Adopting after cancer

dancingonmyown

Hi everyone, I'm new to all this. After getting a breast cancer diagnosis at 28 and going through all the various treatments, I'm now starting to think about adoption, since I may never be able to have a child of my own (and if I can, it won't be anytime soon since I have to stay on medication that prevents me from having a baby while taking it). Wondering if anyone here has been in a similar situation, or knows of anyone who has? I'm hoping to find someone in a similar boat or someone with some advice to share, in terms of how the process went when trying to adopt with a history of cancer and any obstacles you/the person adopting faced.

Thanks and look forward to learning and chatting!

Dr.Loretta

Hi and welcome.

We have had parents here with cancer histories. The key was having a doctor's indication that you are expected to live a normal lifespan. Hopefully those with direct experience will chime in with their process.

Post often!

dancingonmyown

Thanks Loretta!

hey_its_jenn

Hi there!

When we were TTC, we found out that my husband has a cancerous tumor in his testicle.  He has surgery and has been cancer free ever since.  We never had any issues with our agency, although we are doing Domestic Infant Adoption.  I have heard that if you try for International Adoption, some countries will turn you away because of your history. GL! 

dancingonmyown

Thanks Jenn! That's great to hear. I am leaning toward domestic as well, although still don't really know enough to make any decisions. Did your licensee or agency put any restrictions on when you could adopt due to your husband's history? I assume they were aware of it?

Hope he is doing well... and good luck with your adoption!

hey_its_jenn

Our agency does know - it was one of my first questions to them - and they were fine with it - no restrictions at all.  Just needed a physical done to make sure he would have a normal life span, like Dr.Loretta said.  But I needed one, too.  

My DH had cancer and has MS so I was worried with his medical history.  And then I was worried that maybe we wouldn't get picked by a BM because of his health and our SW assured us it wouldn't be an issue at all. 

Not sure if this will help, but this is a profile of a couple at the same agency as us that the wife had Breast Cancer:

https://afth.org/aaron-crystal-6187/
https://afth.agconexusinc.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/6187.pdf  (pdf file)

dancingonmyown

That's awesome, thanks for sending me those links! Our story is pretty much the same... and based on her hair in the video, it looks like they're adopting pretty soon after treatment. That gives me hope. Wish there was some kind of contact info on that video, would love to chat with her. Thanks again!

dancingonmyown

I'm also not sure how my doctor could judge if I will have a "normal life span"... because that's something they can't really know (I wish they could... would save me a lot of anxiety, that's for sure). There's always the chance of recurrence. Hopefully my risk is low enough that some wonderful person out there would want to take a chance on me (and my husband, I guess he's part of the full picture too 

silliestbunny

Hi... I am rarely on The Bump anymore but I am glad I "stopped by" today.

I am a cancer survivor x 3.  I am also a proud mama to three little ones thanks to domestic infant adoption.  

Lots of agencies want a five year cancer-free status.  I started the process w/a national law firm and they didn't care so much.  Clearly all agencies and lawyers want to make sure they are working with someone that has a good chance at long term survival.  We were also asked the uncomfortable "what if" question... and they were looking for us being confident my husband could swing it as a single dad.   But we all know there are no guarantees in life... 

My advice--- call around and be honest before you get too far into working or talking with someone.  What are their views.  The good news is that the group most concerned with your cancer history is the agency doing your home study. Once this is done, cancer tends to be a moot point. It may come up w/a Emom... but all of our Emoms were okay with my history. 

I am happy to chat more

CeCe8579

I am disabled due to lupus. Not near cancer but our initial application was approved after they reviewed my disability. Good luck and hugs!

pleasebeonsale

I'm in the same boat. Can't have children after cancer. Our agency is on the pickier side about that, but I have a very low chance of going through it again with the particular cancer I had. I agree with pp, call around and be honest, you'll find the right fit for you. I have found with this, and so many other things, that I built them up in my mind to be bigger barriers than they are. Good luck!

dancingonmyown

Thanks for chiming in! It's helpful to hear from other cancer survivors. And wow, silliestbunny, 3X survivor... that's awesome

So I guess I'm not really sure who I call to ask about this stuff. Just start calling agencies? Or private adoption practitioners? I'd love to be able to get a definitive answer from someone in terms of what their "policy" is, if there is one... but not really sure how to go about that.

hey_its_jenn

After I made initial contact with a few agencies (usually by just filling information out online), I received several e-mails from each agency.  I either replied to those e-mails with my questions or called the person on the email.  That worked out better for us rather than calling and getting a receptionist who just answered phones or something.

silliestbunny

RE: 3x... yep and it's a real testament to the fact that cancer survivors can adopt.  I have a weird/rare cancer and the stats on it are just awful... low survival, etc. But I also participated in two clinical trials and am confident in my long term life.

Where to start... where do you live?  I have a small network of cancer survivor/adoption friends.... never know they might be in your area and give you tips on friendlier agencies.  

Regardless-- agencies that do home studies is your first hurdle... they'll need to be willing to do a home study on you.

PS- how many years has it been since your last treatment (not counting maintenance like tamoxifen)

dancingonmyown

I am in Ontario... I think most people on here are American so hard to to find others in the same situation because I believe the rules are a bit different here.

I finished chemo almost one year ago, and recently finished Herceptin (another cancer drug for a specific type of BC), and am now on Tamoxifen... which is why I'm looking into adoption, since you can't conceive while taking the drug. And now it is being recommended for 10 years (vs. 5) which is a whole other issue!

Thanks for your help... and so happy to hear you are healthy!