Where do I fit?

freeatlast2014

I posted on Blended Families but think I might belong here...

Long story short, my Husband and I are divorcing after almost 5 years of marriage. I have a 3 year old and a 17 month old.

I have 2 questions - we need to arrange custody. It will likely be a 50/50 situation (maybe? who knows). What kind of arrangement works for children of those ages?

Secondly, I'm in a very abusive situation and it is occurring in front of the kids. I think I can't wait for the courts to sort this out so my only option would be to move to family's 1 hour away. This is tough because my job (4 days per week) and 3 year old's preschool (3 days per week) are so far away, especially with traffic. The thought of having them spend so much time in the car is just awful. I can't afford to stay in this house and he won't leave anyway so my hands are tied.
Ugh, I can't believe this is happening. I am so sad...and I need to find my place on TB to come for support and to hear how women have been there and come through that. Any advice?

Thank you!

eg214

A 1 hour commute is much better than exposing yourself and your children to abuse. That will affect them the rest of their lives but a long ride in the car will not. Have you recorded/documented any of the abuse? That will help you in court. I used to turn the webcam on my laptop on when my ex would start his shit and be browsing the internet or whatever so he never knew.

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freeatlast2014

@eg214 - you are right. And after sleeping on this I think we need to go. I also have a bunch documented in a few different places and need to continue recording. Thank you!

@beccaga16 - yes I have a lawyer and a therapist. We were actually in marriage counseling and I'm continuing to see her on my own. Even with this support I feel lost though...also my lawyer even was like ooh that's far to go but I can go and just tell him when we will be back so I'm not taking them and running.

MinnesotaMomma91

I want to say something that hasnt been discussed. Hes abused you in front of your kids? This is completley and totally inexcusable. Abuse is wrong anyway, but doing that in front of your children... its normalising abuse for them.

So two things. Limit him to visitations if you can. And find a childrens therapist for your children.

Now, onto you. You deserve to be safe. You can file for a protective order. Its only a piece of paper, but there are major reprecussions for walking through that piece of paper.

Welcome to the board

tig594

Welcome to the board!

If you are in a physically abusive relationship go get a personal protection order NOW.  That will remove him from your home and you won't necessarily have to move an hour away quite yet.  

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freeatlast2014

It's not exactly physical abuse. More like yelling, name calling, cursing. The only time he pat me on the butt and then threatened if I told my family (during a fight). I called the cops but didn't have the balls to put a restraining order although I was offered one. He's a good father when I'm not in the picture.
The lawyer will help with custody but no one was served yet...we are still in the very beginning and I need to get moving on housing cause this is bad for everyone.

Gamera3000

I agree with everyone else, who know a lot more about this legal stuff than I do.

Commuting really isn't so bad. It can be a nice peaceful buffer between home and work/daycare.

Agree that the abuse aspect cannot be emphasized enough. My guess is that it'll take awhile before you even fully realize what you and your kids have been putting up with.

MinnesotaMomma91

Verbal and emotional abuse is still abuse. I was verbally and emotionally abused by my xh.

I was granted a protective order, but i dont know if that is a special case because my xh was known conxealed carrying guns illegally...

freeatlast2014

Thank you all for posting. I will be needing all the support I can get. I look forward to getting to know you all!

MinnesotaMomma91

MrsLynnyD said:

Thank you all for posting. I will be needing all the support I can get. I look forward to getting to know you all!

You will enjoy tomorrow. For tomorrowis fuck it friday. Its a fun day. Almost as fun as meme monday and aw wednesday

freeatlast2014

I'll be sure to tune in