Annoying MIL

ceneidert

I'm SO angry right now!  

My MIL spilled the beans to a lady I work with who has the biggest mouth in the Midwest last night.  She texted me and was like "I didn't know she didn't know!"  After I've spent the last 5 weeks explaining to her that this woman is the biggest gossip and can't be trusted with personal info and to NOT give her ANY.  A.) WHY are you sharing OUR news with public?!  B.)I'm only 10 weeks - not in the clear yet!!  What if something happens and I have to play clean up with everyone you blabbed to?!  C.) IT'S OUR NEWS!!!  

We've been ttc for 2.5 years with 2 rounds of fertility meds.  Finally got a BFP in Jan.  I just don't get it when people can't keep their mouths shut.  This is the 2nd time with this specific pregnancy that she's run her mouth.  The first time when I was 6w, I started bleeding and thought I miscarried...to our surprise there was a heartbeat!  When we texted this to her and the rest of the family - she apparently BLURTED it out in the middle of a staff meeting in front of ALL people we know and are close with!!!  

I wanna tell her (and I did last night) KEEP YOUR EFFING MOUTH SHUT!!  Needless to say, we're not telling her anything else since she obviously has the personality of a 12 year old.

UGHHHHH!  Sorry - just needed to vent!!!

Ceridwen21

She's excited to be a grandma. Just try to remember that.

JenniferAnn1972

I see why you're upset & wouldn't share anything you don't want broadcast to the world with her. It doesn't sound like she did it maliciously, but I understand your concern with all of these "extra" people knowing your news so early. This is why we haven't told anyone anything and won't until we're in a place where we feel comfortable.

HorseLover11

I disagree with pps- you tell her how important and sacred this news is you and DH and you trust her to respect that. She is blatantly disrespecting your wishes and that would make me very angry especially bc she knows about your struggles

AccioPizza

Ceridwen21 said:

She's excited to be a grandma. Just try to remember that.

I do not think this makes it OK in the least. Especially when it isn't like she just blabbed to a girlfriend, it is a situation with actual consequences considering it is someone OP works with. And yes, it is THEIR NEWS. I don't understand how anyone thinks it is OK to share this. Franky, telling this news for someone else is just making it yourself because you want to talk about it.

I scolded my own mother for telling me when she 'secretly' found out that my cousin was expecting.

kleigh926

Yeah, being excited is no excuse to tell people someone else's news when she was specifically told not to. Sorry OP. I'd be upset too and I wouldn't tell her anything else unless you're ready for tons of other people to know.

Ceridwen21

AccioPizza said:

She's excited to be a grandma. Just try to remember that.

I do not think this makes it OK in the least. Especially when it isn't like she just blabbed to a girlfriend, it is a situation with actual consequences considering it is someone OP works with. And yes, it is THEIR NEWS. I don't understand how anyone thinks it is OK to share this. Franky, telling this news for someone else is just making it yourself because you want to talk about it. I scolded my own mother for telling me when she 'secretly' found out that my cousin was expecting.

Ceridwen21

Quote fail. I never said what she did was OK.

ConversationFear

HorseLover11 said:

I disagree with pps- you tell her how important and sacred this news is you and DH and you trust her to respect that. She is blatantly disrespecting your wishes and that would make me very angry especially bc she knows about your struggles

I agree with this whole-heartedly. We told our Moms at 5 weeks and told them to keep it mum until we said so. DH just told his maternal grandmother last night - his mom never told her. In 8 weeks of waiting my MIL never told her OWN mother that we were having a baby.

If you asked her to keep quiet, she should respect your wishes. I can appreciate that she is excited, but you are right - this is your news.

Having said that. There is also a time and a place to pick your battles. And battles with MIL is always tricky, so it might be a good idea to let DH talk to her about keeping her mouth shut. Maybe it would help to actually tell her who you've told, so there are no misunderstandings in the future?

 

ceneidert

Thanks everyone! We both definitely dealt with her.

She's an eternal "victim" if u know what I mean. Anytime you call her out on something ridiculous - she cries and likes to pretend that everyone is ganging up on her. The funny thing about her being excited too cause she's a grandma....this isn't her first grand baby!!! LoL. Besides - her spilling the beans has nothing to do with her trying to be a "good grandma". It has everything to do with respecting us and our privacy am letting us share our news "with the world" when we're damn well good and ready! Ha!

