Unplanned c/s mamas

SallySunrise

If you had a negative experience and it will be difficult for you to take part in this discussion, please don't.  Please back out of the thread now!  I know how raw these emotions can be, and I don't want to stir anything up for anyone.  If you're sure you can talk about your c/s and be ok... please proceed.  

I have a VBAC hopeful mama due in March.  Normally I'd pose questions like this on my doula page on fb, but she's on there, and she knows she's my only VBAC client right now.  I don't want her to feel like I'm asking these questions because I think she'll end up in the OR.  I do need to ask them somewhere though, in case she does.  I need to know how best to support her, no matter what happens.

So.  Please tell me everything.  ANYTHING you think a person supporting a mama in labor, who ends up in an unplanned c/s should know.  What did people say to you that you HATED hearing?  (Besides "healthy mom, healthy baby" or any sentences beginning with "at least..."  I know those, and you'll never hear me say them.  Ever.)  Were there particular things that made you feel scared?  She had a lot of anxiety in the OR the first time, as I'm sure many moms do.  If you felt that too, were there particular things that made it worse or better?  These are very broad questions, I realize.  I know the whole experience overall is just scary.  I guess what I'm looking for are the little things that I could help with.  Like "when I saw the ______, I flipped out"  or "when they said _______, I felt terrible."  "when the nurse said or did _______, I felt a little better about it."  

Again, if these aren't questions you feel comfortable answering, please DON'T.  There are plenty of resources out there for me to read, and I have been.  I just find it most helpful to talk to real moms, so I thought I'd ask you lovely ladies.  TIA!  

BubbaJug

You know my story, and even with all that craziness I'm not scared to do it again. First and foremost, the goal is for a living mother and child. These people are beyond skilled in getting babies out NOW. While I understand the feeling of loss one can feel from not being able to "give birth", it's not about that. Its about getting he/she here safely. Id say to focus on the big picture is of the most importance. She's already recovered from an unplanned C and lived to tell the tale. She can do anything.

Since my experience with Eleanor I've seen a lot of things people have said about the ways babies come into this world... The most hurtful the implication that I didn't suffer enough to say I've "birthed" a baby (granted these people have no idea what happened to me and how badass I really am ;p)... Um if I grew a baby and it came out of me... Dafuq would you call it?



This (and its many variations) is one of my favorite things regarding the beauty of a C.

SallySunrise

Thank you, ladies!

@bubbajug, I've shared that one on my page before. Love it too.

DeniseRN

Hunter was an urgent CS after a 20 hour induction. I really wanted to be induced at 40 weeks because I had horrible pubic symphysis pain from 24 weeks on and could barely walk. I kept telling the OB that I wanted a CS because I knew he was big and I barely delivered Caleb at 7lb 8oz. (He required a 3rd degree episiotomy with 3 kiwi suction attempts and was THISCLOSE to being an emergent CS).

The OB (who wasn't the one who delivered Caleb) wouldn't do a scheduled CS on me, so I attempted induction. I got cervadil at 9pm and was having great contractions all night. Beautiful pattern and strength, but no dilation.

So at 7am, they added the devil to the equation aka pitocin. By 3pm I needed an epidural and 4pm, I was still just 1cm and -4 station. Hunter was also starting to show a touch of distress on the monitor, so we were taken for urgent CS.

I was a bit scared, but I saw a CS during nursing school and knew was it entailed.

Turns out Hunter was sunny side up, over 9 pounds and had the cord wrapped around his torso. They said I would've never delivered him vaginally.

My recovery was horrible. They inadequately managed my pain, and I was hysterical for a few hours post op because I hurt so bad.

Honestly I'm glad I didn't have to have a CS w Caleb because I would've never had a second baby Although I don't know if the majority of my bad CS experience was because of the doctors and nurses I had. It also took me a long time to cope with it

SallySunrise

Thank you ladies so much for sharing your stories.

@irish1213, while I fully respect your choice to birth in whichever way you feel is best for you and your baby, I feel morally obligated to say: your reasoning for choosing a c/s ("vaginal birth horror stories", which implies that c/s is safer than vaginal birth) is statistically quite incorrect. Evidence shows that for non high risk patients, without any special medical circumstances, there are WAY higher chances of complication through c/s than vaginal birth. Having a previous c/s without complication does NOT mean you'll have the same experience again, either. In fact, previous c/s increases your risks both during the procedure and in recovery.

If you have a medical condition or are high risk, of course that changes things. And if that is the case, and if you decide c/s what is best for you, again, I will ABSOLUTELY support that decision and your right to make it. But I just can't stand the thought of you (or any mom) making the choice for surgery simply because you've heard vaginal birth is more dangerous. It's not, even (and especially) after previous c/s.

SallySunrise

That is exactly the kind of support I want to provide, @heatherbee710. Thank you for sharing your story.

