a very late UO
djm31012
member
but really looking for someone to convince me other wise. Ill preface this with, I am not yet TTC, but possibly soon...we are getting ready...
I dont want to BF my next child. I was and still am very PRO BF. I nursed DS for 10 weeks. the first 2 weeks were hard...then it was fine...i didnt love it/hated that i did all the MOTN wake ups/had to sit in the bathroom at restaurants and pump....but I did it. At 8 weeks, i got what i thought was a clogged duct turned mastitis. After 3 drs visits and 3 failed attempts with an antibiotic, i walked myself into the ER, and found out I had MRSA. I was so angry that everyone kept telling me to "just nurse through it" and even medical professionals didnt say to me..."hey, go to the hospital." I could have died if I let it go any longer. I spent the next month going to a surgeon every single day to get the lump drained, and i stopped nursing right then. DS really thrived on formula, and I was a much happier mama. So i began to see there is nothing wrong with formula---it actually turned out to be better for our family.
the thing is...I do believe BF is beneficial , mostly for the immunity factor the first few weeks. however, I dont know if I feel like its always the better option anymore. But now....I feel guilty for thinking that and for considering not doing it next time around. I mean i Have awhile to figure this out.....but just wanted to throw it out there.
for all the mamas who BF for any point in time, short or long, I think its amazing. and for the record would love to have not spent so much money on formula! so glad we are on to milk now!
go ahead and throw your swords now 
ps--i dont think i would post this on any other board!
ETA: The other thing I never questioned before but now do....could BF really be better if you do not adhere to a perfect diet? Im probably wrong, so genuinely looking for insight, but if you dont eat completely organic/hormone/gmo free....it cant be better to nurse than give fortified formula that is now filled with many nutrients. Ok..go....
Re: a very late UO
I have mixed feeling about what I'd do for #2. DS had a really hard time nursing, and that coupled with FTM anxiety and stress and I just about fell apart during my BFing days. But I know that my experience with #2 could be totally different and s/he could take right to it. Still, it's hard to reconcile that with how much happier and relaxed I became once I went to formula, and my inclination is obviously to go with what worked for me, not with what didn't. We'll see. I'm not making any choices right now. And I'm not KU or TTC, so luckily I don't have to.
Edited for typos.
No flames here either.
I only BFed for about 2 months. I had low supply and a hungry hippo on my hands. I was miserable and horribly anxious about it. Stopping was the best choice, but it was also a hard issue for me to get over.
I have an entirely different attitude for when we have #2. I'd like to try BFing again, but I'm giving myself a 2 week span. If I want to stop at that point, for any reason, I'm going to and I'll do so guilt free.
Happy momma = happy baby
needless to say...i have since switched OBs. Which makes me sad bc I had an amazing delivery/stay in the hospital. But I just dont trust him now. And there was no follow up after either, ,which I thought was just bad business?!
I FF DS from day 2. I have a history of anxiety/depression, and my doctors had me wean off medication during my last pregnancy. Once I gave birth I was a MESS, and would bawl everytime I needed to Breastfeed DS (and anytime I had to do anything else). When I switched to Formula, I felt a huge relief off of my shoulders. Once I got back on meds I was much better again.
This pregnancy I am on a low dose of my medication, and am hoping that it will give me a better chance with BFing. I really want to try with the new LO, but I won't be beating myself up if I go the FF route!
This is not helpful nor is it supportive.
ETA - I take issue with the phrase "breast is best". I get that it's cute and catchy and this is my own bias speaking but the word "best" implies if you not BFing you are feeding your baby something not up to snuff. It adds fuel to the fire IMO.
Regarding the "perfect diet" thing, I feel like it's a matter of degrees. Human milk is easier for a baby to digest than formula. And I am a big believer that in whole foods over processed foods when possible, and that holds true for most conventional produce over organic processed foods. So since human breast milk isn't processed, I'd be inclined to say that even if mom is not eating perfectly in regard to organic/hormones/GMOs, it's still preferable to formula, but in the cases of most of us on this board (i.e. full term babies, access to clean water, and enough income that we don't have to resort to watering down formula), the advantage of breast milk over formula is not worth feeling guilty over. The biggest advantage is over a population level (lower healthcare costs and such because BFing provides some protection against ear infections and gastrointestinal issues) as opposed to the individual level.
And even if you don't eat a balanced diet, this supposedly does not affect te nutritional content of the milk, but it WILL take nutrients away from your body. So opting to FF for that reason is of more direct benefit to mom's health than baby's. But as we've discussed in other threads, mom's wellbeing is important too! So while the ideal would be to eat well and BF, that doesn't mean there's anything inherently wrong with FFing either.
The way I see it, we're all lucky to live in a time and place where we have the option of choosing what's best for our families, regardless of the reason.
@Teacher Clark - I hear you and I'm not offended. (I know you enough by now!) 2 weeks is kind of an arbitrary time frame I picked. The more important part of my mentality is that I would quit with no guilt if I wanted to.
This is not helpful nor is it supportive.
ETA - I take issue with the phrase "breast is best". I get that it's cute and catchy and this is my own bias speaking but the word "best" implies if you not BFing you are feeding your baby something not up to snuff. It adds fuel to the fire IMO.
