No more monkeys jumping on the bed

amwangel

BMaidPlanner said:

Every time I read on this thread that someone wrote "I don't like being pregnant" or some form of that, I feel better. My mother said to me after me telling her I fell asleep at like 9pm one night with a bad headache and still feel nauseous all day (after she ASKED how I was feeling) this: "I hope you get to a point where you're feeling better because you really should be enjoying your pregnancy." This made me feel (thanks, hormones) like a complete failure and I simultaneously wanted to throatpunch her.

Ugh. HATE THIS. So many well-meaning people have told me this in relation to me being way more anxious about this pregnancy after 2 losses - like hearing, "you should bond with your unborn child more, they deserve it" helps. Nope. I just feel guilty. UGH. I think everyone forgets how hard it is. Same with having a newborn. :-/

hollygb22

I'm done after this. We'll be 36 and 37 after #2 arrives. While I hate that finances somewhat dictate how many kids I will have...logistically a 3rd would mean a different house, cars, and not being able to provide for college like we hope to

obscurereference

The plan is to go for a 3rd almost immediately after this LO is born. I'm 37 and want to leave open the possibility of 4 kids before I'm 40. (Or 41 if I'm being more realistic.) Going for a 4th is still very much up in the air depending on how this pregnancy and the next go. And I think I'm crazy for even typing that we're TTC immediately...

jenn72178

I'm 35, my DH has 4 kids from his previous marriage and I am absolutely fine stopping at 1 - I just had to do it once because I didn't want to regret this forever if I didn't.. so glad I did!

BMaidPlanner

Thank you @amwangel and I hate that you have to hear that ridiculous crap as well. This is why we're on here and have eachother! 

flerlgirl

Savvy122 said:

flerlgirl said:

Savvy122 said:

Friends and family, however, are not as content with our decision.  I've been asked multiple times why I don't want to try for a girl.  Um, because my family planning does not revolve around what type of genitals my offspring is born with?

Haha, my mom is the same way. Not that we won't have one of each, but that she needs allthegrandkids. But I know my sister wants at least four and my brother probably has several children running around that not even he knows about, so I think she will have plenty of grandkids. 

First of all, I know this really isn't funny but it made me LOL.

I invite anyone who pressures me to have more than two children to pay for their childcare and college expenses.  I would love to pop out all kinds of kids (and make boys AND girls, squeee!) but I'd also like to be able to actually, you know, provide for my kids.  Call me crazy.

You are WILD. And it was meant to be funny, in a "ha ha ha... oh, this is probably true" kind of way

flerlgirl

lizardbreath14 said:

Omg how is a post from 59 minutes ago already two pages long?  What the what?

Anyway, I didn't read anybody elses posts yet, but this is our first, and I'm still planning to have a second child, God willing.  I mean that for physical reasons as well as others.  First, pregnancy has honestly sucked a lot foro me so far, and is just getting to be somewhat (and temporarily, I know) bearable. It's hard to do my job while pregnant -- especially with how pukey I was for so long.  But I'd still like a second child.  Second, will we be okay financially, etc.  These things will be the deciding factors, but our plans for 2 haven't changed yet.

ETA we're also not getting any younger, and will both be 35 when baby is born.

Um because I am awesome

flerlgirl

Mom&nurse said:

I feel stuck. This is my first biological. I was told when I was 12 I would not have children. No luck with my exhusband and my SO and I got pregnant after trying for only a few months. He already had 4 kids so this will be 5 for him. We both come from big blended families. Me 7 and him 6. So this is norm to me. But his family keeps telling us not to have anymore. First off. Excuse me. Who the hell are you anyways. He pays for his kids. Works his ass off for them. Is a full time dad as well. We do just fine. We may never have a fancy house or fancy cars. Yes our kids share rooms. So did most of the generations before me. If it was up to me and SO had no kids. I would say 3-4 kids. But am I being selfish if I want 2 at least. His oldest are 13 & 14 so in 5 years they are 18 & 19. Then we would have them all 5 years apart. 19 18 15 10 5 and new baby. Seems crazy ? I just want siblings who are the same. I had my brother and we are important to each other.

