"No, Mama. No no no."

Emerald27

This is what I've heard every other minute for about two weeks. And the word wasn't even one DS knew up until now...AND he doesn't say "yes" at all, ever!

DS is 25 months old. I offer him a choice of two outfits and he says no. I offer him a breakfast choice and he says no. I ask him if he wants a piece of candy and he says no! Basically, if the idea did not originate with him, he doesn't want to do it, even if it's going to the park or playing with something he loves.

I've found myself hesitating lately to say "are you ready to...?" and "would you like to...?", because I know whatever it is, he'll just say no, and it seems easier to just tell him "it's time to..." or "come do/get/see x." Does that make sense? He still says no, but then I don't feel like I made no a legit option. :P

But I don't like it. I like involving him in the daily planning. He just always says no!

So from what I understand, this is fairly normal "2" stuff, but it's just so new for my sweet little boy who gives hugs and kisses and who is so gentle, amiable and fun.

Can you share some strategies you used when your LO went through this phase? I'm at a loss, and don't want to be constantly power-battling with him (For example, if he won't choose a shirt, I'll choose one for him, and I tell him this. Then he fights me not to wear any shirt. It's a mess).

TIA! I know this was long, so thanks if you read the whole thing!

musicalmama5

Sounds like he's figuring out his own autonomy. Developmentally a good thing. Realistically a tough thing! No advice over here, but I'm curious what others have to say, since this is likely in my future!

sugarbear0524

Does he have other words that he uses?

Emerald27

sugarbear0524 said:

Does he have other words that he uses?

He is very verbal. Speaks in complete sentences. Says "I love you." "I like it (food)!" "I don't like it." "Thank you." "You're welcome." "Come play!" "Let's go downstairs/upstairs/to bed/kitchen, etc." And lots and lots more. Big vocabulary too. Colors, numbers (to 10), all sorts of animals and objects, people, foods, and other things.

But he doesn't say "yes"...and now, he is all about the "no".

boogerbearoriginal

I'm here too, same age LO, and he goes in spurts where everything is No.  From what I can tell in talking with others who have older children, and reading, it's just a developmental phase. Nothing you can really do to stop it per se, just continue forth and they grow out of it to some degree.

Balancing offering choices and letting his No be listened to if possible and then just doing what needs to get done if not. At the end of the day, while I try to instill a sense of autonomy if possible, I also am the parent and my 2yr old can't/shouldn't make all the decisions either.

So in the shirt example, he has to wear one but if he doesn't chose or says no then I pick. End of discussion, sometimes there's a bit of a struggle to get the shirt on, but unfortunately part of growing up will mean kids pushing limits and seeing if Mom says I have to do x, does she REALLY mean it. I don't think any parenting style or technique is free from power struggles and boundary testing.

ReeceFamily

Having just read and LOVED "Playful Parenting", I'm wondering if you can help him explore the concept of "no" and autonomy by making a game of it/having fun with it? Emerald, I know from reading your posts that you are a pretty informed mama, so I'm guessing you may have read the book already.  But just in case - it suggests taking those difficult things (like "no", "I hate you") and instead of suppressing/discouraging them, taking it as a cue that your child needs to really explore the concepts in a safe way....but lightening/opening up the mood around them through humor.

Maybe switch it around on him -- and when you asks you for something say "no" in an overly dramatic and funny way, and then maybe flop down on the floor and over-dramatize how you want to do it your way.  Then say "wow, that feels good, I LOVE to say no!  Let's say it together - no! no! no! Oooh, boy, that was great.  Now, what was it you wanted?  I think I'm ready to say "Yes" now!"

Or maybe next time he says no to you...say "Oh, I like to say "no", too.  Let's say it again soft!  Loud!  Let's sing it in a song!"  and play around with it for awhile.

I'm not suggesting not to listen to his "no"s...but it really sounds like he is just reflexively saying it for practice and to see what it feels like to set boundaries.  So it makes sense to join him on that level, provide opportunities for him to say no, and have both of you  have fun and giggle about it. Just some thoughts.

blu-eyedwife

The trick to not getting as many "nos" is to not ask questions without a yes or no response.  (Notice I say you won't get as many, you'll still get some!).

