Freaking Out

lolasmit

I am 28 weeks...and I've been reading the Bradley method. Well, it seems that the most important thing about a natural birth is to be relaxed. I keep thinking what if I can't relax, and what if I am tense. What if I will need a C-section, what if I can't handle the pain and go for an epidural..and ugh I guess since I am getting closer I am starting to freak out about birth and labor. Any tips? Anything ladies?

lindseyraye1589

You can definitely do it! Mind over manner. I felt like for me, the hospital was just a place for me to go and feel vulnerable. I loved the staff, and my OB was amazing and totally went with my birth plan. The fact that I personally LET myself say "ok, if the pain gets too great, I will get an epidural if I feel like I absolutely need it." Guess what? On our way to the hospital, I was already asking my husband if he thought I would be a failure if I asked for one...I was 3cm 50% effaced. -.- so this time, I had a mishap with my insurance, and ironically enough, I am now seeing a midwife in a birth center that is a naturopath. I am going somewhere where I have NO option for drugs. Sounds good to me! For me personally with my first, the epidural was amazing to have, because I had just gone 30 hours with these horrible pains, and now I'd get to actually sleep and not feel anything. win, win at the time. Looking back, I missed out on the experience I had originally wanted to go for. So I am more motivated this time. My midwife said, "think of labor as a hard work out, for example, hiking a mountain for the day. It's steep, its hard to do and you are physically in pain, and need to finish because you'll be proud of the outcome. Having a baby is the hardest workout you'll do, but its only for a short while and you want to do it because you're getting a baby out of it!" Also, telling yourself during it, "This is what I want, just give into the pain, and my baby will be here faster. The more I let go of letting it hurt, the closer I get to seeing my baby." Listen to calm music, dim lights, ask for nurses to give you breaks from being checked up on too frequently (that can sure get annoying...especially when they change shifts.) Also, labor in a tub if they offer it! IT HELPS SO MUCH!!! GL mama! I'm prego with #2 by the way. So I'm hoping this goes by faster than it did with my daughters birth!

MommyAtty

You are so normal. Anyone who claims not to have been fearful is a big fat liar. When I was in labor, it was like the whole world just shrunk to me and my baby. So I was able to relax and just concentrate on doing what I needed to do to get my baby safely into the world. (It didn't hurt that crazy stuff happens to women in my family when they get epidurals, so I was far more scared of an epidural than I was short-term pain.)

Chichigo

I stayed home as long as possible, and labored in my tub and on my balance ball. I listened to a meditation CD or relaxing instrumental music, and had help from my husband with massage, heat applications, and counter pressure.

At the hospital, I had a cervical check when admitted and when I told the nurse I had the urge to push. I spent most of my time prior to the final pushes on meditation and prayer.

I considered requesting an epidural, but reminded myself that I had already dealt with labor pains for over 12 hours (I progressed quickly once checked in). I'm also contrary enough that I wanted to prove that I could do it

lolasmit

Thank you ladies. I read Ina's book early on in my pregnancy. I guess I should read it again, and try relaxation techniques. I am definitely scared of getting an epi honestly, but I keep saying that labor would be better than that. Then my mother, and mother in law..and everyone else keeps telling me that I am crazy to try this and that I WILL need an epi and whatnot, so little by little I feel my confidence go down . I definitely need to figure out how to bring it back

natalie202

Fear (which is generally to blame for an inability to relax) is such a normal thing to have to deal with when you're thinking about (and doing) labor. You just have to keep quieting the fear beast and reaffirming over and over that you CAN do this. Your support team should also be prepared to keep reaffirming you, both before and during labor.

Seriously, be prepared for the fear to keep trying to sneak in. During my most recent (very fast) labor, I declared just four contractions away from delivering that this was all going much faster than last time, that it was too fast to handle, and I couldn't do it anymore. My awesome midwife actually laughed at that one before gently telling me to knock it off, focus, and push.

nosoup4u

I was v worried about labor being too much to handle when I was of w DS1 too. It's really common to feel that way. For me, actually going into labor was a fairly gradual process (I had a good day of mild contractions), which really helped me not panic overall. And after awhile I was able to get into the zone of getting through the contractions (when they were intense).

catsinawindow

I'm not so familiar with Bradley classes, do they teach you a "toolbox" of relaxation techniques?  For me, deep, rhythmic relaxation breathing was very effective.  Others use massage, positioning (ie. yoga), music, or aromatherapy to relax.  If you have a lot of options to try, you'll likely be able to find something that will help you relax through most of labor.

Also, get your DH and any other support people on board with reminding you to use your relaxation tools.  When I was in labor with DS and an especially tough contraction hit, I would sometimes loose focus and start "freaking out."  Once DH or my nurse starting coaching me through my breathing and reminding me to relax, the contraction instantly became manageable.  As others said, mind over matter.

lioness13

It's all mental! Remind yourself that you are strong and that millions of women have done this before you. I had an awesome natural labor and birth. It can be done. Just stay positive and know yourself. What do you need to be relaxed? For me it was watching Sex & The City, stand up comedies and eating ice cream between contractions. And during contractions I just reminded myself that it was going to end soon. Good luck!!!

MommyAtty

joules235 said:

If you hadn't felt any fear, you wouldn't have bothered with Hypnobabies or shut down hearing about other women's experiences, good or bad. You may have found ways not to let it overwhelm you, but obviously you were concerned enough to prepare for it and find ways to avoid what you felt would upset you. In fact, I did a one-day class in pain management methods and that was it. My mother and MIL each had 2 babies, their first w an epidural and their second naturally. Both highly preferred the second birth. And I patiently listened to anyone who had been through the experience before, without assuming that because bad things happened to them, they would to me. So whatever you chose to call it, you were obviously dealing with fear in the best way you could for you. There's nothing wrong with that.

gobbo1985

I'm 38 weeks and now honestly I was scared shitless of goig through labour, but the epidural scares me more. I found great prenatal classes trough my doula group and my mind set is totally different now. I also downloaded a hypnobirthing app and I listen to it about 5 times a week and I've been doing that since about 25 weeks. It's had calmed me down so much and helps me meditate. But try something like that.

But I also think you need to keep an open mind. That's what I've comes to terms with. No matter how much I wanted a natural who knows how long my labour is going to be.

Ibliss

Practice relaxing beforehand. I am 39 weeks and I have found the more I take 15-20 minutes and practice relaxing completely, the more confident I feel that when it's labor time I will be able to relax and not tense up.

Cecilbear

lolasmit! I'm a ftm at 28 weeks and I'm doing my fair share of freaking out too. My husband and I are taking a hypnobirthing class and just doing the daily practicing seems to be helping. I also very much like the positive birth stories from Ina May, and recommend looking into hiring a doula. Check out doulamatch.net to find one in your area. Or, I know that there's a volunteer group in my area--maybe there's one around you, too? 

aylafsu88

I did Bradley and had a great birth. I was worried about relaxing in labor because the class focuses so much on relaxation being the key. We practiced relaxation some but not nearly as much as the class wanted and my H is not a great story teller/relaxation guide by any means. I told myself that when I went into labor  I was going to just let my body do its thing and not try to over think/analyze things. That really helped me stay relaxed throughout my labor and not tense up/worry about things. There came a point when I was ready to go to the hospital. My doula and H tried to talk me into staying home long because my contractions never established a solid pattern. I listened to my body and knew it was almost time for LO. I progressed very quickly and was holding LO in less than 2 hours of arriving at the hospital. My body knew that it was time to go even though the times made it seem like I had much longer.
Like everyone else said, it is all mental, so trust your body and know that it was made to give birth and you can do it.