If sharing rooms and not having nice cars means you can't have kids, I should probably give mine back. I don't think you're being selfish; only you and SO know what is best for your family!

ashquack

Unsure- we did IVF for this one and plan to try to get prego on our own shortly after baby boy is born. Not 100% sure I wouldn't do IVF again but reallllllly would like to avoid it. Ideally we would have 2 kids but will be happy with this one if he is it for us:) never know what the future holds!!!

flerlgirl

@lyracelesti, thanks! I just wanted to make sure no one was hurt because I know deciding to have a kid isn't as easy for some so I didn't want to act like it was NBD. 

@bmaidplanner - I hate being pregnant. So much. The only perk of DS being born early was that I got to skip third tri. 

lest12

DH and I talk about whether we will be one and done all the time.  We both have moments of thinking it might be the right thing for us... but we don't really know yet.  Deep down, I think we both want another but are afraid of how much work/money one will be. 

ELC252011

I think for me it all depends on how the delivery goes, We have always talked about having at least 2. We will see what life holds for us though. 

Pepper6

hampire said:

One and done. We discussed it thoroughly over the years and it just makes the most sense for us. It won't be too financially taxing, we wont need a bigger house or car, makes vacations easier and we're not contributing to overpopulation. Which is in no way a jab at people with more than two kids it's honestly one of the things we thought of when deciding how many to have.

This probably sounds crazy, but one of the reasons I've always wanted only 2 kids is because all the vacation packages are always for families of 4.  When I was a kid, my dad worked at a job that raffled off sports/waterpark tickets all the time and we had to switch off having either our mom only, or dad only take us 3 kids...we never got to do it as a whole family and that always kind of stuck with me.

Plus, if we ever stayed in a hotel, my parents got two double (or queen) beds, so my parents got one, and two of us had to share the other, and then someone ended up on the floor in a sleeping bag.  And of course, since I was the youngest, I usually ended up on the floor.  Not to mention I always had to sit in the middle in the car, which sucked.

So yeah...growing up in a family with 3 kids pretty much made me only want 2 because of how inconvenient it always seemed.

lest12

ELC252011 said:

I think for me it all depends on how the delivery goes, We have always talked about having at least 2. We will see what life holds for us though. 

@ELC252011 - It's funny you mention delivery, because DH keeps mentioning it, too, in the context of this conversation. 

 

This is a bit of a spin off, but it almost concerns me how worried DH is about my delivery.  I have had no complications so far, and his mother had 4 great childbirths... my point being, I don't know where this fear is coming from, or how to calm him down about it. I feel bad.

It's very unlike him, too.  He's usual the positive thinker and I'm the one coming up with the worst-case scenarios.  Weird. 

Pepper6

lest12 said:

ELC252011 said:

I think for me it all depends on how the delivery goes, We have always talked about having at least 2. We will see what life holds for us though. 

@ELC252011 - It's funny you mention delivery, because DH keeps mentioning it, too, in the context of this conversation. 

 

This is a bit of a spin off, but it almost concerns me how worried DH is about my delivery.  I have had no complications so far, and his mother had 4 great childbirths... my point being, I don't know where this fear is coming from, or how to calm him down about it. I feel bad.

It's very unlike him, too.  He's usual the positive thinker and I'm the one coming up with the worst-case scenarios.  Weird. 

Are you planning to do any of the childbirth classes that the hospitals usually offer?  Maybe if he knows more about it, it will help calm his nerves?

lest12

Pepper6 said:

lest12 said:

ELC252011 said:

I think for me it all depends on how the delivery goes, We have always talked about having at least 2. We will see what life holds for us though. 

@ELC252011 - It's funny you mention delivery, because DH keeps mentioning it, too, in the context of this conversation. 

 

This is a bit of a spin off, but it almost concerns me how worried DH is about my delivery.  I have had no complications so far, and his mother had 4 great childbirths... my point being, I don't know where this fear is coming from, or how to calm him down about it. I feel bad.