We do the clothes battle also.  In fact, I had it this morning with his jacket which he didn't want to wear.  So I pulled out 2 jackets:
Me: Would you like to wear your red jacket or your green jacket?
Him: BLUE jacket.
Me:  Well, we need to wear our warm jackets today.  And the blue isn't warm enough.  Look, mommy is wearing her warm jacket.  Now which warm jacket would you like?  Green or red?
(this morning he picked, but on mornings he doesn't I'll tell him he has a 3-count to decide, and after that mommy is going to pick the jacket for him.  If he gets upset, we talk about how he gets the opportunity to make decisions and if he has a preference, he has to take advantage of that opportunity.)

Similarly, with going places (like he hates to go home from school) instead of asking if he's ready to go, I'll say "We need to go home.  Would you like to leave now, or stay for another minute."  Which helps him feel a little more in control of the situation, but also gives some warning as to the fact we will be leaving shortly if not immediately.

And I don't do the food fight.  If he says no, then he doesn't eat the object.

Emerald27

Thanks, all! I think part of my frustration is that he answers "no" to questions that are not y/n questions, and even to statements;

"Do you want to wear the red or blue shirt?" - "No."
"Are you ready for breakfast?" - "No."
"Time to go to the park." - "No."
"Mommy will be right back. She needs to go to the potty." - "No."
"Here's the chocolate milk you asked for." - "No."
"Are these train cars blue or yellow?" - "No."

UGH!!!!

TiffanyBerry

Eh, normal. I mostly ignore it. I have said "no isn't an option," and do the "if you don't pick, I will". Eliminating no as an option really has helped us, but so has adjusting the questions some too. (DD is 3.5, but for a while, asking her if she wanted shirt X or shirt Y would lead to screaming. But saying "do you want to pick out a shirt or should I?" gets me farther. Often it's a "I don't want to wear a shirt, but then I go back to "not wearing a shirt is not an option, so if you aren't going to pick a shirt, I will." That usually sends her running to pick out a shirt to throw at me. :P

nosoup4u

Can he just pick out his clothes while you're there so it's not a huge mess? Or pick out clothes the night before?

I agree with not asking questions about what's coming next. We started using a timer for transitions when DS1 was around 2, and it helped a ton bc the timer is a neutral object that he could still complain about, but it wasn't as loaded as DH or I telling him.

Just ignore the ones that come after you make a statement. And also, just go do stuff without telling him!

erbear

It's a game. It'll get old soon enough. I stopped giving choices for a few weeks around that age because I was not interested in that game. Everything's a phase...this will pass!

Emerald27

And now yesterday all day whenever I did offer something and he said no, if I agreed to respect his decision, he was a mess and cried for whatever it was; "DS, would you like some Cheerios?" "No." "That's fine. You don't have to eat any Cheerios. Let's see what else we have for you." Placed back in pantry...instant volcanic eruption. My kid has lost it. :P

So I'd say "oh, so you DO want some Cheerios? Ok!" And he would yell louder. Which would result in me setting the box of Cheerios somewhere within his reach, cuddling/nursing a bit, and then leaving him to pick up the box and bring it to me if he wanted to (I wouldn't say that to him, I'd just leave the box there).

Thanks for letting me vent, ladies. I often wish these days that he has come with a manual. But I love his silly self to pieces.

beautiflaw

DD has been doing this for a while. If I give her a choice, I tell her she has to pick one, or I'll pick for her. Some things aren't an option. If she's telling me no to naptime or brushing teeth, I explain that sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do to be healthy. She doesn't get it yet but she knows from my tone of voice that its not something she can get out of through a tantrum. At some point a nap and clean teeth will happen. She gives it a good try though... and its hard to stay firm on certain rules.

Depending on the situation, I ask her what she does want. If its acceptable, I try to compromise with her. For instance, the other day she didn't want to wear her sneakers. I asked her what shoes she wanted to wear and she said no shoes. I told her we can't go outside in the cold with no shoes. "Your little toesies would freeze!" and told her to pick either sneakers or boots. She picked sneakers after some fussing.

beautiflaw

wanted to add that a lot of times our conversation goes like this:

"Okay sweetie its time for bed"

"no! i'm not going to bed."

"we need to get ready for bedtime so we can have a healthy night's rest. do you want to read stories or sing songs?"

"no!" *some freaking out and possibly throwing of toys... standard toddler tantrum and pouting*

*ignoring tantrum, pretending to talk to myself as i pull out books* "i really like bedtime. snuggling and reading with audrey is my favorite time of day." (i keep going on like this and pretending to be in my own world calmly until she's done with her meltdown.)

