Is it rude to NOT open gifts at your baby shower?

laurenmichaels

Here's the deal, I hate opening gifts at showers. At my bridal shower it was just awkward and took forever. So I was thinking of not opening gifts at my baby shower. My friend did the same thing at her shower a few months ago as well.

Is that rude? I really don't want to offend people by opening gifts at home after the shower. What do you think? Rude or not rude?

EmbracingChange

I am someone who likes to see someone open my gift. I put A LOT of thought into my gifts, I like to see how well they are received. Not because I'm judgy, but to get an idea of if I'm doing it right. I'm a bit awkward in social settings.

hotsaucencake@live.com

I was looking up this question the other day. Based on what I found googling, its bad shower etiquette not to open gifts in front of everyone. However, the general consensus is that pretty much everyone hates actually having to do it. I seriously wish I could just avoid it. I'd rather spend that time hanging out with guests than having everyone just sit and watch me open stuff.

wtfisup

I'm really, REALLY transparent facially. I hate opening gifts in front of people.

tbmadeamistake

I also hate opening gifts in front of people, and after my bridal shower never wanted to do it again!  A great way to make it easier for all concerned (you the gift-opener with too much attention, and them, the gift-givers who don't care unless it's their gift), is to play baby gift bingo.  You can make bingo cards online using items from your registry/obvious gifts.  Then you find something fun to use as markers (like hershey's kisses or little cutouts of baby booties) and people mark down on their cards the gifts you open.  Have a couple prizes handy for winners. 

My mom knew about my panic attack during my bridal shower, so she asked how my baby shower would be easier on me.  I said this.  It was the only game I wanted but one I HAD to have.  It ended up working perfectly!  Less attention on me and something for the guests to have fun with instead of just sitting there awkwardly.  If your shower planners are up for suggestions, I highly recommend it.

laurenmichaels

I'm soooooo glad I'm not the only one.

laurenmichaels

I was at a shower once that took 2 hours to open gifts. Like, wtf?!

lefriday

There's a whole "green" trend or "display" shower where guests save the planet an just bring gifts ready to display....no wrapping. The host can make cute tags to go out with gifts so you know who everything is done. Then it's more of an ooooh-shhhh event and everyone can mingle and look at your goods. This also avoids the 5 hour shower no one wants to attend!

CaityEMC

Ive been to a couple green showers and asked my mom to request this for my shower as well. I was sweating and shaking from the attention at my bridal shower so I'm looking to avoid opening gifts in front of everyone! All the green showers I have attended have been great- the old ladies don't always "get" it but whatever!

mrs_drc_rn

joules235 said:

lefriday said:

There's a whole "green" trend or "display" shower where guests save the planet an just bring gifts ready to display....no wrapping. The host can make cute tags to go out with gifts so you know who everything is done. Then it's more of an ooooh-shhhh event and everyone can mingle and look at your goods. This also avoids the 5 hour shower no one wants to attend!

This is a great idea!
How do you convey this in an invite without sounding bossy?


One of my friends put a little rhyme on her registry, but I'd be afraid that would get overlooked as opposed to putting it in the invite. There are a lot of cute little rhymes out there; I like this one:

Like a newborn baby, we like gifts in the buff,
A bow on top is sufficient enough!
So if you choose to bring a gift for the Mommy to be
Please skip the wrapping while saving a tree!

ddd2

I didn't open them at my first. But only because we were having so much fun and ran out of time. Some people insisted on having me open them then and there, so I did , but it was so much easier to do it without all the hoopla. This one will be smaller and I hope to get to them. I'm always a fan of comparing what I've gotten for a friend and seeing all the goodies they get.

JNerd

My shower was fantastic - the gift opening part wasn't one big long stretch. Every few gifts there was an awesome game, maybe a snack break, something fun to break up the time. It worked really well so it wasnt an hour of opening gifts or anything like that, but all the gifts still got opened.

The games were simple - guess how many in the jar, a memory game type thing. Just enough to get people up and moving and talking.

I highly recommend not doing it all in one long go. 

ElTrain5

wtfisup said:

I'm really, REALLY transparent facially. I hate opening gifts in front of people.

You are not alone my friend.

allrightmeow

Swilkins1122 said:

lefriday said:

There's a whole "green" trend or "display" shower where guests save the planet an just bring gifts ready to display....no wrapping. The host can make cute tags to go out with gifts so you know who everything is done. Then it's more of an ooooh-shhhh event and everyone can mingle and look at your goods. This also avoids the 5 hour shower no one wants to attend!

This is a great idea!
How do you convey this in an invite without sounding bossy?

One of my friends put a little rhyme on her registry, but I'd be afraid that would get overlooked as opposed to putting it in the invite. There are a lot of cute little rhymes out there; I like this one: Like a newborn baby, we like gifts in the buff, A bow on top is sufficient enough! So if you choose to bring a gift for the Mommy to be Please skip the wrapping while saving a tree!