It's very unlike him, too.  He's usual the positive thinker and I'm the one coming up with the worst-case scenarios.  Weird. 

Are you planning to do any of the childbirth classes that the hospitals usually offer?  Maybe if he knows more about it, it will help calm his nerves?

Good thought!  We are definitely planning on doing it... I hope you are right.

 

 

flerlgirl

lest12 said:

ELC252011 said:

I think for me it all depends on how the delivery goes, We have always talked about having at least 2. We will see what life holds for us though. 

@ELC252011 - It's funny you mention delivery, because DH keeps mentioning it, too, in the context of this conversation. 

 

This is a bit of a spin off, but it almost concerns me how worried DH is about my delivery.  I have had no complications so far, and his mother had 4 great childbirths... my point being, I don't know where this fear is coming from, or how to calm him down about it. I feel bad.

It's very unlike him, too.  He's usual the positive thinker and I'm the one coming up with the worst-case scenarios.  Weird. 

I think it's harder for men because it's such new territory for them and they  have no idea what to expect. Plus they worry about us and the baby. My husband said the hardest decision he ever made when DS was born was going to check on him or stay with me. 

gmc222

We always talked about having two kids, and now that we will have one of each there is zero chance of another. I like being a 4-pack

Plus, I really don't think I can mentally take another round of fertility treatments. I'm trying to convince DH to get 'fixed'.

ELC252011

Pepper6 said:

lest12 said:

ELC252011 said:

I think for me it all depends on how the delivery goes, We have always talked about having at least 2. We will see what life holds for us though. 

@ELC252011 - It's funny you mention delivery, because DH keeps mentioning it, too, in the context of this conversation. 

 

This is a bit of a spin off, but it almost concerns me how worried DH is about my delivery.  I have had no complications so far, and his mother had 4 great childbirths... my point being, I don't know where this fear is coming from, or how to calm him down about it. I feel bad.

It's very unlike him, too.  He's usual the positive thinker and I'm the one coming up with the worst-case scenarios.  Weird. 

Are you planning to do any of the childbirth classes that the hospitals usually offer?  Maybe if he knows more about it, it will help calm his nerves?

I know we both are scared for the delivery! I want to go as natural as possible. I am not ruling out the epidural but I don't want it. only fear is not being able to move around. I am planning on taking the classes, and I'm taking DH with me. I hope it helps settle are nerves.

BrunoBabies

This is #2 and we have DS and now a girl, so we are done and out. Two is manageable and I can't imagine being outnumbered by our kids lol.

ELC252011

flerlgirl said:

lest12 said:

ELC252011 said:

I think for me it all depends on how the delivery goes, We have always talked about having at least 2. We will see what life holds for us though. 

@ELC252011 - It's funny you mention delivery, because DH keeps mentioning it, too, in the context of this conversation. 

 

This is a bit of a spin off, but it almost concerns me how worried DH is about my delivery.  I have had no complications so far, and his mother had 4 great childbirths... my point being, I don't know where this fear is coming from, or how to calm him down about it. I feel bad.

It's very unlike him, too.  He's usual the positive thinker and I'm the one coming up with the worst-case scenarios.  Weird. 

I think it's harder for men because it's such new territory for them and they  have no idea what to expect. Plus they worry about us and the baby. My husband said the hardest decision he ever made when DS was born was going to check on him or stay with me. 

I feel like this is how my DH feels. I told him if anything happens to the baby *knock on wood* to follow the baby and worry about me latter. He agreed but said it would be hard to do that.

twistsandturnsto2

We have 5 embies on ice waiting for us. We really would like to try for another, just have to see if we can swing it financially and do so before too long. I'm already 35 and don't want to wait another few years before having anymore babies, so we hope to be able to try another FET or 2 within about a year of having this LO. Once we run out of frosties we are done tho. We agreed to only doing 2 fresh cycles. Given that we lost all our frosties to thaw from our first cycle, we are so lucky to have the 5 still on ice from IVF #2.

