SIF SUCKS!!!!

CeCe8579

Well, we are on an indefinitely break, after DH having a great SA and being put on Clomid for 2 cyles and everything being cleared out for me during my HSG. This SA came back "abnormal" so our RE has said that he wants DH to see a urologist and then we can go from there. I effing hate this shit!!!! It's ruining our lives and our relationship. I feel like a failure and so does DH and we argue because of the tension. Should we just say screw it and move to adoption? I feel hopeless right now. #@*@*&^@*( Thanks for listening and sorry for venting.

+SouthernMomma+

Hugs x10,000,000! Keep your head up girl! Xo

CeCe8579

Thanks SM!!! I can't help but hold a little hope for this cycle but I feel like I'm just setting myself up for more disappointment. I don't know what I would do without y'all!

freakyfast

So what did they mean by abnormal? (((HUGS))) hopefully it is something that will turn around asap. 

CeCe8579

freakyfast said:

So what did they mean by abnormal? (((HUGS))) hopefully it is something that will turn around asap. 

Freaky, that's a great question. His nurse called and I requested that the RE call back! Thanks lady!

Jen071407

Iloveshanej said:

freakyfast said:

So what did they mean by abnormal? (((HUGS))) hopefully it is something that will turn around asap. 

Freaky, that's a great question. His nurse called and I requested that the RE call back! Thanks lady!

KUP! I'm keeping my fx that it might just be precautionary, especially if YH had a good SA not that long ago. ((Hugs))

GraceyandTroy

Iloveshanej said:

 Should we just say screw it and move to adoption? I feel hopeless right now. 

 I'm so sorry. The hopelessness is crushing, I know.  I hate that it's out my control and I hate the feelings of failure and shame that come with it.  It's maddening!  

I ask myself the same thing about adoption all the time, too.  We know about five couples going through adoption right now (some due to IF and others for other reasons) and it seems really appealing at times. I love that they are giving a home to babies in need and that they are filling their own homes and hearts at the same time. The timeline is a plus, too!  One of the couples only took four months between contacting their agency and having a newborn girl and ten month old boy placed in their home!  But then I feel like I'm not ready to go that route.  I still want to be pregnant again and give birth again and nurse again.  If we give up ttc and move on to adoption, I would mourn the loss of those seasons of motherhood.  DH and I both agree to wait for now, but also keep talking about it as an option for later even if we do have another bio baby.

lucky7wife

Hugs.  Unexpected delays are awful, and so frustrating!

It can't hurt to start the adoption process now.  It can take many months to get approved, get your paperwork, even just research the route you want.  It will give you something to focus on, and you'll be that much farther ahead when you have more answers from the urologist.  You can always call off the adoption process if you decide to stick with IF treatments.  We've thought about doing both at once. 

pettycrocker

Ugh! This is so annoying! Whatever it is, hopefully they can find the problem and FIX IT. Then onward to many babies :P :P 

CheesyPeas

Just wanted to send you my love and hugs!

breeanne1974

There are no words for the permanent damage 2IF (or primary for that matter) does to a woman, her mental state and not to mention her marriage. In fact, "sucks" sounds like it's an obtainable goal and we are just merely brushing our knees off after falling off a horse to just try again. It's so hit or miss and it is so gut-wrenching. It is destructive and it does ruin.  

I feel alone (despite having a supportive husband and women I talk with on these boards). I appreciate you ladies not telling me to "suck it up and deal with it - we all are going through it".  I want to throw things. I want to scream daily. I want to throw myself on the ground and kick and scream. But the rational (what's that) side tells me "what good will that do?" 

It is utter devastation. I'd offer a hug but then I'd just burst into tears because of the enormous amount of pain I feel for you and myself. And who wants 2 women on the floor in tears blubbering incoherently?

I'm still recovering mentally from a failed IVF in November. The Holidays were gut-wrenching and so painful. 

I pray you find peace. 

[-O<

tache

Hugs. We have male factor and it can be really frustrating. I've found even though DH wants this he's not as motivated as I am so I get annoyed when he doesn't religiously do the stuff he needs to do to make it better. And it causes a lot of fights.

I will give 2 pieces of advice. First don't expect a lot of help from the urologist. Ours basically did a 30 minute questioning/testing and told us it was unexplained and to go see a RE. Second if you are open to adoption maybe think about a sperm donor. It's something DH and I are discussing. We aren't ready to do that yet but I told him having our baby was important to me and in that case our baby would be biologically half ours. He's having a hard time with that idea but he said he's open to talking about it and maybe doing that in the future.

CeCe8579

Thank you so much everyone. I'm in tears reading all your responses. We have a friend who works for our county'a child services. I contacted her and she gave me the person to contact about adoption. At this point, we need a weekend alone to spend time together and decide on what we may want to do. My DH broke down yesterday because he feels like it's all his fault. This is so hard!

Hugs to everyone!

Spookster

I am so sorry, I don't have any great pearls of wisdom or mind boggling advice; but my heart hurts for you. You are definitley not alone in your feelings. SIF has done a number on my relationship as well as myself too. This shit is the worst. I wouldn't wish it on our worst enemies. I hope you and your DH come to a middle ground and can make a plan together. Much love to you! 

CeCe8579

Thanks Spookster!