Give me insight into the negative reactions to this article...

magpie1127

I was lurking on the first trimester board, and I came across some really negative reactions to the "Babies ruin bodies" article (https://weseekjoy.blogspot.com/2013/12/babies-ruin-bodies.html). Before I state my own opinion, can someone let me know what the negative reaction in TB community is all about? There appear to have been some other things going on in this particular thread regarding the OP's behavior, but there are also a lot of critical comments about the original blogger's weight. Are people seriously criticizing this blogger for talking about her post-baby insecurities because she happens to be a thin woman? Or is there something else I'm missing? Here's the link to TB thread: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12217119/babies-ruin-bodies/p1

Jags8

Well this is the original drama and why the 1st tri board doesn't like the OP: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12215861/1st-prenatal-visit-cancelled-super-irritated#latest

As for why the negative reaction, some may have genuinely not liked the article. Some may have bashed on it simply because it was emd111 or whoever that posted. Who knows.

LnR70707

Some of the replies clarified exactly why they didn't like it.  Did you see the pictures?  She looks great...mountains of skin?!? Bitch, please.   She comes across as completely self absorbed.

The other hot button was her my body made that and some don't have that privilege comment.  Poor wording...as though she is somehow better than those who couldn't overcome infertility.

magpie1127

LnR70707 said:

Some of the replies clarified exactly why they didn't like it.  Did you see the pictures?  She looks great...mountains of skin?!? Bitch, please.   She comes across as completely self absorbed.

The other hot button was her my body made that and some don't have that privilege comment.  Poor wording...as though she is somehow better than those who couldn't overcome infertility.

LnR70707 said:

Some of the replies clarified exactly why they didn't like it.  Did you see the pictures?  She looks great...mountains of skin?!? Bitch, please.   She comes across as completely self absorbed.

The other hot button was her my body made that and some don't have that privilege comment.  Poor wording...as though she is somehow better than those who couldn't overcome infertility.

Ahh...I guess I can see what you mean regarding the 'some don't have that privilege' part. I do think that it's unfair for us to assume that she shouldn't have any body issues just because she happens to be thin. That's not fair at all.

Mysterious_wife

It's bad form to cross post drama from one board to the next. Keep the drama where it started.

magpie1127

Mysterious_wife said:

It's bad form to cross post drama from one board to the next. Keep the drama where it started.

Sorry if it's against the etiquette usually used on TB! I just take a lot of issue with people thinking that thin women aren't entitled to their own doubts about their bodies. I guess my point was more to facilitate discussion on the self-image issue than to discuss the other board.

DebateThis

It's poorly written angsty teenage drivel from a writer who clearly hasn't a clue how hurtful and naive her writing is. And emd111 is a douche of the highest order. That sum it up for you?

Mysterious_wife

Wait.. I can't tell her to eat a cheeseburger?

Skinny, fat, short, tall, round, yellow, blue or green people have body image insecurities. It's human. To think someone can't have those issues is niave and bitchy.

Mysterious_wife

lisa2008boo said:

Lilki said:

It's a bit overly dramatic and niave. The similarities between the writer and the OP are glaringly obvious.

The writing is young I do agree. But she is only 21 so it makes sense it can come off niave or dramatic. 
You would know.

yvanehtnioj

The article was poorly written, uninspired and has been done a million times.

Mysterious_wife

fredalina said:

I have stretch marks and I've never been pregnant.

I had stretch marks before I got pg. now I have stretch marks from bring pg! Does that mean I get the biggest badge?

magpie1127

Wow. To defend the young crowd, I was way more insecure about my body at 21 than I am now in my mid-20s. Additionally, it can't be easy to be 21 and see your post-baby body compared to your peers' youthful and "unaltered" ones. I would think that would be really hard.

I also don't support the idea that thin women don't have a right to complain about their bodies. Being thin isn't everything. If you think that, you're by definition reinforcing the idea that it is. I'm self-conscious about the fact that I have small boobs, for example. The whole "real women have curves" thing, you know. And an earlier poster said they thought the blogger "looked like a boy" - that would certainly make me self-conscious!

Not much empathy here, I guess.

DebateThis

magpie1127 said:

Wow. To defend the young crowd, I was way more insecure about my body at 21 than I am now in my mid-20s. Additionally, it can't be easy to be 21 and see your post-baby body compared to your peers' youthful and "unaltered" ones. I would think that would be really hard.

I also don't support the idea that thin women don't have a right to complain about their bodies. Being thin isn't everything. If you think that, you're by definition reinforcing the idea that it is. I'm self-conscious about the fact that I have small boobs, for example. The whole "real women have curves" thing, you know. And an earlier poster said they thought the blogger "looked like a boy" - that would certainly make me self-conscious!

