It doesn't get better!

JlWhite14

Everyone says that time heals all wounds, but I don't feel that way! I seem to be crying a lot lately. I'm all most six months pregnant and still haven't heard from the father of my child. I love this little girl that I'm carrying sooo much. It's crazy because I never want kids....well at least not until I was married. When I found out I was pregnant it was the most scariest moment of my life. The father of my baby told me to get an abortion, and honestly I struggled with if I should or not for a long time. It hurts so bad to bring this baby into this world with an absentee father. I really don't care about him being there for me, but it's killing me that he don't want to be there for her. He does not deserve her but she deserves her father. I don't need anything from him financially. I just need him to be apart of life! I cry every time I think of him not being there for her. It seriously hurts my heart more than it did in the beginning. When does it get easier? When do the pain stop? When do the tears stop? When when will my wounds heal?

tig594

Pregnancy hormones sure don't help!  I've read or heard somewhere that it takes half the time of your relationship to get over it.  So, if you were together a year it would take roughly 6 months.  Sounds kind of corny, but in my experience it's been pretty true.  I'm not sure how the hormones will factor in to that.  

The father of your baby is a douchebag.  I understand your thoughts of wanting your LOs daddy to be a part of her life.  I think pretty much all of us on this board want BDs to be a stable part of our kid's lives.  However, this is not a perfect world and you can't make him do what you want, no matter how much you wish for it.  Besides, why would you want someone who doesn't want to be a part of your LOs life IN your LOs life?  Screw that.  You don't NEED him, period.  As hard as it is, you need to move forward and be strong with the thought that he isn't going to be around.  If he comes around later then you can deal with that then.  Right now, though, your little girl needs you to be strong for her.  Your life should be revolving around the life growing inside you and not her d-bag daddy.  You both deserve better.  Go find it.  

MinnesotaMomma91

He doest love you, he doesnt want to be a father, and he isnt going to be one. Guess what, ce' le vie. Life moves on.

You wont get over him if your thinking about him, and obsessing over him.

And like Tig said, most of us wish our bds would man the fuck up and be dads, but they arent going too. So you put your big girl panties on and focus on your kid. Then guess what, it gets better.

20thirteen

I agree with the previous posters.  Plus, it makes holidays and other family functions really easy.  You get to choose her name and not have to compromise with someone else. You get to make ALL of the parenting decisions, which is a daunting task but when you and your partner don't see eye to eye on certain parenting things, that in itself is way more stressful.

YOU get to be mom AND dad.  YOU are SO BADASS that you can fill TWO ROLES in ONE pair of shoes.  Don't forget that.  

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jellybean529

I don't have much to add to what's in the previous reply, other than that I'm so sorry. And, think of it this way...it's definitely harder being the sole parent because you get 100% of the stress, but you also get 100% of the joy. He's the one who is missing out, not you!

tig594

You should definitely read becca's blog.  Also, PP's made good points about it actually being less stressful in some ways when you are a single parent.  You don't have the arguments about holidays, baby names, etc.  This is YOUR baby.  You can name her whatever you want.  Instead of having to take someone else's opinions into consideration you can make your own rules and bounce uncertainties off your parents or friends.  You don't have to explain to her why daddy is only around sometimes.  I think, in some ways, it is more hurtful for a child to go through what mrs.tbc's daughter has to go through with dad coming and going than if he just wasn't around at all.  Certainly no offense to mrs.tbc...shit happens in life that we sometimes can't control.  But being a single parent can make you a more well rounded person since you have to be both mom and dad.

MinnesotaMomma91

I think for me not having bd around is less stressful cause i dont have to put up with him. Let me explain, his other kids have been on strict scheduales from birth, his older kids can make their beds with military prescion(sp?) When we were just friends hed drive me crazy cause hed reorganise my kitchen and remake my bed.

But i also dont have to put up with his drama queen mom. Sometimes i still miss my best friend, but i did get to name my kid what i want. Make the parenting decisions i want, and for now im not splitting holidays.

Gamera3000

The other ladies had some really good advice.

From having to carry on after all kinds of shitty things, I'd say that your feelings may or may not change, but in any case you get used to it and after awhile you realize you're happy again, even though the shitty thing happened.

You may have had to exchange BD for your LO, but you got the good end of the deal.

Hollykathleenr

I want to start off by telling you everyone here has given you some really good advice.

I also want to tell you I kinda of know what you are going through. I broke up with DD1's BD before I knew I was pregnant (it was an abusive relationship) and he gave me an ultimatum either get back together with him or he would not have anything to do with the baby. DD1 is 7 now and her BD has never even seen her, the last I heard from him was when a friend called him right after DD1 was born and her BD asked if I had changed my mind when I said no he hung up and haven't heard a word since.

While I was pregnant and probably her first year I never thought I could do it alone. I honestly was a complete mess. Looking back I wasn't alone. I had a great groups of friends and family that have helped me so much. DD1 may not have her dad around but she has a handful of father figures and at 7 now she only asked about her BD when DD2 started to visit hers.

It is so much easier not having to deal with a BD. I don't know how much in the last year I have wished DD2's BD would just disappear like DD1's did. I get to make ALL the decisions without having to consult an idiot.

As for DD1, she has asked about her BD now and I try to be as open with her (age appropriate anyways) and she is honest with me in return. There have been some tears on her end but I know she will be fine. She tells me all the time "I'm lucky Mom, I get to help pick out my Dad but sissy isn't as lucky, she's stuck with the dad she has" also tomorrow night the first grade is having a father/daughter mother/son dance and she came home from school to tell me about and told me I wasn't allowed to go but she had a difficult choice because she got to pick her "date" and that made her lucky cause the other girls had to just go with their dad. Then she proceeded to call both grandpas (my dad and step dad) her uncle and then three friends of mine that were at the hospital when she was born and who are her "honorary" uncles and emailed a fourth who is deployed at the moment to let them all know she needed a date to the father/daughter dance and she didn't know who she was going to pick to be her date but she needed to know who could make it to our town the night of the dance to take her if she picked them (only my dad lives in our town everyone else is strung out across the US) everyone of them told her they would find a way to take her to the dance if they were chosen and she finally picked her grandpa who lives here to be her "date"

I'm telling you this because it really will be OK! In the meantime try to find something to distract you, join a club take a class that sounds fun just something to help keep your mind off things and surround yourself with your friends and family who love you. I won't lie it won't be easy but it's a thousand times worth it and it will be ok that I know.