! I am also fairely young and I wish my mom was living close enough to me that she could come... Maybee let DB know how your feeling that it would mean alot to let mom come along for additional support but that you do love him and want him there as well. My boyfriend and daddy to be understands my breakdowns about how much I wish my mom were here too... maybee its a girl thing because we kind of deep down know that men cant relate to what we are really going through dispite their loving support :-) Good luck!!

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NSL

Kibbles09:

It's more than just that though. I have to miss a day of classes for the appointment and I'd be missing more on Wednesday to go Christmas shopping with my mom. I just figured save money and gas, put it all in one day, and voila. This is actually causing us to start fighting right now. (We aren't married, and live in a dorm right now).

Why does the above mean she needs to go to the appointment with you?  Couldn't you meet her somewhere later for shopping?

Kibbles09

She doesn't drive Pittsburgh traffic, and I wouldn't trust her truck coming this far anyway.

Jelliebean1982

If your mom wants to come and hang out in the waiting room that would be fine. But really, they're just going to ask you some questions and do a pap smear. They might take blood or make you go elsewhere to do it that day. I don't have anyone come with me to my appointments. Not necessary for either DH or my mom to see a doctor poking around in my vag.

forensicmama

Being a mom to a daughter, I think it would be an honor if she asked me someday to view that first appointment. It isn't wrong at all. It's special. It's wonderful.

Becky262

I think it would be very weird to have my mom there while I got a pap.  I don't care that she's has one done every year too, there's some things that my mom just doesn't need to see

dairygirl19

Becky262:

I think it would be very weird to have my mom there while I got a pap.  I don't care that she's has one done every year too, there's some things that my mom just doesn't need to see

This! Also, as much as I adore my mom I always feel like having baby is between two people and should stay that way esp. in the more private stuff like appts. What if something should happen and you and SO have to figure something out? Do you really want a serious life or death discussion with your Mom in the waiting room, muchless have her know every detail of what you thought through?

I sound dramatic and there's a 99% chance everything's fine, but it happened to me and there's things H and I discussed NO one will ever know about.

That and the more you let people in on your appts. and nitty gritty of being pregnant, the more the opinion police is going to come out.

a&b=him&me

I agree with other peoples sentiments. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting your mom there, but seeing your baby for the first appointment, if your DH wishes it just to be you two I would stick with that. Maybe you can get her in with you at another appointment?

momtoRaegan041008

I asked my mom to go with me at my 12 week appt w/my daughter.  My husband couldn't get off of work.  It was nice because she got to hear the heartbeat.  My mom and in-laws came to our ultrasound appt.  I figure that is the only way they could be involved because I did not want anyone in the delivery room with us.  The first actual appt they generally ask a lot of family history, so you should really have your s/o there to help answer questions.

12bailey18

Kibbles09:

It's more than just that though. I have to miss a day of classes for the appointment and I'd be missing more on Wednesday to go Christmas shopping with my mom. I just figured save money and gas, put it all in one day, and voila. This is actually causing us to start fighting right now. (We aren't married, and live in a dorm right now).

Couldn't she just wait in the waiting room? The appointment will probably last 10 minutes max than you guys could go shopping and your DB could be on his way. I don't see the big deal.

sabrina69barnes

I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as your BF is ok with it but since he isn't I don't think that she should go. With DS2 I had my mom go with me since DH had to work and I wanted company. They did do a pap but I didn't mind my mom being in the room for that. They also did an unexpected vaginal ultrasound which she thought was neat.

katie4253

NSL:

I don't know about wrong, but weird, yes.  You do realize that they'll be doing a PAP smear at that appointment, right? 

This isn't necessarily true.  I didn't have one.  I had one in June, so no need to have another so soon...

SaphireShimmer

It's not wrong at all. It's great that you want to share that with her. He should respect that you are close with her and want her there and her input. It's not like you are shoving him out of the picture, you are just widening it to fit her too. And being so young, it makes even more sense to want some extra support.

Has he said why he doesn't want her there? Why not try to calmly talk about the reasons behind both of your wants. And try to find ways to compromise. With a child on the way, there will be many more decisions to be made that have a lot more impact then a simple appointment. Sit down together and talk it out and try to understand each others point of view.

Kibbles09

She's only going to be there for the ultrasound if there is one. Same with DB. That's all I was asking. Sorry I wasn't more specific.

KatieRL1979

Kibbles09:

She's only going to be there for the ultrasound if there is one. Same with DB. That's all I was asking. Sorry I wasn't more specific.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but most likely there won't be an ultrasound at your first appointment.  You'll get a pelvic exam and pap smear (do you want your mom there for that?  Eeww), they'll do some bloodwork, you'll pee in a cup.  Seriously this only takes 15 minutes and there is nothing momentous to witness.

Wait and have her come to the 3 month or to the big ultrasound at 20 weeks where there will actually be something there to witness.

gymnst1013

Hmmm...I can see both of your points of view but I think I agree more with YH.  This is yours and YH's child, not yours and your mom's.  He should get a say in what he wants too.  And to be honest, your first appointment is really probably going to be pretty boring.  You MIGHT get an u/s but it's just as likely that you won't.

gymnst1013

Kibbles09:

She doesn't drive Pittsburgh traffic, and I wouldn't trust her truck coming this far anyway.

How is she going to come shopping then?  I'm so confused....

Temp785382312506150

I wouldn't say it's wrong, but I find it a bit weird. I wouldn't want my mom, or MIL for that matter, to be there for any of my appointments and I'm very close with both of them.

MissDale

My mom is coming with me to my first appointment.  I don't think it is weird at all.  I am very close to my mother and it's not like she is going to glove up and do the pap herself.  If you want your mom to be there, take her.  My DH is ok with her coming so I guess it depends on what works best for your family. 

Kibbles09

For driving, I'm coming to pick her up and bring her down. As for the appointment, I'm pretty sure they are because we have no idea when I conceived and my LMP was in September. I conveived in October.