Not much empathy here, I guess.

You have missed the point entirely. It has nothing at all to do with her being thin and everything to do with a vapid young woman blathering on in an unoriginal and offensive blog post that isn't well written enough to deserve the attention it has garnered.

And if you think BOTB isn't empathetic you need to lurk here more. This board has had some awful, awful tragedies over the years and we ALWAYS take care of our own. I don't have empathy for a blog poster who's not worthy of it. Whoop de doo that she likes her stretch marks.

WashingtonQueen

Starting to wonder if I should be offended by some of the comments about early 20-something year olds.. :-/

MelissaL121

Taking a risk by jumping in here, but here it goes....

Did I know anything at 21? Ha. No way! 9 years later, I am not sure I know much more.

I'm not a mother yet but I want to be just like many of you. Being a mother can be by carrying your child in your womb or by loving another's as your own. My husband is adopted and it is something sensitive to us. The author of the blog only has her point of view from her life experiences. IMO I don't think she was diminishing those that adopt or can not carry a pregnancy, I think she was just wrapped up in her own experience which isn't uncommon. How many times do we have friends that are egocentric and do not see the world beyond them?

Those that carry their own children do experience physical changes and you wear them proudly through any insecurities they may have. I think it is common for women to want their pre-pregnancy body back after giving birth given my conversations with close friends and family. I think the author was just trying to say, it won't be the same and that's ok.

I just wonder if the response would have been different if she hadn't posted photos of her body.

DebateThis

lisa2008boo said:

Ya cause that is totally what I said. You don't know the first thing about my life. I might be young but I have experienced a lot. Hell I am already a military vet even at 24. I am old for my age I grew up faster because of getting married young and being in the Navy. I made it clear that those years were growing years for me up to this point in my life. I know I still have a lot to learn. And I 100% believe in taking advise from older wiser women. I don't even have kids yet so ya there is a lot to learn. But I wouldn't say at 21 someone has nothing to write about. You don't know enough about every individual's life to make a blanket statement like that.

::Loud guffaw:: Suuure ya do.

Mysterious_wife

DebateThis said:

lisa2008boo said:

Ya cause that is totally what I said. You don't know the first thing about my life. I might be young but I have experienced a lot. Hell I am already a military vet even at 24. I am old for my age I grew up faster because of getting married young and being in the Navy. I made it clear that those years were growing years for me up to this point in my life. I know I still have a lot to learn. And I 100% believe in taking advise from older wiser women. I don't even have kids yet so ya there is a lot to learn. But I wouldn't say at 21 someone has nothing to write about. You don't know enough about every individual's life to make a blanket statement like that.

::Loud guffaw:: Suuure ya do.


Only if its what she wants to hear

Mysterious_wife

Which brings us back to the same ole question... Why are you here?

WashingtonQueen

lisa2008boo said:

Mysterious_wife said:

Which brings us back to the same ole question... Why are you here?

Because I can. Why are you here?

No, you're here because you're an AW.

Mysterious_wife

lisa2008boo said:

Mysterious_wife said:

Which brings us back to the same ole question... Why are you here?

Because I can. Why are you here?

Support. Advice. Funny Char (and other kiddos I adore) stories. Happy moments shared by people i care about. I give and take. This board is amazing, if you use it the right way. You don't. You are a stubborn pain in the ass. You will never benefit here. You need to find a board that will do the same for you.

Jags8

I have a right to be here as much as anyone else. I have every right to share my opinions as everyone else I could care less how popular they are. The women here do not scare me or intimidate me at all. If I can survive bootcamp and being at sea for 9 months I can survive the bump!


You need to have some humility. You don't need to use your time in the military as some bragging rights. As my vet DH says: "It's a job."

Edit: quoting

Jags8

lisa2008boo said:

Jags8 said:

I have a right to be here as much as anyone else. I have every right to share my opinions as everyone else I could care less how popular they are. The women here do not scare me or intimidate me at all. If I can survive bootcamp and being at sea for 9 months I can survive the bump!


You need to have some humility. You don't need to use your time in the military as some bragging rights. As my vet DH says: "It's a job."

Edit: quoting

Are you kidding me it is more than just a job there is a lot of sacrifice. I would love to see you leave your husband and family for almost a year only being able to send one email a day if that. I would love to see you work 12-16 hour days and no you don't get paid hourly. So you get paid like shit for the amount of work your putting in. The military is a hard life that is why only 1% do it. I learned a lot from my time in service I am proud to have served my country. 