I like that idea.  Then you aren't stuck with a ton of gift bags and tissue paper after.

nunzchucks

I'll be the odd man out. Yes, I think it is rude to not open gifts at a shower. You may find some of the younger guests agreeable to this, but I'm sure your older guests will not be happy. If people are going to take the effort to purchase something for you and attend an event in your honor, I think you need to be gracious for an hour or so and open their gift.

diagonalley

I also think it is rude. I know I spend time and effort picking out gifts and usually make something as well such as a quilt and I want to see your reaction darn it. Like someone else said the purpose is to shower you with gifts so to me it seems gift grabby to take them but not open them in front of everyone. If you are uncomfortable, then maybe you shouldn't have a shower. Or go the route if no wrapping.

Valie18

I think that you can probably go the route of unwrapped gifts to cut down present time, although I think requesting this is odd.

IMO it is mandatory that you ooh and ahh over each gift in front of everyone.

Savvy122

LilNunz1 said:

I'll be the odd man out. Yes, I think it is rude to not open gifts at a shower. You may find some of the younger guests agreeable to this, but I'm sure your older guests will not be happy. If people are going to take the effort to purchase something for you and attend an event in your honor, I think you need to be gracious for an hour or so and open their gift.

This exactly (I feel like I always quote you @LilNunz1 !)

Also, the whole point of a shower is to give/receive gifts... so I don't understand having one if you're not going to actually open the things that people have brought for you.  Just have a party.

MamaTree17

I'm going to jump on the I think it's a little rude train. Again the purpose of a shower is to shower with gifts so I think it's expected that you will actually open them. I think it's just one of the sacrifices you make to get some nice things! (Just like thank-you notes....no one loves writing them but I think they are a must!) That said, there are certainly ways to downplay it. It doesn't have to be a formal, everyone gather round X is opening presents event! I've been to several where someone makes an informal announcement that the new mom is going to be opening gifts in X room if you'd like to take a look. People can wonder in and out, and like others have mentioned, have snacks, move around, take breaks. I also made my husband be part of the gift opening so it wasn't all on me.

Gigi8212

I think it is rude as well. Technically, the entire point of a shower is the gifts, so you should make a point to open each individual gift and thank the gift giver. I agree that it doesn't need to be formal. Guests can mingle as you open gifts.

I also don't really understand the idea of bringing an unwrapped gift. I think a lot of people request it as a way to avoid unwrapping gifts, not always as a way to be green. Again, rude. Your guests are going out of their way to buy you a gift and spend the day with you, so you shouldn't dictate how your gift is presented to you.

LEO2010

I get what everyone is saying but I have to say I'm a fan of gift opening at baby showers (bridal is a horse of a different color though) because I love to see all the cute baby stuff and go awwwww like a total girl! Plus- as a guest- if you don't know many other people it gives you something to do besides making small talk with strangers for two hours. My BFF just tried to do the green idea and have people not wrap gifts because she didn't really want to open at her shower, but it backfired because most guests wrapped anyway and then all the older traditional ladies made her sit down and open gifts. She kind of got forced into it...poor thing.

Also- I'm still a little kid even though I'm going to be a mom and I LOVE opening gifts- especially precious baby things. But I can see why other people don't! Do what makes you comfortable and happy, but keep in mind your guests might try to revolt!

katekat8721

LilNunz1 said:

I'll be the odd man out. Yes, I think it is rude to not open gifts at a shower. You may find some of the younger guests agreeable to this, but I'm sure your older guests will not be happy. If people are going to take the effort to purchase something for you and attend an event in your honor, I think you need to be gracious for an hour or so and open their gift.

I agree with this. I was going to say it depends on your audience, but LilNunz brings up a good point that it seems the younger generation is ok with this and the older is not. In that case, I'd rather bore my younger guests a bit with opening gifts than offend my older guests by not opening them.

You can maybe compromise and have your hosts start cutting/serving the cake while you are opening your presents so all the attention is not on you. You also don't have to make a big fuss about present opening (no games like Bingo in the meantime) and/or have hubby come for just that portion so he can help open the gifts too.

I hate opening gifts in front of people and having to oooh and ahhh over things and keep a straight face. My brain is usually thinking "wtf is this thing, oh ok it's a bath thermometer or something, wait they make these things, this is kinda cool" and I don't want my face to give me away!

laurenmichaels

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm back and forth because my shower will be 95% younger women. My mother and two family friends being the only ladies over 40. I know I don't care about watching people open gifts but that's just me. I would hate to offend someone who took the time to attend and pick out a gift. I also thought it would be cool to open the gifts with my husband. XO

ElTrain5

at my sister's shower that I threw we had guests eating/drinking/decorating onsies and bibs at their tables while she opened gifts, which took some of the focus off of her (which she was worried about). Also, I recommend having two people help you, one writing down who gave you what, and one person handing you the gift, taking the wrapping paper, and taking the gift away to replace with another. This keeps things moving swiftly and cuts the time it takes you to get through all the gifts down to a minimum.

MSUMands

I wish people would just let this tradition die! It's awkward for the person opening - I want to give every gift equal attention, equal oooohhhhs and ahhhhhhhs, want to thank everyone immediately as I open, etc. And it's awkward for the people watching - When the fuck will this end, Does she hate my gift?, my wrapping isn't as pretty as that girls, I just came for the cake, this is soooooo boring, FML I want to die, it's been 2 hours...