Again - thnx for letting me vent!! We've DEFINITELY learned our lesson with her: LAST TO KNOW!

ceneidert

I should add...the "just trying to be a good grandma" comment came after I went off on her. Not saying anyone said that here - I thought I mentioned it.
Her way of trying to make me feel guilty - which is her other maneuver besides victimizing....SMH

SocraTeaseMe

Girl... I feel your pain.  You can be as angry as you damn well please!  And I will be angry for you because people need to learn to keep their mouths shut.  Period.  The end.

Carry on...

whataboutscience

I agree with those who said she has no right to be telling this to people you know, especially when you've been so clear. My MIL's family had it on Facebook before we told friends. I let DH talk to her about it and she cried to him and everybody about how she and I aren't close and now I will probably never let her see the baby. This is after I said nothing to her about the situation. Somehow I was the problem and she was the one sobbing...she's been crying for two weeks.

mcstrepp

Being excited is no reason to spill the news. I'm sure you are excited too but you aren't ready to share. Sorry you have to deal with this.

RobynD99

My MIL kept pressuring us to tell more people so she could tell more people. Um no. This is our first time and we are excited and nervous and scared every moment of the day, why stress us out more?

Now that we've told almost all the family, her new goal is to convince us to name the baby, if it's a boy, the same as my FIL and hubby so the name can pass down. I told my hubs if that's what he wants then I'm ok with it but not if it's just to please her. Hoping for a girl! :-)

coco0914

Ugh, can we have an official MIL vent spot?! Mine didn't blab, surprisingly, but she's been texting me about getting a crib for her house and making a nursery over there! What the heck?! This is her 3rd grandchild. I tried to tell her nicely not to waste her money, but she doesn't seem to be listening. She did have my SIL's kids a lot when they were younger, but she won't be having mine a lot! I think it's crazy. Oh and she also already picked out MY nursery bedding if it's a boy.. No thank you!

whataboutscience

@coco0914 Sounds like mine. A couple years ago she was seriously considering replacing the old playground in her backyard with a new one for her nonexistent grandchildren. This baby is her first grandchild. I told her as gently as I could that these children didn't exist and when they do they might not be over as often as she imagines.

ve304856

When I was pregnant with DS MIL told everyone in her family. I was getting phone calls and texts from everyone and I waqs only a couple of weeks along and I already had 1 MC. She was the last to know the sex of DS. If anyone can't let us share our news then they are the last to find out about anything else.

deviousmuse

I'm late to this party, but definitely don't feel badly for being angry about MIL sharing news without your permission.

My mom is also part of that "eternal victim" group, and likes to make everything about her. Blech.

softsoprano

I love my MIL, she's very sweet and loving.  However, I don't want parenting tips from her.  DH's siblings were in middle school when we met (approx 8 years ago), and SIL's 1st child was 1 (and they live two doors down so they're over all the time), so I've seen a bit of what their parenting looks like and I just don't agree.  It's inconsistent and involves yelling and ultimately the kids are spoiled!  And I grew up being spanked and until I started working with kids I didn't think there was anything wrong with it.  But after working with kids my entire adult life without being able to spank them, I've come to think of it as unnecessary.  But, the In laws are still all for spanking, which leaves me worried about having them baby sit some day.

punnybunny

TheEmpireNeedsYou said:My mom was super excited when I told her, but asked her not to tell our family or anything. So you know the logical thing that she did? She told someone she knows, but that knows NONE of our family or has any contact with them. She got to be all excited and chat about it, and there was no way it could impact me at all. THAT is what a rational, considerate person does. ^This.
My mom flipped out in excitement but asked me if it would be ok if she told a couple people she works with. Since I don't know these people, they live across the country and know no one that I know, I figured it wasn't a big deal (as long as it doesn't end up on FB until we post our announcement). But if my mom told someone that I was purposefully waiting to share the news with, especially after telling her that we hadn't told that person for a reason, I'd be upset. I'm sorry your MIL spoiled your news.