Any parents of older (4+) twins around anymore? Re fighting...

groovygrl

Hellllooo...long time no see to the multiples board! I found myself needing more preschool type advice than multiples specific & no longer had much to offer the parents of the little ones (as I seem to have blocked out or forgotten the first 2 yrs) so I have not been on here in quite some time- I hope everyone is doing well!!!!

One sort of twin related thing I'm dealing w/ now is the seemingly nonstop fighting. My twins are b/g and edging up on 4 1/2 yrs old. THey've always fought a bit like any other sibs but lately it seems to be escalating, with DD doing a lot more hitting and both of them constantly tattling on each other, etc.  Hitting still results in an automatic time out at our house (sometimes in her bedroom if she is especially ornery)  which they tend to respect since they know hitting is wrong/bad behavior (and fwiw they go to full time prek and hvae been in daycare since 5 months and neither one ever does this kind of thing at school so it is really just a sibling/home thing)...  Part of me chalks it up to normal sibling behavior but it is still getting frustrating to constantly be intervening and whatnot> We try to encourage them to work it out on their own, not to tattle unless someone is doing something really dangerous or getting really hurt, etc... we have a 'toy jail' that toys go into if they are not treated well or if they lead to fighting/arguments and we guide them about how to talk to each other when they don't like the way the other is treating them, etc. MH has started sometimes telling DS just to hit or push back which I understand but at the same time am not a fan of, but it is sort of laughable b/c he won't even do it anyway- he just says "but it will hurt her feelings!" which is so sweet but also part of the reason she continually gets away with it.  She taunts him intentionally also and he reacts by freaking out and whining and crying... I try to guide him to ignore it and she will stop but of course that is tough for him to do.

Is it just something we'll have to wait out as they get older & just continue to reinforce that it is not appropriate to fight/hit, try to redirect them to a new activity or toy if it is causing a lot of fighting, etc or is there a magical cure? Hahahahahahha..... kidding, sort of.

Ylvelill

Hehe no magic cure that I know off. It seems like you are doing all the right things. The main thing I find to work is setting expectations of behavior and following through with consequences.

It might be worth it to try to separate them some at home if possible, giving them space to be their own person so to speak. Have one with you and one with your husband if you can manage that.

It has to be said I don't have twins yet, so it is just regular sibling advise

LottaLattes

Also non twin specific advice, if they are old enough to think this deeply about it, help them each come up with strategies for managing when the other kid is bugging them. Going to their room to get away (my older kids follow along to annoy further), words they can say, etc. A lot of sibling fighting in my house is about gaining control and trying to exert it over the other one, which is hard to learn to manage.

ppants

My b/g twins are almost 8.  If they can't play nicely with each other then they have to play apart.  I have noticed they bicker WAY MORE in the summer when they are together everyday for summer camp than they do during the school year.  For my kids it has gotten better as they get older, but siblings are going to argue at any age.

groovygrl

Thanks all...well at least I'm not alone and they're not crazy excessive fighting twins .   I like the idea of having them brainstorm ways to avoid it or get away from it (esp him since she is typically the instigator) and just separating them, flat out. Will try!