Secrets on Saturday

BlondieBia21

To everyone who has suffered losses- my heart goes out to you. 

@Cosmic+Love- You are not to blame. You were a child, raising a child. It's not supposed to be that way. 

@Bendicott7- You are a true sweetheart and I'm sorry that you don't feel confident. You're a beautiful woman who has a wonderful heart.  

@katies7- (I always say S-Club 7 when I say your SN, fyi.) What are you bitter about? 

@petey1106- I've told myself the same thing. I *wish* I could just do it for myself, but I find myself constantly trying to better me because I think other people may like me more or appreciate me more. 

@christy32685- I have no sex drive either. I am just not interested. I "say" I feel bad for DH about it, but I really don't. 

@orlaithsheanon16- Why'd you decide not to tell? Because of their friendship? 

@nnikki10- You are not tarnished. If anything, I hope now you've learned your worth. I hope your H makes you feel special and appreciated like you should. 

@sftbllstr87- My heart goes out to you. 

Cosmic+Love

@KatieS7 Thank you. I should have been more clear. I feel guilty for my sister's hardships. I wish I would have taught her more, been more nurturing.

Eta: I feel like I abandoned my sister when I left. My mom was very cold and an alcoholic at the time.

nnikki10

Cosmic+Love said:

@KatieS7 Thank you. I should have been more clear. I feel guilty for my sister's hardships. I wish I would have taught her more, been more nurturing.

Yea but that's a lot on teenager to handle. I'm sure you did the best you knew how to. You also had to go and live your own life. You shouldn't blame yourself for your sister's hardships.

henderson1026

when i was working I had a crush on my boss.  He wasn't even that attractive, I just think it was the boss/assistant thing.  This is the main reason I have never and will never read 50 shades.

He also popped up in my dream last night and when I woke up I remembered today is his birthday.

BlondieBia21

henderson1026 said:

when i was working I had a crush on my boss.  He wasn't even that attractive, I just think it was the boss/assistant thing.  This is the main reason I have never and will never read 50 shades.

He also popped up in my dream last night and when I woke up I remembered today is his birthday.

Guilty. I dated my boss. I was a junior in high school, he was a junior in college. He was attractive, but I do believe it was more of the fact that I knew I shouldn't be involved with him that made me want to more.

ETA- I know it wasn't a "big career job" but it still got us in trouble when the "big guys" found out.

Leosmom13

@BlondieBia21 I guess I was partly afraid his friend would twist it into something else. Partly I felt a bit embarrassed that I had gotten myself into a vulnerable position like that. And I suppose I felt I could handle it on my own.

henderson1026

BlondieBia21 said:

henderson1026 said:

when i was working I had a crush on my boss.  He wasn't even that attractive, I just think it was the boss/assistant thing.  This is the main reason I have never and will never read 50 shades.

He also popped up in my dream last night and when I woke up I remembered today is his birthday.

Guilty. I dated my boss. I was a junior in high school, he was a junior in college. He was attractive, but I do believe it was more of the fact that I knew I shouldn't be involved with him that made me want to more.

ETA- I know it wasn't a "big career job" but it still got us in trouble when the "big guys" found out.

oh, this was a real job.  nothing ever happened.  we were both married and he had kids

Ktbug613

@hstautz thank you for your concern. no i havent talked to anyone but i also have never tuned to any substance abuse to numb pain.

Leosmom13

crazed178 said:

I was sexually assaulted by a "good friend" when I was 16 and never told anyone (the only person who knows now is DH).  I thought I could deal with it on my own but couldn't an turned to prescription pain killers instead.   I have since dealt with my issues but the 3 years of "numbing the pain" was a very dark time for me.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Pm me if you ever need someone to talk to. I was very fortunate that it didn't go too far but it was scary nonetheless.