Yah...clearly you missed the part where I said my military vet husband says that. I'm not the one who deployed, but I did move away from my friends and family to be stationed with him. I know what it's like to be on the waiting end of his three deployments. I understand the very little communication. But at the end of the day, it is a job.

WashingtonQueen

I've seen her FB...... :^o

ETA: Before she hid most things.

FemShep

lisa2008boo said:

Which brings us back to the same ole question... Why are you here?

Because I can. Why are you here?

No, you're here because you're an AW.

I have a right to be here as much as anyone else. I have every right to share my opinions as everyone else I could care less how popular they are. The women here do not scare me or intimidate me at all. If I can survive bootcamp and being at sea for 9 months I can survive the bump!

Just because it's a pet peeve of mine.... If you say you "could care less", you're actually saying you do care quite a bit. The phrase you're looking for is "could not care less", which means you care so little it would be impossible to care less. You're welcome.

Now I'm going back to my popcorn.

cmelliott

Every service job has pain and sacrifice. I am a social worker for children's division in my state and the county I service has the highest meth rate in the state (maybe the country, I'd have to look that up). You can imagine the things we see and what we have to not bring home to our family. The psychology field has one of the highest rates of suicide because of the things we see and deal with. And we have just as shitty pay. The pay I started out at is the pay I'm going to retire with. So you don't deserve any more entitlement than me, or the other people who dedicate their lives to tough jobs.

Mysterious_wife

:Hangs head in shame: I was 21.

Mysterious_wife

Kaydee is a youngin too. Leslie was a fine example of military hard knocks and was pretty young with a very complicated situation. Both well respected women.

TikiTurtle

Here's my question: why are you still here? And I mean that in an honestly curious way.

You know that the general population of this board does not like you, you feel you will be attacked and misconstrued no matter what you say, you're "damned if you do, damned if you don't", have glaringly different political and religious views, etc etc. (your words) and you aren't even TTC for another 3 years or so.

So why are you so determined to hang around? What does this board bring to your life that makes all this backlash worth your time? If you don't fit in with a certain community there's nothing wrong with searching out one that would be a better match. Why bash your head into a wall repeatedly? What good does that do you?

Mysterious_wife

TikiTurtle said:

Here's my question: why are you still here? And I mean that in an honestly curious way.

You know that the general population of this board does not like you, you feel you will be attacked and misconstrued no matter what you say, you're "damned if you do, damned if you don't", have glaringly different political and religious views, etc etc. (your words) and you aren't even TTC for another 3 years or so.

So why are you so determined to hang around? What does this board bring to your life that makes all this backlash worth your time? If you don't fit in with a certain community there's nothing wrong with searching out one that would be a better match. Why bash your head into a wall repeatedly? What good does that do you?

I have asked this a million times. I didn't use as many words.

TikiTurtle

I know you have, but she's never given a good answer. Figured I try making it more specific and see what happens.

octbridemaryland

lisa2008boo said:

fredalina said:

You are not looked down on for being young, a "hard worker", or having your head screwed on "right" (MUCH room for debate there). You are looked down on because your attitude SUCKS. We have had young members before, younger than you by a few years if I remember correctly, who did not attract anywhere near this level of scrutiny. Wasn't MW about 24 when she started here 47 years ago? And a few others as well, some of them in this thread. None of them were or are idiots. Their attitudes didn't suck. They got along here nicely.

How does my attitude suck? Because I have conservative right wing views and you are all liberal lefts? That doesn't make for a bad attitude we just disagree politically and religiously it happens get over it I have. If I remember correctly that is where this all started. So if having a political opinion and moral beliefs makes for a sucky attitude I guess I have one.

Not wanting to celebrate Santa Claus for religious reasons, and not caring that your husband's name is on the internet constitutes as a bad attitude I guess I am doing ok. No real crime or wrong has been committed. If people want to hold those two things against me and base my entire life around them so be it. It's a shame cause I am a pretty awesome person once you get to know me. 

I am damned if I do and damned if I don't on this bored. If I listen to strangers online or give info I am naive, young, and dumb. If I don't take others advice I am stuck up, entitled and have a bad attitude. If I try to explain a situation or give my opinion in detail to be better understood it is only manipulated and twisted and becomes once again us talking about anything and everything that has nothing to do with what we were originally talking about. All I can say is WTF! 

**Long time lurker coming out of the shadows** 

You are coming across as a complete ass. You are not the only conservative that has ever posted here. You are not the only young poster. You are not the only religious poster. Making such absurd assumptions only makes you look like a fool. 

You are the new girl on the block. Step back and get to know the people here. You don't need to inflate your image to anyone on the board. 

