Flame here: Friday Confessions

Hyaline

Holly_1007 said:

I'm jealous of the people who have family that helps watch their kids.

I confess, I definitely am, too.  Anytime someone says "Yeah, MIL is watching DD tomorrow" or "I can ask my parents to watch him" I get a little cranky.  And it's not their fault. It's mine.  But there have been times I would have appreciated that kind of support so, so much.

Unknown

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KellersPrag

PenelopePond said:

@Pokedot I do compliment him daily. Sometimes more than once a day. He laughs them off and says he doesn't believe me. @dimples12 Thank you. I really appreciate what you said. I'm sure we could benefit from counseling, but I don't think he'd make it a priority right now. I need to try harder to make him understand how I feel. I'm really not sure he gets it. I am already working out a few things to say to him and will make him sit down with me this weekend. Again, I don't want to leave him now or anytime soon. I just think one day I'll have had enough. Sorry everyone for this. I realize this isn't a confession and I promise I'm not looking for pity.

It sounds like he may have things going on for him as well. Maybe you would both benefit from some counseling - individual and together. I'm sorry. I hope everything works out, lovely.

hmp1

Holly_1007 said:

I'm jealous of the people who have family that helps watch their kids.

We lived here for over a year with no family until my parents moved here. It is way better with them here. When daycare was closed on Monday for the cold, my parents were able to help with the boys so I could still work. Matt travels a lot and my mom will come over and keep me company and help with bath/bedtime. We had our neighbors and babysitters from the school before but it isn't the same as Grandma. So So Thankful!

MomtobeNJ

Hyaline said:

Holly_1007 said:

I'm jealous of the people who have family that helps watch their kids.

I confess, I definitely am, too.  Anytime someone says "Yeah, MIL is watching DD tomorrow" or "I can ask my parents to watch him" I get a little cranky.  And it's not their fault. It's mine.  But there have been times I would have appreciated that kind of support so, so much.

Me too. 1000%. I think it's something that's very easy to take for granted.

willy_gert

MomtobeNJ said:

Hyaline said:

Holly_1007 said:

I'm jealous of the people who have family that helps watch their kids.

I confess, I definitely am, too.  Anytime someone says "Yeah, MIL is watching DD tomorrow" or "I can ask my parents to watch him" I get a little cranky.  And it's not their fault. It's mine.  But there have been times I would have appreciated that kind of support so, so much.

Me too. 1000%. I think it's something that's very easy to take for granted.

I am jealous that other's IL's will take care of LO.  DH's parents live less than 30 minutes from us and they have yet to take Luci so we can do something just the two of us.  It kind of hurts, especially when my mom has driven the three and a half hours to take care of her for a weekend to help us out.

Pokedot

Holly_1007 said:

I'm jealous of the people who have family that helps watch their kids.

We are very lucky with my parents specifically my mom watching DS for us. She volunteered at the drop of a hat. We wouldn't have been able to go over night as much as we have (we've only gone overnight 3x since he's been born) or felt as comfortable with someone watching him. My mom is irreplaceable. We are truly lucky.

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Pokedot

cheeseandrice said:

maybe that's another FFFC? The best part about this move? getting further away from H's family.

I'd move too if it got me away from DH's mom. She a PITA. I don't think I could live away from my Mom and Dad though. They are too valuable!

angeleighhh

I'm jealous of the people who have family that helps watch their kids.

I am grateful that my grandma can or will watch liam. she drives me crazy but the support is nice.

redneckmomma25

My mom is 10 minutes away and can't watch the baby.  

IL's watch the baby on Thursday when I work.  BIL will watch the baby if we ask and he has no plans.  

My dad and my sister are an hour away but if I asked ahead of time they would totally drive up and watch the baby.

It is really nice to have the support.  I just don't ask for the help.  Next baby I will accept help though.  

danabsd

BunkinMama said:

JohnJacobJingleHeimer said:

I hate the term "igging".

I've never heard this before. What does it mean?

Ignoring. "She was igging my text"

V has started to shorten words while speaking or ending them with a -y.  It really irritates me.  So things like igging, totes, delish, jelly.  Grr... I tell her to "please use the full word so others know what you are saying, not everyone speaks your friends language"

I thought I at least had until the teenage years.  

Then she'll start taking in hashtags.

