Baby shower PC issues

Linz4373

I got a no go from my doctor on traveling to go to my baby shower. My sister didn't even get to send out invitations yet and we had to cancel the whole thing. My problem now is coming up with a PC way to puty registry out there without seeming greedy or rude. I posted a link one Facebook but as of two weeks ago nothing had been purchased. Is there a better way to handle this without being rude?

melzh411

what about an online shower... via skype maybe?

Linz4373

How would that work? I've never had any experience with an online shower?

edoliesmom

I don't know if you would've been having to travel out of state for your shower or what, but assuming you wouldn't have had to, why couldn't the shower just be moved to somewhere that's more convenient for you considering your circumstances since the invitations hadn't been sent out?

baylorlinda

If people want to buy you something, then they will ask you if you have a registry or buy you something else.

You will look rude and greedy by posting a link asking for gifts online.

melzh411

the online shower can be done several ways. the site I believe webbabyshower.com hosts a message board that you can add games and things to... and this is a good site

https://www.divinecaroline.com/life-etc/momhood/how-throw-online-baby-shower#

sorry the catty women are out tonight and you have to miss your shower...maybe this will help

irisheyez7

Sorry that you had to cancel your shower plans. Personally I have never heard of a web shower and don't know if I would participate. There really is no "PC" way of spreading word about your registry without coming across as gift grabby. If the original location was out of state for you, then I would suggest changing the venue to where you live now. By still having an actual party and sending out invitations you are still offering the party and sharing your registry information. If people out of state cannot travel to you, they will most likely send a gift.

Linz4373

Thank you! I will certainly look into the website you recommended. My friends were all disappointed to hear we had to cancel and still want to be able to participate so this may be the perfect compromise!

@SLSchuerg; my husband and I just recently moved to CA and all of our family and friends are in VA. I couldn't expect them to all fly out here so us going to then seemed the more ligical choice. It just didn't work out that way :-(

edoliesmom

Ohhh, okay. That's what I thought the case might be but wasn't sure. I'd have to agree with the others that if people want to send you gifts they'll ask you and find a way to make it happen. I think most people probably wouldn't want to send you something too early and would wait until a month or so before your due date like they would if they were attending your shower. Sorry you're unable to fly out, and I hope the online shower turns out to be an ideal solution for you.

Linz4373

Thanks ladies! I do appreciate the input!

Avion22

I agree that there really isn't a PC way to tell people about your registries (unless they ask you directly, then go ahead and tell them).

I suppose your sister could either plan a web shower, or send out info that says something like, "We are unable to have an in-person shower for Linz because her doctor has advised her not to travel, but we are doing a web-based shower instead.  Linz is registered at X and Y."  

BiggerinRealLife

I'm sorry about your shower, that's so sad! What part of CA? I'm in the Bay Area, and grew up in SoCal.

Linz4373

I live in San Diego!

jwf0910

Whewww!  Holy bitchiness tonight!  @Linz4373 I am so sorry that you had cancel your shower.  That is such a bummer.  I think people need to take a step back and realize that you are coming here for support because you are concerned about getting everything you need before baby.  It's beyond your control that your doc has not allowed you to travel.  I can completely understand where you are coming from and how stressful it must be to worry about being able to get all the necessities before the baby comes.  Some ladies did offer some nice suggestions.  If you are looking for less criticism consider joining the Facebook group.  Best wishes!

reginahcampbell

I have several people who will be skyping in to my shower. It's really a great idea. You can set up a conference call from your house to everyone else. Just ask them all to join skype, it's free!

Teresa1896

People who want to buy you a gift will look up your registry info online. I think it's incredibly tacky to post the link to it on FB, and I'm not a stickler for etiquette.
I'm sorry that your shower plans were cancelled. If you're worried about not getting everything you need for baby, I'd start shopping around on Craigslist or consignment shops. You can get great deals!

NYJodway

I'm not a huge stickler for etiquette, either, and I haven't made any public posting on a link to my registry.  Since I am far away from most of my family and friends, a shower is pretty unlikely, so most people have just been asking me for my registry information or asking me what I don't have yet.

In one way, it seems like a courtesy to make gift-giving as easy for people as possible, but in another way, I think it is more courteous to let people approach you about gift-giving. I expected a few gifts, but I've really been very pleasantly surprised at just how much generosity people have demonstrated. 

