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MommyGosse

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KingLED

MommyGosse said:

I haven't told my fiancé the news that im pregnant, he's always said he doesn't want kids just the ones we already have (not his by blood but he's raised them) I am 6 weeks pregnant and every time I mention a baby he mentions the "ALTERNATIVE" the thing is it was rare for us to even conceive due to his insulin shots he's had since he was 5. I Really want to keep this baby is it normal to want to keep it from him until I'm ready to tell him? or am I being inconsiderate?(please no rude comments I am not a b**** it's just I've really wanted another baby lately and conceiving was accidental and a huge surprise.

You're being inconsiderate.  Just tell him.  There's always the chance that once he finds out you're actually pregnant he'll change his mind. 

MommyGosse

I am a little nervous he would pressure me to get an abortion, I am against abortion as i was adopted and I had one i was forced into i let a guy pressure me into it and felt so bad after i was so depressed and miserable it ended the relationship. i had a discussion with my fiance this week about how id never get an abortion again due to how wrong it was etc and he said he understood but now i cant seem to bring myself to tell him im pregnant because hes made jokes towards getting an abortion if i ever was pregnant. i guess im just affraid of what he will say...

KingLED

MommyGosse said:

I am a little nervous he would pressure me to get an abortion, I am against abortion as i was adopted and I had one i was forced into i let a guy pressure me into it and felt so bad after i was so depressed and miserable it ended the relationship. i had a discussion with my fiance this week about how id never get an abortion again due to how wrong it was etc and he said he understood but now i cant seem to bring myself to tell him im pregnant because hes made jokes towards getting an abortion if i ever was pregnant. i guess im just affraid of what he will say...

Suck it up and tell him.

MommyGosse

Its not that easy to do... is there a special way I can tell him that might make him feel more comfortable. 

RedBaramid

I think you just need to be real with him. Cook him his favorite meal, give him his favorite drink, and sit down and tell him "we need to talk." Keeping it from him might make him feel like you were TRYING to get pregnant and then were keeping it from him to trap him in some way. Isn't the back bone of all solid relationships trust? I'd be mad if my partner was keeping something as life changing as a pregnancy from me. If he's NOT okay with you having another baby and tries to force you to end the pregnancy, it doesn't sound like a relationship you wanna be in anyway.

kbsatre

I would hope that if you are really excited and tell him...and he sees how excited you are, he would be happy, too. If he still prefers the "alternative" - he's probably not the right person for you. 

MommyGosse

we are getting married in may on the 24th of this year so i hope he wouldn't feel trapped haha  

Sofia2529

Given his previous stance on having children, it's best that you're just honest and tell him. No elaborate or special announcement will change his reaction to the news, good or bad.

cMichelle0423

Just tell him. The longer you wait, the worse he could potentially take the news. And personally, I don't think you should tell him in a "special way". Considering there's a chance he'll react negatively, you're going to feel twice as bad after you've put in the effort to make it "special", if he doesn't react the way you'd hope him to.

MissLibertarian

@MommyGoose:  How was concieving "accidental" and a "huge surprise"?

TiffaniMay

Making jokes about an abortion? =/ 

I wouldn't tell him in any special way. I'd flat out tell him that you're pregnant. Considering his previous comments on the subject, don't expect him to jump for joy. But if he pushes for an abortion, stand firm that you will be having the baby with or without him, unless you are interested in having the baby and putting him/her into adoption. 

SLWoody

Nicb13 said:

TiffaniMay said:

Making jokes about an abortion? =/ 

I wouldn't tell him in any special way. I'd flat out tell him that you're pregnant. Considering his previous comments on the subject, don't expect him to jump for joy. But if he pushes for an abortion, stand firm that you will be having the baby with or without him, unless you are interested in having the baby and putting him/her into adoption. 

I wish I knew the whole story and whether or not they were using protection because this would SUCK big time for the guy. He specifically said he did NOT want children and here she goes, getting pregnant so now he is stuck. Whether they stay together or not, he has a responsibility to this child, that he did not want. It's a pretty bad situation if you ask me.

 

If he didn't want a child he should have used a condom every single time. He's just as much at fault here as she is

TiffaniMay

I think she would be even more surprised if they used protection in addition to the rare chances of them conceiving from the injections he received since age 5. Since there was no mention of that, it doesn't sound like any protection was used. 

mrssitkowski2015

I wouldn't wait to tell him, I would just come out and say it. If he loves you, he will find a way to be okay with it and see how much of a miracle it is! If you really are worried that he will pressure you into getting an abortion you may need to reevaluate some parts of the relationship because that is not a decision anyone should ever EVER be pressured into doing. Good luck, momma!