ElTrain5

So I have a funny story (well, embarrassing at least) about this one. So one night, about 3 or 4 years ago, I went out with a friend of mine for $2 wine night at the bar across the street (don't all good stories start out with $2 wine night??), this particular friend of mine was trying to get pregnant with her new husband, and was talking to me about all the trouble she was having, and how her endometriosis was causing problems. Since I also have endo, this apparently got me very nervous.

So...fast forward a bout $10-15 worth of wine later, I apparently came home and informed my husband (then boyfriend) that we needed to start trying to get pregnant...like NOW. And proceeded to jump his bones. As we weren't married, and living in a studio apartment, he tried to reason with drunk ole me, but all I (allegedly) kept saying was "Well, you need to have one to know if you want another!!". Sound logic. I'm not sure how many babies I was planning on fitting in the studio apartment.

Needless to say, I did not conceive that evening, and apparently I even remembered to take my birth control. But now every time I approach the topic of how many children to have with DH he just smiles and says "Well, you need to have one to know if you want another!". But seriously bad timing aside, I think drunk me had a point, I really do kind of want to see how things go with this one before deciding if I want more. Two max, unless I REALLY end up digging this whole pregnancy/baby thing.

chloephoebecali

This is number 3 for us and we are most likely done. We originally figured 3-4, but time, money, and my body says no way no more. After having very easy pregnancies and then a really physically tough pregnancy, I am actually very comfortable and content with my decision to be done after this one. It will be tough to pack up the clothes, but I can't imagine being pregnant with a fourth with three littles in tow.

MrsCase1

I want one more after this one. Well, really I'd like two more but DH comes from a microfamily so the thought of four kids terrifies him. We compromised at three. I am 32 now so I think I might start trying again when this baby is 20 months or so.

PressLove

DH is 40 and an only child.  In his mind, I'm going to pop this baby out and six weeks later we'll start all over again.  I told him to stop smoking crack and get with reality.  While I would love a second child, this has not been fun.  Plus, I'm 35 and it took us two years to get to this point.  Time will tell.

SecondTimeinMSU

We are done at two. I feel emotionally and financially that is my limit. I have a ton of anxiety all the time about DS, am I doing a good job as a parent, am I raising him right. I do my best to manage it and I feel I am ready to take on another but having a large family would just be too overwhelming for me to cope with.  As for the financial aspect I know you can always make cuts but I wouldn't want to have to do what I'd need to do to make more children work. I am happy with the idea of two.

jaybee11

We have two embryos on ice from IVF, and DH and I agreed at the beginning that we'd transfer all of them eventually.  (Side note--when 20 eggs fertilized initially, he was sweating more than a little bit!)  I'll be 33 when these babies are born, and would like to give myself enough time to hypothetically transfer the other two (only one at a time, please!) and be done well before 40.  That said, I don't know how eager I'm going to be to try again with two small toddlers; my hope is that a singleton pregnancy will be a little bit easier on me.  If neither embryo sticks, we would not go through another IVF cycle.  We'd definitely be happy with our two, but both of us are also open to adoption if we decide we want more.

katekat8721

@flerflgirl no offense taken or butt hurtedness caused woman!

Dharmatron

The first 18 weeks, I was so sick that I thought this would be my only baby. After the vomiting and nausea stopped, I started thinking I could do this a few more times. We're thinking about two or three, all close in age. I'll be 30 when I have this one and I'd like to be done having children by 34-35.

Mztwilson

I'm done. 2 boys and 2 girls is good enough for me. Everyone now has atleast one brother and one sister lol

rainbowdashh

I always thought I wanted 3, maybe 4 children. I'm thinking I might be good with 2. The beginning of this pregnancy was hard and it was hard having a newly mobile toddler to look after. H asks me weekly if we will have a third, so I have a feeling in about two years he'll be ready. I'm still unsure. What if I can barely handle the two kids we will already have? My mom told me that in her experience going from 1 to 2 kids was the hardest and 2 to 3 wasn't that bad. We'll see how I feel in a few years. I'm still young and I have time!

flerlgirl

ElTrain5 said:

So I have a funny story (well, embarrassing at least) about this one. So one night, about 3 or 4 years ago, I went out with a friend of mine for $2 wine night at the bar across the street (don't all good stories start out with $2 wine night??), this particular friend of mine was trying to get pregnant with her new husband, and was talking to me about all the trouble she was having, and how her endometriosis was causing problems. Since I also have endo, this apparently got me very nervous.