I do think your sister should let people know that the shower has been canceled, otherwise people might wonder why they were never invited.

KatieGummow

jwf0910 said:

Whewww!  Holy bitchiness tonight!  @Linz4373 I am so sorry that you had cancel your shower.  That is such a bummer.  I think people need to take a step back and realize that you are coming here for support because you are concerned about getting everything you need before baby.  It's beyond your control that your doc has not allowed you to travel.  I can completely understand where you are coming from and how stressful it must be to worry about being able to get all the necessities before the baby comes.  Some ladies did offer some nice suggestions.  If you are looking for less criticism consider joining the Facebook group.  Best wishes!

You should be in politics.

Mustardseed2007

maybe an evite to the online shower or an email that is sent from the people that were trying to throw the shower for you (as opposed to you) explaining that they were going to throw you a shower, but had to cancel it, and so here is the online shower information or registry information if you still wish to get @linz4373 a gift, here is how you can do it.

KatieGummow

Mustardseed2007 said:

maybe an evite to the online shower or an email that is sent from the people that were trying to throw the shower for you (as opposed to you) explaining that they were going to throw you a shower, but had to cancel it, and so here is the online shower information or registry information if you still wish to get @linz4373 a gift, here is how you can do it.

This is a good idea. She could even send out cards and say this. My family would want to know and chip in.

thomas930

jwf0910 said:

Whewww!  Holy bitchiness tonight!  @Linz4373 I am so sorry that you had cancel your shower.  That is such a bummer.  I think people need to take a step back and realize that you are coming here for support because you are concerned about getting everything you need before baby.  It's beyond your control that your doc has not allowed you to travel.  I can completely understand where you are coming from and how stressful it must be to worry about being able to get all the necessities before the baby comes.  Some ladies did offer some nice suggestions.  If you are looking for less criticism consider joining the Facebook group.  Best wishes!

Bitchiness really?? it sucks that she can't travel but she isn't the only person in the world to not have a shower. She got honest answers....there is no PC way to ask for gifts...there just isn't. Have fun in your FB group. 

*sparky*

@Mustardseed2007 had a good idea.  If you do anything, I think that is the best option, but the notes/evites need to come from your sister, not from you. 

And @jwf0910 - I don't see any bitchiness on here.  I think everyone understands being disappointed about not having a shower, but there is just no PC way to ask people to buy you gifts.  I thought the responses told OP that in a pretty nice way.

OP - In my experience, people who want to buy gifts for you/your baby will do so with or without a shower.  I completely understand that a shower would be nice, and there are a lot of things that you need to buy, but posting registry info on FB is not in good taste and may even turn some people off from buying you a gift.  I would say it would be a bad idea to push it any farther than that.  And generally, if people are going to buy you a gift, it will not be this far in advance - it would be closer to when you have your LO.

I am PG w/my 2nd child, which is a girl, and my DS is 8.  There are a lot of things we have to buy again due to the age difference between our kids, and some things we just want to buy because we would like to have a new version.  It does add up to a lot of $, but I am just scouring BRU, Target, etc. for deals and picking things up as I go.  My parents bought us a new travel system because they wanted to, which was a huge help, but I am in no way asking for gifts from anyone. 

beautifulstr13

I think I would have just had your hostess send out an email or letter telling everyone that because of dr's orders the shower you had planned has been canceled. And that if they still wanted to get you a gift to celebrate here is a link to your registry. Leave it at that. Nothing need be said from you.

jennypenny1014

jellysparkles said:

Bitchiness? Is this an alternate universe or Canada or something?

sugarrush

Avion22 said:

I suppose your sister could either plan a web shower, or send out info that says something like, "We are unable to have an in-person shower for Linz because her doctor has advised her not to travel, but we are doing a web-based shower instead.  Linz is registered at X and Y."  

This is a great idea!  That way your friends and family will know that there was an attempt to shower you with gifts but circumstances make it difficult to do so.  You'll probably still get some good stuff from your loved ones, and try to think of it this way -- a baby shower is never guaranteed that you'll get what you want or what you need, always count on having to get the necessities yourself and if you get something you need, its an added bonus.  Best of luck to you OP!