You may be the most amazing person in the world, but you aren't building a compelling case for yourself. The long timers on these boards (like Fred and MW) are the people that keep BOTB going. They aren't attacking you, they are being honest. 

kcisthebombdotcom

Really not bringing anything valuable to the discussion here but I thought military contracts were eight years, not four? Also my dh who was in the army and did two tours of Iraq would piss his pants laughing at a 24 year old who did four years in the navy thinking they have all this life experience that makes them so much more mature than their peers. I think he'd argue it would probably mean they have less.

Mysterious_wife

Correction. I may have been 20. I don't really remember. I was posting during my wedding planning. I had a different SN. I got married at 21. Had Allie at 22.

I just made this post about me! Just call me Lisa.

Jags8

AFwifelife said:

KC_13 said:

Really not bringing anything valuable to the discussion here but I thought military contracts were eight years, not four? Also my dh who was in the army and did two tours of Iraq would piss his pants laughing at a 24 year old who did four years in the navy thinking they have all this life experience that makes them so much more mature than their peers. I think he'd argue it would probably mean they have less.

Depends on a few factors like what job they have.  With DH being a pilot, his first contract is  10 years.


I think the majority of AD sign four year contracts, and can always re-up when it's over. My DH's job in the military required a six year contract (he's done now and back in school).

kcisthebombdotcom

Jags8 said:

KC_13 said:

Really not bringing anything valuable to the discussion here but I thought military contracts were eight years, not four? Also my dh who was in the army and did two tours of Iraq would piss his pants laughing at a 24 year old who did four years in the navy thinking they have all this life experience that makes them so much more mature than their peers. I think he'd argue it would probably mean they have less.

Depends on a few factors like what job they have.  With DH being a pilot, his first contract is  10 years.

I think the majority of AD sign four year contracts, and can always re-up when it's over. My DH's job in the military required a six year contract (he's done now and back in school).

Ah, you learn something new everyday! Well unless you're too stubborn to listen to what anyone else says...:)

octbridemaryland

fredalina said:

Why are you a lurker? This board needs you!

Sadly, for the longest time, this wasn't the case. 

I have privacy concerns. I don't know if id feel comfortable sharing much about myself after witnessing how that information can be used by other posters. The bump never forgets.  

DebateThis

lisa2008boo said:

fredalina said:

You are not looked down on for being young, a "hard worker", or having your head screwed on "right" (MUCH room for debate there). You are looked down on because your attitude SUCKS. We have had young members before, younger than you by a few years if I remember correctly, who did not attract anywhere near this level of scrutiny. Wasn't MW about 24 when she started here 47 years ago? And a few others as well, some of them in this thread. None of them were or are idiots. Their attitudes didn't suck. They got along here nicely.

How does my attitude suck? Because I have conservative right wing views and you are all liberal lefts? That doesn't make for a bad attitude we just disagree politically and religiously it happens get over it I have. If I remember correctly that is where this all started. So if having a political opinion and moral beliefs makes for a sucky attitude I guess I have one.

Not wanting to celebrate Santa Claus for religious reasons, and not caring that your husband's name is on the internet constitutes as a bad attitude I guess I am doing ok. No real crime or wrong has been committed. If people want to hold those two things against me and base my entire life around them so be it. It's a shame cause I am a pretty awesome person once you get to know me. 

I am damned if I do and damned if I don't on this bored. If I listen to strangers online or give info I am naive, young, and dumb. If I don't take others advice I am stuck up, entitled and have a bad attitude. If I try to explain a situation or give my opinion in detail to be better understood it is only manipulated and twisted and becomes once again us talking about anything and everything that has nothing to do with what we were originally talking about. All I can say is WTF! 

Please don't blame a bit of this on being conservative, "moral", right wing, or religious. I have degrees from a VERY conservative Evangelical university in religion and political science; I was president of college GOP and Young Repubs for half my undergrad career and volunteered extensively with GOP political campaigns. I can assure you that there are some very conservative posters as well as some very liberal posters, some religious and some not, who are welcomed here with open arms. The key difference is that they aren't douchebags who think their beliefs are somehow better (or that the rest of us are amoral, since you used that word). They aren't know it alls with ZERO experience to base their opinions. They aren't spouting off hurtful, offensive and downright stupid suggestions to boards where you have no real business posting. They aren't spewing logical fallacies and refusing to examine their decisions when lack of logic is pointed out. (You never did answer why it's ok to have a Christmas tree but no Santa.) Please don't act like your comments have EVER been benign and still gotten jumped on. If they were ever as simple as "we won't do Santa for religious reasons" you wouldn't get the responses you do.