*audrey paying attention to me now. tantrum over.*

"you wanna pick out a book to read?"

"okay."

smooth bedtime from here. i do this with mealtimes, getting dressed, whenever i can. it doesn't always work but it does work a lot. especially when she's not too sleepy, too hungry, too whatever to be reasonable.

cpmich

Hate to say it Emerald, but that is just life at 2. Mine was a relatively easygoing 2 year old but it took a while for the phase to pass. It is just another developmental stage. By 3, this was long gone for us, so at least I can offer you some hope...

RioG1978

My DD is only 19 months, and it's no-central around here.  As someone else said, if I can, I let her say no and just go with it.  No pants?  No problem.  No mittens and it's not super cold?  Okey doke.  That's your choice.

 

No diaper and it's time for bed?  Sorry buddy, but it has to go on.  I know it's frustrating to have to do things you don't want to do, and that it isn't a nice feeling to be frustrated, but sometimes that's life.  So there are some battles, but they're short and sweet and I can actually see her little brain processing everything.  

I think it's just balancing the autonomy with the things that must be done.  Easier said than done, sure, so I mostly take the easy way out and let her call the shots.

FemShep

lisa2008boo said:

As a toddler I would say you might be asking him to much he might be confused because he doesn't understand. Maybe don't ask him so much only one or two things a day. The rest of the decisions should be yours I would make them for him until he gets a little older and can actually understand. 

Your advice is contrary to that of most parenting experts, who encourage you to give your child as many choices as possible, especially at this phase, when autonomy and control are so important. As a mom of two, I think OP is doing a great job of giving her DS options to choose whenever possible and realistic. OP, when I went through this with my eldest, I would counter the "no" to a non-no question with a "If you don't pick which shirt you'd like to wear (or whatever), I will. Do you want the red shirt or blue shirt?", as PPs have suggested. Then follow through and ignore the not-appropriate no as much as possible (as in the case of the "Is this a blue or yellow truck?" example). Good luck! It's a very frustrating phase, but a short one.

Emerald27

Thanks, all! We're still encountering a lot of "no's" every day, even to things he actually wants, like hot chocolate , but I'm learning how to manage it without pulling all my hair out. When he says no to something he really wants, if you say "ok" and put it away, he melts down.

The current strategy is:

- Offer choice, and when he says no, say that I will choose if he doesn't and explain why no is not an option. Give second chance.
- When he says no to non-yes/no statements, I explain why we have to do/see/wait/whatever it is. If there's a tantrum, we calm down and get a hug.

2 is so not the easiest!

WashingtonQueen

@lisa2008boo, You are the perfect parent until you are one.

Oh.

WashingtonQueen

Emerald27 said:

Thanks, all! We're still encountering a lot of "no's" every day, even to things he actually wants, like hot chocolate , but I'm learning how to manage it without pulling all my hair out. When he says no to something he really wants, if you say "ok" and put it away, he melts down. The current strategy is: - Offer choice, and when he says no, say that I will choose if he doesn't and explain why no is not an option. Give second chance. - When he says no to non-yes/no statements, I explain why we have to do/see/wait/whatever it is. If there's a tantrum, we calm down and get a hug. 2 is so not the easiest!

This is my son as well. Sometimes I don't think he realizes what he is saying.

Emerald27

WashingtonQueen said:

Emerald27 said:

Thanks, all! We're still encountering a lot of "no's" every day, even to things he actually wants, like hot chocolate , but I'm learning how to manage it without pulling all my hair out. When he says no to something he really wants, if you say "ok" and put it away, he melts down.

The current strategy is:

- Offer choice, and when he says no, say that I will choose if he doesn't and explain why no is not an option. Give second chance.
- When he says no to non-yes/no statements, I explain why we have to do/see/wait/whatever it is. If there's a tantrum, we calm down and get a hug.

2 is so not the easiest!

This is my son as well. Sometimes I don't think he realizes what he is saying.