Ktbug613

hugs @ crazed178

BlondieBia21

madelinegrace said:

I have no desire to DTD either. Zero. My problem is I think it is so awkward! To me, there is nothing romantic about it, I just feel really awkward when DH starts it. The thought if trying anything new makes me feel completely embarrassed. I think it relates to the year that DH and I were broken up, I got around quite a bit and it ruined sex for me. He was my 2nd ever, but after we broke up I went crazy and now it's always just sex to me, if that makes sense.

It makes perfect sense to me. I really think that that is a lot of my issue, too.

Ktbug613

BlondieBia21 said:

madelinegrace said:

I have no desire to DTD either. Zero. My problem is I think it is so awkward! To me, there is nothing romantic about it, I just feel really awkward when DH starts it. The thought if trying anything new makes me feel completely embarrassed. I think it relates to the year that DH and I were broken up, I got around quite a bit and it ruined sex for me. He was my 2nd ever, but after we broke up I went crazy and now it's always just sex to me, if that makes sense.

It makes perfect sense to me. I really think that that is a lot of my issue, too.

maybe I'm weird but the embarassment/nervousness of something new is part of the excitement

thoughtfulmommy

I feel like this is more of a confession than a secret. I am a selfish person. I try to convince myself that I just know what I want and get it, but I think I put myself first too often. I have never really felt guilt about anything in my entire life. I have made sacrifices since LO has come along but only because I want to.

I need to do a better job at compromising in all of my IRL relationships.

Marvel1013

crazed178 said:

I was sexually assaulted by a "good friend" when I was 16 and never told anyone (the only person who knows now is DH).  I thought I could deal with it on my own but couldn't an turned to prescription pain killers instead.   I have since dealt with my issues but the 3 years of "numbing the pain" was a very dark time for me.

Hugs. Ever need to talk, pm me. Sorry this happened

Revez

crazed178 said:

I was sexually assaulted by a "good friend" when I was 16 and never told anyone (the only person who knows now is DH).  I thought I could deal with it on my own but couldn't an turned to prescription pain killers instead.   I have since dealt with my issues but the 3 years of "numbing the pain" was a very dark time for me.

I'm so sorry you went through this. I've been there. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to (although I definitely know how hard talking about it can be). Again, I'm sorry

henderson1026

Natalie2167 said:

I feel like this is more of a confession than a secret. I am a selfish person. I try to convince myself that I just know what I want and get it, but I think I put myself first too often. I have never really felt guilt about anything in my entire life. I have made sacrifices since LO has come along but only because I want to. I need to do a better job at compromising in all of my IRL relationships.

if your wants aren't at the expense of anyone else, what's the big deal?  If they are, then I think wanting more balance is good

Cosmic+Love

KatieS7 said:

@Cosmic+Love have you ever talked to your sister about how you feel? I bet she would surprise you by how much she appreciates what you did do for her.

You're so right. I should at least let her know how I feel. Just nervous to bring it up I guess.

NikkiD522

@christy32685 @zever000 50 shades is worth at least reading the first few chapters.. I think you're either into it or not.. If you are, it may help .. I've considered re-reading just to get my mind back on sex.. I don't ever even think about it anymore :-(

@hauntedradio my engagement wasn't a surprise either bc my friend practically told me about it... In turn I accidentally got lip gloss on her wedding dress right before she walked down the aisle so I figured we were even lol (It really was an accident)

I'm so sorry to hear of the pain some of you ladies are going through but I hope they aren't haunting you everyday.

Revez

KatieS7 said:

@BlondieBia21 I'm bitter because there are unwanted and unloved babies born every single day and yet it was my boy that had to die. It's not fair.

This made me tear up. I'm SO sorry @KatieS7, honestly.

Leosmom13

KatieS7 said:

@BlondieBia21 I'm bitter because there are unwanted and unloved babies born every single day and yet it was my boy that had to die. It's not fair.