Actually a lot of BFing advocates take issue with "breast is best" as well, because it sets BFing as this impossible standard. So there's a big push for changing the sentiment to "breast is [biologically] normal."That said, while katelyn's statement could have been more tactful, the truth is that there ARE benefits to BFing that can't be matched or replicated by formula, especially the presence of antibodies in the milk which help to build baby's immune system. This isn't to say formula is bad or inadequate, just that under most circumstances, breast milk is optimal.
That said, I don't think the issue is people asserting that breast milk is better than formula (as long as they aren't saying that this means formula is bad). The issue is the expectation that moms should make the objectively optimal choice for EVERYTHING, not just feeding. I can guarantee every single one of us has made at least one (probably more) parenting decisions that goes against what is the optimal decision in a given circumstance because it doesn't work with our lifestyle and the risk of making a less-than-optimal decision is outweighed by some other benefit.
For example, we didn't keep DD in our room for the first six months even though that is the optimal sleep arrangement. She has been in her crib since day one. The arrangement just wouldn't work for us, because I didn't want to risk her refusing to sleep in her crib down the line and end up sleep deprived and falling asleep at the wheel with DD in the car. We felt we mitigated much of the risk by following every other safe sleep recommendation, but our sleep situation was still not optimal by objective standards.
So I don't think it's beneficial (or accurate) to say that breast milk and formula are equal just to make people feel better about how they feed their baby. I think instead it's better to trust that every one of us is doing what's RIGHT for our family in the grand scheme of things, rather than whether that one decision is, when viewed on its own, "best."
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
This argument is as old as time, but there lots of things I am biologically programmed to do that I wouldn't, but it's certainly not unnatural in my book. I said in a PP from way back that theoretically, women are biologically programmed to have a child every menstrual cycle they aren't KU or nursing heavily. But some women never want kids. I only want two, irregardless of my bodies capabilities. To coin something as normal begs the argument of what's abnormal. Slippery slope.
Edited for typos.
This is still a sensitive subject for me. I'm working on it. :-)
Slogans aside, I do think the push to "normalize breastfeeding" is a valuable one. For most of recent history, it WASN'T seen as normal, women who BFed were looked down upon because of it. But I wish it didn't have to be an "us vs them" kind of thing. In my infant feeding utopia, women would be able to BF anywhere without a second glance or FF anywhere without fear of being judged. People would just see moms feeding their babies and not think that they were poisoning their kids OR being exhibitionists. Right now it feels like a total catch 22 - You HAVE to BF your baby, but God forbid anyone have to see you doing it. We just can't win. :-p
I'm actually really loving the partnership I'm seeing emerge between The Leaky Boob and the Fearless Formula Feeder recently. Their audiences are obviously different, but they've both been trying to tone down the heated rhetoric that has been pitting each side against the other and instead put the focus where it should be: providing support and advice for moms who want to do what's best for their kids, and acknowledging that "best" does not look the same for everyone.
I was curious about the history of the “breast is best” slogan. I couldn’t find anything, but I’m guessing it was created as a way to encourage women to try breastfeeding by making a catchy slogan, and I’d go further to guess it was at a time when breastfeeding was not as commonplace as it is now. My mom has told me that “back in her day,” formula was considered the optimal food for babies because it was science-based nutrition.
In my search, I found an article about how the chair of a breastfeeding advocacy group in the UK wants to scrap the slogan because it implies that breastfeeding is something special, not the norm. The group in the article takes this to another end, but for me, I think this exceptionalism is exactly the problem.
Because there is this catchy slogan that implies one way of feeding your child is special, it creates this artificial hierarchy of feeding choices. I know this is a dead horse issue, but it bothers me to see people get upset over loving their children and doing what was best for them in terms of feeding them. For me, I wish both ways of feeding your child were considered normal – that FF moms didn’t feel any guilt, and that BF moms didn’t feel ostracized. I’ve nursed DS in an airplane bathroom - absolutely disgusting - but at 11 months, I could feel the eyes of condemnation on me holding the nursing cover (which was useless since he likes to pick my nose whilst eating.)
For me in the airplane bathroom, for the mom with supply issues holding a bottle – we’re thinking the same thing. My kid is hungry, just let me feed him.
And katelyn, in the same post where I basically called you tactless, I managed to accidentally sound like I didn't care whether I hurt the feelings of someone who FFs. So that was kind of hypocritical of me. And actually, Drea, while I clarified myself, I never really apologized so I'd like to do that now. I know what a sensitive subject this is, so normally I try to choose my words very carefully, and I fired that one off without proofreading. My bad. :-(
I have gotten a little better since this picture a few months ago but it was the only one on my computer
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
If I do BF again, I will be supplementing with formula from the beginning to reduce the chances of bottle/formula refusal, because that is the one thing I just cannot go through again. That was by far the most stressful issue we had with DD. I am also planning to completely wean by 6 months with the next one (obviously I could change my mind depending on how things are going, but that's how I feel right now).
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014
I was formula-fed and I think I turned out pretty awesome.
My babies were/are breastfed and I think they turned out pretty awesome.
That's my contribution to this thread.