---------------------------------------------

Today I really started to question his understanding of "no"...and we've been dealing with this for some time. AND he speaks very well. This was the convo that had me wondering:

Mama: Would you like some goldfish?
DS: No.
Mama: Ok.
DS: Goldfish, please.
Mama: Ok, so you do want goldfish. ::takes out box::
DS: No!!! ::starts crying::
Mama: Ok. You don't have to have any goldfish. ::puts box back::
DS: No!!! Goldfish!!! ::sobbing::
Mama: (now at his level) DS, I don't know if you want goldfish. I will put them on the table and you can have some if you want them. ::kisses teary cheek, sets goldfish on table::

DS then runs over to the table and pushes the goldfish onto the floor. Cries, then sits down and eats some goldfish.

Do I live in a madhouse?!

Oh, and hi there, GM...er, @WhoCanItBeNow. When did that happen?

TiffanyBerry

@Emerald27, come to think of it, my daughter did this, but only for a short time.  Well, she'll do it now if she's super tired or hungry, but not usually.  But there were two things at play - one was her changing her mind back and forth (it wasn't the decision that was hard, it was *making a decision* - kind of like instant buyers remorse, no matter the choice).  The other was her not being able to get the words out that matched her intent (so, everything was a no, even when she didn't mean it, because she knew she liked the word no).  It took a lot of patience, saying "yes or no" after a yes or no question, and her growing out of it.  

We're going through another similar round of this now, that seems more steeped in the emotion of the decision than the decision making.

kcisthebombdotcom

lisa2008boo said:

FemShep said:

lisa2008boo said:

As a toddler I would say you might be asking him to much he might be confused because he doesn't understand. Maybe don't ask him so much only one or two things a day. The rest of the decisions should be yours I would make them for him until he gets a little older and can actually understand. 

Your advice is contrary to that of most parenting experts, who encourage you to give your child as many choices as possible, especially at this phase, when autonomy and control are so important. As a mom of two, I think OP is doing a great job of giving her DS options to choose whenever possible and realistic. OP, when I went through this with my eldest, I would counter the "no" to a non-no question with a "If you don't pick which shirt you'd like to wear (or whatever), I will. Do you want the red shirt or blue shirt?", as PPs have suggested. Then follow through and ignore the not-appropriate no as much as possible (as in the case of the "Is this a blue or yellow truck?" example). Good luck! It's a very frustrating phase, but a short one.

I never said stop giving him options all together. I said to maybe limit them and with age and understanding have them go up. I defiantly think you need to have that dialogue with your child but you don't want to overwhelm them either. 

That really doesn't make much sense. For someone who alleges to be the primary caregiver of a two year old you seem pretty clueless on toddler development. It's not like their brain can only process one choice a day. Many of the choices you'd be giving a child of that age come with a visual, like showing them two choices of shirts, toys, food, etc. of course if you're listing five different choices you're going to overwhelm and confuse your child but asking a two year old to pick between two things is completely age appropriate and you can do it much more than once a day. If you're only going to give one or two choices a day you probably shouldn't even bother as its not consistent enough to make the child feel empowered.

kcisthebombdotcom

lisa2008boo said:

KC_13 said:

lisa2008boo said:

FemShep said:

lisa2008boo said:

As a toddler I would say you might be asking him to much he might be confused because he doesn't understand. Maybe don't ask him so much only one or two things a day. The rest of the decisions should be yours I would make them for him until he gets a little older and can actually understand. 

Your advice is contrary to that of most parenting experts, who encourage you to give your child as many choices as possible, especially at this phase, when autonomy and control are so important. As a mom of two, I think OP is doing a great job of giving her DS options to choose whenever possible and realistic. OP, when I went through this with my eldest, I would counter the "no" to a non-no question with a "If you don't pick which shirt you'd like to wear (or whatever), I will. Do you want the red shirt or blue shirt?", as PPs have suggested. Then follow through and ignore the not-appropriate no as much as possible (as in the case of the "Is this a blue or yellow truck?" example). Good luck! It's a very frustrating phase, but a short one.

I never said stop giving him options all together. I said to maybe limit them and with age and understanding have them go up. I defiantly think you need to have that dialogue with your child but you don't want to overwhelm them either. 

That really doesn't make much sense. For someone who alleges to be the primary caregiver of a two year old you seem pretty clueless on toddler development. It's not like their brain can only process one choice a day. Many of the choices you'd be giving a child of that age come with a visual, like showing them two choices of shirts, toys, food, etc. of course if you're listing five different choices you're going to overwhelm and confuse your child but asking a two year old to pick between two things is completely age appropriate and you can do it much more than once a day. If you're only going to give one or two choices a day you probably shouldn't even bother as its not consistent enough to make the child feel empowered.