Im so sorry you had to go through that Katie . I can't even imagine. ((Hugs))

henderson1026

KatieS7 said:

@BlondieBia21 I'm bitter because there are unwanted and unloved babies born every single day and yet it was my boy that had to die. It's not fair.

I'm so sorry, it's not fair

Cosmic+Love

KatieS7 said:

@BlondieBia21 I'm bitter because there are unwanted and unloved babies born every single day and yet it was my boy that had to die. It's not fair.

I'm so beyond sorry. It's not fair.

nnikki10

@katieS7 I'm so sorry and I'm sending lots of hugs to you. It's completely unfair and it's perfectly okay for you to feel that way.

Marvel1013

KatieS7 said:

@BlondieBia21 I'm bitter because there are unwanted and unloved babies born every single day and yet it was my boy that had to die. It's not fair.

My gosh. So sorry.

Ktbug613

@katies7 my heart breaks for you, i had no idea.... I cant even imagine

edit: i feel like a jerk for posting my secret now. i wish i had something better to say you are one of my fav people out here

thoughtfulmommy

@katieS7 I can understand why you are bitter. It is not fair. I am so sorry.

LiylaRae

I just want to give hugs to all those dealing with hardships or have dealt with hardships in their lives.

After my dad passed away when I was younger I was very depressed and suicidal. I wished every night when I went to bed that I wouldn't wake up in the morning. I wanted to be with my dad again so much. I was a very angry person. Angry at the world and everyone around me. I never told anyone besides SO how I felt (IRL). I now realize how seriously bad things were and I wish I would of told someone how I was feeling so they could of helped me.

BlondieBia21

@katies7-

I am so sorry. Now I feel like a jerk for asking for more info. I have tears in my eyes, my heart hurts for you. I wish there were any words I could say that could help with your pain. 

sftbllstr87

@katies7 I am so sorry! sending you big ((hugs)) you have every right to feel that way! I will keep you in my prayers, I hope God gives you peace

ashleyamberRN

KatieR2310 said:

I'm not comfortable in my own skin sometimes. I wear makeup RVERYDAY, and it seems to make me feel better about myself.. But I constantly point out the bad things about.. Then, when I'm upset I eat. I'm definitely an emotional eater. It doesn't help that a lot of my past relationships I've been cheated on.. Which then makes me feel like shit, thinking I wasn't good enough. I also had one of my boyfriends constantly tell me I was getting fat, or I wasn't looking to his standards (he didn't think me wearing sweatpants was attractive). I've always felt like I'm not pretty or attractive without makeup now. MH is great though and he does make me feel good. I find myself apologizing for not looking "good", but he tells me I'm beautiful no matter what.

 @KatieR2310 Im like this too. I feel hideous without at least a little bit of makeup. It doesn't help that whenever I don't wear any, people always ask if I'm sick. I'm definitely an emotional eater, then I eat horrible and feel more depressed because I feel so fat. I'm very uncomfortable with by post baby body. I know it's stupid but i'm so self conscious about it and find myself comparing myself to friends that recently had babies.

thoughtfulmommy

@katier2310 if it makes you feel any better I always think to myself how great you look when I see your pictures. I don't think you need the makeup at all.

RoosterMemphis

I'm rendering beef fat to make salve and soap with. I've never done this before.

I threw up twice. I'm not a meat person.

thoughtfulmommy

henderson1026 said:

Natalie2167 said:

I feel like this is more of a confession than a secret. I am a selfish person. I try to convince myself that I just know what I want and get it, but I think I put myself first too often. I have never really felt guilt about anything in my entire life. I have made sacrifices since LO has come along but only because I want to.

I need to do a better job at compromising in all of my IRL relationships.

if your wants aren't at the expense of anyone else, what's the big deal?  If they are, then I think wanting more balance is good


I think it is my own internal struggle. I found it easier to shut everyone out and rely only on myself. Since having DS, I am more open with my emotions and want to improve my relationships.