So...fast forward a bout $10-15 worth of wine later, I apparently came home and informed my husband (then boyfriend) that we needed to start trying to get pregnant...like NOW. And proceeded to jump his bones. As we weren't married, and living in a studio apartment, he tried to reason with drunk ole me, but all I (allegedly) kept saying was "Well, you need to have one to know if you want another!!". Sound logic. I'm not sure how many babies I was planning on fitting in the studio apartment.

Needless to say, I did not conceive that evening, and apparently I even remembered to take my birth control. But now every time I approach the topic of how many children to have with DH he just smiles and says "Well, you need to have one to know if you want another!". But seriously bad timing aside, I think drunk me had a point, I really do kind of want to see how things go with this one before deciding if I want more. Two max, unless I REALLY end up digging this whole pregnancy/baby thing.

I am loling

flerlgirl

katekat8721 said:

@flerflgirl no offense taken or butt hurtedness caused woman!

@katekat8721 did you just call me flerf girl?? 

coffee89

This is our first baby and second pregnancy this year. This one wasn't a "we are trying" baby, more like a "I stopped NFP charting after the loss and DH stopped caring" baby. Given how rough of a year its been, and how much we have had to rearrange a lot of plans we had made, unmade and remade, I think there will be some time before our next.

We aren't discussing our next until we get through this pregnancy but we do want more than one and don't want them more than 3 or 4 years apart. There really is no set number we want, it all just depends on where we are in life as time goes on.

Cherylwang

I am pregnant with my third and I am done after this. Wondering if I will get a IUD or if my husband will get a vasectomy. Any advice on the IUD?

jwarnerb

lest12 said: DH and I talk about whether we will be one and done all the time.  We both have moments of thinking it might be the right thing for us... but we don't really know yet.  Deep down, I think we both want another but are afraid of how much work/money one will be. 
<><><><>
This, exactly, for us.  I am leaning towards one and done- but I also don't want to go around shouting that to everyone just in case I change my mind.  Then no one can call me a hypocrite!  

ETA: quote fail.

SA1112

We have always wanted four but we're now having to rethink that. Due to my DH's translocation, it took us two years and three miscarriages to finally get pregnant with a healthy baby. We have a high risk for miscarriages in future pregnancies and I dont know how much I'll be able to take emotionally. I will say I am much more open to adoption now though since being so sick with this pregnancy. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what the future brings...

temursgirl

Not sure about this at all.  In a truly ideal world I would want more, but it's very important to me to provide financially as well as emotionally, so I've always felt I would prefer to have one and put all my efforts into her/him.  DH would like 2.  This is our first, so we'll see how it goes before making any decisions.  Also, I was told I couldn't get pregnant... I did, seemingly without much difficulty.  So don't know if they were wrong or that was a fluke?  Anyway, that might make the decision for us because I don't think we'd do IVF for a second child.

For everyone who wants one of the other gender, I do get that, and if I have two it would be great to have one of each.  However, my grandfather was #13 after 12 girls, so I just think you have to take that idea off the table!

mjdavies

This is a very good question. DH always wanted 3-4 and I thought 3 would be nice but it took us 2+ years to get here, a miscarriage and fertility treatments. I ended up getting pregnant on my 3rd and last IUI try (before we went the IVF route). It's now going to depend on how long it takes and what we have to do to get pregnant with the second. We are pretty much going to start trying immediately after this one (at around 3 months) on our own and then do IF treatments if it doesn't work by around 9 months. So at least two if possible, maybe three.