Empireceo

He may come around eventually, but if he's been clear about not wanting kids, you need to be prepared for a range if negative motions at first. The sooner you get it over with the better.

sschwege

mamakate12345 said:

Tell him. But FYI, diabetes can lower a man's potential to impregnate a female, however, when insulin levels are well controlled, it normally doesn't affect fertility.  Just for future...you may want to use some protection.

No kidding!  DH is Type I ::looks down at my tickers::

PrimRoseMama

MommyGosse said:

Its not that easy to do... is there a special way I can tell him that might make him feel more comfortable. 

It really is that easy. No special way will give him news he isn't happy to hear.

bumpuser10199668

I'm not sure a cute tshirt or bun in the oven picture is going to do the trick here. This isn't an opening for you to think of a cute or sweet 'announcement' this is you breaking news that may not go over very well to a person you love.

And whether or not he loves you is totally irrelevant.  If he doesn't want kids, he doesn't want kids.  That makes or breaks relationships daily.  If you want to keep the baby, you need to be prepared that that means you may not keep your DF.

And for the love of god, do NOT wait until after the wedding to tell the poor man.  It is lying by omission already and the longer you keep this a secret, the worse you're gonna get.

MommyGosse

im on b/c pill i take it regularily and dont miss days we werent planning on children but once i found out i got excited but was scared to tell him ... i need to grow a set i know its just scary i guess...

MommyGosse

oh gosh no im not waiting that long i just was going to wait until my drs appointment. so i could take him with me maybe the dr who told us he was infertile could explain a few things ... we were on birth controle on top of it all so its quite confusing...

MommyGosse

Definately was using protection just not condoms but the dr said that with his injections and the fact im on the pill that it would take away the chance of us conceiving .... learnt my lesson not to trust doctors ...

WashingtonQueen

MommyGosse said:

oh gosh no im not waiting that long i just was going to wait until my drs appointment. so i could take him with me maybe the dr who told us he was infertile could explain a few things ... we were on birth controle on top of it all so its quite confusing...

No, tell him now.

MommyGosse

What the heck is MUD?

WashingtonQueen

MommyGosse said:

What the heck is MUD?

Made up drama.

MommyGosse

I'm Telling him tonight i didnt expect so much negativity i was looking for some gentle advice and comfort this experience has not been kind to me my nerves are racked and i just needed some one to tell me a few ideas on how to tell him as hes my world this pregnancy was not expected and its my third pregnancy. my only pregnancy that ive been madly in love with the daddy of my baby and i wanted to make it special for him. him and all of my kids are my world, id do anything to keep them except get an abortion ... as for if he chose not to be apart of the childs life id let him walk away and wouldnt ask for a dime i would find he or she a family who would love and raise he or she properly. 

MommyGosse

what is mud and what is being on mobile? 

Shelovesaginger

MommyGosse said:

I'm Telling him tonight i didnt expect so much negativity i was looking for some gentle advice and comfort this experience has not been kind to me my nerves are racked and i just needed some one to tell me a few ideas on how to tell him as hes my world this pregnancy was not expected and its my third pregnancy. my only pregnancy that ive been madly in love with the daddy of my baby and i wanted to make it special for him. him and all of my kids are my world, id do anything to keep them except get an abortion ... as for if he chose not to be apart of the childs life id let him walk away and wouldnt ask for a dime i would find he or she a family who would love and raise he or she properly. 

Huh??

YTLCNURSE

Why would you even consider marrying someone who is not on the same page as you as far as having more kids? I'm sorry but I agree with PPs...if he was upfront with you about not wanting anymore kids, I really don't see a "special way" of telling him the news that you're pregnant. Delivering the news in a special or cutesy type of way may or may not change how he feels about having more kids. Have you and him discussed his reasons for not wanting more kids? My advice to you would be to tell him sooner than later. Good Luck!

momthatlifts

No special way of telling him is going to make him want it anymore. He doesn't want anymore kids and even discussed the "alternative" method with you. Which means he REALLY does not want kids. Just tell him. Grow a pair like you said and just tell him and go from there. You may be surprised at his reaction.

barely

DaisyBlinks said:

Y'all think she's telling him RIGHT NOW? I'm dying to know how it goes. 

And tomorrow on Days of Our lives.....

allrightmeow

SMH at wanting gentle advice in telling someone who doesn't want any more kids you are pregnant...in a special way.......