RebeccaY1

jellysparkles said:

Bitchiness? Is this an alternate universe or Canada or something?

What does Canada have to do with bitchiness?  Sorry, totally off topic but as a Canadian I'd like to know.

Personally I love the idea of an online shower or a skype shower.  I've done this many times because I live 9 hours away from family.  We choose a time and set up skype to talk to family.  If they have a large screen television then they might be able to set it up on that so everyone can see you at once.  If not, you can always set up the computer and give everyone a chance to talk to you.  I've even played a few games via skype so you could definitely be a part of the celebration.  I've even set up Christmas decorations around me so that I feel like I'm part of the celebration, and my mom sent homemade Christmas cookies to eat while on skype.   

Serenla

jellysparkles said:

RebeccaY1 said:

jellysparkles said:

Bitchiness? Is this an alternate universe or Canada or something?

What does Canada have to do with bitchiness?  Sorry, totally off topic but as a Canadian I'd like to know.

Personally I love the idea of an online shower or a skype shower.  I've done this many times because I live 9 hours away from family.  We choose a time and set up skype to talk to family.  If they have a large screen television then they might be able to set it up on that so everyone can see you at once.  If not, you can always set up the computer and give everyone a chance to talk to you.  I've even played a few games via skype so you could definitely be a part of the celebration.  I've even set up Christmas decorations around me so that I feel like I'm part of the celebration, and my mom sent homemade Christmas cookies to eat while on skype.   

Playing off the stereotype of Canadians being way too nice. As in, saying what was said here would normally not be considered bitchy, but maybe it would on a Canadian scale of niceness.

TallaB

Serenla said:

jellysparkles said:

Bitchiness? Is this an alternate universe or Canada or something?

What does Canada have to do with bitchiness?  Sorry, totally off topic but as a Canadian I'd like to know.

Personally I love the idea of an online shower or a skype shower.  I've done this many times because I live 9 hours away from family.  We choose a time and set up skype to talk to family.  If they have a large screen television then they might be able to set it up on that so everyone can see you at once.  If not, you can always set up the computer and give everyone a chance to talk to you.  I've even played a few games via skype so you could definitely be a part of the celebration.  I've even set up Christmas decorations around me so that I feel like I'm part of the celebration, and my mom sent homemade Christmas cookies to eat while on skype.   

Playing off the stereotype of Canadians being way too nice. As in, saying what was said here would normally not be considered bitchy, but maybe it would on a Canadian scale of niceness.

MamaFantastic

What @imnatari said....

Why can't you Skype/FaceTime in to a baby shower?? It's unconventional, but it's a solution to the problem. Or just do a meet and greet type party in VA a few months after baby is born and you feel comfortable flying. You'll still need plenty of things then.

Posting your registry on Facebook is incredibly tacky. I'm not being bitchy, I'm speaking the truth.

Serenla

MamaFantastic said:

What @imnatari said....

Why can't you Skype/FaceTime in to a baby shower?? It's unconventional, but it's a solution to the problem. Or just do a meet and greet type party in VA a few months after baby is born and you feel comfortable flying. You'll still need plenty of things then.

Posting your registry on Facebook is incredibly tacky. I'm not being bitchy, I'm speaking the truth.

You raging bitch.

JESwank

My family has thrown many baby showers without the mother-to-be present. Especially when all the family is in one state and the mother-to-be is across the country. Really close family and friends will still go and enjoy the party, and enjoy sending you their love and support. When we host a baby shower like this we put a note in the invite that the guest of honor can not travel due to doctors orders and we ask to not have the gift wrapped (to cut down on shipping space consuming boxes/bags). Whoever hosts the party will have a big box for shipping and a tissue paper station for packing. The mother to be can call or skype during the party to be included. It has always turned out well!

mrsB68

There's obviously no right/wrong answer here just opinions. I would laugh at a remote shower but info think a note telling people that you aren't havin a shower is nice (so they don't feel like you didn't invite them) and I also see nothing wrong with a casual whine on FB that you had to cancel the shower. But I also would let people come to you in both cases for registry information.

AcaAwkward

Just...no, re: posting your registry to FB. NO.