So please, keep on telling the AP board mamas how to parent, and how breastfeeding mamas need to cover up. Keep on preaching that Santa is the Devil's handiwork and gay people are ruining America and that we're all adrift heathen liberals with no morals. I'm sure WE are the ones who have issues and we're all in need of your guidance in our lives.

AngeliaG8

lisa2008boo said:

I am not one upping anyone did you read the thread? I was told I haven't experiences anything in my life and I am saying I have. Through my military career, being a 911 dispatcher, and having a hard childhood I have experienced some shit in my life. All of them have made me a stronger person in the end. I am not having an ego I am sitting here speaking the truth I have been through and seen some shit. When someone sits there and tells me I have not experienced anything at 24 sorry I am doing to refute that and defend the reasons why I have been through some shit my military career is one proof of my experiencing stuff.  I don't appreciate you coming in half way through the conversation and yelling at me when you don't even know what the hell is going on.

Bottom line age does not always reflect life experience. 

It really bugs me when people say this in this context. Anyone can say this because "hard" subjective. In my experience, most people who in fact did have a hard childhood wouldn't say this. Only the immature ones that are in fact trying to one up someone or looking for attention.

I know this because I said it when I was much younger looking for sympathy and attention. I now know that while it wasn't easy, it was not all that bad. Once I turned 8 things got way better so the "hard childhood" I was complaining about I barley remember.

Also the way she added it makes it look like a total lie. Like mommy and daddy said no more than she liked. That's just how it looked to me.

Ps. It was a sad time for me when I ran out of popcorn on page two. Yes I was literally eating popcorn and it made this tread so much better.

AngeliaG8

lisa2008boo said:

Kimbus22 said:

lisa2008boo said:

fredalina said:

We are not all radical left wingers. I would venture to say my political views are the least mainstream of any on TB (hint: not a democrat). I still get along reasonably well because (with a few exceptions because we all have bad days) I am not a self-absorbed asshole.

How am I self absorbed I was being told at 24 I have never had any life experience. I disagreed and proceeded to give examples of my life experiences. And was then told I was bragging after explaining that being in the military is not an average job as someone so rudely told me. For someone who has never done it I would really like to know why they thing it is just a normal job when they have never experienced it. I continued to give reasons for why it is one of the more difficult jobs and was told I was entitled. None of the reactions here have made sense to anything I have said since the convo started. As usual words are twisted and blown way out of proportion. If people don't want someone to defend themselves with supported ideas or in this case experiences maybe they shouldn't be rude.

I feel like you missed the point that the person who originally stated that the military is "just a job" WAS A VETERAN.  Not a random poster on the board who has never served.  Other posters stated that their friends and family who are ALSO VETERANS agree with the sentiment.  The fact that you decided your opinion is representative of ALL members of the military and refuse to accept and acknowledge that other veterans don't agree with you just shows why we think you're coming across as very self absorbed.

No they said that one of their relatives who was a vet said that. And there are parts about it that are a normal job. But there are parts that are very not normal. I was simply trying to explain that.

----EFQ-----

Exactly. It's still the vets saying it.

Edit: quotes are hard!

FemShep

wickedsugar said:

lisa2008boo said:

You are all seriously some drama loving, word twisting, confused, can't make up their damn minds, ranting and raving negative bitches!

Careful there.. That could get you banned. 

I honestly don't get it, if you think so poorly of a board & the people on it, why stay ?? What's the motivation ? To me, I would rather be on a board, where i enjoy the atmosphere, at this point, it just makes you look like someone that just wants & craves attention, weather it's positive or negative..

It's obvious.  She craves the attention, just like a little child, who thinks that even bad attention is better than nothing at all.  That's why she spouts off about stuff she knows nothing about, continues to engage in a discussion that's clearly dead ("because she can"-see: like a little child above), and refuses to actually elevate her dialogue beyond whining, stamping her foot, and desperate tactics to get the attention she craves.  I truly hope that before she has children she progresses beyond the emotional maturity of a toddler.

And frankly, the quickest way to get her to leave is to ignore her....which means she'll go make (more) inflammatory statements on other boards until people get so disgusted that they block her.  Wanna take a bet on how long it takes her to go to the c-section board and tell the ladies they don't have "real" births or goes back to AP to talk about how well CIO works?

DebateThis

fredalina said:

Did she really post about CIO on AP and post on the breast feeding board? Anyone have links?

I'm in the car but yes she did. You can see her okd posts under her SN. Apparently she's an expert on ECE since she took a child development class but still lets her < 2 yo niece watch tv and doesn't allow her to have choices. Oh and breastfeeding in public is o.k. but only if you're modest and use a cover. She's got it alllll figured out.