Adoption Shower Planning

cedenton

Hello! I'm a frequent lurker and hope you might be able to help me. My manager has just started the process of DIA.  Her criteria is a minority female, age infant to 8 years old with a preference for 2-3 years old. 

She had her first HS visit this week with the second scheduled for next week and only one more after that.  We know that she could get a call quickly or it could be years. But to be prepared for it to happen quickly (fairly common in the city she is adopting from with her criteria) I am looking to throwing her a shower once she gets the call. Her boss has already been tasked with getting enough details when she lets him know so that we know the age.

I'm a little unsure of the logistics. We obviously don't know when or the age. I know she'll need some basics immediately and won't be able to wait for a shower. So...should I research things she would need for all applicable age ranges with suggestion lists that can be emailed out a soon as we get the call? I would love for her to have the traditional shower experience, but don't know that it would be practical as she would need the items immediately. We could just do the announcement/email (with her permission) and give people a couple of days before collecting everything and delivering to her. I'm sure she will be spending some time at home, bonding with the child.

Any thoughts on logistics?

TIA

Dr.Loretta

I'd do a shower after placement. We did domestic infant adoption and DD was an emergency placement. We got the call on a Thursday morning and took her home Friday afternoon. MIL threw us a shower when DD was 7 weeks old. It was a ton of fun. There will be plenty of things to get her even after placement, I promise

justjinny

I think it's really nice that you want to do this for her but I would caution against making it a surprise.  If you ask your co-worker if she wants a shower and when she'd want to have it, then game on!

I personally didn't want to have any showers early in the process and am waiting until everything is final through the court to throw a party instead. For one thing, I didn't feel comfortable being the center of attention at a baby shower where I wouldn't be pregnant. I was still kinda touchy about everyone focusing on my lack of baby & infertility. For another, it can be hard to have a lot of kid/baby things around when you're waiting or if the call ends in a match that falls through. There will still be plenty of things a family needs regardless of the age and how long the child has been in their home. 

If anything, you might want to mark the occasion of her being home study approved.  When they become eligible for placements, this is considered being "paper pregnant".  That's about the most official and certain part of the adoption process, since we never know how matches & placement are going to go for sure!

cedenton

Thanks @Dr.Loretta. After a little googling I see it's usually advised not to do a surprise shower for adoption. So, perhaps, we'll let her know. I'm trying to decide whether to tell her now or whether to wait until she has a placement. I'm leaning towards now so she won't have to worry about it while thinking about all the things she needs to do and with the excitement/stress of placement.

cedenton

Thanks @justjinny. I think I'll wait until after the holidays and just talk to her about it then and see what she's comfortable with.