Don't know if I want to continue...

ssppvat12

My husband and I have been ttc since we were married May 2012. Since October (it's now close to New Years) we've been on Clomid and when my period didn't show up that first cycle, a blood test showed we weren't pregnant and so I went on Provera to start it. What I thought was my period started so I renewed my clomid rx. 9 days later, my true period started which means I missed my opportunity for the aide that month. If it worked out, I would have been pregnant around my SIL's baby shower. That was hard to sit through. Two weeks after the shower, a large ovarian cyst ruptured on my left ovary and have had been taking Tylenol with codine to get through the pain. Two weeks after that, the pain has now subsided and my period is showing signs of starting again, thank goodness she's on her own this time, and my dr. is increasing my dose to 100 mg versus 50 mg. I don't know what to think right now. I've been frustrated with ttc for a long time which has caused me to have thoughts about what life is like for my husband and myself. We are both excited to start a family and yet, I'm having conflicting feelings; I look at people with kids and imagine us in their shoes for the good stuff and then I look at the negatives about starting a family, no constrictions, no snot-bubbles, sleep through the night, etc. I guess I don't know what I want right now. My husband wants children, although he doesn't always show it, and I want to be able to give him that. My female history hasn't been so good and we both know there is the possibility of not having kids. I don't know what I am hoping for and I'm looking for a little guidance from others in my shoes. What was it that helped to get over this hump to either muster up the courage to push through the hard times to have kids (and how did you get past all the waiting) or to make the final decision to stop trying to have kids. I know we haven't been through a whole lot of options for trying but I'm not a patient person. I'm up for any ideas!

pcrumley

I'm so sorry you are at this crossroad @ssppvat12 ; I find myself at these same conclusions a lot, i told my husband if we can never have children were MOVING to Hawaii. Right now in our testing phase, I'm debating on whether we should just continue, or move on to something more aggressive, or just switch the focus to adoption. Money is a big factor for us,and I don't want to go flat broke conceiving one child! Then never be able to give them a sibling, or help them pay for college, if they decide to go. If you haven't seen an RE YET I DEFF RECOMMEND ONE, like @packerfan4life and seeing a fertility counselor like @rumbera28 said- feel free to mssg me if you'd like You'd like to talk. I know exactly how you feel.

jencity9

I went through something similar where I really did want kids but thought I should consider not having them. I agree with the others that seeing an RE has been such a good decision for me and a good experience. But it took me a long time to follow through with referrals and some tests and for a couple years we just stopped actively TTC. It's weird because on the one hand taking a break was really the last thing I wanted but I was sort of avoiding thinking about the issue and then in the long run that time "off" ended up being a good thing. Don't pressure yourself to make a decision now. Maybe you could see an RE if you're willing to take that next step now or you could give yourself an amount of time and say you'll think about it more at that time. This is a difficult and frustrating process and sometimes we need time to let ourselves process it.

Danaye

I know that for me, I ended up needing to take a year off and not think about fertility. I was doing infertility treatment while 6 of my close girl friends all got pregnant around the same time. That was a LOT of baby showers to have to go through and it was a painful time. However, I had my break and am back in the game with renewed hope.

Good luck to you, and baby dust! Don't lose heart, whatever you do. Miracles happen every day.

Lillovebug79

I'm so sorry that you are going through this! But I know how you feel. The constant hope followed by disappointment is a lot for even the strongest person. I just finished my 4th failed IUI and I know that although I don't really want to take a break, I need one. Listen to your body and give yourself permission to take the time you need to figure it out.