Good luck.  Update please 

WashingtonQueen

MommyGosse said:

I'm Telling him tonight i didnt expect so much negativity i was looking for some gentle advice and comfort this experience has not been kind to me my nerves are racked and i just needed some one to tell me a few ideas on how to tell him as hes my world this pregnancy was not expected and its my third pregnancy. my only pregnancy that ive been madly in love with the daddy of my baby and i wanted to make it special for him. him and all of my kids are my world, id do anything to keep them except get an abortion ... as for if he chose not to be apart of the childs life id let him walk away and wouldnt ask for a dime i would find he or she a family who would love and raise he or she properly. 

FWIW, I don't think this is MUD but you need to get your head our of your ass. There is no way to make this special for a person that never wanted this. It needs to be a heart to heart sit down. And don't force him for answers right this second, he will need days/weeks to process this. Give him space if he needs it and don't get offended. Good luck.

greeneyed_bride

MommyGosse said:

Definately was using protection just not condoms but the dr said that with his injections and the fact im on the pill that it would take away the chance of us conceiving .... learnt my lesson not to trust doctors ...

OK, so I'm assuming you mean that your FI has type 1 diabetes. And I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I really, really doubt that any doctor told you that your FI using insulin meant you couldn't get pregnant. Because that's not at all true. DH has also had type one diabetes since age 5, and I'm 13 weeks pregnant with our second child. We had no trouble conceiving, and no reason to expect we would. I'm not sure where your confusion came from, but somehow I don't think it's the doctor's fault. I think it's more likely that you misunderstood what he/she said.

cMichelle0423

If this isn't MUD (which honestly I think it could go either way), I feel like there's something OP isn't telling. I'm no doctor, but I feel like with her taking the pill and him being told he has low fertility, it'd be damn near impossible for her to get pregnant.... something isn't adding up here!

Also, OP, from what I've seen, you've gotten plenty of good advice. Just because no one sugar coated things and told you what you wanted to hear, doesn't mean they gave you bad advice. You came here asking for opinions and that's exactly what you got.

spinsemeyer

I wouldn't try to tell him in a cute way if he's not going to be excited about it. Just be upfront

Curious, why do you think you wouldn't be able to conceive because he's on insulin?  My dad is Type 1 diabetic and conceived his two children with absolutely no problem. I've never heard of diabetes affecting men's fertility, at least not to the extent that you can forgo using protection if you don't want to get pregnant.. Were you using birth control?

TiffaniMay

MommyGosse said:

my only pregnancy that ive been madly in love with the daddy of my baby and i wanted to make it special for him. him and all of my kids are my world, id do anything to keep them except get an abortion ... as for if he chose not to be apart of the childs life id let him walk away and wouldnt ask for a dime i would find he or she a family who would love and raise he or she properly. 

Huh? Do you mean you'd do anything to keep HIM, except get an abortion if he gave you that ultimatum? The last sentence is also pretty unclear as to your intentions for this baby.

I'm dying to know how it went down... even though I think this is MUD and is being made up as more people throw questions and ideas out there. 

How do you fail to include that in addition to him being infertile, or at least you both thinking so, you were ALSO on the pill? Wouldn't that be pretty extraordinary? 

MallardDucky

I think she told him she was on BC but either stopped taking it or never was. I also think there is way more to this story than what is being said.

With that I really hope he steps up to provide for the baby but leaves you.

MommyGosse

So an update ... I told him Last night after some great advice from SOME of you ... to the others thank you for being rude and making me feel worse tbh i even asked for nothing rude just some kind advice as to how to handle the situation.

thankfully after i told him he was scared but warmed up to the fact he is going to be a dad didnt even mention the "alternative" or anything we are due october 31st and will be a family! again thank you to the ladies who actually gave great advice !

Unknown

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MommyGosse

and one more thing before i go i also did not want more children not right now we have a 4 year old and twin 3 year olds who keep us busy as is so no we ddi not want kids we discussed having them 2 years from now using ivf treatments if we absolutly could not conceive so no my fiance is not LEAVING MY ASS as the chick said and no i did not trick him into thinking i was on the pill we took all our vitamins and pills in the morning getting ready for work together. so he knows for a fact i did not trick him by not taking it. and yes a doctor told us it would be near impossible to get pregnant due to his insulin causing low fertility and i was on the pill since my twins were a few months old... luckily he took the news alot better than i expected and agreed we would not be getting an abortion he didnt even ask me to consider it he siad we will deal with things as it comes and make everything work. he was worried but not angry... and no this is not MUD thanks though and thank you for all the GOOD advice i had asked for and warm kindness.