She isn't two yet she won't be until April. But she is already at the stage of saying no to everything and throwing herself on the ground when she hears the word no. So ya I get that it can push your buttons. I do give her options or I make her feel like she has a choice even when she really doesn't. I will ask her for example do you want milk? Or I will ask her do you want to watch Yo Gabba Gabba? She has a say in little things but for the main stuff or if we are in a hurry to get somewhere I make the choice for her I am still the adult she is the child and there are times I know what is best for her.I understand a child has to learn how to make choices, and what they do and do not like. But there has to be a balance of them telling you what to do and you telling them what to do.  

That didn't really help you sound less clueless. Asking her if she wants something you know she wants like a tv show doesn't make her feel like she has a choice and some control over her environment. It's just asking her a question. Of course all the parents on here make the big choices for their children--when its matters of safety or being late for an appointment my kids don't get a say. The point of giving your children the choices in more trivial matters is so they are more likely to be compliant when there's no option for them. You say in one breath the OP should limit her child's choices to one or two because its too much for a child to understand and the next breath you say the child you watch gets more than one choice--what is it? Before you procreate on your own, I highly, highly advise you to get a parenting book and read up a bit on child development. If this child is going to remain in your care you should be doing so now.

FemShep

lisa2008boo said:

KC_13 said:

lisa2008boo said:

KC_13 said:

lisa2008boo said:

FemShep said:

lisa2008boo said:

As a toddler I would say you might be asking him to much he might be confused because he doesn't understand. Maybe don't ask him so much only one or two things a day. The rest of the decisions should be yours I would make them for him until he gets a little older and can actually understand. 

Your advice is contrary to that of most parenting experts, who encourage you to give your child as many choices as possible, especially at this phase, when autonomy and control are so important. As a mom of two, I think OP is doing a great job of giving her DS options to choose whenever possible and realistic. OP, when I went through this with my eldest, I would counter the "no" to a non-no question with a "If you don't pick which shirt you'd like to wear (or whatever), I will. Do you want the red shirt or blue shirt?", as PPs have suggested. Then follow through and ignore the not-appropriate no as much as possible (as in the case of the "Is this a blue or yellow truck?" example). Good luck! It's a very frustrating phase, but a short one.

I never said stop giving him options all together. I said to maybe limit them and with age and understanding have them go up. I defiantly think you need to have that dialogue with your child but you don't want to overwhelm them either. 

That really doesn't make much sense. For someone who alleges to be the primary caregiver of a two year old you seem pretty clueless on toddler development. It's not like their brain can only process one choice a day. Many of the choices you'd be giving a child of that age come with a visual, like showing them two choices of shirts, toys, food, etc. of course if you're listing five different choices you're going to overwhelm and confuse your child but asking a two year old to pick between two things is completely age appropriate and you can do it much more than once a day. If you're only going to give one or two choices a day you probably shouldn't even bother as its not consistent enough to make the child feel empowered.

She isn't two yet she won't be until April. But she is already at the stage of saying no to everything and throwing herself on the ground when she hears the word no. So ya I get that it can push your buttons. I do give her options or I make her feel like she has a choice even when she really doesn't. I will ask her for example do you want milk? Or I will ask her do you want to watch Yo Gabba Gabba? She has a say in little things but for the main stuff or if we are in a hurry to get somewhere I make the choice for her I am still the adult she is the child and there are times I know what is best for her.I understand a child has to learn how to make choices, and what they do and do not like. But there has to be a balance of them telling you what to do and you telling them what to do.  

That didn't really help you sound less clueless. Asking her if she wants something you know she wants like a tv show doesn't make her feel like she has a choice and some control over her environment. It's just asking her a question. Of course all the parents on here make the big choices for their children--when its matters of safety or being late for an appointment my kids don't get a say. The point of giving your children the choices in more trivial matters is so they are more likely to be compliant when there's no option for them. You say in one breath the OP should limit her child's choices to one or two because its too much for a child to understand and the next breath you say the child you watch gets more than one choice--what is it? Before you procreate on your own, I highly, highly advise you to get a parenting book and read up a bit on child development. If this child is going to remain in your care you should be doing so now.