I'm a firm believer that showers should be 2 hours total. Food, mingling, and cake. No present opening and no games. Probably an UO.

Sareynoo

I opened gifts at my shower, it was nice because everyone got to explain why they chose the gift. I like watching people open their gifts, personally. I don't think it would be rude to wait though.

Edited because autocorrect hates me

LKHoffa

My grandma would be so upset if I didn't open gifts! That said, you can still encourage guests to socialize, eat, and drink while you open gifts! Or even serve cake while opening so it's more fun for the guests!

Jennylou0604

I didn't open any gifts at my bridal shower and a lot of people thanked me for that haha.  It was more of a party than a shower so people were able to mingle, drink, and eat without being interrupted to watch me open gifts.  

The only reason I opened gifts at my baby shower was because I was on bed rest and had nothing else to do, otherwise I would have not opened the gifts until I got home.  

shellbell813

I totally understand not wanting to. I felt SO awkward at my bridal showers opening presents (especially when you get multiples of the same thing! Eek!!) However, I am also one who enjoy seeing the person of honor open the presents. At showers where the presents are opened by others and then displayed, I always find it to be ever slightly rude... just gives the impression that the gifts aren't appreciated, but more of expected. When they aren't opened at all, I also find it a bit rude in the sense of "Do they even want my present? Was it something they needed? WILL they even open it later?" So it's a hard balance of it not being fun to do, but I also wouldn't want to offend anyone by making them feel like their gift wasn't very appreciated.

SecondTimeinMSU

I totally agree that it makes me feel super uncomfortable but people do love seeing you open their gifts, especially the adorable little outfits that everyone oohs and ahhs over. At least I do anyways. What about serving cake or something while you open the gifts so you don't feel as much that the whole time is about you?

amackattack

ElTrain5 said:

at my sister's shower that I threw we had guests eating/drinking/decorating onsies and bibs at their tables while she opened gifts, which took some of the focus off of her (which she was worried about). Also, I recommend having two people help you, one writing down who gave you what, and one person handing you the gift, taking the wrapping paper, and taking the gift away to replace with another. This keeps things moving swiftly and cuts the time it takes you to get through all the gifts down to a minimum.

I LOVE this decorating onesies idea. What did you use to decorate them? I may suggest this idea to my sister.

BruiserB

While I do understand that it can be uncomfortable being the center of attention during gift opening, I'm in the camp that the point of the shower is to shower the new mom with gifts. While I wouldn't be completely taken aback and in a huff if I were at a shower with no gift opening, I would find it a bit odd and maybe a bit rude.  I'm one of those who spends some time and effort choosing a gift based on my relationship with the one I'm gifting (whether it be a bridal or baby shower) and I do enjoy watching her open all her gifts.  It's always touching to see some of the more special items some receive (such as handmade quilts, other things like that). 
I do like when the marathon gift opening session is broken apart with games like baby bingo - I think it gives guests something else to do and makes it all a bit more interactive.  Booze seems to help in that department, also

babygabe614

I wouldn't care if I were an attendee and the person the shower is for didn't open gifts BUT I can see how it's considered rude to do this. I also hate opening gifts in front of people, but I will do it at my shower because I know it'll mean a lot to DH's cousins and aunts who attend (my friends could care less but I think that's a "younger generation" thing).

SecondTimeinMSU

laurenmichaels said:

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm back and forth because my shower will be 95% younger women. My mother and two family friends being the only ladies over 40. I know I don't care about watching people open gifts but that's just me. I would hate to offend someone who took the time to attend and pick out a gift. I also thought it would be cool to open the gifts with my husband. XO

I totally forget. For my shower DH came at the end for the gift opening and helped me open the gifts. He loved being a part of it plus that did refocus some of the attention too.

laurenmichaels

Ahhhhhhhh, GREAT idea!

christinemurray91

Lilygrace48 said:

I also hate opening gifts in front of people, and after my bridal shower never wanted to do it again!  A great way to make it easier for all concerned (you the gift-opener with too much attention, and them, the gift-givers who don't care unless it's their gift), is to play baby gift bingo.  You can make bingo cards online using items from your registry/obvious gifts.  Then you find something fun to use as markers (like hershey's kisses or little cutouts of baby booties) and people mark down on their cards the gifts you open.  Have a couple prizes handy for winners. 

This is exactly what I came here to say. I'm extremely uncomfortable in that situaiton, so I played baby gift bingo and the attention went from me to finding out what was in the bag so they could cross off another square. Huge party-saver for me.

While I would love to say it's totally fine not to open them, I think it would probably be taken badly by some people.

SkyAngelMommy

I don't think its rude but how can anyone not love opening presents?? lol i love unwrapping a pretty big bow!!

JNerd

SkyAngelMommy said:

I don't think its rude but how can anyone not love opening presents?? lol i love unwrapping a pretty big bow!!

elsa1688

@JNerd that may be the best gif ever