KellersPrag

cheeseandrice said:

mrsbhk22 said:

I still get stabby when people talking about their kid STTN. My kid sucks at sleeping, we've done CIO, we've done it all. She just sucks at sleeping. I sucked at sleeping, I still suck at sleeping, so keep the I'm so well rested bullshit to yourself before I stab you.

I remember a FFFC back when our kids were little that said "if your kid isn't STTN, you haven't tried hard enough." It made me stabby. DD and DS1 were good sleepers. DS2 sucked. Terribly. Until 18m. I tried my ass of to get that kid to sleep. Very anti CIO here did graduated AND extinction CIO (seperate instances) and neither worked. All of this after trying all the happiest baby on the block, shuffling, co sleeping, etc. Clearly, I wasn't trying.

that was not the theme of the FFFC that I remember. The idea was don't complain and say you've tried everything, if you're refusing CIO.

No one has to CIO. But don't say YOU"VE TRIED EVERRRYYYTHING if you haven't.

That was me. Cheese is on point.

tinyhumantoe

eshee8198 said:

I'm still miffed that someone said yesterday that people that work 10 - 12 hour days are asswipes that neglect their kids and spouse. I work day is a 12 hour day. But then I realized that if I subtract my commute, and daycare dropoff, I only work an eight hour day. Which do I get to count?

You are not an asshole. And I work long days just so my employees CAN work 8 hour days, and take vacations, and days off. So I am an anti-asshole. And I love my family and strive for better balance, but it's called company growing pains.

It's a sloppy generalization.

angeleighhh

danabsd said:

BunkinMama said:

JohnJacobJingleHeimer said:

I hate the term "igging".

I've never heard this before. What does it mean?

Ignoring. "She was igging my text"

V has started to shorten words while speaking or ending them with a -y.  It really irritates me.  So things like igging, totes, delish, jelly.  Grr... I tell her to "please use the full word so others know what you are saying, not everyone speaks your friends language"

I thought I at least had until the teenage years.  

Then she'll start taking in hashtags.

I just LOL'd

miss50

BillyMollyEmmy said:

I love my DH, but he's a slob, and weekends with him are more of a chore than weekdays without him. I am constantly picking up after him and I want to scream - a lot. I have the house clean on Friday and he comes home and just starts dumping shit everywhere. I sometimes dread it.

I'm gone this weekend and I'd bet DH is stoked about his sloppy wifey being gone. I'll admit, I'm the messy one.

miss50

Sahara78 said:

My wifely FFFC:

DH is from WI and is a die-hard Packers fan. I secretly rooted against them last weekend because I knew DH would want to see them the next round in Charlotte. I didn't want to spend the money on tickets...

Evil. Just plain evil!
♡
(Sad, bitter Packer fan)

tinyhumantoe

@danabsd I want to see the one under it about the text. What did the text say?!?!

miss50

KellersPrag said:

MiraskTastic said:

MarisaKathleen said:

My SIL (who is a f-ing moron) is doing CIO with her 4mo old.  She posted on FB that they were on 45 minutes of it at 245 this morning.  It takes all of my willpower to not tell her what a complete idiot she is.  We never had to sleep train, as Nancy did it herself, but isn't 4mo too young for such shenanigans? 

Our Pedi recommended us do it at 4 months. We did. H had two rough nights, and then he was a champ. And he has been a champ ever sense. I see no issue with it and I think you are judging her a bit much. Just because you had an easy go doesn't mean what she is doing is wrong. 

CIO is not recommended, on a wide scale, until 6 months. I'd be judging, too.

(I'm only on page 1 here, folks).

You sure did go around love titting everything though.

willy_gert

tinyhumantoe said:

@danabsd I want to see the one under it about the text. What did the text say?!?!

STUCK IN THE BOX

Me too @danabsd!  Share please!

eshee8198

tinyhumantoe said:

I'm still miffed that someone said yesterday that people that work 10 - 12 hour days are asswipes that neglect their kids and spouse. I work day is a 12 hour day. But then I realized that if I subtract my commute, and daycare dropoff, I only work an eight hour day. Which do I get to count?

You are not an asshole. And I work long days just so my employees CAN work 8 hour days, and take vacations, and days off. So I am an anti-asshole. And I love my family and strive for better balance, but it's called company growing pains. It's a sloppy generalization.

Thank you. You are also NOT an asshole.

Honestly, I don't take it personally. I know I'm an awesome mom, and that my kid loves me to the moon and back. I know she's not neglected in any way. At least that's what I take away from the open mouth kisses she gives me.

Honestly, if anything makes someone an asshole, it's making such a broad generalization. And for making me feel bad.