I took a child development class I am not an idiot for saying that you should have balance in presenting choices and not to present to many choices at once. Nothing I said was out of line your being a bully for no reason I have done absolutely nothing to you. 

A child development class doesn't make you an expert, and it sounds like you are clearly missing the point of choices. "Do you want milk?" is not a meaningful choice. However, "Do you want milk or water?" *is* an appropriate choice because it allows the toddler to exercise appropriate control over her environment and make appropriate decisions. It's important to give your child as many of these small, discreet choices as possible, and having your LO feel like they do get to make decisions makes it easier for them to accept when they have to "follow orders". (I'm also curious about why you're letting your niece watch TV at 20 months, being the child development expert that you are.)

kcisthebombdotcom

lisa2008boo said:

KC_13 said:

lisa2008boo said:

KC_13 said:

lisa2008boo said:

FemShep said:

lisa2008boo said:

As a toddler I would say you might be asking him to much he might be confused because he doesn't understand. Maybe don't ask him so much only one or two things a day. The rest of the decisions should be yours I would make them for him until he gets a little older and can actually understand. 

Your advice is contrary to that of most parenting experts, who encourage you to give your child as many choices as possible, especially at this phase, when autonomy and control are so important. As a mom of two, I think OP is doing a great job of giving her DS options to choose whenever possible and realistic. OP, when I went through this with my eldest, I would counter the "no" to a non-no question with a "If you don't pick which shirt you'd like to wear (or whatever), I will. Do you want the red shirt or blue shirt?", as PPs have suggested. Then follow through and ignore the not-appropriate no as much as possible (as in the case of the "Is this a blue or yellow truck?" example). Good luck! It's a very frustrating phase, but a short one.

I never said stop giving him options all together. I said to maybe limit them and with age and understanding have them go up. I defiantly think you need to have that dialogue with your child but you don't want to overwhelm them either. 

That really doesn't make much sense. For someone who alleges to be the primary caregiver of a two year old you seem pretty clueless on toddler development. It's not like their brain can only process one choice a day. Many of the choices you'd be giving a child of that age come with a visual, like showing them two choices of shirts, toys, food, etc. of course if you're listing five different choices you're going to overwhelm and confuse your child but asking a two year old to pick between two things is completely age appropriate and you can do it much more than once a day. If you're only going to give one or two choices a day you probably shouldn't even bother as its not consistent enough to make the child feel empowered.

She isn't two yet she won't be until April. But she is already at the stage of saying no to everything and throwing herself on the ground when she hears the word no. So ya I get that it can push your buttons. I do give her options or I make her feel like she has a choice even when she really doesn't. I will ask her for example do you want milk? Or I will ask her do you want to watch Yo Gabba Gabba? She has a say in little things but for the main stuff or if we are in a hurry to get somewhere I make the choice for her I am still the adult she is the child and there are times I know what is best for her.I understand a child has to learn how to make choices, and what they do and do not like. But there has to be a balance of them telling you what to do and you telling them what to do.  

That didn't really help you sound less clueless. Asking her if she wants something you know she wants like a tv show doesn't make her feel like she has a choice and some control over her environment. It's just asking her a question. Of course all the parents on here make the big choices for their children--when its matters of safety or being late for an appointment my kids don't get a say. The point of giving your children the choices in more trivial matters is so they are more likely to be compliant when there's no option for them. You say in one breath the OP should limit her child's choices to one or two because its too much for a child to understand and the next breath you say the child you watch gets more than one choice--what is it? Before you procreate on your own, I highly, highly advise you to get a parenting book and read up a bit on child development. If this child is going to remain in your care you should be doing so now.

I took a child development class I am not an idiot for saying that you should have balance in presenting choices and not to present to many choices at once. Nothing I said was out of line your being a bully for no reason I have done absolutely nothing to you. 

Saying I was a bully for that comment trivializes those who have actually been bullied. I was far from it. If you consider that bullying the bump is absolutely not the right place for you. Maybe check out baby center or baby gaga.

You didn't say there should be balance in presenting choices and not to present a lot of options at once. You said, and I quote "Maybe don't ask him so much only one or two choices a day. The rest of the decisions should be yours". That's not promoting balance. Also when you say a two year old couldn't understand having choices it's clear you know nothing about the development of a two year old. When I say read a book, that's not meant to be construed as a bullying attack.