JaymeMac

christy32685 said:

@JaymeMac I haven't finished that book! I use to read it at the pool last summer, but never got through it all. DH bought me the second one and I haven't even touched it!

I loved them...!

JaymeMac

KatieR2310 said:

I'm not comfortable in my own skin sometimes. I wear makeup RVERYDAY, and it seems to make me feel better about myself.. But I constantly point out the bad things about.. Then, when I'm upset I eat. I'm definitely an emotional eater. It doesn't help that a lot of my past relationships I've been cheated on.. Which then makes me feel like shit, thinking I wasn't good enough. I also had one of my boyfriends constantly tell me I was getting fat, or I wasn't looking to his standards (he didn't think me wearing sweatpants was attractive). I've always felt like I'm not pretty or attractive without makeup now. MH is great though and he does make me feel good. I find myself apologizing for not looking "good", but he tells me I'm beautiful no matter what.

I used to wear make up to bed while living with one of my exes...he was an asshole...he never made me feel pretty for who I was. I totally understand this...it is horrible not to feel comfortable in your own skin. Just remember you are gorgeous...with or Without Makeup.

NikkiD522

KatieS7 said:

@BlondieBia21 I'm bitter because there are unwanted and unloved babies born every single day and yet it was my boy that had to die. It's not fair.

:-( I'm so sorry you had to go through that.. This hurts my heart. If you ever need an ear, we're all here!

JaymeMac

msspeedymarie said:

JaymeMac said:

I lost my virginity drunk. I barley remember what happened. It makes me feel so horrible...I wish it wouldn't have happened like that. I believe loosing it is something special, I feel robbed of that. Only a couple people know how it happened.

This was mine, too. Mine was essentially a date rape. I don't remember much of what happened, but I do remember saying no at some point. At the time, I kinda romanticized it afterwards, it took me a while to face up to what actually happened. I haven't really told anyone. My first real boyfriend thought that he was my first.

I am sorry you had to go through that as well...not something nice to remember.

EmR22

I know I'm not around a lot but wanted to say how my heart goes out to you ladies who have gone through so much. I'm glad you have an outlet to share and clearly have support.

My little secret -- I overthink everything. I don't think even my husband realizes how I obsess over everything.

Marvel1013

ashleyamberRN said:

KatieR2310 said:

I'm not comfortable in my own skin sometimes. I wear makeup RVERYDAY, and it seems to make me feel better about myself.. But I constantly point out the bad things about.. Then, when I'm upset I eat. I'm definitely an emotional eater. It doesn't help that a lot of my past relationships I've been cheated on.. Which then makes me feel like shit, thinking I wasn't good enough. I also had one of my boyfriends constantly tell me I was getting fat, or I wasn't looking to his standards (he didn't think me wearing sweatpants was attractive). I've always felt like I'm not pretty or attractive without makeup now. MH is great though and he does make me feel good. I find myself apologizing for not looking "good", but he tells me I'm beautiful no matter what.

 @KatieR2310 Im like this too. I feel hideous without at least a little bit of makeup. It doesn't help that whenever I don't wear any, people always ask if I'm sick. I'm definitely an emotional eater, then I eat horrible and feel more depressed because I feel so fat. I'm very uncomfortable with by post baby body. I know it's stupid but i'm so self conscious about it and find myself comparing myself to friends that recently had babies.

People ask me if I'm sick as well. I'm anemic, so I'm really white, bags under my eyes... Makeup saves me from thatl. I compare a lot as well, but it's mainly how I feel about myself. Just so you know, you're beautiful!

@jaymemac this is me! I wear makeup to bed.. Seems gross, but I do. I'm getting slot better though.

@natalie2167 thank you

PB102012

@NikkiD522 I am in the same boat! It doesn't even cross my mind.... I am just worried about getting to bed super early so I am not too tired when LO wakes up. Sex is not even on my radar.

@KatieS7 *Hugs* I am so sorry.... there are no words, but we are all here for you.