It is a bummer you are unable to attend your shower. Other than the Skype idea, I have attended a "Ship It Shower" for a bride who was out of state. She actually attended the shower but it wasn't super convenient for her to haul all her gifts across the US, she guests shipped them to her beforehand, her FI took photos of her opening the gifts, and then at the shower, there was a slideshow on a loop near the drink set up of her opening the presents so people got to see her open their gifts. It sounds kind of odd, but I actually thought it was a great idea for someone out of state.

This could easily be reformatted for baby shower / post-birth sip-n-see. It would be a way for guests to purchase you a gift before the baby is born with the idea that you will attend an event in person (with the baby!) to celebrate with everyone. Just a thought.

Boston*bride

@AcaAwkward-- what is a post-birth Sip and See? I think we might be doing something similar...

OP, I am not having a shower before the baby is born...like you, I'd have to travel for it as all of our family is out of state and it was all getting too expensive/too much of a hassle. My grandma was really upset about it anyway; she thinks it is bad luck to have a shower before the baby is born. 

Instead, my aunts are going to throw me a shower after the baby is here, this summer when we are all in town for our family reunion. I thought this was weird, but apparently it's a thing.

I am, however, trying to come up with a gracious non-tacky way to suggest to guests that they think about having presents shipped to us directly or we are going to be lugging everything home. My mom thinks people might send us gifts ahead of time because they want to stock us up before the baby gets here as opposed to after.

Anyway, if the web option feels awkward to you, this might be a good alternative. And then everyone can meet the baby :-)

AcaAwkward

@Boston*bride - a sip-n-see is a party thrown after the birth of the baby when guests gather to see and celebrate the new baby (the focus is on meeting the new baby and not on showering the mom with gifts). It's a pretty common way to celebrate subsequent children in my family / group of friends (it also seems to be a big Southern thing).

DemoDoll

When was your shower planned? How many weeks would you have been when traveling?

SimplyRSVP

If your sister still wants to host a shower, you can have an online shower where the ladies gather and you "join" them via skype.  Or you can record yourself with mini videos opening each gift and send it to the person who sent it to you.  However, even if you do an online shower, a proper invitation should still be sent, and it should be treated as a shower.

Instead of a shower, we did a diaper stash for an OOT friend.  We contacted our group of friends around the US (without her knowing) and all picked a week to send her another case of diapers (or something else we knew she needed).  She thought it was awesome to receive a new gift every week leading up to her birth.  However, again we did this without her knowing or expecting anything.  If you just put a registry out there, you are expecting gifts, and it's considered rude.

Linz4373

My shower was originally going to be late January. I've had a lot of issues with nerve compression, which is why I was given a no go from my doctors. At first we were still playing it by ear so my sister went about preparations for the shower and I had been discussing it with friends back home. My physical therapist and I rediscussed when it got closer at which point she said she didn't think it was a good idea. Luckily my sister hadn't yet sent out invitations but there had been mention of it to a lot of our friends so I felt it was necessary to notify everyone that we had to cancel our plans to come home and have a shower. The best avenue I found to do this was through FB. I did also mention where we were registered since people had been asking. I just didn't want to repost a bunch of times because it seemed like it would look greedy and presumptuous. Hence my original dilemma. Many of the ladies have offered up ways to still be able to share in the experiences with your friends so now I have lots of options to consider!

dmosquera4

I would send and note type of invitation saying why you are not doing one like a birth announcement but just to let everybody know that you are registered and can't fly and blah blah blah Facebook it's very informal once you send and actual note to each single person it feels more personal to them and they will actually understand and most likely buy you something

HNRomance

jwf0910 said:

Whewww!  Holy bitchiness tonight!  @Linz4373 I am so sorry that you had cancel your shower.  That is such a bummer.  I think people need to take a step back and realize that you are coming here for support because you are concerned about getting everything you need before baby.  It's beyond your control that your doc has not allowed you to travel.  I can completely understand where you are coming from and how stressful it must be to worry about being able to get all the necessities before the baby comes.  Some ladies did offer some nice suggestions.  If you are looking for less criticism consider joining the Facebook group.  Best wishes!

Agreed. This is a situation out of your control. If you are worried about PC issues then I would have your sis or mom send out a modified invite with an address to ship to so that peeps who want to support you are able to do so. Those that don't want to buy just won't and most likely wouldn't say anything. I would totally do this for a friend in your sitch!