DeniseRN

I really do believe there is some degree of a PTSD after an emergency CS. It's real and it sucks. People need to talk about it more. I can tell you that a very complicated, 28 hour induced, vaginal delivery was much much much easier than the CS. I will never understand why people opt for it without medical reason. It sucks and you don't bounce back as quickly

hokiemama06

We had an unplanned section.  48 hours of labor at home, then finally when I decided to go to the hospital, the doc on call missed that he had turned and was breech.  I made it all the way to 7 cms before my doc came in and immediately found that he was breech and, with my water broken, she highly recommended a section vs attempting a version.  I trusted her professional judgement did not hesitate in moving forward with her recommendation.  That being said, I still had a lot of issues I had to work through with having the c-section

The actual section wasn't a bad experience - the nurses were wonderful, and I had an anesthesiologist who really was there for both me and DH.  Before we went into the OR, my OB came into my room and prayed with me and DH, which for us, helped to give us some peace and comfort about the situation.  

Honestly, I really think birth is such an individual experience, no one answer is right.  There wasn't anything people could say to me that would make it okay - I had to work through the issues I had on my own.  I don't even really know how to say what I felt; I was grateful for a healthy baby and an easy recovery, but I still felt like I was running a race I had been training for, and suddenly was not allowed to finish.  I had worked so hard to have a med-free birth, and had done 48 hours and made it all the way to 7 cms, then suddenly it was no longer an option.  I think the best thing people did was to just listen, since nothing they could say would change what happened or even how I viewed it.  I had to get there myself.

Honestly, I truly believe what happened to us was a good thing.  Thomas' head was 14 inches (35.5 cms) at birth, and my fear is that he would have gotten stuck, and we'd have had an emergency c-section.  Or, I'd have torn so badly, I may have been in need of more than stitches to fix the damage.  As it was, both DH and I were there at his birth and heard his first cries.  It didn't happen the way I wanted it to, but I believe, for us, it happened the way it was supposed to happen.

SallySunrise

I agree with you a hundred times over, @deniseRN.

@hokiemama06, I'm so glad to hear your experience was a positive one. They are few and far between, but they happen, and I'm so glad for that!

lewispm

I think for me, the hardest emotion to deal with was a feeling of failure. I labored, I pushed for 3 1/2 hours, and baby just wouldn't fit through my pelvic bones. I often wonder if I had done something differently (not been induced due to size if baby) if my hips would have had more time to separate and things would have worked.

I think the biggest thing to avoid is making the mom feel like what she did wasn't good enough or that some choice she made along the way may have led to her needing a C-section. Be supportive of every decision she makes and reassure her that she is doing what she feels is best for her and her baby. If she ends up needing a 2nd C-section, do everything in your power to assure her that it is for the best.

I wish I had someone with me reassuring me. MH was great, but it was uncharted territory for him and there was really very little he could do other than love and comfort me the best he knew how. I think it was really the days, weeks, and months AFTER the section that I really felt the feelings of failure. The day of, I was terrified, but I was thinking of my baby more than myself and that really took a lot of my fear away. I didn't care how he came out, he just needed OUT!

Since I had a somewhat negative (despite a wonderful, healthy baby) birth experience, I truly feel for those who experience the feelings of failure and inadequacy after birth. Feel free to ask me anything if you'd like! I don't know how much help I'll be, but I can provide honest answers about my personal experience if you'd like.

nesenotes

To answer your question the one thing that was said that stung was "oh honey you have a big ol GD baby" and she was saying it as a direct implication as that's why I wasn't progressing. Which is complete bull shit. So fuck her. It stung and I'm obviously still bitter. Emery came our 8 lb 4 oz so big but not so effing huge. Anyway, I went into labor with an open mind. I didn't have my heart set on anything. I just wanted her out and alive. End of story. So when 24 hours were up and I was still at 6 and they said C-sec it was I was ok. I just wanted her here and alive and in my arms.

SallySunrise

Thank you all so much! I will carry your words with me through many future births.

punkyshoester

I had an unplanned c/s because Will would not drop. I even tried cervadil, and it was a no go. My doc said that he didn't think I would ever go into labor on my own, and didn't want to give me pitocin only to go through hours of labor and still end up getting a c/s.

I think what disappointed me most is that I always thought I would have a vaginal birth, and couldn't get past the fact that what I always envisioned would happen, was not going to happen. I was scared of the unknown.

It turned out that the c/s recovery, which is mostly what I was worried about, was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

Nothing anyone said made me feel better intially. It took resigning myself to the fact that things don't always go as planned to get me through.

I wish her (and you!) well!

SallySunrise

Thanks so much Trixi!

SallySunrise

Thanks for sharing your story, @punkyshoester! It's so helpful to me to hear real truths from real moms.