Toddler rubbing herself on crotch bar in chair

ashrez10 · January 2014

My daughter has just turned 2 in Dec. ever since she was maybe 9months she has thrusted herself up against the crotch bar in highchairs, shopping carts, booster chairs or even the strap in her car seat. Recently I've noticed her just rubbing herself on her rocking horse. Her body gets tense and she has the blank look on her face. I'm really uncomfortable and embarrassed to even be writing about it but I'm so worried and concerned as to why she's doing this. Does anyone else's child do this? Will she grow out of it? Please help!

jennyelf · January 2014

From what I've read, this is in the realm of normal behavior for a small child.
You can try to explain to her that this is private behavior and should not be done in public spaces. But try not to make her feel ashamed about what she is doing. In time as she understands the difference between public and private behavior, she'll outgrow doing it in public.

acbfreire · January 2014

It is normal to explore her genitals at this age, but as PP said, explain that it is private behavior. Do not shame her when she does it in public, just redirect her attention.

hmontty · January 2014

Being perfectly honest here: she might have managed to discover her clitoris at a very early age.

I remember masturbating when I was still in diapers (clitorally) and actually bringing myself to a clitoral orgasm.

Some girls just happen to discover that little spot a bit too early, by accident. This is not common but not unheard of.

I think you just need to explain to her that what she is doing is OK, but there is a time and a place. Perhaps tell her that if she wants to do that, she needs to just do it in her room, when she's alone. You certainly don't want her to think what she's doing is wrong (for obvious reasons).

DiveFrog · January 2014

Totally normal. The simple answer is she does it because it feels good. I would just redirect her attention and try to teach her public vs. private behaviors. However, she will most likely not truly become more modest about her body and behaviors until around 5/6. Developmentally that is when we become more private about nakedness and our bodies.

ashrez10 · January 2014

Well I know she clearly doesn't know what she is doing or understand it at 2, I really don't think she will understand f I try to tell her it's not okay in front of people. I'm scared for her, I don't want her to be older doing it and someone see her and it be embarrassing. It's really hard for me, I'm a first time mom and everything is new, including this that is so awkward! I wish she would just stop. What if she does this in school!? What in the world is her teacher going to think of her, much less me as a mother? I'm scared of this being "common" in today's world.

acbfreire · January 2014

ashrez10 said:

Well I know she clearly doesn't know what she is doing or understand it at 2, I really don't think she will understand f I try to tell her it's not okay in front of people. I'm scared for her, I don't want her to be older doing it and someone see her and it be embarrassing. It's really hard for me, I'm a first time mom and everything is new, including this that is so awkward! I wish she would just stop. What if she does this in school!? What in the world is her teacher going to think of her, much less me as a mother? I'm scared of this being "common" in today's world.

Is it a very common behavior at her age and there is nothing wrong with it. She won't be the first or the last! Use simple words and redirect her attention when she is in public. I am sure the teacher will do the same, if that is the case.
Again, try to avoid putting feelings on it when talking to your DD. Her behavior is normal and common, you just need to teach her the time and place for it.

hmontty · January 2014

ashrez10 said:

Well I know she clearly doesn't know what she is doing or understand it at 2, I really don't think she will understand f I try to tell her it's not okay in front of people. I'm scared for her, I don't want her to be older doing it and someone see her and it be embarrassing. It's really hard for me, I'm a first time mom and everything is new, including this that is so awkward! I wish she would just stop. What if she does this in school!? What in the world is her teacher going to think of her, much less me as a mother? I'm scared of this being "common" in today's world.

No one is going to think less of you as a mom because your child is discovering her body. I think this kind of behavior makes everyone feel a little uncomfortable, but it's developmental. We were out for dinner the other day and my daughter stood up from the table and started pretending she was peeing like a boy (probably saw someone do it at school). We were embarrassed but firm with her about proper behavior in public. And this is coming from a very polite, well disciplined, well behaved child.

You'd be surprised at how much a child understands at a young age. Redirect! Redirect! It's the best tactic ever.

SweetRachel · January 2014

I am so glad you posted this. We are going thru something very similar with our DD. If I am holding her she will put her hands down there and start humping. She has started telling us to go away when she is trying mess with her privates. My DH reacted in the wrong way yesterday when he caught her running herself with a toy. I chastised him. I am also hoping she will get over this soon and move on to something else.

ashrez10 · January 2014

Thanks for all the advice. While I have done research on this it doesn't seem to be uncommon but at the same time it is disturbing to see happen. I will try distracting and hope it helps. It's going to be hard trying to explain to her pediatrician what she's doing without fear of her judging but I don't know what else to do. The joys of being a parent!