***disclaimer - I have no idea who I'm calling an asshole***

kelbel527

eshee8198 said:

I'm still miffed that someone said yesterday that people that work 10 - 12 hour days are asswipes that neglect their kids and spouse. I work day is a 12 hour day. But then I realized that if I subtract my commute, and daycare dropoff, I only work an eight hour day. Which do I get to count?

I know which thread you're talking about, but I actually didn't take it that way. 

I regularly work 12 hour days.  By choice.  When possible, I work 10 hours in the office and then put in 2 more hours after bedtime, so I am home for dinner/bedtime.

I spend a lot of time with my kids.  You could accuse me of neglecting my spouse - but not my kids.

BillyMollyEmmy

My mom takes care of A from Monday to Thursday, 10-4. I definitely love it, she is so good to A in every aspect. At some point, though, I'd like A to socialize with other kids, even if it's just one day a week. 

Eastie156

FFFC- E had a rough morning. I mean rough. I took him to my old workplace to visit with co-workers and he had a full on meltdown. This was after we visited the eye dr for roughly 10 minutes so I could pick something up. He had a meltdown there as well. Anyway, it's mostly my fault because he didn't get a nap this morning. Because his new pedi said we should be doing one long afternoon nap at this point. (new pedi is a jackass and said other things at our appt to make me feel like the worst mother ever).

TLDR; I met H for lunch with E and had the biggest glass of wine they'd bring me. It was only 11:45.

kelbel527

thechimichanga said:

eshee8198 said:

I'm still miffed that someone said yesterday that people that work 10 - 12 hour days are asswipes that neglect their kids and spouse. I work day is a 12 hour day. But then I realized that if I subtract my commute, and daycare dropoff, I only work an eight hour day. Which do I get to count?

I know which thread you're talking about, but I actually didn't take it that way. 

I regularly work 12 hour days.  By choice.  When possible, I work 10 hours in the office and then put in 2 more hours after bedtime, so I am home for dinner/bedtime.

I spend a lot of time with my kids.  You could accuse me of neglecting my spouse - but not my kids.

Why do you chose to put in so many hours? I don't get it. Like I said. I used to be that employee and I will never ever do it again. Life is too short to not spend it being happy and with the people who are most important.

Since reading above, I apparently suck, I'll answer the question.  @thechimichanga

If management doesn't count - then I get a free pass.  I have a team of 8 who regularly work 9-10 hour days. 

It's the company/career I am in.  I love my job, I love what I do and we work hard.  It's a fast paced industry that has a lot of work and we're a relatively lean organization.  If I worked less hours (and I could), I wouldn't move up the ladder as quickly as I have and I wouldn't get paid what I get paid. 

FWIW I feel I am well compensated for what is expected of me.  Also - it works for our family.  DH works less hours, I still get home for dinner as often as possible and just put the work in at a more convenient time. 

I'm also in a new job (hence not bumping much in the last 6 months), so I expect to get this down to more like 11ish hours a day going forward.  It's how I work and even if I leave work early, I still find myself driven to learn more, do more and improve myself/my job/my team/my company.  Frankly, also have a team that reports to me, I spend many nights just thinking about them/their work-life balance / career paths.  So I never 100% turn it off, but I love it.

tl;dr - but I'd rather not be considered as asshole because I work long hours.

ETA: I noticed above you said life is too short to be unhappy.  The difference is, I am happy.  My kids are happy.  My husband is happy.  Working long hours =/= unhappiness.

tinyhumantoe

I read carefully @thechimichanga and you did not specify 12 hour days Every day consistently- I remember two spots out if more than four where you tossed that in. It was more broad than that, but if that is what you meant then that is fine and it still doesn't change my stance. I still don't think they are assholes or that they hate their families. There are things that are causing them to do that. I can assure you they are probably miserable and not trying to raise the bar for everyone else.

tinyhumantoe

And you never made a distinction between managers and regular employees. This is a new piece if information. And employers who require that on a regular basis, ie every day forever, are assholes unless it is a known part of a job and people are compensated for it.

We really don't have to back and forth anymore. We disagree. It's cool. I dont think I read shit wrong though.

hmp1

kelbel527 said:

Working long hours =/= unhappiness.

Yep yep yep. This is what I was just going to say. Just because Chimi or Mr Chimi was/is unhappy working long hours doesn't mean everyone is. If we ever get around to being self employed, I guarantee we will put even more time into our jobs. But it is what we want to do so it isn't a sacrifice. 

danabsd

@tinyhumantoe and @willy_gert I had to look it up because H sent me that a couple days ago.

Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML

DianeD1

cheeseandrice said:

I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS TO SAY TODAY.

another one? I think it's creepyasfuck to lurk here long enough to recognize everyone's names and know their kids names... and never post.  I'm looking at you, newbiecreepyfuck.  Seriously.

I know it's an open forum and blahblahblah. But seriously? what is wrong with someone that they would read stuff here consistently enough to know people... but never once participate? And why admit it? creepy. as. fuck.

This is the reason I didn't intro or post before now...I've been close to introing and then someone would intro and get this response. At first it made me wary about the board and I would leave for a bit. Now I'm comfortable that I know the tone of the board and that everyone's got their own opinion and not to get butt hurt over it. Hence finally introducing myself and posting. My kid loves to kiss my dog and she licks his mouth. My Fffc: I think anyone buying a house should have to put down 2 months mortgage as earnest money. Our buyers only had to put down half a mortgage payment so we are out a good amount of money and screwed for this month. Also, you should not make an offer on a House unless you are 100% sure you want to buy it. I get that emergencies happen, but I think people back out way more then should be the norm.

jenmbott

PenelopePond said:

@dimples12 DH and I have had lots of conversations about the things I have issues with. He usually laughs or teases me about them (and then he says he doesn't understand why I don't tell him stuff all the time). He doesn't even try to change anything. I know he doesn't think it'll ever lead to divorce. My biggest complaints are that he never compliments me (or does anything to imply how he feels about me, and he never wants sex (he's had low testosterone in the past but is unwilling to take the medication). I'm sure that sounds petty and stupid. There's other stuff too, but overall I just feel so sad that I have a husband that seems very turned off by me. If I try to talk to him he laughs, but never says more, so for all I know it's true. I don't want to divorce him, but I have to believe there would be a guy out there that would act like they like me more than DH does.

not sure if others have already commented yet, but maybe DH's laughs because he isn't sure how to compliment you or he is embarrassed that he doesn't compliment you.  He might also be embarrassed about having low testosterone.  If you keep talking to him and being explicit in what you would like him to say or do, in a supportive manner, maybe he will start to change.  I know that I am very stubborn and it takes me a very long time to talk to DH about certain things or to change bad habits.  But it's not because I don't want to change, it's because I feel bad that I haven't changed or that it took me so long to talk to him about it.  

PenelopePond

@jenmbott Thank you for your response. That is entirely possible. I don't think I've made him feel bad about the testosterone, but I'm sure I have about the compliments. I'll talk to him again and try to explain what I would like better vs just complaining about what he's not doing. Thanks again

Pokedot

BillyMollyEmmy said:

My mom takes care of A from Monday to Thursday, 10-4. I definitely love it, she is so good to A in every aspect. At some point, though, I'd like A to socialize with other kids, even if it's just one day a week. 

We just started doing this with B. My watches him M, T, W, and F. He goes to an in home daycare on Thurdays to give my mom a break and get some socialization. He loves it and takes a minimum of a 3 hour nap because he's had so much fun.

DianeD1

jonesaj said:

DianeD1 said:

cheeseandrice said:

I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS TO SAY TODAY.

another one? I think it's creepyasfuck to lurk here long enough to recognize everyone's names and know their kids names... and never post.  I'm looking at you, newbiecreepyfuck.  Seriously.

I know it's an open forum and blahblahblah. But seriously? what is wrong with someone that they would read stuff here consistently enough to know people... but never once participate? And why admit it? creepy. as. fuck.

This is the reason I didn't intro or post before now...I've been close to introing and then someone would intro and get this response. At first it made me wary about the board and I would leave for a bit. Now I'm comfortable that I know the tone of the board and that everyone's got their own opinion and not to get butt hurt over it. Hence finally introducing myself and posting. My kid loves to kiss my dog and she licks his mouth. My Fffc: I think anyone buying a house should have to put down 2 months mortgage as earnest money. Our buyers only had to put down half a mortgage payment so we are out a good amount of money and screwed for this month. Also, you should not make an offer on a House unless you are 100% sure you want to buy it. I get that emergencies happen, but I think people back out way more then should be the norm.

I was wondering this too, but you didn't respond to me in your intro thread :-P.

Aw, I'm sorry!! I read that comment wrong on my post I think :-S