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June 2014 Moms
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Grieving A Loss While Baby Is Still Here

kittymeowbarkkittymeowbark member
edited February 2014 in June 2014 Moms
Yesterday I had my 5 month anatomy scan and my husband and I were so excited. The nurse was doing the exam and was not really telling us anything, she did tell us we are having a little girl. Needless to say my husband and I were overjoyed we couldn't stop smiling. That changed quickly once the doctor came in and told us that our baby has a lot of fluid in her brain and will be brain dead. I don't recall what else the doctor was saying. I was crying hysterically at that point, and have been every since. The baby is perfect physically and is moving around, but her brain is not functional. The outcome is not positive and we will need to terminate the pregnancy. I go in on Monday for an examination and further steps. It is just so painful to grieve the loss of a child that is still alive and that I feel moving inside of me. That I find is the hardest part for me. I breakdown and cry throughout the day. I have an amazing support team and I am thankful for that. I guess we need to take it one moment at a time. Cry



Update:

Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers. This had been such a long weekend for my family and I. Today we went to a specialist who did another ultrasound and a few tests and the news is even worse than before. At first, I was told there was fluid in the baby's brain which most likely is Hydrocephalus. Depending on the level, this can be treated and the baby does have a chance at a normal life. This information is what has kept me sane. I have joined support groups who are familiar with hydrocephalus and the women have helped me so much.  Today at the ultrasound we learned the baby does not have hydrocephalus, but instead has Holoprosencephaly which is basically a much worse brain deformation. The baby's brain never split into the two hemispheres. Most babies do not make it through birth yet alone anytime after that. We have made the decision to terminate and have begun the process to do so. It was our decision to do what we felt was best for our baby. I have reached the acceptance stage of my grief and look at this situation as a learning experience. I learned how much I can love someone before ever meeting them, I learned how amazing and strong my husband is, and I learned I can count on my support system for just about anything. Once again thank you all for the concern and help. I truly wish you all the best of luck. Hopefully I will have the family we have been dreaming about the past 5 months someday.

Yelena + Rubere Married: 05/13/2011
TTC since 2012
BFP#1~  EDD: 06/21/2014  ~  TFMR --Holoprosencephaly 
Said goodbye on 2/10/2014 at 21 weeks. We miss our baby girl "J"
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